YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND

I just listened to that very small part of the song for 1 hour, 18 minutes & 41 seconds so you know. Then I just dozed out for a while, it was quite an experience I'd tell you. Almost felt like I was on some weird hallucination drug of some kind except I haven't taken any at all throughout my entire life. I am just insane.








Beans are apparently sentient now & talk to me about how a bunch of Armenian muffins are going to invade planet Tyiballum.

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend
People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on & on my friend

People started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it forever just because
OH NOOOOO THE LEMON MOVED THE LEMON IS GOING TO DEFEAT ME BY MOVING TOWARDS ME AT THE SPEED OF A SNAIL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hello darkness, my old friend…
I’ve come to talk with you again…
Because a vision softly creeping
Left it’s seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision
That was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed
By the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
10,000 people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs
That voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
“Fools” said I, “you do not know”
“Silence like a cancer grows”
“Hear my words that I might teach you”
“Take my arms and I might reach you”
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence
And when people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out it’s warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said
“The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls”
“And tenement halls”
And whispered…
In the sound…
Of silence…

Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news
He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"
Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair
'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June
For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Well, I hope they open soon
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know, I had to be first in line
Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them will be all mine
Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles
All arranged alphabetically
And they're doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Will get a ball peen hammer free
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open the door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
Couldn't think of any lyrics
No I never wrote the lyrics
So I'll just sing any old lyrics
That come to mind, child
You really need words
Whole lotta rhyming words
You gotta rhyme so many words, mm-mm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it, to do it right, child
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
I know that you're probably sore
'Cause I didn't write any more
I just didn't get to complete it
So that's why I gotta repeat it
This song is just six words long (six words long)
This song is just six words long (six words long)
Oh I make a lotta money
They pay me a ton of money
They're payin' me plenty of money
To sing this song, child
I gotta fill time
Three minutes worth of time
Oh, how will I fill so much time, mm-mm
I'll throw in a solo, a solo, a solo
A solo, a solo here
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song's got nothin' to say
But I'm recording it anyway
I know if I put my mind to it
I know I could find a good rhyme here
Oh, you gotta have-a music
You need really catchy music
This song has got plenty of music
But just six words, child
And so I'll sing' em over
And over and over and over
And over and over and over, mm-mm
And over and over and over
And over and over and over again
Six words long, six words long
Six words long, six words long
Six words long, six words long
This song is just six words long
It's just six words long

[first lines, as Z begins to narrate]
Z: All my life, I’ve live and worked in the big city, which, now what I think of it, is kind of a problem, since I always feel uncomfortable around crowds. I mean it. I have this fear of enclosed spaces. Everything makes me feel trapped all the time. You know, I always tell myself there’s got to be something better out there. But maybe I think too much. I think everything must go back to the fact that I had a very anxious childhood. You know, my mother never had time for me. When you’re the middle child in a family of 5 million, you don’t get any attention. I mean, how is it possible? And I’ve always had these abandonment issues which plague me. My father was-was basically a drom, like I’ve said. And, you know, the guy flew away when I was just a larva. And my job, don’t get me started on, because it really annoys me. I was not cut out to be a worker, I’ll tell you right now. [getting up out of a bed] I feel physically inadequate. My whole life, I’ve never been able to lift more than 10 times my own body weight. And, and, when you get down to it, handling dirt is, you know… [shuddering] …is not my idea of a rewarding career. It’s this whole gung ho, super organism thing, that… that, you know, I can’t get. I try, but I don’t get it. I mean, you know, I’m… What is it? I’m supposed to do everything for the colony. And-And what about my needs? What about me? I’ve got to believe there’s someplace out there that’s better than this. Otherwise, I would just curl up in a larval position and weep. [he sighs] The whole system makes me feel… [exhales] insignificant.
Psychologist: [to Z] Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.
Z: I have?
Psychologist: Yes, Z. You are insignificant.
Z: I am?
[the title card appears]

[All of the ant workers going down with a sign saying, "Let's Work!"]
Man: Ground floor.
[the ant goes back up, with the ant workers going to Conquer Idleness, then looking at the crystals, with the female ants bringing the babies in]
Ant: Uh, worker.
[puts an ax on the baby, then grabbing the baby]
Ant: Soldier. [puts the hat on the baby, then putting another baby]
Ant: Worker. [puts an ax on the baby, then grabbing the baby, crying]
Worker Ant: Let's try it again.
[the ant plays on the drum]
Worker Ant: Firm grip. Swing hard. Back straight. Concentrate. Follow through.
[the ant workers bring rocks, while the ant workers continue walking to Mega Tunnel Construction Ahead, with the ant throwing rocks at the ant workers with Z walking]
Z: Okay. I've got to keep a positive attitude. A good attitude, even though I'm utterly insignificant. [grabs an ax] I'm-I'm insignificant, um, but with attitude. [the rock falls on Z, coughing]
Azteca: [strikes him with dirt just as he's about to dig, trying to be "insignificant, but with attitude"] Oh, sorry, Z. I didn't see you.
Z: Great, Azteca. It's working already. I'm so meaningless, I'm invisible. [he tries to get the ax out]
Azteca: [laughing] Now, you're getting it. [takes the ax out] After all, it's not about you. It's about us, the team. It's about this.
[gestures at the whole of the colony]
Z: Uh, a giant hole in the ground?
Foreman: Okay, people. Are we feeling good?
All: Yeah!
Z: Yeah.
Foreman: Great! Now, R-1734 through Z-7829, you guys are on wrecking ball.
Azteca: You got it.
Z: Swell. You got it.
[the ant workers walk up]
Ant: All right, swing time! Let's get physical!
Ant: I love this job!
Ant: Let's go!
Z: Now, remember, Azteca, "Be the ball." That's the main thing. Now, remember that. You know, got to be one with the ball.
Azteca: Would you cut it out already? Jeez. I love my work. And you, well... You think too much. Come on, Z. Help us build a bigger, better colony. And, for crying out loud, try to be happy about it.
Z: Sure, you know. [nervous chuckle] I mean, how could I possibly be unhappy being a piece of construction equipment?
Foreman: Okay, workers, remember.
Z: Here it comes.
Foreman: Be the ball. Let the energy flow through you!
[they all swing the ball]
Z: Grin and bear it. This is... This is for the colony.
[they all hit the rock, breaking while yelling]
Z: Ow! This is... This is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Ant: Hang on, here we go!
Ant: Faster!
Z: Did I happen to mention that heights make me nauseous?
Ant: No! This is a ball! Hey!
[he lets go of the ant, yelling with the indistinct, then gagging, then letting go the ant, falling down, then rolling]
Azteca: Oh, Z.
Z: Yes. Yes. I understand. I dropped the ball.
Mandible: Workers. They're weak. They lack discipline. They lack commitment.
Foreman: [he comes in] General, I know there's been a glitch or two. But everybody is working full tilt as it is, and-
Mandible: [pounds the table, then gasping] You can't help it, it's your nature. But in spite of your limitations, you are going to finish this tunnel on schedule. Come hell our high water. For now on, anyone who falls behind is going to have to explain themselves to Colonel Cutter. And let me assure you, the colonel is not as understanding as I am. Dismissed.
[they all walk with the ant guards and Foreman]
Mandible: Four more days, Cutter. Four more days. Then we can bid final farewell to their kind of incompetence.
Cutter: Yes, sir.
Mandible: A fresh start. Imagine it!
Cutter: A strong colony, sir. A colony we can be proud of.
Mandible: Yes, but we're not there yet. Cutter, we just got word that a termite army has mobilized against us.
Cutter: Against us?
Mandible: We'll have to send troops deep into hostile territory to attack their colony.
Cutter: Attack a termite colony, sir? That's suicide.
Mandible: Exactly. Do you have the list I asked for?
Cutter: Yes, General. [takes the list to General] These are the units loyal to the queen.
Mandible: Hm. Then they're the ones we'll be sending. It's a shame. There's some fine officers here.
Cutter: Don't we need the queen's approval to declare war?
Mandible: Our very next stop, Cutter.
[they both walk]
Queen: General, we've been at peace with that colony for years. Why would they attack us?
Mandible: They want our land. They're desperate for more foraging territory. Perhaps they think we've grown soft or weak.
Queen: [takes a baby] Why don't we dispatch an ambassador, negotiate a new treaty? Certainly, we don't need to send soldiers.
Mandible: Believe me. [takes a baby] Every ant in this colony is so precious to me. [takes the baby to Cutter] That's why we must strike now, when we have the element of surprise. If the termite shock troops enter our colony, well...
Queen: Yes, General, I know what they can do to us. Very well.
Mandible: You've made a wise decision. In fact, you've insured the future of this colony.
Bala: [she arrives] Hello, General.
Mandible: Princess Bala. What a nice surprise. You look lovelier each time I see you. [gives a kiss]
Bala: Thanks. I hope you're not just here on business.
Mandible: Oh, of course... [chuckling] ...of course not.
Bala: Because, um, it might be nice if we had a conversation once before we get married.
Mandible: You're absolutely right. Cutter, schedule some private time for me and Princess Bala.
Cutter: Uh, in fact, sir, there is time right now for a personal moment. We're a few seconds ahead of schedule.
Mandible: Excellent. Princess.
Bala: Well, a few seconds isn't much, but I guess if it's quality time. So, how was your day? Anything interesting happen?
Mandible: We declared war.
Bala: Declared war? Boy, talk about a rough day.
Cutter: Sir, I hate to interrupt, but time stands still for no ant.
Mandible: Princess.
[Cutter takes the baby to Bala]
Bala: Mom, could you remind me, why am I marrying this guy?
Queen: Bala, do we have to argue about this again?
Bala: We don't seem to have anything in common. The guy's a stiff.
Queen: Yes, darling. I know the general may be a little gruff and somewhat overbearing at times, but I know that he cares about you. He's just not particulary good at showing it. But you should have seen how persistently he asked for your hand in marriage.
Bala: But why me?
Queen: Because you're the one who has to continue my work. It's your place, dear.
Bala: What if they don't like my place?
Queen: Everyone has their place, Bala, you, the soldiers, the workers. [takes the baby to Bala] Now, it's not all that bad being princess, is it? Would you prefer to be carting dirt all day?
Bala: Mother, don't be so dramatic. [looking at a bar, reading "Chug"] At least, they seem to have some fun every now and then.
[cut to Z in a cafe]
Bartender: Two aphid beers.
Z: Why'd I have to be born a worker? Soldiers get all the glory, plus you get to go out in the world. You meet interesting insects, you get to kill them.
Weaver: Yeah. But you get to spend all day with those beautiful worker girls.
Z: Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging. [sighs] I don't think I'm ever gonna meet the right girl for me.
Weaver: [to Z] Who said a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. [chuckles, then putting the aphid beer down] Don't you want your aphid beer?
Z: Call me crazy, but... [clears throat] I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Okay?
Weaver: Suit yourself. [drinks the aphid beer] Ah, me,? I'm cutting a lose. We got a royal inspection coming up.
Z: Inspection, meaning you're gonna stand around like an idiot while a bunch of blue bloods smirk at you. I don't know how you put up with it, Weaver.
Weaver: Z, I've known you for a long time. Right?
Z: Definitely. You were born two seconds after me.
Weaver: Yeah. And ever since we were little, I've been listening to you complain. What are you bitching about? In case you haven't noticed, we ants are running the show. We're the lords of the Earth.
Z: Hey. Don't talk to me about earth, okay? Because I just spent all day hauling it around. [he sighs] There's just got to be a better place.
Grebs: There is. I've been there. [drinks an aphid beer, then slurping]
Z: I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?
Grebs: There is a better place, Insectopia.
Z: Oh, really. Lunatic at 3:00.
Grebs: You can't understand until you go there and see it yourself. You can be your own ant there. The streets are paved with food. Nobody tellin' you what to do. No wars. No colony. I shoulda never left.
Z: [chuckling] Oh, yeah. Fascinating.
Grebs: We were on a long-range recon. I got cut off from my unit.
Z: Nothing like post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
Grebs: Then I saw it, Insectopia!
Worker Ant: Hey!
Grebs: You head towards the monolith. Ten clicks past the great canyons to the land of red and white!
Guard Ant: [takes Grebs] Hey, gramps. You've had enough for one tonight. Come on. Before you get in trouble.
Grebs: Head for the monolith. Listen to me! The monolith!
Weaver: [chuckling] That guy's got a screw loose.
Grebs: Cross the lake!
Z: Insectopia. [he scoffs] Wouldn't it be great if it were that easy?
Weaver: [chuckling] Yeah. Dream on, Z.
Grebs: Cross the lake! Look for the land of red and white!
Bala: Wow! This is so pretty.
Female Ant: Ten minutes and we're out of here. Right? This place is off limits.
Bala: Just blame it on me. Say it was all my idea.
Female Ant: It is all your idea.
Bala: Besides, no one's gonna recognize us. Come on, girls. What do you say? Let's take a walk on the wild side.
Man: [on loud speaker] Okay, everybody. 6:15. Time to dance.
Weaver: [to Z] Time to cut a rug, Z.
Z: Oh, no. That's okay. I'm gonna leave the rug just the way it is, Weaver.
[they all walk to join the dance while they hear drums playing with the ants dancing]
Bala: Step back, ladies. I'm gonna ask one of these workers to dance with me. [she walks to Z]
[Z, alone, watches the ants dancing in unison in a nightclub]
Z: What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system.
Bala: [to Z] Hi. Wanna dance?
Z: Absolutely.
Bala: Follow me.
[they both walk to join to meet]
Z: So, how come I haven't seen you around here before?
Bala: Oh, I don't get out much. I, uh, I work over at the palace.
Z: Oh, the palace, huh? I bet those royals really live it up. Course they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding.
Bala: What?
[Z joins the dance, then touching Z's toe while hurting]
Z: Yowch! Ya-Ya... Yowch! Yowch.
[Bala joins the dance with Z]
Z: Yowch.
Bala: What on earth are you doing?
Z: Well, actually, to tell you the truth, I'm sort of making it up.
Bala: Really?
Z: You know. Why does everybody have to dance the same way? You know, that's completely boring. It's... It's monotonous.
Bala: It's no fun.
[the music begins with Latin by Orchestra playing while Z and Bala dance, with Weaver looking at them, then they continue dancing, then shaking their tails, then moving around their eyes, then moving their feet, then hitting Bar Guy when the music stops]
Bar Guy: Hey. Watch your step, worker.
Bala: You watch yours, buddy, or you'll be in big trouble.
Z: That's okay. I'll... I'm gonna let him off this time. What? Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble.
Bala: Aren't you even gonna defend yourself?
Bar Guy: Hey, buddy. Get back in place.
Z: Me? Uh... Uh...
Bala: What if he doesn't want to?
Z: [clears throat] Yeah. What if I don't like my place?
Bar Guy: What's he talking about?
Bar Guy: We got us a troublemaker.
Bar Guy: Buckle up, Spanky. This one goes out to all the lazy workers.
[they all gasp, then hitting Weaver]
Weaver: You ought to watch that aggressive behavior, buddy.
Bar Guy: He's just a worker. [puts his hand on the face with muffled talking, then throwing while crashing the drums, then chuckling, then hitting Weaver, then hitting the ant while falling to the ground, then they all start to attack, with Z]
Female Ant: Princess Bala! Princess Bala! The guards are coming.
Bala: Let's get outta here.
Z: Wait!
[the ant workers continue fighting with Z running up to Bala]
Z: Princess? You're a princess?
Bala: Uh, I gotta go.
Z: When can I see you again?
Bala: Let me think. Never. [kisses Z] Bye.
Z: No. Wait.
[punches Z, then fade to black, the cut to the ant workers]
Z: [singing] What a day it has been, what a rare mood I'm in. Why, it's almost like being in love. There's a smile.
Azteca: Huh?
Z: [continues singing] On my face for the whole insect race. Why, it's almost like being in love.
[they hear a whistle blowing with the ant workers walking]
Z: Yowch.
[they hear talking, indistinct, with the ant workers, then swooping]
Bartender: [to Z] Can I get you another one, pal?
Z: [sighing] No, thanks. I think I'm gonna go.
Bartender: Yeah. I don't blame you. It's always slow in here the night before one of those royal reviews. I guess soldiers need their shut-eye before they meet the queen. I don't blame ya.
Z: That's it!
Bartender: You know, I was once... See ya.
[cut to the soldier ants in bed, with Weaver sleeping]
Z: Psst. Weaver. I figured it out. Weaver. Weaver.
Weaver: What? What? [clears throat]
Z: I got a great idea. You gotta switch places with me. Let me go to the inspection instead of you.
Weaver: What time is it?
Z: Weaver. The royal family will be there. This is the only way I can see her.
Weaver: See who?
Z: Princess Bala.
Weaver: [getting out of bed] Are you nuts? You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talking about impersonating a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talking about impersonating a soldier!
[everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep]
Z: You have to help me. If I can't see her again, my life is just not worth living. Pl-Pl-Please, Weaver. Please. Switch jobs with me just for a day. Th-Think of all the things that I've done for you.
Weaver: Hm. I can't think of any.
Z: Okay. So, think of all the things that I'm gonna do for you. [trying to convince Weaver to switch jobs with him]
Weaver: Would I meet some worker girls?
Z: Are you kidding? They always go after the new guy. It's like a sport for them. And-And believe me, they will definitely go for an adorable little insect like you.
Weaver: Mmm.
Z: Weaver, I... I have to see her again.
Weaver: Z, what kind of chance do you have with a princess? I mean, she probably won't even remember you.
Z: [sighs] I... I know it sounds nuts, but I have to try.
Weaver: Oh, boy. [he exhales]
[cut to the soldier ants marching]
Z: Princess, fancy meeting you here. What do you say we lose this crowd? Oh, me? You know, I... I wear many hats. I guess you'd have to call me a Renaissance ant.
Man: Eyes right!
Mandible: Beautiful! Just beautiful!
Bala: Mm.
Mandible: The precision. The order.
Z: Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Hey. It's me. Remember Z from the bar? Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Princess...
Queen: Bala, you must encourage the troops. Wave.
[they both wave]
Z: Oh. She sees me. Excuse me, guys. I... Sorry. I just got a better offer. Could you excuse me?
Soldier Ant: Company halt!
[they all leave]
Z: Princess. Princess Bala!
Soldier Ant: Quiet there! Get back in rank!
Barbatus: You new, kid?
Z: Oh, yes, but I'm getting out soon. I got a trial membership.
Barbatus: Trial membership. [chuckling] That's a good one! Name's Barbatus.
Z: Z.
Man: Right face!
Barbatus: Psst.
[Z joins in, then General comes in, with the whip cracking, then giving a speech]
Mandible: Sacrifice. To some, it is just a word. To others, it is a code.
Z: Jeez. I'm really bad at word games.
[Barbatus chuckes]
Mandible: A solider knows that the life of an individual ant doesn't matter. What matters is the colony. He's willing to live for the colony, to fight for the colony, to die for the colony.
Z: This guy's crazy.
Barbatus: I hear ya.
Mandible: I owe $800, we received word that the termite enemy has mobilized. We have no choice but to launch a preemptive strike. You are the queen's finest. I know you will all do you duty. I am proud to send you into battle.
Z: Into... I'm sorry-I'm sorry, into battle?
Mandible: Dismissed.
Man: Left face! Forward march!
[the soldier ants continue walking]
Z: Talk to me. You know, I think there's been a terrible mistake. [being shipped off to battle] You know, the truth is I just... I just came for the speech.
Barbatus: Don't worry, kid. I'll watch out for ya.
[the soldier ants continue walking, then playing the drums]
Ant: Sound off.
Soldier Ant: One.
Soldier Ant: Two.
Ant: Sound off.
Barbatus: Three.
Z: Huh?
Ant: Sound off.
Soldier Ant: Five.
Soldier Ant: Six.
Soldier Ant: Seven.
Soldier Ant: Eight.
Soldier Ant: Nine.
Soldier Ant: Ten.
Soldier Ant: Eleven.
Soldier Ant: Twelve.
Soldier Ant: Thirteen.
Soldier Ant: [singing] The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!
All: [singing] We slaughter termites just for fun, hurrah, hurrah!
[marching to battle]
Z: So, these termites, they're-they're... These guys are not going to put up much of a fight? I mean, we're talking about pushovers, right?
Barbatus: Not really, kid. They're five times our size. And they shoot acid from their foreheads.
[he grunts while pushing him]
Soldier Ant: Hey! Keep it moving, shorty!
All: [singing] We ants go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah. We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah, hurrah.
Z: Say, w-what exactly does our platoon do? I mean, you know, will we be serving beverages of processing paperwork?
Barbatus: Our platoon has the best assignment, for the first into battle.
Z: Huh?
All: [singing] We ants go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah! We're off to face our destiny, hurrah, hurrah!
Z: [panicked] Hey. Wait a minute. Let's not get... We're being too hasty here. These... These guys sound like bruisers. What will happen? Just how were you figuring on beating them?
Barbatus: Superior numbers, kid. Overwhelm their defenses and kill their queen.
Z: [panicked] Hey, fellas. You're being a little extreme, I feel. W-Why don't we try and influence their political process with campaign contributions?
Barbatus: I like you, kid. You got a sense of humor.
Man: Foward!
Barbatus: Come on! Let's kick some termite butt.
Soldier Ant: Over the top!
[the soldier ants start to attack, then grabbing Z, then they start to run while attacking, then stops]
Soldier Ant: Where is everyone?
Soldier Ant: Something's not right.
Barbatus: Don't be scared, kid.
[he gasps, then growls, then grabbing the ant]
Soldier Ant: Attack!
[the termites appear, while the soldier ants start to attack, then attacking the termites, then they continue attacking, then putting around the soldier ants, then they continue attacking]
Soldier Ant: Come on!
[they continue attacking, while growling, and yelling, then the Barbatus attacks the termite]
Z: Barbatus, you saved my life.
Barbatus: Ah, don't get all sappy about it.
[they all continue attacking]
Z: Hey, guys! Look out behind you!
[the termite growls, then Z falls in the hole]
Z: Hey... Hey, guys. Can somebody help me here? Can anybody... Hey.
[cut to the ant workers, while the ant brings a heavy rock, with Weaver and Z using the ax]
Weaver: Yeah. [he breaks the wall] Okay, mama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big guy comin' through. [he continues breaking the wall] Love it. [he spins the ax on the hands, then continues breaking the walls]
Azteca: Hey. Hey. Hey. Take it easy, muscles. You're makin' the rest of us look bad. What happened to Z?
Weaver: He's takin' a personal day, so I'm fillin' in.
Azteca: [admiring] You fill in any more, and you'll explode.
[Weaver looks down at his Azteca's toes]
Azteca: Eh, you got a problem?
Weaver: No, uh, uh... Nobody told me digging was so much fun. You know, you pick the dirt up. You move it. You pick it up again. You move it again. Lots of reps. You exercise the arms and the thorax.
Azteca: Yes, I... I see what you mean.
Foreman: Um. Yeah. That is fascinating.
Weaver: Sorry, sir. I was just havin' a chat with my friend, sir.
Foreman: You know, I just had a chat with General Mandible. Anybody who doesn't meet his quota is going to be downsized.
Azteca: Come on. Cut him a break. He's new.
Foreman: Hey. What do you say we help your attitude a little bit by taking away your rations for the day. Thanks for your time.
Azteca: I don't know what came over me. Talking back like that. [he starts cutting] I must be losin' it.
Weaver: Sorry I got you in trouble. But, listen, you can share my rations. Whoa. If you want.
Azteca: [guards the ax] Are you askin' me out to dinner?
Weaver: [chuckles] Oh, no. I... Well, if you don't have anything else planned.
Azteca: [laughing] I'll check my calendar. You know, I'm kinda glad Z's takin' a breather.
[cut outside, while the soldier ants killed and the termites killed, with Z walking and looking around]
Barbatus: [to Z] Kid! Kid, over here.
Z: Barbatus.
Barbatus: [nothing is lefy of him but his head] Be honest, kid. Am I hurt bad?
Z: N-No. N-Not at all. You're... Actually, you're lookin' terrific. You got, you know, swell color in your cheeks.
Barbatus: No. I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. Help me up, Z. [sniffing] I can't feel my legs.
[grabs his head]
Z: You gotta hang in there, buddy. You know. I know you're gonna make it. Just take... take deep breaths. Because I'm gonna try and find your body. It's bound to be out there somewhere. [looking at all the soldier ants]
[he coughs, then sighs]
Z: [to Barbatus] Barbatus, hang on. B-Barbatus.
Barbatus: Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself. [sighs while closing the eyes]
Z: Barbatus.
[he looks at all the ants, who have all been died]
Cutter: We're on schedule. Work is completed on "A" section sir, including a path through "D" section now.
Mandible: We need to push harder, Cutter. I want double shifts around-the-clock. We can't afford to let up. Is that clear?
Cutter: Crystal, sir.
Mandible: Good. What about section...
Guard Ant: [he comes in] Excuse me, sir.
Mandible: This had better be important.
Guard Ant: Well, it's about the termite battle, sir. The enemy was destroyed, but I'm afraid it was a disaster for our troops, as well.
Mandible: Well, that's terrible. Terrible.
Guard Ant: There is a better good news, sir. One soldier did make it back.
Cutter: No kidding.
Mandible: What did you say?
Guatd Ant: Word is spreading through the colony. The queen requested a meeting with the war hero.
Mandible: [on hearing that one soldier survived the battle with the termites] ****! [covering his true feelings] Good. **** good. Uh, I'll handle this. [he walks to Z and Ant] Congratulations, soldier.
[he clears throat]
Mandible: [chuckling] Well, you're a little short for a war hero, aren't you?
Z: A war hero? Sir. I-I don't actually think that I'm a hero.
Mandible: [takes Z] Good. I don't like heroes.
Z: But, sir. You don't understand. I...
[the crowd cheer, while the banners say, "WELCOME HOME TROOPS", "ONE TO NOTHING WE WIN", and "PEACE"]
Z: I... I didn't do anything. I mean, it was all horrible. It was just a massacre. A-A massacre upon a massacre.
Mandible: [to Z] That's good, soldier. Now, wave.
[the crowd continue cheering, while Z raises his hand]
Azteca: There was nothing you could do, Weaver. You didn't know they were going to war.
Weaver: I just feel horrible. Poor Z. I should have never let him go.
Azteca: Wait a minute. That's no soldier. That's Z!
Weaver: Z? The little guy made it! [he chuckles]
[the crowd continue cheering, while Z raises another hand]
Mandible: Let's go, soldier. [Z raises his hands up, then grabbing Z, while the ants are clapping] As I was saying, son, you are an ant after my own heart. An ant that looks death in the face and laughs.
Z: Well, actually, the truth is, I-I generally just make belittling comments, and snicker behind death's back. [chuckling]
Queen: General Mandible.
Mandible: [to Z] Keep your comments to yourself. Let me do the talking.
[the ant takes the plate to Bala, then walking away, then yawning
Mandible: May I present Her Majesty the Queen.
Z: Charmed. Charmed.
Mandible: And the royal Princess Bala.
[Z growls]
Queen: Welcome home, soldier. We cannot begin to express our gratitude for your heroic efforts.
Mandible: The private has asked me to convey his most humble appreciation.
Z: Please. Please. It was nothing really. Just your average run-of-the-mill valor, and extraordinary courageousness, you know. In the heat of battle, there's very little time to think. One must attack! Attack! Attack! [chuckling]
Mandible: [put his hand on Z's mouth, chuckling, with muffled talking] Well, indeed. As you can see, Your Highness, the battlefield is still fresh in his mind. So, begging your pardon, but this is the perfect time to debrief the private.
Z: Oh, please, General. Not on our first date. [chuckling] Not on our first date.
Bala: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Z: [recognizing his line from the night before] Well, maybe. [takes the hat off] Then again, maybe not. And then... then again. Yowch.
Bala: That's it! You're the guy from the bar.
Z: Don't... Shh.
Queen: Bar? What bar?
Bala: I danced with this guy at the bar the other night. He was just a worker then.
Queen: What were you doing at a bar?
Mandible: Precisely what I want to know.
Bala: No. This isn't about me. I mean, look at this worker. Look what he's done.
Z: I think you're thinkin' of someone else. [puts the hat back on] After all, I am a soldier.
Bala: Exactly. You were a worker. But now, you're a war hero.
Queen: He's a worker?
Mandible: A worker danced with my fiancee?
Z: F-Fiancee? W-W-Wait a minute. This is not how it looks. I can explain this. This... Hey. She was the one making all the moves.
Mandible: Arrest him.
Z: H-Hey wait a minute. Take it easy. Can't we discuss this?
Queen: What are you doing? Let go of my daughter. He's taking her hostage!
Z: No. No. No. I'm not. I mean, yes, yes, I am. One more step and then the princess gets it.
Bala: Let go of me! [hits Bala] Ow!
Z: Don't make me hurt her!
[they begin fighting with Z and Bala, then sliding down while falling down, then they both land on the island]
Bala: What are you doing, you creep? Are you out of your puny little mind?
Guard Ant: There they are down there! Let's go! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
Bala: Oh, good. Here they come to rescue me and kill you.
Z: Kill?
Bala: Hey, you guys!
Z: [to Bala] Stop it! Stop it. What are you tryin' to do?
Bala: Get off me, you little twerp!
Z: Wait a minute. What do you want to do? Throw away everything you got?
Bala: Oh, hey! [punches Z] What're you waiting for? Hello! Guys!
[the magnifying glass appears by the sun]
Guard Ant: Huh?
Guard Ant: What is it?
Ridgeway: It's beautiful.
Guard Ant: Ridgeway, get out of there!
[the fire defeats the guard ant by a magnifying glass, then defeating the guard ants by a magnifying glass, then they both run away from the magnifying glass from the fire, then looking down, then they both fall down, then they both continue running, while ducking, then exhaling, then sighing softly]
Z: Oh. Don't worry. I'm okay.
Bala: You? You're okay? Hey! Who cares about you? I almost died here.
Z: Will you please calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
Bala: Hey, this is not a mood. Okay? You're not listening to me. Where am I? Look, what's-your-name. Just climb up that tree and find out where I am.
Z: Look, the t-the trick is not to panic. You know, h-h-he w-who panics is lost. What am I saying? I mean, we are lost. [he climbs up, then yelling while going down, then Bala gasps, then breaking while falling to the ground] Ow!
Bala: I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.
Z: Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?
Bala: What'd you do, talk those termites to death? I can't believe you tried to pass yourself off as a soldier. Why are you stalking me? Don't you realize that I'm out of your league?
Z: You're the one who was cruising the worker bar looking for a little action. And you just happened to find it, the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker.
Bala: Please. I was slumming it. Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic little bug in the joint.
Z: You know. I was gonna let you become part of my most erotic fantasies. But now, you can forget that. Write it off, you know. I guess what you prefer is Old Blood and Guts. This guy's idea of a romantic night out is two seats at a public execution. Boy. You really chose the right husband. [climbs up]
Bala: For your information, the general and I are deeply, deeply in... engaged. You come right back down here this instant. We are marching straight back to the colony so that I...
Z: [moves the leaf out, looking at the monolith, then she continues with the indistinct] The monolith! Absolutely. Wonderful. That's an appealing offer. [he climbs down] But, considering the options, you go back. Okay? 'Cause I'm going to Insectopia.
Bala: Oh. Come on. Insectopia? You're crazier than I thought.
Z: Yeah. Well, I happen to have it on a very reliable source. [he clears throat] Or... Or should I say, a drunk-raving source? But the point is, I'm convinced the place definitely exists.
[Z discovers Insectopia and heads towards it]
Bala: Stop! I order you to stop, worker!
Z: Hey! I got a name. Okay? It's Z. And out here, you can't order me around.
Bala: All right. Fine! No problem. [seething, then walking away, then the grasshopper appears while screaming, then gasping] Worker! Worker! Where are you? Z! Z? Wait for me.
[cut to the ants inside]
Queen: No more excuses, General. I want my daughter back. Frankly, I'm beginning to doubt your ability to handle this.
Mandible: Believe me, Your Highness, we will spare no effort to bring her back. Princes Bala is essential to all our plans for the future.
Worker Ant: So he kills himself a hundred termites, gets a few medals, then bada-ding, bada-bip, bags himself the princess.
Worker Ant: He looks dead in the eye...
Worker Ant: And says, "Bite me."
Female Ant: He said that to General Mandible?
Worker Ant: Buddy. Hey, hey, buddy. You heard about the war hero named Z? Runs off the the princess, right? When they sent the guards after him, he just looks at 'em and boom! They burst into flames.
Weaver: Z? [chuckling] You talkin' about Z? Hey, I know the guy. He's a friend of mine. I think your information...
Worker Ant: You know Z?
Weaver: Yeah. He's a worker. He used to dig around here.
Worker Ant: A worker? That's impossible. A worker can't do anything, except work.
Female Ant: Yeah. It's not like we got a choice.
Azteca: We do have a choice. Uh, I mean, look at Z. He decided he wanted something, and he went for it.
Weaver: He's not alone. I used to be a soldier, and I switched places with him.
Worker Ant: Wait a second. You're tellin' me, I don't have to be here?
Female Ant: We've got a choice?
Worker Ant: The authorities don't want you to know, but we don't have to work on the tunnel any more.
Worker Ant: It's the workers who control the means of production.
Worker Ant: If Z don't dig, I don't dig.
Foreman: People, what is this? An encounter group? Let's get back to work.
Worker Ant: Why?
Worker Ant: ...on the tunnel anymore! This guy, Z, he's leadin' the revolution!
Foreman: I'll get back to you.
[they all chatter with the indistinct, then cut back with Z and Bala, going to the monolith]
Bala: Think about it, Z, two ants. Who ever heard of two ants? Two million ants, maybe. But two? Look, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, and this whole desert thing? It just doesn't work for me.
Z: Yada, yada, yada.
Bala: I think it's about time to take me back.
Z: Take yourself back. [he scoffs]
Bala: Excuse me. You kidnapped me, remember? That means you have certain responsibilities. You can't just abandon me here in the wilderness.
Z: Yeah, well, it's better than being back at the colony.
Bala: You're not serious, are you?
Z: Maybe you were living the high life, but personally, this beats digging. If you'd ever done a day's labor you'd know what I was talking about. [he climbs up]
Bala: Labor? What do you know about labor? How would you feel if you were expected to give birth every ten seconds for the rest of your life?
Z: Gee.
Bala: Water! [she takes water, then drinking a water drop] Ahh. All you think about is yourself.
Z: Yeah? Well, nobody else ever thought about me. So as far as I'm concerned, I don't need anybody else.
[the water drop hits Z and Bala]
Bala: Unh!
Z: [in a water drop] Help! Help me, Bala! Help! B-B-B-B-Bala!
Bala: Hold on, I'll get you out. Hold on.
Z: Help, Ba...
[hits Z, trying to pop the water drop, then trying to push, then they both get in the bubble, then they both slide and fall to the ground, then they both gasp]
Z: Thanks.
Bala: Don't mention it. Now, maybe we can put this fantasy behind us, and head back to the colon...
[Z pushes a boat]
Bala: Oh, Z! What are you doing?
Z: [gets in the boat] We've got to cross the lake.
Bala: Am I missing something here? Didn't we just get out of the water?
Z: [grabs a stick] Bala, look, what have you got to lose? I mean, think about it. Do you really want to be Mrs. Raving Lunatic? There's a better place.
Bala: Z, please.
Z: Just gimme one chance. If we don't find Insectopia soon, I promise I'll take you back to the colony. [puts his hand out, then Bala gets in, then Z rows to go to Insectopia]
Bala: I hope you know what you're doing?
Z: Yeah, me too.
[cut back to the ants inside, saying, "REST ONCE WORK TWICE", then ripping the paper, then throwing the ax in the axes]
All: [chanting] We want Z! We want Z!
Foreman: People, come on. I know some ants who aren't gonna make their quota.
Worker Ant: Buzz off, pawn of the oppressor.
All: [continues chanting] We want Z! We want Z!
Cutter: Sorry, sir. I came as soon as I heard. I was debriefing the trackers.
Mandible: And? What's the report?
Cutter: Well, this Z, sir. He's one slippery character. They lost Bala's trail at the edge of the lake.
Mandible: The lake?
All: [singing] All we are saying is give Z a chance.
Mandible: What's that soldier doing there?
Cutter: It appears he's holding hands, sir, with a worker.
Mandible: I don't like the way things are going, Cutter. I'm counting on you for results. Now, can I depend on you or not?
Cutter: Yes, sir.
Mandible: All right, then. Let's wrap this up.
All: [continues chanting] We want Z! We want Z! We want Z!
Mandible: I've heard a lot about this Z. I even had the pleasure of meeting him once. But where is he know? Can anyone point him out? I mean, if this Z cares so much about us, then why isn't he here? I'll tell you why. Because Z doesn't give a **** about us.
[the ants murmur]
Mandible: That's why he kidnapped our princess. That's why he ran away. Z is no hero. We are the heroes. We are the ones ensuring the future of our great colony. And when we've completed this magnificent structure, we will reap the benefits: more food and less work for everyone.
[the ants murmur of approval]
Mandible: And as further reward for your heroic efforts, each and every one of you will get the day off...
[the ants are excited with their murmurings]
Mandible: ...so you can be the guests of honor at the MegaTunnel dedication ceremonies!
[the ants cheer]
Foreman: Mandible! Mandible!
All: [chanting] Mandible! Mandible! Mandible! Mandible! [they continue chanting]
Mandible: Now bring me that soldier. [he walks down]
[cut back to Z and Bala, sleeping, then yawning, then getting up, looking at Z, sleeping, then walking down]
Bala: [opening the grass, gasping] Oh my God! Z! Come here!
[looking at a plaid cup, then they both go the picnic, looking at all the cups]
Z: It's Insectopia!
[they both walk down]
Bala: You were right. It really is here.
[they both come to a sandwich with a bag on it]
Z: Huh?
Bala: All right. All right! You're a genius.
Z: Let's eat. [the face hits the sandwich bag from a force field] Huh. [nervous chuckle, then trying to eating the sandwich from a bag from a force field while muttering]
Bala: Well? What's the problem?
Z: There's some kind of force field.
[Chip and Muffy appear]
Z: Uh, excuse me. Excuse me. How do you get in?
[Chip swoops down to Z and Bala]
Chip: Yes, well, I'm afraid this is a private function.
Muffy: Who are your friends, dear?
Chip: Crawling insects, poopsie.
Muffy: Oh. The poor dears. [slowly] Uh, good morning.
Bala: Huh?
Chip: Darling, really. Greeting every insect that emerges out of the grass?
Bala: Pardon me! I guess you don't recognize me.
[they both get down]
Bala: I've been traveling and I'm all schlumpy. I'm Princess Bala.
[aside to Muffy]
Chip: Oh! It's even worse. They're Eurotrash.
Muffy: Darling, they're poor. They're dirty. They're smelly. We have to help them. If you just wait right here. We'll fetch you a little something.
Chip: Oh, please, Muffy. Not another crusade.
Muffy: Chippie, we have a social obligation to the less fortunate. I know you laugh at my hobbies, but this is important to me!
Chip: Mm. You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles.
Muffy: Oh, my big, strong pheromone factory.
[they both Eskimo kiss]
Z: [nauseated] Oh, brother. Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. You know...
Muffy: Oh!
Z: I guess I had imagined Insectopia... I don't know, a little differently.
[the fly swatter kills Muffy while Z and Bala duck]
Chip: Oh, Muffy!
[she gasps]
Chip: No! Oh, no! [starts crying]
Bala: Oh, no.
[the big shoe appears with the gum at the bottom]
Z: Look out!
[Chip flies away, then shoe squishes Bala]
Bala: Z, help me! Z!
[he tries to get up next to Bala]
Bala: Don't let me... Don't let me go, Z. [he lets go of Bala while falling to the ground] Get me out of here!
Z: [runs the shadow, then hitting Z, rolling to the ground, then getting up] Bala!
[the shoe gets up by walking to the grass]
Z: Whoa, this is not good.
[the big shoe flies at Z, then grabbing the shoelace]
Z: Whoa! [he climbs up the shoelace] Whoa-oa-oa! [falling off the shoelace, then getting up, looking at Bala, screaming, then Z flies to the next shoe, then sliding down, then grabbing to the bottom of the shoelace] Whoa-oa-oa! [the shoelace swings next to Bala] Hi.
[they both fall in the grass, screaming, thudding]
Bala: Z?
Z: Yes?
Bala: It looks like this is it, just when... I was starting to like you.
[they both get off the grass, then they both look at a penny]
Z: Who the hell is that?
[the penny takes the gum out of the shoe, then flipping while throwing, then cut back inside, punching Weaver]
Mandible: That's enough.
Weaver: I ain't tellin' you nothin'.
Mandible: Soldier, the princess is vital to the future of this colony. She must be returned to take their place as queen.
Weaver: We already have a queen.
Mandible: As for your friend, Z, why should I hurt him? [chuckling] He's not important. Now, soldier, we all know that one individual ant doesn't matter. Not you, not Cutter...
[the door opens while taking Azteca]
Mandible: Not even her.
Weaver: Azteca! [he grunts]
Azteca: Don't tell that tight-**s anything, Weaver! [grabs Azteca]
Mandible: Where is Z?
Weaver: I don't know where he is!
Mandible: Hmm. That's too bad. [he leaves, then grabbing Azteca]
Weaver: Wait! Insectopia. Unh! I know it sounds crazy, but that's where he'd be going.
Cutter: Soldier, you think this is a game? Insectopia does not exist.
Mandible: As a matter of fact, it does.
Cutter: Sir?
Mandible: I'll brief you on the coordinates. You're gonna bring the princess back. And as for Z ,kill him.
Weaver: But you said he didn't matter.
Mandible: It's for the good of the colony. You made the right decision. Gentlemen, now you can see how dangerous individualism can be. It makes us vulnerable.
Soldier Ant: Let's go.
[the door closes]
Mandible: Take him back to the MegaTunnel. Put him on the front line. Dismissed.
[cut back to Z and Bala, getting out of a penny]
Z: Jeez, what was I thinking? I almost got you killed.
Bala: Z, you know, you really shouldn't be so hard on...
Z: That's it. I'm taking you back to the colony.
[they both hit their faces]
Z: Insectopia. You know, I must've been crazy.
Bala: Z?
Z: But you know what? I can admit it when I'm wrong.
Bala: Z.
Z: And this time, I gotta tell ya, I was absolutely 100% correct. Have... Have you ever seen anything more beautiful in your life?
Bala: It's Insect...
Z: Shh! Don't jinx it. Come on!
[the music begins "I Can See Clearly Now" by Neil Finn playing, then taking a water drop, then they both drink, burping, then making a snow angel of a doughnut, then the bugs all run]
Ladybug: Pardon us.
[they all walk to the apple, with the worm going in the apple, through the holes, then looking at the glass, then rowing, then they sit down while looking at a reflection, with the flies buzzing, then cut back inside]
Mandible: All right, everybody. I want all teams in place, fully prepared, ready to seal the doors here and here. Make certain the digging crew stays on schedule for breakthrough midway in the dedication ceremony. Now all we need is the princess.
[Weaver continues cutting, then Cutter appears, by taking the dirt, then sniffing, then flying, then sitting by the campfire]
Bug: This stuff takes like crap. Really? Let me try some. Hey, it is crap. Not bad. Somebody needs to feed that fire. Dude, I did it last time. Well, I'm not gonna get it. It's not my job. What about the new guy?
Bug: He hasn't contributed yet.
Z: [about Barbatus] And... [sighs] ...you know, he just died in my arms like that. I... You know, I don't think he ever once in his life, made his own choice.
Bala: I never knew it was like that. I mean, up in the palace... Well, I guess we just lete the general make all the decisions.
Z: Let me ask you something. What made you come to the bar that night?
Bala: I guess I was looking for a little trouble.
Z: Well... [chuckling] ...trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but, uh, I don't want you to spread that around.
Bala: You're pretty strange. You do know that, don't you?
Z: Well... [clears throat] ...strange's not exactly the word I would use.
Bala: I like it. You're not like anyone else.
Z: Actually, now that you mention it, there is a certain strangeness to me. I mean, it's a, you know, kind of a bizarre quality. Some have said "freak." But it's, uh, you know, complimentary. [he looks at Bala]
Bug: Hey, new guy. We need more food.
Z: [to Bala] I'll be right back. Just hold that thought, whatever it is you were thinking. Hey, you ever wonder why they call you guys "pests"?
Mosquito: What if, like, we're just these tiny little things, and we're just, like, part of this whole other huge universe, that's like, so big we don't even know it exists?
Ladybug: [chuckling] Man, that is so deep.
Z: Perfect. Nothing like a little manual labor on the most romantic night of my life.
[Cutter appears]
Cutter: Hi. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd drop in. This is, uh, very bohemian.
Bug: Aloha, dude. Welcome to Insec...
[Cutter pushes the bug]
Cutter: Sorry for interrupting. You see, our princess has, uh, gone missing, and we're just sick about it. She's about yea tall, fairly easy... [pause] ...on the eyes. Anybody seen her?
Bug: That's her.
Cutter: Don't worry, Princess, you'll be back home soon.
Bala: Listen, Cutter, I'm... I'm not going back.
Cutter: [sighs] The thing is, Princess, I got orders.
Bala: Orders? Can't you just once think for yourself?
[Cutter pauses briefly as he considers this]
Cutter: Well, that was very impressive. Where's Z?
Bug: Z? He's, uh...
Bala: Dead. Z's dead. You don't need to worry about him.
Cutter: Z's dead. Well, he was an ant with ideas. Too bad for him. Princess, your colony needs you.
[Z continues bringing the stick]
Bala: Cutter! Stop right now! Let go of me!
Z: Bala! Stop, you... Oh, no. [muttering] What am I gonna do? All right, look. Let's be rational about this. You know, Bala and I, you know, she's a princess, and I'm a... I'm a soil-relocation engineer. So wha... You're no... Whew! On the other hand, uh, I've gotta go back for her.
Chip: I'll-I'll give you a lift. S-S-S... [falls to the ground] It's the least I can do. Besides, it's what my waddly-kittles would want. [he starts crying]
Z: Uh, look... [clears throat] ...how about a cup of joe first?
Chip: Well, old boy, saddle up.
Z: I think I saw a puddle of coffee over there.
[grabs Z]
Z: It... Whoa!
[they both groan, then flying]
Z: Look out!
[they take to the chambers, with Bala grunting]
Mandible: Ah, Princess. You're just in time.
Bala: Take your hands of me. General, what exactly is going on here? I demand an explanation.
Mandible: I'll explain everything afterwards. Is the southeast entrance secure?
Guard Ant: Yes, sir.
Bala: Not afterwards. Now. [throws the papers away] I don't like the way you think and I don't like the way you run this colony. And I don't like you. The wedding is off. Things are going to change around here.
Mandible: You're right, Princess. Things are going to change. Why don't we make her more comfortable?
[brings a chair to Bala, gasping]
Mandible: She'll be here for a while.
Bala: What do you think you're doing? My mother will have your head.
Mandible: I doubt that. [chuckling] Ah, you've got a fighter spirit, Bala. And that's just what we need to start our new colony. We will rinse away all the filth from our gutters. We'll start anew, with you by my side as my queen.
Bala: You're crazy.
Mandible: I believe history will see things differently. All right, gentlemen. Time to take your positions. Someday... Someday you'll thank me.
[the ants walk away, then Bala gets up, then closing the door, then they both moan]
Z: Pull up! Pull up! There it is!
[Chip mutters, then hiccups, then they both lay to the ground]
Chip: Oh! Well, then, go get the woman you love, Z.
Z: So long, Chip. And thanks.
[Chip flies away, then Z walks away]
Soldier Ant: You there. Where do you think you're goin'?
Z: Me? Oh, no, I was just... You know, I...
Soldier Ant: You're not supposed to be out here. All workers are to report to the tunnel-opening ceremonies.
Z: Yes, yes, of course. The-The tunnel-opening ceremonies. I... Well, I should get going, then. I... [he clears throat] You know, the-the...
Soldier Ant: Hey!
Z: I'm going to the... [clears throat] ...the tunnel opening ceremonies.
Soldier Ant: Get moving.
Z: I'd better get goin'. I'm going to the... the tunnel-opening ceremonies. I...
[puts the spears down for guarding]
Z: Excuse me, please. [chuckling, opening the spears] Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
Soldier Ant: Hey, worker!
Z: Opening the tunnel. They need me. I'm the key man.
Soldier Ant: Where do you think you're going?
Z: Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
[they hear a crashing sound]
Bala: Hey, come on! Let me outta here! Hey!
[Z runs to the hole, then walking on the line]
Z: Gosh, this-this day just keeps getting better and better.
Bala: I mean big trouble! Are you listening to me out there? I'm the princess! **** it!
[the window breaks while Bala gets out]
Z: Wow, your manners haven't improved much.
Bala: Z!
[she grabs Z before falling]
Bala: It's you. You came back for me.
Z: Well, yeah, I came back for you. You know, I have strong feelings for you. Let's face it, you're, you're... [he clears throat] ...you're beautiful. I... A little combative at times, but I think we can work on that.
Bala: You talk too much. [kisses Z]
Z: Gee, I think I'm about ti become the strong, silent type. Come on. The city's deserted. We'd better get outta here.
Bala: Z... [sighing] ...we can't go. Mandible's insane. He... He keeps talking about washing away the filth and-and changing history and, and I think he's going to try to kill my mother.
Z: Not just your mother, everyone.
Bala: What's going on?
Z: Look. Here we are, safe in the city. But they're gonna seal everybody off in the MegaTunnel. And, here's the lake. You're right. We can't leave now. Come on. We gotta get down there.
Mandible: Today is the realization of a dream. A dream of a proud colony. A pure colony. A colony reborn.
[the ants cheer]
Mandible: Moments from now this tunnel will open. The past will be washed away and a new day will dawn.
[the ant workers continue cheering]
Queen: A stirring speech, General. I only wish my daughter were here to appreciate it.
Mandible: Your Majesty, I know how concerned you are about Bala. But my scouts are on her trail and it's only a matter of time...
Queen: General, I don't want to discuss it. Just find her.
Mandible: I will, Your Highness. Good-bye.
[cut to Z and Bala, looking around, while they both duck with the soldiers clattering with the indistinct, while they both run, with the ants walking]
Mandible: Seal up the doors. Cutter, did you hear me?
Cutter: Sir, I've been thinking. Do we need to go through with this? Look at what these workers have done. They got the right stuff. Isn't there any other way?
Mandible: Cutter, you're a fine officer. You have discipline, courage, ability. But you seem to have a certain weakness for the lower orders that I find disturbing. Now, are you with me?
Cutter: Sir, uh, I apologize.
Mandible: All right, then. Seal it up.
Cutter: Yes, sir.
[the soldier ants move the rock by falling down, then another rock falling down, then they both continue running]
Queen: As I look out on this magnificent tunnel, I am filled with pride.
Z: Jump!
Queen: In these difficult times, it is a great solace to know that you, our workers... [she continues with the indistinct]
Bala: Mom! Wait!
Z: Every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.
Queen: This tremendous accomplishment is a testimony to the strength... [she continues with the indistinct]
Foreman: People! Put your backs into it!
Z: Go warn your mother. I gotta get to those diggers before they break through.
Bala: There's not enough time.
Z: Hey, leave the pessimism to me, okay?
[they both run down, with the Queen continues talking with the indistinct]
Z: Excuse me! Sorry about that. Excuse me.
Queen: In a few moments when our expert diggers break through to the surface...
Bala: Mom! Mom, stop.
Queen: ...the sun will pour into this... Bala! Where've you been? Are you all right? [hugs Queen]
Bala: I'm fine.
Queen: [sighs] What happened?
Bala: Mother, we're in terrible danger.
[the water drop falls to the ant workers, while Z runs to the ants, with Weaver sighing]
Foreman: Put your backs into it, people.
Z: Wait! Hold... Hey, stop digging!
Weaver: Z? Is that you?
Z: Weaver, stop!
Weaver: Z! You're back!
[the body crunches Z]
Weaver: Oh, Z! Oh.
Z: [gasping] Weaver!
Azteca: Z! What's the matter?
Z: Ho-Hold up, everyone. Stop. Stop digging.
Foreman: On whose authority?
Z: On your own authority. If you break through that wall, we're all gonna...
Bala: Drown! This tunnel is going to flood.
Queen: So we've got to get everyone out of here.
[the ant workers murmur]
Foreman: Look, I got orders, and those orders say "dig."
Z: What if someone ordered you to jump off a bridge? Ju-Ju-Ju...
[Foreman looks thoughtful]
Z: Oh, brother, I'm asking the wrong guy here. Look, think for yourselves!
Foreman: [grabs an ax] Give me that! I've enough out of you. [puts an ax down] Get back to work.
[the water puts out the crack]
Weaver: What's that noise?
Foreman: Uh-oh!
Weaver: Let's get outta here!
Z: Run!
[the rock breaks completely, with the flood going out, with the ant workers running away, screaming]
Weaver: Run! Keep going!
Queen: Everyone, listen to me. We've all been deceived.
[the ant workers continue running away from the flood]
Queen: We need to calmly head toward the exits.
Digger: Run for your lives! It's gonna flood!
Queen: No. Don't panic. Don't panic!
Worker Ant: Every ant for himself!
[they both gasp while looking at the flood, with a light breaking, then the ant workers run away from the flood]
Worker Ant: All the exits are blocked!
Worker Ant: We're trapped!
[Z looks at the water flood, with the ant workers running away, with the flood revealing a circle, with the sign saying, "NOTHING SATISFIES LIKE WORK"]
Bala: What are we going to do?
Foreman: There's nothing we can do!
[the ant workers climb up away from the flood, then looking at the lights]
Z: Yes, there is. Weaver, give me a leg up. [climbs on Weaver] Everyone, listen to me!
Worker Ant: Who the heck are you?
Bala: He's Z!
[the ant workers murmur]
Z: Listen, we gotta help each other get outta here before we all drown.
Worker Ant: How?
Z: By making a ladder.
Female Ant: A ladder!
Z: Hey, if we built this, we can do anything. [jumps off Weaver] Okay, let's move it!
Weaver: I'm on it. All of you, gather around. You, start climbing.
[they all start to make a ladder]
Worker Ant: Grab my arm.
Worker Ant: All right. Here I go.
Worker Ant: Come on.
Worker Ant: Go, go, go!
Worker Ant: Right!
[the sign falls in the water, saying, "NOTHING SATISFIES"]
Azteca: Excuse me, Your Majesty. [holds up Queen, by climbing up]
Bala: Z, I've gotta help my Mom.
Z: Don't worry. I know almost exactly what I'm doing. [hugs Bala] I'll see you at the top.
[they all start to make a ladder]
Mandible: Gentlemen, there comes a time, in the evolution of a perfect colony, when the strong are meant to rise above the weak. Now is that time. Below us right now, the weak elements of the colony, are being washed away.
[they all groan]
Z: Oh, my God, we're not gonna make it! We need more ants.
Weaver: [grunting] You two better get up there.
Azteca: Weaver, you can't hold it alone.
Weaver: Get going.
Z: Hang in there, buddy. [kisses Weaver, then climbing up, then the ant reaches up]
Z: Got it!
Azteca: Hurry up! Go, go, go, go!
[he gasps, the trying to break]
Mandible: Our princess is secured, and our glorious future is at hand. We can all stand proud. It is time for a new beginning.
[the hand breaks the floor, then breaking completely, while the ants exclaim, then they all gasp]
Mandible: What the **** is that?
Cutter: I think that's the weak element, sir.
Z: Gimmie... Gimmie a hand!
Mandible: Z! You? [Z has broken through the surface where Mandible and his soldiers wait for them to be drowned] Let go! Don't you understand? It's for the good of the colony.
Z: Wha-What are you saying? We are the colony!
[Mandible is about to strike Z when Cutter knocks his aside]
Mandible: Cutter, what are you doing?
Cutter: Something I should've done a long time ago. This is for the good of the colony, sir.
[extends his hand to the ant workers]
Mandible: You useless, ungrateful maggot! I am the colony!
Z: [gasps] Look out!
[Z shoves Cutter out of the way, and Mandible collides into him. They both plummet toward the flooded anthill. Mandible smashes against an upturned root, killing him on impact. Z lands in the water, knocked unconcious.]
Bala: Z!
Cutter: Men, let's move it! Get these ants up here!
[the soldier ants grab all the ant workers up]
Azteca: Keep it moving.
Queen: Thank goodness we made it.
[Cutter flies in, then in the water]
Bala: Wait here.
[Cutter continues swimming, then grabbing Z]
Azteca: Okay. Weaver.
Worker Ant: Thank you.
Bala: Where's Z?
[Cutter arrives with Z, then putting down]
Bala: Oh, no.
Weaver: Back up, everybody, back up! Give him some air. Back up.
Bala: Z, oh, Z. Please wake up. [looking at a tear at Z]
Azteca: Oh, no. [sobbing]
[she takes a deep breath, then inhaling it to Z, then coughing, then the ants cheer, then kissing Z]
Z: Yowch!
Azteca: You know, Weaver, you still owe me that dinner.
Weaver: [kisses Azteca] Babylove.
Azteca: We made it, Z!
Weaver: You da ant! [gives him a clap]
Bala: You did it.
Z: We did it. [the ants grab Z and Bala] Fellas, fellas, please. This is very embarrasing for me, I...
[Bala laughs]
Z: On the other hand, I probably could get used to this.
[last lines, as Z finishes narrating]
Z: There you have it. Your average "boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy changes underlying social order" story. So, what else can I tell you? We rebuilt the colony. It's even better than before, you know, 'cause now it has a very large indoor swimming pool. Bala and I, incidentally, are thinking of starting a family, you know, just a few kids, maybe a million or two to begin with. And I'm workin' with a new therapist, you know, terrific, absolutely terrific. He's been putting me in touch with my inner maggot, which is helping me a great deal. And, you know, I finally feel like I've found my place. And you know what? It's right back where I started. But the difference is, this time I chose it.