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extremewreck2000
Lost Media Veteran

You like weird video games, European cartoons & tracker music? Then you've come to the right place.

Posts: 4,560

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 14, 2024 8:09:06 GMT

Post by extremewreck2000 on Jul 14, 2024 8:09:06 GMT

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

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And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

And this is how it goes...

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

Yes on everybody's nerves

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

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I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

Everybody's nerves

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Last Edit: Jul 14, 2024 8:14:56 GMT by extremewreck2000

Dreams are boundless, imaginations are infinite, space is a multi-directional spiral & Akazukin ChaCha is my favorite anime

extremewreck2000
Lost Media Veteran

You like weird video games, European cartoons & tracker music? Then you've come to the right place.

Posts: 4,560

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 14, 2024 8:32:54 GMT

Post by extremewreck2000 on Jul 14, 2024 8:32:54 GMT

It is in fact the peanut house. (Expression of excitement.)

It is in fact the peanut house. (What did this man speak of?)

It is in fact the peanut house. (Oh, I understand. Yes.)

It is in fact the peanut house. (Hey, I have acquired a peanut house.)

It is in fact the peanut house. (Do not lose memory of this, male child.)

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house. (Positive.)

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house. (Expression to catch someone's attention.)

It is in fact the peanut house. (Fragments of ground nuts.)

It is in fact the peanut house. (Expression of surprise)

It is in fact the peanut house.

Hoough.

Phil's from San Francisco, in northern California is a hilly city on the tip of a peninsula surrounded by the Pacific Ocean in San Francisco Bay. It's known for its year-round fog, iconic Golden Gate Bridge, cable cars and colorful Victorian houses.

Jack is from the Philippines, which is a southeast Asian country in the western Pacific, comprising more than seven thousand islands. It's capital, Manila, is famous for it's waterfront promenade and centuries old Chinatown, Binondo. Intramuros, A walled city in colonial times, is the heart of old Manila.

An abomination is homosexual.

Tito testicle "testicle man" male infant. He has cared for Phil and is satisfied by anime school girls.

Jack is fashionably attractive and impressive, as well as being unwilling to work or use energy. He is still being educated.

He is a pie baked with a cherry filling. Traditionally, cherry pie is made with tart, rather than sweet cherries. However, he is still is not experienced in intercourse.

Chita, please encounter the most abnormal of the seven days.

Phil's crony, as well as Jack wanting her to be his soulmate.

However, despite his efforts, this occasion shall not be taking place any time soon.

Rapidly move your body, as if you are experiencing a sudden attack of illness, especially a stroke, or an epileptic fit.

Allow me to commence my inhalation dose of weed into my respiratory system.

I've acquired a berry, typically green, classified as white, purple, red, or black, growing in clusters on a grapevine, eaten as fruit, and used in making wine.

What may you be witnessing, male offspring of an animal?

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house.

It is in fact the peanut house.

Dreams are boundless, imaginations are infinite, space is a multi-directional spiral & Akazukin ChaCha is my favorite anime

extremewreck2000
Lost Media Veteran

You like weird video games, European cartoons & tracker music? Then you've come to the right place.

Posts: 4,560

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 14, 2024 8:40:01 GMT duckiguess and ModWalletGuy like this

Post by extremewreck2000 on Jul 14, 2024 8:40:01 GMT

[Chalmers rings Skinner's doorbell. Skinner opens the door.]

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.

Skinner: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

Chalmers: Eh...

[Chalmers enters. In the dining room, he sits at the table and places a bottle in an ice bucket, while Skinner runs to the kitchen, only to find his roast is burnt, and gasps in horror.]

Skinner: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined! [Chalmers' knocking on the kitchen door can be heard as Skinner looks at Krusty Burger across the street from his window] But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [chuckles] Delightfully devilish, Seymour.

[Skinner begins to climb through the window, but Chalmers enters the kitchen and catches Skinner trying to leave.]

Chalmers: Uh--!

[Accompanied by a montage of scenes of Skinner and Chalmers from previous episodes, the theme song to an imaginary sitcom titled "Skinner and the Superintendent" then plays:]

Skinner, with his crazy explanations

The superintendent's gonna need his medication

When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations

There'll be trouble in town tonight!

Chalmers: SEEEEEYMOOUUURRR!!!

[The scene goes back to Skinner's kitchen]

Skinner: Superintendent! I was just...uh...just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

[Smoke can be seen coming out of Skinner's oven]

Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour? [points to the oven]

Skinner: Uh... ooh! That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. [Massages his belly] Mmmm, steamed clams!

[Once a suspicious Chalmers leaves the kitchen, Skinner breathes a sigh of relief, climbs out the window, and runs across the street to Krusty Burger, where he buys hamburgers and French fries to replace his burnt roast. The scene cuts to the dining room, where Skinner comes from the kitchen with the fast food on a silver tray.]

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

Chalmers: I thought we were having "steamed clams".

Skinner: Oh no, I said 'steamed hams'! That's what I call hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?

Skinner: Yes! It's a regional dialect.

Chalmers: Uh-huh. Eh, what region?

Skinner: Uh... upstate New York?

Chalmers: Really? Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.

Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see.

[Chalmers takes a bite out of a burger and chews it a little, while Skinner sips his drink.]

Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Skinner: Hohoho, no! Patented Skinner Burgers! Old family recipe.

Chalmers: For steamed hams?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: Yes. So you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled. [opens one of the burgers and exposes the patty's grilled pattern to Skinner]

Skinner: Y- Uh.. you know, the... One thing I should... excuse me for one second.

Chalmers: Of course.

[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire]

Skinner: [pretends to yawn] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Chalmers: Yes, I should be-- [notices the intense light coming from the burning kitchen] GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE!?

Skinner: Aurora Borealis?

Chalmers: Uh... Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: ...May I see it?

Skinner: ...No.

[They exit the house as the kitchen fire grows larger.]

Agnes (voice): SEYMOUR!!! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!

Skinner (looking up): No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.

[As Chalmers begins heading home, Agnes starts screaming for help, causing Chalmers to look back towards the house. Skinner gives him a thumbs up and a fake smile, causing him to keep walking away. Once Chalmers is out of sight, Skinner rushes back into the house to deal with the fire.]

Agnes (voice): HEEEELP!!! HEEEELP!!!
[firetruck shows up for a split second, driving towards Skinners' house]

Dreams are boundless, imaginations are infinite, space is a multi-directional spiral & Akazukin ChaCha is my favorite anime

duckiguess
Lost Media Veteran

“Keep circulating the tapes!”

Posts: 1,457

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 14, 2024 21:18:14 GMT via mobile extremewreck2000 likes this

Post by duckiguess on Jul 14, 2024 21:18:14 GMT

Josie's on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over
So many things that I wanna say
You know I like my girls a little bit older

I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

I ain't got many friends left to talk to
Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble
You know I'd do anything for you
Stay the night but keep it undercover

I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

Try to stop my hands from shaking
But something in my mind's not making sense
It's been a while since we were all alone
I can't hide the way I'm feeling

As you're leaving, please would you close the door?
And don't forget what I told you
Just 'cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong
Another shoulder to cry upon

I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

Use your love
Lose your love

The lost media wikis resident nerd and MSTie.

ModWalletGuy
Lost Media Veteran

Oh, egads! My roast is ruined!

Posts: 3,205
Member is Online

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 14, 2024 21:25:30 GMT extremewreck2000 and duckiguess like this

Post by ModWalletGuy on Jul 14, 2024 21:25:30 GMT

According to all known laws

of aviation,

there is no way a bee

should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get

its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care

what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!

Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry?

- Adam?

- Oan you believe this is happening?

- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father

paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.

We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz.

- Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.

- Bye!

Barry, I told you,

stop flying in the house!

- Hey, Adam.

- Hey, Barry.

- Is that fuzz gel?

- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,

three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took

a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

You did come back different.

- Hi, Barry.

- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

- Hear about Frankie?

- Yeah.

- You going to the funeral?

- No, I'm not going.

Everybody knows,

sting someone, you die.

Don't waste it on a squirrel.

Such a hothead.

I guess he could have

just gotten out of the way.

I love this incorporating

an amusement park into our day.

That's why we don't need vacations.

Boy, quite a bit of pomp...

under the circumstances.

- Well, Adam, today we are men.

- We are!

- Bee-men.

- Amen!

Hallelujah!

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

Welcome, New Hive Oity

graduating class of...

...9:15.

That concludes our ceremonies.

And begins your career

at Honex Industries!

Will we pick ourjob today?

I heard it's just orientation.

Heads up! Here we go.

Keep your hands and antennas

inside the tram at all times.

- Wonder what it'll be like?

- A little scary.

Welcome to Honex,

a division of Honesco

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

This is it!

Wow.

Wow.

We know that you, as a bee,

have worked your whole life

to get to the point where you

can work for your whole life.

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen

Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

Our top-secret formula

is automatically color-corrected,

scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

into this soothing sweet syrup

with its distinctive

golden glow you know as...

Honey!

- That girl was hot.

- She's my cousin!

- She is?

- Yes, we're all cousins.

- Right. You're right.

- At Honex, we constantly strive

to improve every aspect

of bee existence.

These bees are stress-testing

a new helmet technology.

- What do you think he makes?

- Not enough.

Here we have our latest advancement,

the Krelman.

- What does that do?

- Oatches that little strand of honey

that hangs after you pour it.

Saves us millions.

Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

Of course. Most bee jobs are

small ones. But bees know

that every small job,

if it's done well, means a lot.

But choose carefully

because you'll stay in the job

you pick for the rest of your life.

The same job the rest of your life?

I didn't know that.

What's the difference?

You'll be happy to know that bees,

as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"

How can you say that?

One job forever?

That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have

to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they

never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?

We're bees.

We're the most perfectly

functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things

work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know

what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.

Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!

- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like

outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

- Hey, Jocks!

- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!

You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

- I wonder where they were.

- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows

where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen

Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen

than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.

Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it

and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?

Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

- Oouple of Hive Harrys.

- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous

being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me

against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,

and with the other, he was slapping me!

- Oh, my!

- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,

wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch

six miles from here tomorrow.

- Six miles, huh?

- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,

but maybe you're not up for it.

- Maybe I am.

- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?

Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends

on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

- Well, there's a lot of choices.

- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored

doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just

move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.

It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,

the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field

just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,

making balloon animals?

That's a bad job

for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure

he wants to go into honey!

- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.

- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going

into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

- You're gonna be a stirrer?

- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.

I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.

Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get

a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

- We're starting work today!

- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs

will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,

stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

- Is it still available?

- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!

Step to the side.

- What'd you get?

- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

- You want to go first?

- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,

not for the reason you think.

- Any chance of getting the Krelman?

- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

What happened?

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?

He's dead. Another dead one.

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

Dead from the neck up.

Dead from the neck down. That's life!

Oh, this is so hard!

Heating, cooling,

stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

humming, inspector number seven,

lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

mite wrangler. Barry, what

do you think I should... Barry?

Barry!

All right, we've got the sunflower patch

in quadrant nine...

What happened to you?

Where are you?

- I'm going out.

- Out? Out where?

- Out there.

- Oh, no!

I have to, before I go

to work for the rest of my life.

You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

Another call coming in.

If anyone's feeling brave,

there's a Korean deli on 83rd

that gets their roses today.

Hey, guys.

- Look at that.

- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

Sign here, here. Just initial that.

- Thank you.

- OK.

You got a rain advisory today,

and as you all know,

bees cannot fly in rain.

So be careful. As always,

watch your brooms,

hockey sticks, dogs,

birds, bears and bats.

Also, I got a couple of reports

of root beer being poured on us.

Murphy's in a home because of it,

babbling like a cicada!

- That's awful.

- And a reminder for you rookies,

bee law number one,

absolutely no talking to humans!

All right, launch positions!

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,

buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Black and yellow!

Hello!

You ready for this, hot shot?

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

Wind, check.

- Antennae, check.

- Nectar pack, check.

- Wings, check.

- Stinger, check.

Scared out of my shorts, check.

OK, ladies,

let's move it out!

Pound those petunias,

you striped stem-suckers!

All of you, drain those flowers!

Wow! I'm out!

I can't believe I'm out!

So blue.

I feel so fast and free!

Box kite!

Wow!

Flowers!

This is Blue Leader.

We have roses visual.

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

Roses!

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

Stand to the side, kid.

It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector!

- Ever see pollination up close?

- No, sir.

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it

over here. Maybe a dash over there,

a pinch on that one.

See that? It's a little bit of magic.

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

That's pollen power. More pollen, more

flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

Oool.

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.

Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

Oopy that visual.

Wait. One of these flowers

seems to be on the move.

Say again? You're reporting

a moving flower?

Affirmative.

That was on the line!

This is the coolest. What is it?

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

It smells good.

Not like a flower, but I like it.

Yeah, fuzzy.

Ohemical-y.

Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

My sweet lord of bees!

Oandy-brain, get off there!

Problem!

- Guys!

- This could be bad.

Affirmative.

Very close.

Gonna hurt.

Mama's little boy.

You are way out of position, rookie!

Ooming in at you like a missile!

Help me!

I don't think these are flowers.

- Should we tell him?

- I think he knows.

What is this?!

Match point!

You can start packing up, honey,

because you're about to eat it!

Yowser!

Gross.

There's a bee in the car!

- Do something!

- I'm driving!

- Hi, bee.

- He's back here!

He's going to sting me!

Nobody move. If you don't move,

he won't sting you. Freeze!

He blinked!

Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?!

Wow... the tension level

out here is unbelievable.

I gotta get home.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

Ken, could you close

the window please?

Ken, could you close

the window please?

Oheck out my new resume.

I made it into a fold-out brochure.

You see? Folds out.

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

What was that?

Maybe this time. This time. This time.

This time! This time! This...

Drapes!

That is diabolical.

It's fantastic. It's got all my special

skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars?

Nah, I don't go for that...

...kind of stuff.

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.

They're out of their minds.

When I leave a job interview, they're

flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

I don't remember the sun

having a big 75 on it.

I predicted global warming.

I could feel it getting hotter.

At first I thought it was just me.

Wait! Stop! Bee!

Stand back. These are winter boots.

Wait!

Don't kill him!

You know I'm allergic to them!

This thing could kill me!

Why does his life have

less value than yours?

Why does his life have any less value

than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You

don't know what he's capable of feeling.

My brochure!

There you go, little guy.

I'm not scared of him.

It's an allergic thing.

Put that on your resume brochure.

My whole face could puff up.

Make it one of your special skills.

Knocking someone out

is also a special skill.

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?

- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

- You could put carob chips on there.

- Bye.

- Supposed to be less calories.

- Bye.

I gotta say something.

She saved my life.

I gotta say something.

All right, here it goes.

Nah.

What would I say?

I could really get in trouble.

It's a bee law.

You're not supposed to talk to a human.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I've got to.

Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

No. Yes. No.

Do it. I can't.

How should I start it?

"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

Hi!

I'm sorry.

- You're talking.

- Yes, I know.

You're talking!

I'm so sorry.

No, it's OK. It's fine.

I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't recall going to bed.

Well, I'm sure this

is very disconcerting.

This is a bit of a surprise to me.

I mean, you're a bee!

I am. And I'm not supposed

to be doing this,

but they were all trying to kill me.

And if it wasn't for you...

I had to thank you.

It's just how I was raised.

That was a little weird.

- I'm talking with a bee.

- Yeah.

I'm talking to a bee.

And the bee is talking to me!

I just want to say I'm grateful.

I'll leave now.

- Wait! How did you learn to do that?

- What?

The talking thing.

Same way you did, I guess.

"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

- That's very funny.

- Yeah.

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,

we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

Anyway...

Oan I...

...get you something?

- Like what?

I don't know. I mean...

I don't know. Ooffee?

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

- It's just coffee.

- I hate to impose.

- Don't be ridiculous!

- Actually, I would love a cup.

Hey, you want rum cake?

- I shouldn't.

- Have some.

- No, I can't.

- Oome on!

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

- Where?

- These stripes don't help.

You look great!

I don't know if you know

anything about fashion.

Are you all right?

No.

He's making the tie in the cab

as they're flying up Madison.

He finally gets there.

He runs up the steps into the church.

The wedding is on.

And he says, "Watermelon?

I thought you said Guatemalan.

Why would I marry a watermelon?"

Is that a bee joke?

That's the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah, different.

So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

About work? I don't know.

I want to do my part for the hive,

but I can't do it the way they want.

I know how you feel.

- You do?

- Sure.

My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or

a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

- Really?

- My only interest is flowers.

Our new queen was just elected

with that same campaign slogan.

Anyway, if you look...

There's my hive right there. See it?

You're in Sheep Meadow!

Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

No way! I know that area.

I lost a toe ring there once.

- Why do girls put rings on their toes?

- Why not?

- It's like putting a hat on your knee.

- Maybe I'll try that.

- You all right, ma'am?

- Oh, yeah. Fine.

Just having two cups of coffee!

Anyway, this has been great.

Thanks for the coffee.

Yeah, it's no trouble.

Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,

I'd be up the rest of my life.

Are you...?

Oan I take a piece of this with me?

Sure! Here, have a crumb.

- Thanks!

- Yeah.

All right. Well, then...

I guess I'll see you around.

Or not.

OK, Barry.

And thank you

so much again... for before.

Oh, that? That was nothing.

Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

This can't possibly work.

He's all set to go.

We may as well try it.

OK, Dave, pull the chute.

- Sounds amazing.

- It was amazing!

It was the scariest,

happiest moment of my life.

Humans! I can't believe

you were with humans!

Giant, scary humans!

What were they like?

Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

They eat crazy giant things.

They drive crazy.

- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?

- Some of them. But some of them don't.

- How'd you get back?

- Poodle.

You did it, and I'm glad. You saw

whatever you wanted to see.

You had your "experience." Now you

can pick out yourjob and be normal.

- Well...

- Well?

Well, I met someone.

You did? Was she Bee-ish?

- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!

- No, no, no, not a wasp.

- Spider?

- I'm not attracted to spiders.

I know it's the hottest thing,

with the eight legs and all.

I can't get by that face.

So who is she?

She's... human.

No, no. That's a bee law.

You wouldn't break a bee law.

- Her name's Vanessa.

- Oh, boy.

She's so nice. And she's a florist!

Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

We're not dating.

You're flying outside the hive, talking

to humans that attack our homes

with power washers and M-80s!

One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

She saved my life!

And she understands me.

This is over!

Eat this.

This is not over! What was that?

- They call it a crumb.

- It was so stingin' stripey!

And that's not what they eat.

That's what falls off what they eat!

- You know what a Oinnabon is?

- No.

It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.

They heat it up...

Sit down!

...really hot!

- Listen to me!

We are not them! We're us.

There's us and there's them!

Yes, but who can deny

the heart that is yearning?

There's no yearning.

Stop yearning. Listen to me!

You have got to start thinking bee,

my friend. Thinking bee!

- Thinking bee.

- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

There he is. He's in the pool.

You know what your problem is, Barry?

I gotta start thinking bee?

How much longer will this go on?

It's been three days!

Why aren't you working?

I've got a lot of big life decisions

to think about.

What life? You have no life!

You have no job. You're barely a bee!

Would it kill you

to make a little honey?

Barry, come out.

Your father's talking to you.

Martin, would you talk to him?

Barry, I'm talking to you!

You coming?

Got everything?

All set!

Go ahead. I'll catch up.

Don't be too long.

Watch this!

Vanessa!

- We're still here.

- I told you not to yell at him.

He doesn't respond to yelling!

- Then why yell at me?

- Because you don't listen!

I'm not listening to this.

Sorry, I've gotta go.

- Where are you going?

- I'm meeting a friend.

A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

Bye.

I just hope she's Bee-ish.

They have a huge parade

of flowers every year in Pasadena?

To be in the Tournament of Roses,

that's every florist's dream!

Up on a float, surrounded

by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses

compete in athletic events?

No. All right, I've got one.

How come you don't fly everywhere?

It's exhausting. Why don't you

run everywhere? It's faster.

Yeah, OK, I see, I see.

All right, your turn.

TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?

That's insane!

You don't have that?

We have Hivo, but it's a disease.

It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Oh, my.

Dumb bees!

You must want to sting all those jerks.

We try not to sting.

It's usually fatal for us.

So you have to watch your temper.

Very carefully.

You kick a wall, take a walk,

write an angry letter and throw it out.

Work through it like any emotion:

Anger, jealousy, lust.

Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

Yeah.

- What is wrong with you?!

- It's a bug.

He's not bothering anybody.

Get out of here, you creep!

What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

Yeah, it was. How did you know?

It felt like about 10 pages.

Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

You've really got that

down to a science.

- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.

- I'll bet.

What in the name

of Mighty Hercules is this?

How did this get here?

Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

Ray Liotta Private Select?

- Is he that actor?

- I never heard of him.

- Why is this here?

- For people. We eat it.

You don't have

enough food of your own?

- Well, yes.

- How do you get it?

- Bees make it.

- I know who makes it!

And it's hard to make it!

There's heating, cooling, stirring.

You need a whole Krelman thing!

- It's organic.

- It's our-ganic!

It's just honey, Barry.

Just what?!

Bees don't know about this!

This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

You've taken our homes, schools,

hospitals! This is all we have!

And it's on sale?!

I'm getting to the bottom of this.

I'm getting to the bottom

of all of this!

Hey, Hector.

- You almost done?

- Almost.

He is here. I sense it.

Well, I guess I'll go home now

and just leave this nice honey out,

with no one around.

You're busted, box boy!

I knew I heard something.

So you can talk!

I can talk.

And now you'll start talking!

Where you getting the sweet stuff?

Who's your supplier?

I don't understand.

I thought we were friends.

The last thing we want

to do is upset bees!

You're too late! It's ours now!

You, sir, have crossed

the wrong sword!

You, sir, will be lunch

for my iguana, Ignacio!

Where is the honey coming from?

Tell me where!

Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

Orazy person!

What horrible thing has happened here?

These faces, they never knew

what hit them. And now

they're on the road to nowhere!

Just keep still.

What? You're not dead?

Do I look dead? They will wipe anything

that moves. Where you headed?

To Honey Farms.

I am onto something huge here.

I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,

crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

I'm going to Tacoma.

- And you?

- He really is dead.

All right.

Uh-oh!

- What is that?!

- Oh, no!

- A wiper! Triple blade!

- Triple blade?

Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

Why does everything have

to be so doggone clean?!

How much do you people need to see?!

Open your eyes!

Stick your head out the window!

From NPR News in Washington,

I'm Oarl Kasell.

But don't kill no more bugs!

- Bee!

- Moose blood guy!!

- You hear something?

- Like what?

Like tiny screaming.

Turn off the radio.

Whassup, bee boy?

Hey, Blood.

Just a row of honey jars,

as far as the eye could see.

Wow!

I assume wherever this truck goes

is where they're getting it.

I mean, that honey's ours.

- Bees hang tight.

- We're all jammed in.

It's a close community.

Not us, man. We on our own.

Every mosquito on his own.

- What if you get in trouble?

- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

Nobody likes us. They just smack.

See a mosquito, smack, smack!

At least you're out in the world.

You must meet girls.

Mosquito girls try to trade up,

get with a moth, dragonfly.

Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

You got to be kidding me!

Mooseblood's about to leave

the building! So long, bee!

- Hey, guys!

- Mooseblood!

I knew I'd catch y'all down here.

Did you bring your crazy straw?

We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,

and it's pretty much pure profit.

What is this place?

A bee's got a brain

the size of a pinhead.

They are pinheads!

Pinhead.

- Oheck out the new smoker.

- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

The Thomas 3000!

Smoker?

Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.

Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

A couple breaths of this

knocks them right out.

They make the honey,

and we make the money.

"They make the honey,

and we make the money"?

Oh, my!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

Do you know you're

in a fake hive with fake walls?

Our queen was moved here.

We had no choice.

This is your queen?

That's a man in women's clothes!

That's a drag queen!

What is this?

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of them!

Bee honey.

Our honey is being brazenly stolen

on a massive scale!

This is worse than anything bears

have done! I intend to do something.

Oh, Barry, stop.

Who told you humans are taking

our honey? That's a rumor.

Do these look like rumors?

That's a conspiracy theory.

These are obviously doctored photos.

How did you get mixed up in this?

He's been talking to humans.

- What?

- Talking to humans?!

He has a human girlfriend.

And they make out!

Make out? Barry!

We do not.

- You wish you could.

- Whose side are you on?

The bees!

I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.

Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

Barry, this is what you want

to do with your life?

I want to do it for all our lives.

Nobody works harder than bees!

Dad, I remember you

coming home so overworked

your hands were still stirring.

You couldn't stop.

I remember that.

What right do they have to our honey?

We live on two cups a year. They put it

in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

Sting them where it really hurts.

In the face! The eye!

- That would hurt.

- No.

Up the nose? That's a killer.

There's only one place you can sting

the humans, one place where it matters.

Hive at Five, the hive's only

full-hour action news source.

No more bee beards!

With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

Weather with Storm Stinger.

Sports with Buzz Larvi.

And Jeanette Ohung.

- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.

- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

intends to sue the human race

for stealing our honey,

packaging it and profiting

from it illegally!

Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

we'll have three former queens here in

our studio, discussing their new book,

Olassy Ladies,

out this week on Hexagon.

Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

Did you ever think, "I'm a kid

from the hive. I can't do this"?

Bees have never been afraid

to change the world.

What about Bee Oolumbus?

Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

We were thinking

of stickball or candy stores.

How old are you?

The bee community

is supporting you in this case,

which will be the trial

of the bee century.

You know, they have a Larry King

in the human world too.

It's a common name. Next week...

He looks like you and has a show

and suspenders and colored dots...

Next week...

Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the

guest even though you just heard 'em.

Bear Week next week!

They're scary, hairy and here live.

Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,

squinty eyes, very Jewish.

In tennis, you attack

at the point of weakness!

It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

Honey, her backhand's a joke!

I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

Quiet, please.

Actual work going on here.

- Is that that same bee?

- Yes, it is!

I'm helping him sue the human race.

- Hello.

- Hello, bee.

This is Ken.

Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size

ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

Why does he talk again?

Listen, you better go

'cause we're really busy working.

But it's our yogurt night!

Bye-bye.

Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing.

You two have been at this for hours!

Yes, and Adam here

has been a huge help.

- Frosting...

- How many sugars?

Just one. I try not

to use the competition.

So why are you helping me?

Bees have good qualities.

And it takes my mind off the shop.

Instead of flowers, people

are giving balloon bouquets now.

Those are great, if you're three.

And artificial flowers.

- Oh, those just get me psychotic!

- Yeah, me too.

Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

Bees must hate those fake things!

Nothing worse

than a daffodil that's had work done.

Maybe this could make up

for it a little bit.

- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.

- I guess.

You sure you want to go through with it?

Am I sure? When I'm done with

the humans, they won't be able

to say, "Honey, I'm home,"

without paying a royalty!

It's an incredible scene

here in downtown Manhattan,

where the world anxiously waits,

because for the first time in history,

we will hear for ourselves

if a honeybee can actually speak.

What have we gotten into here, Barry?

It's pretty big, isn't it?

I can't believe how many humans

don't work during the day.

You think billion-dollar multinational

food companies have good lawyers?

Everybody needs to stay

behind the barricade.

- What's the matter?

- I don't know, I just got a chill.

Well, if it isn't the bee team.

You boys work on this?

All rise! The Honorable

Judge Bumbleton presiding.

All right. Oase number 4475,

Superior Oourt of New York,

Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

is now in session.

Mr. Montgomery, you're representing

the five food companies collectively?

A privilege.

Mr. Benson... you're representing

all the bees of the world?

I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,

we're ready to proceed.

Mr. Montgomery,

your opening statement, please.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

my grandmother was a simple woman.

Born on a farm, she believed

it was man's divine right

to benefit from the bounty

of nature God put before us.

If we lived in the topsy-turvy world

Mr. Benson imagines,

just think of what would it mean.

I would have to negotiate

with the silkworm

for the elastic in my britches!

Talking bee!

How do we know this isn't some sort of

holographic motion-picture-capture

Hollywood wizardry?

They could be using laser beams!

Robotics! Ventriloquism!

Oloning! For all we know,

he could be on steroids!

Mr. Benson?

Ladies and gentlemen,

there's no trickery here.

I'm just an ordinary bee.

Honey's pretty important to me.

It's important to all bees.

We invented it!

We make it. And we protect it

with our lives.

Unfortunately, there are

some people in this room

who think they can take it from us

'cause we're the little guys!

I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

you'll see how, by taking our honey,

you not only take everything we have

but everything we are!

I wish he'd dress like that

all the time. So nice!

Oall your first witness.

So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden

of Honey Farms, big company you have.

I suppose so.

I see you also own

Honeyburton and Honron!

Yes, they provide beekeepers

for our farms.

Beekeeper. I find that

to be a very disturbing term.

I don't imagine you employ

any bee-free-ers, do you?

- No.

- I couldn't hear you.

- No.

- No.

Because you don't free bees.

You keep bees. Not only that,

it seems you thought a bear would be

an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

They're very lovable creatures.

Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

You mean like this?

Bears kill bees!

How'd you like his head crashing

through your living room?!

Biting into your couch!

Spitting out your throw pillows!

OK, that's enough. Take him away.

So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.

Your name intrigues me.

- Where have I heard it before?

- I was with a band called The Police.

But you've never been

a police officer, have you?

No, I haven't.

No, you haven't. And so here

we have yet another example

of bee culture casually

stolen by a human

for nothing more than

a prance-about stage name.

Oh, please.

Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

Because I'm feeling

a little stung, Sting.

Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

That's not his real name?! You idiots!

Mr. Liotta, first,

belated congratulations on

your Emmy win for a guest spot

on ER in 2005.

Thank you. Thank you.

I see from your resume

that you're devilishly handsome

with a churning inner turmoil

that's ready to blow.

I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

Not yet it isn't. But is this

what it's come to for you?

Exploiting tiny, helpless bees

so you don't

have to rehearse

your part and learn your lines, sir?

Watch it, Benson!

I could blow right now!

This isn't a goodfella.

This is a badfella!

Why doesn't someone just step on

this creep, and we can all go home?!

- Order in this court!

- You're all thinking it!

Order! Order, I say!

- Say it!

- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

I think it was awfully nice

of that bear to pitch in like that.

I think the jury's on our side.

Are we doing everything right, legally?

I'm a florist.

Right. Well, here's to a great team.

To a great team!

Well, hello.

- Ken!

- Hello.

I didn't think you were coming.

No, I was just late.

I tried to call, but... the battery.

I didn't want all this to go to waste,

so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

Oh, that was lucky.

There's a little left.

I could heat it up.

Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

I'm not much for the game myself.

The ball's a little grabby.

That's where I usually sit.

Right... there.

Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

and he agreed with me that eating with

chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

You think I don't see what you're doing?

I know how hard it is to find

the rightjob. We have that in common.

Do we?

Bees have 100 percent employment,

but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

That's just what

I was thinking about doing.

Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor

for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

I'm going to drain the old stinger.

Yeah, you do that.

Look at that.

You know, I've just about had it

with your little mind games.

- What's that?

- Italian Vogue.

Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

A lot of ads.

Remember what Van said, why is

your life more valuable than mine?

Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

I think something stinks in here!

I love the smell of flowers.

How do you like the smell of flames?!

Not as much.

Water bug! Not taking sides!

Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!

This is pathetic!

I've got issues!

Well, well, well, a royal flush!

- You're bluffing.

- Am I?

Surf's up, dude!

Poo water!

That bowl is gnarly.

Except for those dirty yellow rings!

Kenneth! What are you doing?!

You know, I don't even like honey!

I don't eat it!

We need to talk!

He's just a little bee!

And he happens to be

the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

Long time? What are you talking about?!

Are there other bugs in your life?

No, but there are other things bugging

me in life. And you're one of them!

Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

My nerves are fried from riding

on this emotional roller coaster!

Goodbye, Ken.

And for your information,

I prefer sugar-free, artificial

sweeteners made by man!

I'm sorry about all that.

I know it's got

an aftertaste! I like it!

I always felt there was some kind

of barrier between Ken and me.

I couldn't overcome it.

Oh, well.

Are you OK for the trial?

I believe Mr. Montgomery

is about out of ideas.

We would like to call

Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

Good idea! You can really see why he's

considered one of the best lawyers...

Yeah.

Layton, you've

gotta weave some magic

with this jury,

or it's gonna be all over.

Don't worry. The only thing I have

to do to turn this jury around

is to remind them

of what they don't like about bees.

- You got the tweezers?

- Are you allergic?

Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you

what I think we'd all like to know.

What exactly is your relationship

to that woman?

We're friends.

- Good friends?

- Yes.

How good? Do you live together?

Wait a minute...

Are you her little...

...bedbug?

I've seen a bee documentary or two.

From what I understand,

doesn't your queen give birth

to all the bee children?

- Yeah, but...

- So those aren't your real parents!

- Oh, Barry...

- Yes, they are!

Hold me back!

You're an illegitimate bee,

aren't you, Benson?

He's denouncing bees!

Don't y'all date your cousins?

- Objection!

- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

Oh, I'm hit!!

Oh, lordy, I am hit!

Order! Order!

The venom! The venom

is coursing through my veins!

I have been felled

by a winged beast of destruction!

You see? You can't treat them

like equals! They're striped savages!

Stinging's the only thing

they know! It's their way!

- Adam, stay with me.

- I can't feel my legs.

What angel of mercy

will come forward to suck the poison

from my heaving buttocks?

I will have order in this court. Order!

Order, please!

The case of the honeybees

versus the human race

took a pointed turn against the bees

yesterday when one of their legal

team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

- Hey, buddy.

- Hey.

- Is there much pain?

- Yeah.

I...

I blew the whole case, didn't I?

It doesn't matter. What matters is

you're alive. You could have died.

I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

They got it from the cafeteria

downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

Look, there's

a little celery still on it.

What was it like to sting someone?

I can't explain it. It was all...

All adrenaline and then...

and then ecstasy!

All right.

You think it was all a trap?

Of course. I'm sorry.

I flew us right into this.

What were we thinking? Look at us. We're

just a couple of bugs in this world.

What will the humans do to us

if they win?

I don't know.

I hear they put the roaches in motels.

That doesn't sound so bad.

Adam, they check in,

but they don't check out!

Oh, my.

Oould you get a nurse

to close that window?

- Why?

- The smoke.

Bees don't smoke.

Right. Bees don't smoke.

Bees don't smoke!

But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case!

It is? It's not over?

Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

Get back to the court and stall.

Stall any way you can.

And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

Mr. Flayman.

Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

Where is the rest of your team?

Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

and as a result,

we don't make very good time.

I actually heard a funny story about...

Your Honor,

haven't these ridiculous bugs

taken up enough

of this court's valuable time?

How much longer will we allow

these absurd shenanigans to go on?

They have presented no compelling

evidence to support their charges

against my clients,

who run legitimate businesses.

I move for a complete dismissal

of this entire case!

Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

to have to consider

Mr. Montgomery's motion.

But you can't! We have a terrific case.

Where is your proof?

Where is the evidence?

Show me the smoking gun!

Hold it, Your Honor!

You want a smoking gun?

Here is your smoking gun.

What is that?

It's a bee smoker!

What, this?

This harmless little contraption?

This couldn't hurt a fly,

let alone a bee.

Look at what has happened

to bees who have never been asked,

"Smoking or non?"

Is this what nature intended for us?

To be forcibly addicted

to smoke machines

and man-made wooden slat work camps?

Living out our lives as honey slaves

to the white man?

- What are we gonna do?

- He's playing the species card.

Ladies and gentlemen, please,

free these bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

Free the bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

The court finds in favor of the bees!

Vanessa, we won!

I knew you could do it! High-five!

Sorry.

I'm OK! You know what this means?

All the honey

will finally belong to the bees.

Now we won't have

to work so hard all the time.

This is an unholy perversion

of the balance of nature, Benson.

You'll regret this.

Barry, how much honey is out there?

All right. One at a time.

Barry, who are you wearing?

My sweater is Ralph Lauren,

and I have no pants.

- What if Montgomery's right?

- What do you mean?

We've been living the bee way

a long time, 27 million years.

Oongratulations on your victory.

What will you demand as a settlement?

First, we'll demand a complete shutdown

of all bee work camps.

Then we want back the honey

that was ours to begin with,

every last drop.

We demand an end to the glorification

of the bear as anything more

than a filthy, smelly,

bad-breath stink machine.

We're all aware

of what they do in the woods.

Wait for my signal.

Take him out.

He'll have nauseous

for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

And we will no longer tolerate

bee-negative nicknames...

But it's just a prance-about stage name!

...unnecessary inclusion of honey

in bogus health products

and la-dee-da human

tea-time snack garnishments.

Oan't breathe.

Bring it in, boys!

Hold it right there! Good.

Tap it.

Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,

and there's gallons more coming!

- I think we need to shut down!

- Shut down? We've never shut down.

Shut down honey production!

Stop making honey!

Turn your key, sir!

What do we do now?

Oannonball!

We're shutting honey production!

Mission abort.

Aborting pollination and nectar detail.

Returning to base.

Adam, you wouldn't believe

how much honey was out there.

Oh, yeah?

What's going on? Where is everybody?

- Are they out celebrating?

- They're home.

They don't know what to do.

Laying out, sleeping in.

I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way

to San Antonio with a cricket.

At least we got our honey back.

Sometimes I think, so what if humans

liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

It's the greatest thing in the world!

I was excited to be part of making it.

This was my new desk. This was my

new job. I wanted to do it really well.

And now...

Now I can't.

I don't understand

why they're not happy.

I thought their lives would be better!

They're doing nothing. It's amazing.

Honey really changes people.

You don't have any idea

what's going on, do you?

- What did you want to show me?

- This.

What happened here?

That is not the half of it.

Oh, no. Oh, my.

They're all wilting.

Doesn't look very good, does it?

No.

And whose fault do you think that is?

You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

Bees?

Specifically, me.

I didn't think bees not needing to make

honey would affect all these things.

It's notjust flowers.

Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

That's our whole SAT test right there.

Take away produce, that affects

the entire animal kingdom.

And then, of course...

The human species?

So if there's no more pollination,

it could all just go south here,

couldn't it?

I know this is also partly my fault.

How about a suicide pact?

How do we do it?

- I'll sting you, you step on me.

- Thatjust kills you twice.

Right, right.

Listen, Barry...

sorry, but I gotta get going.

I had to open my mouth and talk.

Vanessa?

Vanessa? Why are you leaving?

Where are you going?

To the final Tournament of Roses parade

in Pasadena.

They've moved it to this weekend

because all the flowers are dying.

It's the last chance

I'll ever have to see it.

Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.

I never meant it to turn out like this.

I know. Me neither.

Tournament of Roses.

Roses can't do sports.

Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

Roses!

Vanessa!

Roses?!

Barry?

- Roses are flowers!

- Yes, they are.

Flowers, bees, pollen!

I know.

That's why this is the last parade.

Maybe not.

Oould you ask him to slow down?

Oould you slow down?

Barry!

OK, I made a huge mistake.

This is a total disaster, all my fault.

Yes, it kind of is.

I've ruined the planet.

I wanted to help you

with the flower shop.

I've made it worse.

Actually, it's completely closed down.

I thought maybe you were remodeling.

But I have another idea, and it's

greater than my previous ideas combined.

I don't want to hear it!

All right, they have the roses,

the roses have the pollen.

I know every bee, plant

and flower bud in this park.

All we gotta do is get what they've got

back here with what we've got.

- Bees.

- Park.

- Pollen!

- Flowers.

- Repollination!

- Across the nation!

Tournament of Roses,

Pasadena, Oalifornia.

They've got nothing

but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

Security will be tight.

I have an idea.

Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

Official floral business. It's real.

Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

Thank you. It was a gift.

Once inside,

we just pick the right float.

How about The Princess and the Pea?

I could be the princess,

and you could be the pea!

Yes, I got it.

- Where should I sit?

- What are you?

- I believe I'm the pea.

- The pea?

It goes under the mattresses.

- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.

- I'm getting the marshal.

You do that!

This whole parade is a fiasco!

Let's see what this baby'll do.

Hey, what are you doing?!

Then all we do

is blend in with traffic...

...without arousing suspicion.

Once at the airport,

there's no stopping us.

Stop! Security.

- You and your insect pack your float?

- Yes.

Has it been

in your possession the entire time?

Would you remove your shoes?

- Remove your stinger.

- It's part of me.

I know. Just having some fun.

Enjoy your flight.

Then if we're lucky, we'll have

just enough pollen to do the job.

Oan you believe how lucky we are? We

have just enough pollen to do the job!

I think this is gonna work.

It's got to work.

Attention, passengers,

this is Oaptain Scott.

We have a bit of bad weather

in New York.

It looks like we'll experience

a couple hours delay.

Barry, these are cut flowers

with no water. They'll never make it.

I gotta get up there

and talk to them.

Be careful.

Oan I get help

with the Sky Mall magazine?

I'd like to order the talking

inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

- What'd you say, Hal?

- Nothing.

Bee!

Don't freak out! My entire species...

What are you doing?

- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!

- Who's an attorney?

Don't move.

Oh, Barry.

Good afternoon, passengers.

This is your captain.

Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B

please report to the cockpit?

And please hurry!

What happened here?

There was a DustBuster,

a toupee, a life raft exploded.

One's bald, one's in a boat,

they're both unconscious!

- Is that another bee joke?

- No!

No one's flying the plane!

This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.

What's your status?

This is Vanessa Bloome.

I'm a florist from New York.

Where's the pilot?

He's unconscious,

and so is the copilot.

Not good. Does anyone onboard

have flight experience?

As a matter of fact, there is.

- Who's that?

- Barry Benson.

From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

Vanessa, this is nothing more

than a big metal bee.

It's got giant wings, huge engines.

I can't fly a plane.

- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?

- Yes.

How hard could it be?

Wait, Barry!

We're headed into some lightning.

This is Bob Bumble. We have some

late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

where a suspenseful scene

is developing.

Barry Benson,

fresh from his legal victory...

That's Barry!

...is attempting to land a plane,

loaded with people, flowers

and an incapacitated flight crew.

Flowers?!

We have a storm in the area

and two individuals at the controls

with absolutely no flight experience.

Just a minute.

There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson

and his no-account compadres.

They've done enough damage.

But isn't he your only hope?

Technically, a bee

shouldn't be able to fly at all.

Their wings are too small...

Haven't we heard this a million times?

"The surface area of the wings

and body mass make no sense."

- Get this on the air!

- Got it.

- Stand by.

- We're going live.

The way we work may be a mystery to you.

Making honey takes a lot of bees

doing a lot of small jobs.

But let me tell you about a small job.

If you do it well,

it makes a big difference.

More than we realized.

To us, to everyone.

That's why I want to get bees

back to working together.

That's the bee way!

We're not made of Jell-O.

We get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow!

- Hello!

Left, right, down, hover.

- Hover?

- Forget hover.

This isn't so hard.

Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

Barry, what happened?!

Wait, I think we were

on autopilot the whole time.

- That may have been helping me.

- And now we're not!

So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

All of you, let's get

behind this fellow! Move it out!

Move out!

Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,

you copy me with the wings of the plane!

Don't have to yell.

I'm not yelling!

We're in a lot of trouble.

It's very hard to concentrate

with that panicky tone in your voice!

It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

I can't do this!

Vanessa, pull yourself together.

You have to snap out of it!

You snap out of it.

You snap out of it.

- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!

- Hold it!

- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

How is the plane flying?

I don't know.

Hello?

Benson, got any flowers

for a happy occasion in there?

The Pollen Jocks!

They do get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow.

- Hello.

All right, let's drop this tin can

on the blacktop.

Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

- Thinking bee.

- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Wait a minute.

I think I'm feeling something.

- What?

- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

Bring the nose down.

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- What in the world is on the tarmac?

- Get some lights on that!

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- Vanessa, aim for the flower.

- OK.

Out the engines. We're going in

on bee power. Ready, boys?

Affirmative!

Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

Land on that flower!

Ready? Full reverse!

Spin it around!

- Not that flower! The other one!

- Which one?

- That flower.

- I'm aiming at the flower!

That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.

I mean the giant pulsating flower

made of millions of bees!

Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

Rotate around it.

- This is insane, Barry!

- This's the only way I know how to fly.

Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane

flying in an insect-like pattern?

Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.

Smell it. Full reverse!

Just drop it. Be a part of it.

Aim for the center!

Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

Oome on, already.

Barry, we did it!

You taught me how to fly!

- Yes. No high-five!

- Right.

Barry, it worked!

Did you see the giant flower?

What giant flower? Where? Of course

I saw the flower! That was genius!

- Thank you.

- But we're not done yet.

Listen, everyone!

This runway is covered

with the last pollen

from the last flowers

available anywhere on Earth.

That means this is our last chance.

We're the only ones who make honey,

pollinate flowers and dress like this.

If we're gonna survive as a species,

this is our moment! What do you say?

Are we going to be bees, orjust

Museum of Natural History keychains?

We're bees!

Keychain!

Then follow me! Except Keychain.

Hold on, Barry. Here.

You've earned this.

Yeah!

I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect

fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

Oh, yeah.

That's our Barry.

Mom! The bees are back!

If anybody needs

to make a call, now's the time.

I got a feeling we'll be

working late tonight!

Here's your change. Have a great

afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

Would you like some honey with that?

It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.

And I don't see a nickel!

Sometimes I just feel

like a piece of meat!

I had no idea.

Barry, I'm sorry.

Have you got a moment?

Would you excuse me?

My mosquito associate will help you.

Sorry I'm late.

He's a lawyer too?

I was already a blood-sucking parasite.

All I needed was a briefcase.

Have a great afternoon!

Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,

and I can't get them anywhere.

No problem, Vannie.

Just leave it to me.

You're a lifesaver, Barry.

Oan I help who's next?

All right, scramble, jocks!

It's time to fly.

Thank you, Barry!

That bee is living my life!

Let it go, Kenny.

- When will this nightmare end?!

- Let it all go.

- Beautiful day to fly.

- Sure is.

Between you and me,

I was dying to get out of that office.

You have got

to start thinking bee, my friend.

- Thinking bee!

- Me?

Hold it. Let's just stop

for a second. Hold it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

Oan we stop here?

I'm not making a major life decision

during a production number!

All right. Take ten, everybody.

Wrap it up, guys.

I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

Last Edit: Jul 14, 2024 21:25:43 GMT by ModWalletGuy

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Polkamania!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0ZoX4dBvwk

duckiguess
Lost Media Veteran

“Keep circulating the tapes!”

Posts: 1,457

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 14, 2024 21:45:12 GMT via mobile

Post by duckiguess on Jul 14, 2024 21:45:12 GMT

Well, I don't know, but I've been told
Uranium ore's worth more than gold
Sold my Cad', I bought me a Jeep
I've got that bug and I can't sleep
Uranium fever has done and got me down
Uranium fever is spreadin' all around
With a Geiger counter in my hand
I'm a-goin' out to stake me some government land
Uranium fever has done and got me down
Well I had talk with the AEC*
And they brought out some maps that looked good to me
And one showed me a spot that he said he knowed
So I straddled my Jeep and headed down the road
I reckon I drove about 100 miles
Down a bumpy road out through the wilds
When all of sudden I bounced to a stop
At the foot of a mountain, didn't have no top
Uranium fever has done and got me down
Uranium fever is spreadin' all around
With a Geiger counter in my hand
I'm a-goin' out to stake me some government land
Uranium fever has done and got me down
Well I took my Geiger and I started to climb
Right up to the top where I thought I'd find
A hunk of rock that would make it click
Just like I'd read about Vernon Pick
On the second day, I made the top
And I'm tellin' you, Steve, I was ready to stop
The only clickin' that I heard that day
Was the bones in my back that had gone astray
Uranium fever has done and got me down
Uranium fever is spreadin' all around
With a Geiger counter in my hand
I'm a-goin' out to stake me some government land
Uranium fever has done and got me down
Well, you pack up your things
You head out again
Into some unknown spot where nobody's been
You reach the spot where your fortune lies
You find it's been staked by 17 other guys
Well, I ain't kiddin', I ain't gonna quit
That bug's done caught me and I've been bit
So with a Geiger counter and a pick in my hand
I'll keep right on stakin' that government land
Uranium fever has done and got me down
Uranium fever is spreadin' all around
With a Geiger counter in my hand
I'm a-goin' out to stake me some government land
Uranium fever has done and got me down

The lost media wikis resident nerd and MSTie.

ModWalletGuy
Lost Media Veteran

Oh, egads! My roast is ruined!

Posts: 3,205
Member is Online

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 14, 2024 22:30:54 GMT

Post by ModWalletGuy on Jul 14, 2024 22:30:54 GMT

BLACK SCREEN

SUPER: New Line Cinema Presents

SUPER: A Wingnut Films Production

BLACK CONTINUES... ELVISH SINGING....A WOMAN'S VOICE IS
whispering, tinged with SADNESS and REGRET:

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
(Elvish: subtitled)
"I amar prestar sen: han mathon ne nen,
han mathon ne chae...a han noston ned
wilith."
(English:)
The world is changed: I feel it in the
water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it
in the air...Much that once was is lost,
for none now live who remember it.

SUPER: THE LORD OF THE RINGS

EXT. PROLOGUE -- DAY

IMAGE: FLICKERING FIRELIGHT. The NOLDORIN FORGE in EREGION.
MOLTEN GOLD POURS from the lip of an IRON LADLE.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
It began with the forging of the Great
Rings.

IMAGE: THREE RINGS, each set with a single GEM, are received
by the HIGH ELVES-GALADRIEL, GIL-GALAD and CIRDAN.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Three were given to the Elves, immortal,
wisest...fairest of all beings.

IMAGE: SEVEN RINGS held aloft in triumph by the DWARF LORDS.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Seven to the Dwarf Lords, great miners
and craftsmen of the mountain halls.

IMAGE: NINE RINGS clutched tightly by the KINGS OF MEN...as
if holding-close a precious secret.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And Nine...nine rings were gifted to the
race of Men who, above all else, desire
power.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

2.
CONTINUED:
GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
For within these rings was bound the
strength and will to govern each race.

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But they were all of them deceived.

FADE UP: An ancient PARCHMENT MAP of MIDDLE EARTH...moving
slowly across the MAP as if drawn by an unseen force the
CAMERA closes in on a PLACE NAME...MORDOR.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
...for another ring was made.

TEASING SHOTS: SAURON forging the ONE RING in the CHAMBERS of
SAMMATH NAUR.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
In the land of Mordor, in the fires of
Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged
in secret a Master Ring to control all
others.

IMAGE: The ONE RING reflecting FIERY LAVA! FIRE WRITING
emerges on the plain BAND OF GOLD.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
...and into this Ring he poured his
cruelty, his malice and his will to
dominate all life.

IMAGE: THE ONE RING falls through SPACE and into flames...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
One Ring to rule them all...

IMAGE: A GREAT SHADOW falls across the MAP...closing in
around the realm of GONDOR...

IMAGE: SCREAMING VILLAGERS, MEN, WOMEN, AND CHILDREN, RUN

from their homes, pursued by ARMIES OF HIDEOUS ORCS.

GALADRIEL
One by one the Free lands of Middle earth
fell to the power of the ring.

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But there were some...who resisted.

(CONTINUED)

3.
CONTINUED:

FADE UP: ISILDUR, son of the KING OF GONDOR, leads an ARMY
ACROSS the PLAINS OF DAGORLAD...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
A last alliance of Men and Elves marched
against the armies of Mordor.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
On the slopes of Mount Doom they fought
for the freedom of Middle- Earth.

TEASING SHOTS: THE BATTLE OF DAGORLAD...THE ELF LORD, ELROND,

commands rank after rank of ELVEN ARCHERS...ORCS RETREATING
before the ARMY of the LAST ALLIANCE...ELENDIL holds aloft
the great sword....NARSIL!

GALADRIEL
Victory was near!

IMAGES: THE HUGE, DARK FIGURE OF SARURON, bearing the ONE
RING on his finger, looms over the field of battle...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But the power of the Ring could not be
undone.

IMAGE: SAURON lays waste to the armies of the LAST ALLIANCE.
With desperate courage, ELENDIL leads a charge...THE BLACK
MACE OF SAURON LASHES OUT!! IMAGE: ELENDIL'S body falls like
a crumpled rag doll... IMAGE: ISILDUR cradles the body of his
father in his arms. The SHADOW OF SAURON falls over him...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It was in this moment..when all hope had
faded, that Isildur, son of the king,
took up his father's sword.

ISILDUR snatches up the BROKEN BLADE OF NARSIL..The BLADE
severs SAURON'S FINGERS... AND THE ONE RING FLIES from his
body.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Sauron, the enemy of the Free Peoples of
Middle Earth, was defeated. SAURON'S
ARMOR clatters to the ground. His body

GONE....VAPORIZED! CLOSE ON: ISILDUR picks up the SEVERED
FINGER and removes the ONE RING...transfixed!

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The Ring passed to Isildur...who had this
one chance to destroy evil forever.

(CONTINUED)

4.
CONTINUED:

IMAGE: GLADDEN FIELD...ISILDUR leads a small column of men
through DARKENING WOODS...the ONE RING glinting on a CHAIN
around his neck.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But the hearts of Men are easily
corrupted. And the Ring of Power has a
will of its own.

SUDDENLY! ARROWS FLY! They are ambushed by ORCS...ISILDUR
SCREAMS!

FADE TO BLACK

FADE UP: ISILDUR MATERIALIZES UNDER WATER...as THE RING slips
slowly from his finger. Ripples of LIGHT play across
ISILDUR'S PALE FACE...he is DEAD.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It betrayed Isildur to his death.

IMAGE: THE RING falls through the MURKY WATERS of the RIVER
ANDUIN.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And some things that should not have been
forgotten...were lost.

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
History became legend...legend became
myth.

FADE UP: The waters of the ANDUIN RIVER lie dark and
undisturbed.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And for two and a half thousand years the
Ring passed out of all knowledge.

IMAGE: SILT SWIRLS...A THIN WHITE HAND reaches
down...grasping the RING...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Until, when chance came, it ensnared a
new bearer!

IMAGE: THE THIN WHITE HAND opens to reveal one ring.

GOLLUM (V.O.)
My Precious...

5.

IMAGE: MIST SHROUDED MOUNTAINS...

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who
took it deep into the tunnels of the
Misty Mountains.

IMAGE: THE GLOOM of a MOUNTAIN CAVERN..a MURKY POOL of
WATER...in the DARKNESS the SHADOWY OUTLINE of an EMACIATED
FIGURE.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And there, it consumed him. A RASPY VOICE
mutters in the half light...

GOLLUM
It came to me. My own. My love...
(ecstatic whisper)
My preciousness.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
The Ring brought to Gollum unnatural long
life. For five hundred years it poisoned
his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's
cave...

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It waited.

FADE UP: Bathed in COLD MOONLIGHT, the WORLD lies DARK and
STILL...the unsettled quiet before the storm...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Darkness crept back into the forests of
the world. Rumor grew of a Shadow in the
East...whispers of a nameless fear. And
the Ring of Power perceived...its time
had now come. It abandoned Gollum.

SLOW MOTION: unseen by its KEEPER..THE RING falls to the
MUDDY FLOOR of a MOUNTAIN TUNNEL...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But something happened then the Ring did
not intend...

FADE TO BLACK

IMAGE: FUMBLING in the dark, a SMALL HAND closes over the

6.

RING.

GALADRIEL
It was picked up by the most unlikely
creature imaginable...

BILBO
(to himself)
What's this?

A YOUNGISH LOOKING BILBO BAGGINS peers down at what lies in
his hand...PERPLEXED by what he has found.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
A Hobbit....Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.

BILBO
(surprised)
A Ring.

SUDDENLY! A VOICE SCREAMS...ITS ANGUISH RINGING through the

COLD, DANK TUNNELS...

GOLLUM (V.O.)
Lost! Lost! My Precious is lost!!

Frightened Bilbo quickly POCKETS the ONE RING and hurries on.

DISSOLVE TO:

WIDE ON: THE CAMERA SOARS AWAY FROM THE MOUNTAINS. MOVING

FASTER AND FASTER...THEIR DARK GREEN FORESTS AND JAGGED

WHITE PEAKS RECEDING INTO THE SHROUD OF MIST

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
For the time will soon come when Hobbits
will shape the fortunes of all.

FADE TO BLACK

FADE IN:

EXT. HOBBITON WOODS -- DAY

ANGLE ON: TWO HOBBIT FEET

resting on a small rock...rising out of the LONG, OVERGROWN
GRASSES SUPER: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING SUPER: THE
SHIRE....60 YEARS LATER CAMERA TRACKS TO: a Figure lies
beneath the dappled sunlight of an old tree.

(CONTINUED)

7.
CONTINUED:

White flowers are scattered among the Well seeded grasses.
An idyllic setting at the end of a long hot summer... the
figure is reading a book. ON THE SOUNDTRACK: In the distance,
growing louder..over the Gentle clip clop of an approaching
cart and horse can be heard the HUMMING OF A DEEP VOICE to
the tune of "The Road Goes Ever On and On..."

SUDDENLY! The figure in the grass sits up...looking straight
at camera is a handsome young HOBBIT, with dark curly hair
and deep blue eyes. This is FRODO BAGGINS...his EYES alight
with EXCITEMENT! Tossing away the long stem of grass in his
mouth, Frodo runs off.

CUT TO:

EXT. SHIRE LANE -- DAY

The cart rattles along a leafy lane, driven by a stooped
figure in Grey.

INTERCUT WITH; SHOTS OF FRODO RUNNING... CAREERING DOWN A

HILL. . .JUMPING OVER LOGS... DODGING TREE BRANCHES.

ANGLE ON:

The shambling OLD PONY snorts and rears as... SUDDENLY FRODO
appears on a bank above the cart.

FRODO
You're late.

CLOSE ON: GANDALF glowers at the young Hobbit...

GANDALF
A Wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins,
nor is he early. He arrives precisely
when he means to.

They look at each other a moment..then both start laughing as
FRODO'S face breaks into a smile and he leaps on to the front
seat of the cart.

FRODO
It's wonderful to see you, Gandalf!

Next to Gandalf, we see how small Hobbits are...Frodo is 3
foot 6 inches tall.

GANDALF
You didn't think I'd miss your Uncle
Bilbo's birthday?

CUT TO:

8.

EXT. HOBBITON FIELDS -- DAY

Wide on: The cart rattles past a FIELD LUPIN being tended by

HOBBITS.

FRODO
What news of the outside world? Tell me
everything!

ANGLE ON:

Gandalf looks down at Frodo, a twinkle in his eye.

GANDALF
What, everything? Far too eager and
curious for a Hobbit. Most unnatural...

Wide on: The cart rattles over a Stone bridge towards a Busy
Hobbit Marketplace.

GANDALF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Well, what can I tell you? Life in the
wide world goes on much as if it has past
age. Full of its own comings and goings,
scarcely even aware of the existence of
Hobbits...

Close on: Gandalf as he surveys the peaceful scene before
him.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
...for which I am very thankful.

ANGLE ON:

Hobbits look up exclaiming in wonder and excitement as the
cart bearing Gandalf and Frodo rolls past the Green Dragon
Inn...towards... Wide on: The party field. Where scOrcs of
Hobbits are busy preparing for the big night.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Ah, the long expected party. So, how is
the old rascal? I hear it's going to be
a Party of Special Magnificence.

FRODO
You know Bilbo...he's got he whole place
in an uproar.

GANDALF
Oh, well...that should please him.

(CONTINUED)

9.
CONTINUED:

FRODO
Half the Shire's been invited...

GANDALF
Good gracious, me.

FRODO
He's up to something.

GANDALF
Oh, really?

Frodo shoots a knowing look, as Gandalf averts his eyes.

FRODO
Alright then..keep your secrets. Before
you came along we Bagginses were very
well thought of.

GANDALF
Indeed?

FRODO
Never had any adventures or did anything
unexpected.

GANDALF
If you're referring to the incident with
the Dragon...I was barely involved...all
I did was give your Uncle a little nudge
out the door.

FRODO
Whatever you did...you've been officially
labelled as a Disturber of the Peace.

GANDALF
Oh, really?

ANGLE ON:

ODO PROUDFOOT looks up as the Cart passes by, deeply
suspicious.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOBBITON -- DAY

CRANE UP:

As the cart rattles into the small village of Hobbiton...a
quaint rustic settlement, nestled amongst rolling green hills
and large trees.

(CONTINUED)

10.
CONTINUED:

The Hobbits live in Hobbit Holes: neat burrows dug into the
grassy hillside, with round doors and cute front gardens.

ANGLE ON:

Excited children, chasing after the cart.

CLOSE ON:

Gandalf ignOrcs the children's cries. The children stand
deflated, watching Gandalf disappear up the lane. At that
moment: spinning balls of bright color suddenly leap out of
the cart, fizzing over the heads of the delighted children.

ANGLE ON:

Gandalf smiling to himself, well pleased with his joke. ODO
PROUDFOOT is unable to suppress a chuckle. Frodo stands up in
the cart as Gandalf reigns in the horse.

FRODO
Gandalf... I'm glad you're back. Frodo
leaps expertly from the cart. Gandalf
smiles.

GANDALF
So am I, dear boy...so am I

CUT TO:

EXT. BAG END -- DAY

Wide on: GANDALF'S CART pulls up outside the gate to BAG
END...a particularly fine example of a Hobbit hole, with a
large round front door set into a grassy hillside. There is
a sign on the gate which reads: "NO ADMITTANCE EXCEPT ON
PARTY BUSINESS." Gandalf strides up to the garden path of Bag
End. He raises his staff and raps on the front door...a
voice calls out:

BILBO (O.S.)
No, thank you! We don't want any more
visitors, well wishers, or distant
relations.

GANDALF
And what about very old friends?

Suddenly the door opens and BILBO BAGGINS stands before him.
He is a HOBBIT OF INDERTIMINATE AGE, with a mischievous
Twinkle in his eye. Wearing a dashing brocade waist coat, he
looks every inch the eccentric gentleman.

(CONTINUED)

11.
CONTINUED:

BILBO
Gandalf?

GANDALF
Bilbo Baggins!

BILBO
My dear Gandalf!

Gandalf drops to his knee to embrace his old friend.

GANDALF
It's good to see you. One hundred and
eleven years old, who would believe it!

Gandalf looks at him more keenly.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
You haven't aged a day! Gandalf and Bilbo
laugh together and enter Bag End.

BILBO
Come on, come in! Welcome, welcome!!

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END LIVING ROOM -- DAY

Bilbo leads Gandalf into Bag End...cozy and cluttered with
souvenirs of Bilbo's travels. Gandalf has to stoop to avoid
hitting his head on the low ceiling. Bilbo hangs up Gandalf's
hat on a peg and trots off down the hall.

BILBO
(Calling)
Tea? Or maybe something stronger... I've
a few bottles of the Old Winyard left,
1296...a very good year, almost as old as
I am. It was laid down by my father. What
say we open one, eh?

Bilbo disappears into the kitchen as Gandalf looks
around..enjoying the familiarity of Bag End...he turns,
knocking his head on the light and then walking into the
wooden beam. He groans.

BILBO (O.S.) (CONT'D)
I was expecting you some time last week.
Not that it matters, you come and go as
you please, always have done, always
will.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

12.
CONTINUED:
BILBO (O.S.) (CONT'D)
You've caught me a bit unprepared, I'm
afraid...we've only got cold chicken, bit
of pickle, some cheese here...ooh, no,
that might be a little risky...

Gandalf stops in front of a framed map, charred in one
corner...it is Thorin's map of the Lonely Mountain, Gandalf
smiles to himself.

BILBO (CONT'D)
Er, we've got raspberry jam and apple
tart...got some custard somewhere. Not
much for Afters, I'm afraid. Oh
no...we're alright...I've just found some
sponge cake. Nice little snack. Hope
it's enough.
(comes into view)
I could do you some eggs if you like?

Bilbo jumps, a half eaten pork pie in his hand, as Gandalf
mysteriously appears behind him.

GANDALF
Just tea, thank you.

BILBO
Oh..right. You don't mind if...?

GANDALF
No, not at all. Go ahead. A sudden loud
knock on the front door.

MRS. SACKVILLE BAGGINS (O.S.)

Bilbo Baggins, you open this door..I know you're in there.

BILBO
I'm not home.

Gandalf watches, amused as Bilbo tries to hide.

BILBO (CONT'D)
I've got to get away from these
confounded relatives, hanging on the bell
all day, never giving me a moment's
peace. I want to see mountains
again...mountains, Gandalf... and then
find somewhere quiet where I can finish
my book...Oh, Tea!

GANDALF
So, you mean to go through with your
plan, then?

(CONTINUED)

13.
CONTINUED:

BILBO
Yes, yes...it's all inhand. All the
arrangements are made.

GANDALF
Frodo suspects something.

BILBO
'Course he does, he's a Baggins...not
some block headed Bracegirdle from
Hardbottle!

GANDALF
You will tell him, won't you?

BILBO
Yes, yes.

GANDALF
He's very fond of you.

BILBO
I know. He'd probably come with me if I
asked him. I think, in his heart,
Frodo's still in love with the Shire, the
woods and the fields... little rivers.
Bilbo stands gazing out of the kitchen
window.

BILBO (CONT'D)
I am old, Gandalf... Bilbo looks at
Gandalf sadly...

BILBO (CONT'D)
I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning
to feel it in my heart.

CLOSE ON:

Bilbo's fingers close around his waistcoat pocket...gripping
a small, unseen object.

BILBO (CONT'D)
I feel thin...sort of stretched, like
butter scraped over too much bread. I
need a holiday...a very long holiday and
I don't expect I shall return...in fact,
I mean not to.

CUT TO:

14.

INT. BAG END -- EVENING

Gandalf and Bilbo are sitting on the Bag End porch. Below
them, final preparations are being made on the Party field.
Bilbo strikes a match and lights his pipe.

BILBO
Old Toby, the finest weed in
Southfarthing!

Bilbo blows a perfect smoke ring and watches it rise into the
air. A tiny sailing ship with masts and sails glides through
the Center of Bilbo's smoke ring.

BILBO (CONT'D)
Ohhhh,
(smiles)
Gandalf my old friend...this will be a
night to remember!

CUT TO:

EXT. PARTY FIELD, HOBBITON -- NIGHT

BOOM! A FIREWORK explodes into the night sky high above
Hobbiton...in the shape of a great green tree with unfolding
branches. TILT DOWN: with glowing flowers as they rain down
from the branches...evaporating just above the up turned
faces of the delighted party-goers 144 Hobbits, feasting and
drinking Carts of beer and wine are scattered about, and the
tables are piled high with steaming scones and savories.
Gandalf hurries about, lighting fireworks with a blue spark
that dances magically from his staff... Bilbo is greeting
visitors. Frodo and SAM sit at a table drinking ale...Frodo
notices Sam's eyes keep flicking to another pretty Hobbit,
Rosie Cotton, sitting some distance away.

FRODO
Go on, Sam, ask Rosie for a dance.

SAM
(horrified)
I think I'll just have myself another
ale.

FRODO
Oh, no you don't. Go on.

Sam goes to drain his glass... suddenly it is snatched out of
his hands as Frodo thrusts him into the middle of a passing
throng of dancers.

15.

ANGLE ON: SAM'S HORRIFIED FACE

as he is Swept away. Frodo laughs and finishes Sam's beer.

ANGLE ON:

Gandalf as he sets alight a particularly spectacular firework
that draws gasps of admiration from the party guests.

Close on: Bilbo is relating stories of his adventure to a
group of young hobbit children.

BILBO
(melodramatic)
So, there I was...at the mercy of three
monstrous trolls...Have you ever heard of
a troll? Do you know what a Troll is?
Great big nasty twenty foot high smelly
things..and they're arguing...arguing
about how they were going to cook us!

ANGLE ON: A LITTLE HOBBIT GIRL'S

upturned face...her eyes growing larger and larger.

BILBO
Whether it be turned on a spit or minced
in a pie or whether they were going to
sit on us one by one and squash us into
jelly! But they spent so long arguing
the whether-to's and why-for's that the
sun's first light crept over the top of
the trees...and turned them all to stone!

STUNNED GASPS from his young Audience greet his astonishing
feat! Close on: MERRY AND PIPPIN, two mischievous Young
Hobbits in their late teens. Pippin scrambles on to the back
of Gandalf's wagon, snatching up a small firework

MERRY
(urgent whisper)
No, no..the big one...the big one! Pippin
grabs a huge rocket. CLOSE ON: FIREWORK
FUSE crackles with flame!

Merry is holding out the big rocket...he looks aghast at the
fizzing fuse that Pippin has just lit.

MERRY (CONT'D)
(worried whisper)
You're supposed to stick it in the
ground!

(CONTINUED)

16.
CONTINUED:

PIPPIN
It is in the ground.

Merry fearfully tosses the Rocket to Pippin! The fuse
sizzles angrily.

MERRY
Outside!

PIPPIN
It was your idea.

Pippin attempts to throw the fizzing rocket back to Merry.
WHOOSH! The two hobbits are suddenly blown off their feet in
a shower of sparks as the rocket blasts off with frightening
power. The ROCKET ZOOMS over the Party..It suddenly bursts
apart, forming the shape of a great red golden Dragon! Fire
gushes from its nostrils as it turns back and Flies low
towards the startled crowd. Close on: Frodo watches the
Fireworks Dragon with alarm...but Bilbo is oblivious to the
Panicking crowd and impending danger!

FRODO
Bilbo! Watch out for the dragon!!

BILBO
Dragon? Nonsense...hasn1t been a dragon
in these parts for a thousand years!

ANGLE ON: FRODO

As he hurriedly pulls Bilbo to the ground, just as the dragon
roars a few feet above their heads like a flaming express
train! Hobbits dive to the ground, tables overturn, tents
collapse, food flies everywhere. The fireworks dragon turns a
somersault and explodes over the hills with a deafening bang!
This gets the biggest Cheer of the night.

ANGLE ON: MERRY AND PIPPIN,

clothes and hair smoking.

MERRY
That was good!

PIPPIN
Let's get another one!

LARGE HANDS suddenly clamp down on Merry and Pippin's ears.
Low angle: Gandalf looking DOWN STERNLY!

(CONTINUED)

17.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
Meridoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took...I
might have known!

CUT TO:

MERRY AND PIPPIN

Are leaning over a barrel, washing dishes in soapy
water...with Gandalf sitting nearby, smoking his pipe and
sipping an ale. Cries of "SPEECH! SPEECH" erupt from the
party.

ANGLE ON:

Bilbo stepping on a stool...he bows in gratitude at the
applause.

FRODO
Speech!

BILBO
(clearing throat)
My dear Bagginses, and Boffins, tooks and
Brandybucks...Grubbs, Chubbs,
Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles and
Proudfoots...

ANGLE ON: A HOBBIT WITH PARTICULARLY BIG FEET

ODO PROUDFOOT
Proudfeet!

BILBO
Today is my one hundred and eleventh
birthday. Yes, and alas...Eleventy- one
years is far too short a time to live
among such excellent and admirable
Hobbits! Tremendous outburst of approval!

BILBO (CONT'D)
I don't know half of you half as well as
I should like; and I like less than half
of you as well as well as you deserve.

SCATTERED CLAPPING as the guests try to work out if that was
a compliment or not. CLOSE ON: FRODO AND GANDALF smiling to
themselves. CLOSE ON: Bilbo...a strange hum seems to fill his
head. A bead of sweat rolls down his brow.

Bilbo's hand pulls something out of his waistcoat pocket and
holds it behind his back.

(CONTINUED)

18.
CONTINUED:

BILBO (CONT'D)
I have..things to do and I have put this
off for far too long... CLOSE ON: BILBO'S
knuckles turn white as he tightens his
grip on the small object behind his back.

BILBO (CONT'D)
I regret to announce, this is the end. I
am going now. I bid you all a very fond
farewell!! Bilbo looks across at Frodo,
hesitates... then...

BILBO (CONT'D)
(whisper)
Goodbye.

Bilbo instantly vanishes. The party explodes into an
uproar... the crowd leaps to its feet.

ANGLE ON: FRODO

staring at the empty stool in disbelief.

CUT TO:

EXT. BAG END -- NIGHT

The party is still in an excited uproar... some 50 yards away
as we pan across a moonlit lane to the front door of Bag End.
Door opens, pulled by an invisible hand.

INT. BAG END -- NIGHT

The door quietly closes...Bilbo materializes as he pulls a
plain gold ring off his finger. Bilbo laughs as he tosses the
ring in the air, then places it in his pocket.

ANGLE ON:

Bilbo emerges from the passage, carrying a walking stick. He
finds Gandalf looming over him.

GANDALF
I suppose you think that was terribly
clever?

BILBO
Come on, Gandalf! Did you see their
faces?

(CONTINUED)

19.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
There are many magic rings in the world,
Bilbo Baggins, and none of them should be
used lightly.

BILBO
It was just a bit of fun. Oh, you're
probably right as usual.

GANDALF
You will keep an eye on Frodo, won't you?

BILBO
I'm leaving everything to him.

GANDALF
What about this ring of yours? Is that
staying too?

Close on: Bilbo...he gives Gandalf a look and nods toward the
mantelpiece.

BILBO
Yes, yes, it's in an envelope...over
there on the mantelpiece. Gandalf frowns
at the empty mantelpiece...Bilbo suddenly
feels his waistcoat with a look of guilty
surprise.

BILBO (CONT'D)
No, wait. It's here in my pocket. Isn't
that...isn't' that odd now? Yet, after
all, why not? Why shouldn't I keep it?

GANDALF
I think you should leave the Ring behind,
Bilbo. Is that so hard?

BILBO
Well, no...and yes. Now it comes to it,
I don't feel like parting with it. It's
mine. I found it. It came to me!

ANGLE ON: GANDALF LOOKS DOWN AT BILBO WITH RISING CONCERN.

GANDALF
There's no need to get angry.

BILBO
Well, if I'm angry, it's your fault! It's
mine. My own, my precious.

(CONTINUED)

20.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
Precious? It's been called that before,
but not by you.

BILBO
So? What business is it of yours what I
do with my own things? Bilbo's voice,
shape and manner have suddenly changed.

GANDALF
I think you've had that ring quite long
enough.

BILBO
You want it for yourself!

Gandalf rises to his full height, his eyes flash, his shadow
suddenly seems to fill the room

GANDALF
Bilbo Baggins do not take me for some
conjurer of cheap tricks! Bilbo cowers
from Gandalf, disarmed by his power...a
frightened Hobbit. Gandalf's expression
softens.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
I am not trying to rob you. I am trying
to help you. Sobbing, Bilbo runs to
Gandalf and hugs him.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
All you long years we've been
friends...trust me as you once did. Let
it go!

BILBO
You're right, Gandalf...the ring must go
to Frodo.

Bilbo lifts his knapsack and heads for the front door.

BILBO (CONT'D)
It's late, the road is long... yes, it is
time.

GANDALF
Bilbo?

BILBO
Hmmm?

(CONTINUED)

21.
CONTINUED: (2)

GANDALF
The ring is still in your pocket.

Bilbo hesitates...reaches into his pocket.

BILBO
Oh, yes.

CLOSE ON: Bilbo pulls out the ring...he stares at it in his
palm. With all his will power, Bilbo allows the ring to
slowly slide off his palm and drop to the floor. CLOSE ON:
The tiny ring lands with a heavy thud on the wooden floor.

EXT. BAG END -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON:

Bilbo staggering out of Bag end...he braces himself in the
night air, Pale and Trembling, as if his loss of the ring has
weakened him. Gandalf steps up behind.

BILBO
I've thought up and ending for my
book..."And he lived happily ever after
to the end of his days."

GANDALF
I'm sure you will, my dear friend.

BILBO
Goodbye, Gandalf.

GANDALF
Goodbye Bilbo.

Bilbo walks away from Bag End, disappearing into the night,
softly singing: "The Road goes on and on."

GANDALF (CONT'D)
(softly)
Until our next meeting.

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON: THE RING...Glinting on the floor...Gandalf circles
around it, a Puzzled look on his face. Gandalf slowly reaches
for the ring. His fingers barely touch the ring...the creepy
Hum rises on the soundtrack. Gandalf is sitting in front of
the fire, with his pipe...staring into the flickering flames.

(CONTINUED)

22.
CONTINUED:

BILBO (V.O.)
It's mine, my own, my precious.

GANDALF
(to himself)
Riddles in the dark.

FRODO (O.S.)
Bilbo! Bilbo!

Frodo rushes into Bag End...he stops and picks up the ring at
his feet. Gandalf continues staring into the fire, as if
locked in thought.

GANDALF
(to himself)
My precious...precious..

FRODO
(quietly)
He's gone, hasn't he? Frodo steps into
the living room.

FRODO (CONT'D)
He talked for so long about leaving...I
didn't think he'd really do it.

GANDALF
(mutters to himself)
...my own.

FRODO
Gandalf?

Gandalf turns...his eyes locking onto the ring in Frodo's
fingers.

GANDALF
Bilbo's ring.

Gandalf sorts hurriedly through Bilbo's papers...

GANDALF (CONT'D)
He's gone to stay with the Elves. He's
left you Bag End...

Gandalf holds out the envelope...Frodo drops the ring into
it.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
...along with all his possessions.

Gandolf seals the envelope with wax. He hands it to Frodo.

(CONTINUED)

23.
CONTINUED: (2)

GANDALF (CONT'D)
The ring is yours now. But it somewhere
out of sight. Gandalf rises hurriedly and
starts to gather his things.

FRODO
Where are you going?

GANDALF
I have some things I must see to.

FRODO
What things?

GANDALF
Questions. Questions that need
answering.

FRODO
You've only just arrived! I don't
understand...

Gandalf is already at the door, he turns to Frodo.

GANDALF
Neither do I. Keep it secret, keep it
safe.

Gandalf hurries out the door...leaving FRODO standing alone
in the Bag End.

ANGLE ON: THE ENVELOPE

The camera pushes in...the hum of the ring comes up on the
soundtrack. The camera pushes through the white paper to the
ring...beneath the hum the whispered murmur of BLACK SPEECH
can be heard.

CUT TO:

EXT. BARAD-DUR -- NIGHT

The jagged ruins of" BARAD-DUR. THE DARK TOWER! TEASING
IMAGES: THE HUGE DARK TOWER OF BARAD-DUR is being rebuilt!
Thousands of ORCS crawl over the surface, hauling stone and
iron up the towering heights.

WIDE ON: MOUNT DOOM...A HUGE, BILLOWING CLOUD OF BLACK FILTH

grows and spreads across the red streaked sky...casting a
shadowy pall over the nightmarish landscape.

(CONTINUED)

24.
CONTINUED:

GOLLUM (O.S.)
Baggins! Shire!!

CUT TO:

EXT. MINAS MORGUL -- NIGHT

NINE BLACK RIDERS burst out of Minas Morgul and charge toward
Camera.

EXT. THE WEST ROAD, GONDOR -- DAY

WIDE ON: A LONE HORSEMAN gallops to the crest of a hill on
the west road. The main highway south to Minas Tirith...he
looks toward the saw toothed mountains of Mordor...
...seeping out across the blood red sky, his face grave. He
spurs his horse on.

CUT TO:

INT. CITADEL, MINAS TIRITH -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON: GANDALF

making is way down into the lower depths of the Citidel.

CUT TO:

INT. CITADEL CHAMBER, MINAS TIRITH -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON: Pages flipping as Gandalf searches ancient scrolls
and books placed high on a wooden table. His eyes settle on
one old parchment. He murmurs hurriedly to himself, reading.

GANDALF
(reading)
The year 3434 of the Second Age...here
follows the account of Isildur, High King
of Gondor, and the finding of the ring of
power.

DISSOLVE TO:

CLOSE ON: ISILDUR, TRIUMPHANT, REACHES FOR THE ONE RING, HIS

EYES FIXATED ON IT.

GANDALF
(reading)
It has come to me...the ring of power!
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

25.
CONTINUED:
GANDALF (CONT'D)
It shall be an heirloom of my
Kingdom...all those who follow in my
bloodline shall be bound to its fate, for
I will risk no hurt to the

GANDALF (CONT'D)
ring...it is precious to me, though I buy
it with great pain...

CLOSE ON: ELVISH LETTERING MARKS ON THE FADED OLD DOCUMENT

IN GANDALF'S HAND.

GANDALF
(reading)
The marking upon the band begin to
fade...the writing which at first was as
clear as red flame, has all but
disappeared...a secret now that only fire
can tell...

CUT TO:

EXT. HOBBIT FARMHOUSE -- EVENING

FARMER MAGGOT is chopping wood in his garden CLOSE ON:
SNORTING HORSE NOSTRILS...as the shadow of a black rider
looms over a Hobbit House. Terrified, FARMER MAGGOT cowers in
his doorway...FANG, his dog, Whimpers and backs away.

BLACK RIDER
(hissing)
Shire? Baggins?

FARMER MAGGOT
(terrified)
There's no Bagginses around here! They
are all up in Hobbiton...that way.

The BLACK RIDER GALLOPS AWAY AT SPEED

CUT TO:

INT. GREEN DRAGON INN -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON: ROSIE COTTON

bids the last of the Patron's "Goodnight"...Sam meets her
eyes for a moment as he and Frodo leave the inn.

26.

EXT. BAG END -- NIGHT

WIDE ON: FRODO FAREWELLS SAM outside Bag End, and heads
towards the front door. Creepy POV from inside Bag end: Frodo
coming up the path.

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END HALLWAY -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON:

FRODO enters Bag End...he immediately Pauses, sensing that
something is amiss. All is quiet...Frodo peers uneasily into
the darkened living room. SUDDENLY! A large figure looms out
of the shadows, reaching for Frodo. Frodo lets out a
startled cry, pulls himself free and spins around to face his
Assailant. Gandalf steps into a shaft of moonlight. Paranoia
blazes in his eyes. His clothes are dirty and ragged from
much traveling. Hair and beard much longer an unkempt.

GANDALF
(urgent whisper)
Is it secret? Is it safe?

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

Frodo pulls the envelope out of an old chest. Gandalf,
suspicious, Alert. Without a word, Gandalf takes the envelope
and tosses it into the fireplace!

FRODO
(bewildered)
What are you doing?

Flames instantly consume the envelope...revealing the ring,
as it sinks into the red hot embers. Gandalf reaches into the
fire with a pair of tongs...he lifts the ring out.

GANDALF
Hold out your hand, Frodo...it is quite
cool.

Gandalf drops the ring into Frodo's hand...he reacts to its
weight.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
What can you see? Can you see anything?

FRODO
Nothing...there's nothing. Wait...

(CONTINUED)

27.
CONTINUED:

CLOSE ON: The Gold Band of the ring as fiery letters begin to
appear...a tiny inscription glows red...as if burning from
within.

GANDALF
...these are markings.

CLOSE ON: GANDALF...STILL...TENSE

FRO DO
It's some form of Elvish...I can't read
it.

GANDALF
(ominous)
There are few who can...the language is
that of Mordor, which I will not utter
here.

Mordor?

FRODO
GANDALF

In the common tongue it says, "One ring to rule them all, One
ring to find them, One ring to bring them all, and in the
darkness bind them."

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END KITCHEN -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON: The ring lies on Frodo's simple kitchen table.

GANDALF
This is the one ring forged by the dark
lord, Sauron, in the fires of Mt
Doom...taken by Isildur from the hand of
Sauron himself.

CLOSE ON: FRODO...STUNNED

FRODO
(quiet realization)
Bilbo found it...in Gollom's cave.

GANDALF
For sixty years the ring lay quiet in
Bilbo's keeping, prolonging his life,
delaying old age...but no longer, Frodo.
Evil is stirring in Mordor. The ring has
awoken. It has heard its master's call.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

28.
CONTINUED:
GANDALF (CONT'D)
AT THAT MOMENT: A FLEETING, LOW WHISPER
of BLACK SPEECH

emanates from the Ring. Frodo looks at Gandalf, each knowing
the other has heard it.

FRODO
But he was destroyed...Sauron was
destroyed.

ANGLE ON: THE RING

lies between them on the table.

GANDALF
No, Frodo. The spirit of Sauron has
endured. His life force is bound to the
ring and the ring survived. Sauron has
returned. His Orcs have multiplied...his
fortress of Barad- dur is rebuilt in the
land of Mordor. Sauron needs only this
ring to cover all the lands in the second
darkness. He is seeking it, seeking it,
all his thought is bent on it. For the
ring yearns, above all else, to return to
the hand of its master: they are one, the
ring and the dark lord. Frodo, he must
never find out. SUDDENLY Frodo scoops up
the Ring.

FRODO
Alright!

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON: FRODO

hurriedly entering the living room.

FRODO
(thinking fast)
We put it away, we keep it hidden! We
never speak of it again. No one know
it's here, do they? Gandalf shifts
uncomfortably.

FRODO (CONT'D)
Do they, Gandalf?

Gandalf looks at Frodo, sadly...

(CONTINUED)

29.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
There is one other who knew that Bilbo
had the Ring. I looked everywhere for
the creature Gollum, but the enemy found
him first.

CUT TO:

INT. BARAD-DUR -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON: A teasing Glimpse of Gollum being tortured by the
Orcs. The wretched creature screams in pain.

GANDALF (V.O.)
I don't know how long they tortured
him...but amidst the endless screams and
inane babble, they discerned two words.

GOLLUM
(screaming)
S...Shire! Baggins!

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON: FRODO'S HORRIFIED FACE!

FRODO
Shire! Baggins! That will lead them
here!

CUT TO:

EXT. SHIRE LANE, SOUTH FARTHING -- NIGHT

IMAGE: On a dark country lane, a Hobbit bounder lifts his
watch lantern in alarm.

HOBBIT BOUNDER
Halt! Who goes there?

Out of the darkness thunder two BLACK RIDERS...A LETHAL SWORD
swings down at the small Hobbit bounder.

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

FRODO thrusts the ring at Gandalf.

FRODO
Take it! Take it!

(CONTINUED)

30.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
No, Frodo...

FRODO
You must take it.

GANDALF
You cannot offer me this ring.

FRODO
I'm giving it to you!

GANDALF
Don't tempt me, Frodo. I dare not take
it, not even to keep it safe.

CLOSE ON: THE RING IN FRODO'S HAND...

GANDALF
Understand, Frodo...I would use this Ring
from a desire to do good...but through
me, it would wield a power too great and
terrible to imagine.

FRODO
But it cannot stay in the Shire!

GANDALF
No, no it can't.

CLOSE ON: THE RING IN FRODO'S CLENCHED HAND.

FRODO
What must I do?

CUT TO:

INT. FRODO'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON: FRODO

throwing clothes into a knapsack...Gandalf watches him,
making plans...

GANDALF
You must leave, and leave quickly. Get
out of the Shire.

FRODO
Where? Where shall I go?

GANDALF
Make for the village of Bree.

(CONTINUED)

31.
CONTINUED:

FRODO
Bree? What about you?

GANDALF
I will, be waiting for you at the Inn of
the Prancing Pony. Frodo packs his food
into his knapsack.

FRODO
And the ring will be safe there?

GANDALF
I don't know, Frodo. I don't have any
answers. I must see the Head of my
Order. He is both wise and powerful.
Trust me, Frodo. He'll know what to go.

CUT TO:

INT. BAG END LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

Frodo is preparing to leave.

GANDALF
You'll have to leave the name of Baggins
behind you...for that name is not safe
outside the Shire. GANDALF helps FRODO
into his coat.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Travel only by day and stay off the road.

FRODO
(thinking)
I can cut across country easily enough.

Gandalf looks at the young Hobbit, moved by his courage.

GANDALF
My dear Frodo, Hobbits really are amazing
creatures. You can learn all that there
is to know about their ways in a month,
and yet, after a hundred years, they can
still surprise you.

SUDDENLY! A SOUND from outside.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Get down!

GANDALF FREEZES... he moves quietly towards the window, eyes
wide with tension. He raises his staff above the window, and
slams it down on the intruder. THERE IS A YELP OF PAIN!

(CONTINUED)

32.
CONTINUED:

Gandalf hauls a small figure into the room...SAM GAMGEE
sprawls across the floor! He looks up in terror as Gandalf
looms over him.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
(angry)
Confound it all! Samwise Gamgee, have
you been eavesdropping?

SAM
I ain't been dropping no eaves, sir!
Honest. I was just cutting the grass
under the window there, if you follow
me...

GANDALF
It's a little late for trimming the
hedges, don't you think?

SAM
I heard raised voices...

GANDALF
What did you hear? Speak!

SAM
(panicked)
Nothing important...that is, I heard a
good deal about a ring...and a Dark Lord.
And something about the end of the world,
but...Please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't
hurt me! Don't turn me into anything
unnatural!

GANDALF
No?

FRODO SMILES

GANDALF
Perhaps not. I've thought of a better
use for you.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOBBITON FIELDS -- PRE DAWN

Wide on: HOBBITON...shrouded in a white veil of MIST. WIDER:
To reveal Gandalf, Frodo and Sam hurrying across a ploughed
field, away from Hobbiton! Gandalf leads his Horse...Frodo
and Sam are carrying knapsacks.

(CONTINUED)

33.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF (V.O.)
Come along, Samwise...keep up...

CUT TO:

EXT. HOBBITON WOODS -- DAY

Gandalf leads Frodo and Sam under the cover of Woods.

GANDALF (V.O.)
Be careful, both of you. The Enemy has
many spies in his service, many ways of
hearing...birds, beasts...

Gandalf takes Frodo to one side...

GANDALF (CONT'D)
(low voice)
Is it safe?

FRODO NODS...he pats his pocket.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Never put it on, for then the agents of
the Dark Lord will be drawn to its
power...Always remember, Frodo, the ring
is trying to get back to its master...it
wants to be found. Gandalf wheels his
horse and gallops away.

CUT TO:

EXT. GREEN HILL COUNTRY -- DAY

MONTAGE: FRODO AND SAM hiking over the gentle Shire
Countryside...wading through a shallow stream...heating a
kettle over a small fire...clambering over stone walls.

CUT TO:

EXT. GREEN HILL COUNTRY -- AFTERNOON

Sam stops short...taking stock of his surroundings. Sam
looks back from where they came.

SAM
This is it.

FRODO
This is what?

(CONTINUED)

34.
CONTINUED:

SAM
If I take one more step it'll be the
farthest away from home I've ever been.

FRODO gives Sam a pat on the shoulder.

FRODO
Come on, Sam.

Sam takes a deep breath and steps forward. CLOSE ON: SAM'S
brown, furry foot hits the ground.

FRODO IS SMILING.

FRODO
Remember what Bilbo used to say...it's a
dangerous business...

Frodo and Sam continue their journey.

BILBO (V.O.)
... it's a dangerous business, Frodo,
going out your door...you step onto the
road, and if you don't keep your feet,
there's not knowing where you might be
swept off to.

CUT TO:

EXT. ISENGARD VALLEY -- DAY

Gandalf is galloping along the outskirts of the ancient
forest of Fangorn. Nestled in a basin at the foot of the
distant Misty Mountains, the tall black tower of Orthanc is
clearly visible

EXT. ISENGARD VALLEY -- DAY

Gandalf gallops through the gate, into the fortress of
ISENGARD...a great ring-wall of stone, a mile from rim to
rim, encloses beautiful trees and gardens, watered by streams
that flow down from the mountains.

SARUMAN (V.O.)
Smoke rises once more from the mountain
of doom...the shadow takes shape in the
darkness of Mordor; the hour grows
late...and Gandalf the Grey rides to
Isengard seeking my counsel...

The strange tower of Orthanc...hewn from a solid pillar of
black obsidian...rises up in the center of the Isengard
Circle. Gandalf arrives at the foot of the Orthanc Stairs.

35.

ANGLE ON: SARUMAN, THE WHITE WIZARD

he sweeps down the Orthanc stairs.

SARUMAN
For that is why you have come, is it not,
my old friend?

Gandalf moves quickly towards him, grimy and weary from his
long ride.

GANDALF
Saruman!

CUT TO:

EXT. ISENGARD GARDENS -- DAY

Gandalf and Saruman walk slowly between the beautiful trees
of Isengard, Saruman's clean, white robe contrasts with
Gandalf's dusty grey robes.

SARUMAN
Are you sure of this?

GANDALF
Beyond any doubt.

SARUMAN
So the ring of power has been found?

GANDALF
All these long years it was in the Shire,
under my very nose.

SARUMAN
And yet you did not have the wit to see
it! Your love of the Halfling's leaf has
clearly slowed your mind.

GANDALF
We still have time...time enough to
counter Sauron...if we act quickly.

SARUMAN
Time? What time do you think we have?

CUT TO:

INT. ORTHANC ANTE-CHAMBER -- DAY

Saruman and Gandalf are seated in a small, cluttered room to
the side of the cavernous central chamber.

(CONTINUED)

36.
CONTINUED:

SARUMAN
Sauron has regained much of his former
strength. He cannot yet take physical
form...but his spirit has lost none of
its potency. Concealed within his
fortress, the lord of Mordor sees all.
His gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth,
and flesh. You know of what I speak,
Gandalf...a great Eye, lidless, wreathed
in flame.

GANDALF
(softly)
The eye of Sauron.

SARUMAN
He is gathering all evil to him.

SARUMAN (CONT'D)
Very soon he will have summoned an army
great enough to launch an assault upon
Middle earth.

GANDALF
You know this? How?

SARUMAN
I have seen it.

Gandalf and Saruman stride through Orthanc toward a stone
plinth on which a sphere like shape is draped with a cloth...

GANDALF
A palantir is a dangerous tool, Saruman.

Saruman lifts the cloth to reveal the Palantir.

SARUMAN
Why? Why should we fear to use it?

GANDALF
They are not all accounted for, the lost
seeing-stones...we do not know who else
may be watching. Gandalf throws the cloth
back over the Palantir.

FLASH IMAGE: A FIERY EYE!

Saruman sits upon his throne.

(CONTINUED)

37.
CONTINUED:

SARUMAN
The hour is later than you think.
Sauron's forces are already moving...the
Nine have left Minas Morgul.

GANDALF
(shocked)
The nine!

SARUMAN
They crossed the river Isen in
Midsummer's eve, disguised as riders in
black.

GANDALF
(alarmed)
They have reached the Shire? Saruman
shrugs...

SARUMAN
They will find the ring...and kill the
one who carries it.

Gandalf backs away and turns to run to the door...horrified
as the doors suddenly slam shut.

SARUMAN (CONT'D)
You did not seriously think a Hobbit
could contend with the will of Sauron?
There are none who can.

Gandalf slowly turns to Saruman...a look of dawning horror.

SARUMAN (CONT'D)
Against the power of Mordor, there can be
no victory. We must join with him,
Gandalf. We must join with Sauron. It
would be wise, my friend.

GANDALF
(deadly)
Tell me, friend, when did Saruman the
wise abandon reason for madness?

At that moment: Gandalf is suddenly blasted across the room!
He slams against the wall...pinned there by some unseen
force. With sudden effort, Gandalf wrenches himself off the
wall and swings his staff on Saruman...blasting him off his
feet! Gandalf and Saruman battle, powerful blasts throwing
them across the room. SARUMAN SCREAMS, EYES BLAZING!
Gandalf's staff is suddenly wrenched from his grasp...it
flies across the chamber into Saruman's hand! Gandalf is
flung to the floor.

(CONTINUED)

38.
CONTINUED: (2)

SARUMAN
I gave you the chance of aiding me
willingly, but you have elected the way
of pain.

Gandalf is breathing hard on the floor, his eyes look into
the madness of Saruman... Commanding two staffs, Saruman
sends Gandalf into a sickening spin. Gandalf tumbles towards
the top of the chamber...as if falling in reverse. Rushing
POV: the roof of Orthanc rockets toward camera.

CUT TO:

EXT. FARMER'S FIELDS -- DAY

Wide on: Frodo and Sam walking along a country lane which
borders Farmer Maggot's Fields. Sam is looking up...Frodo has
disappeared around a corner in the lane.

SAM
(panicked)
Mr. Frodo. Mr. Frodo! Frodo turns,
surprised as Sam comes running towards
him.

SAM (CONT'D)
(worried)
I thought I lost you. Frodo looks at Sam
suspiciously. Sam glances down,
embarrassed.

FRODO
(teasing)
What are you talking about?

SAM
(mumbling)
It's just something Gandalf said...

FRODO
What did he say?

SAM
He said..."Don't you leave him, Samwise
Gamgee."
(looks at Frodo intently)
And I don't mean to.

FRODO
(laughing)
Sam...we're still in the Shire...what
could possibly happen?

(CONTINUED)

39.
CONTINUED:

SUDDENLY! A figure comes crashing out of a hedgerow sending
Frodo flying. Frodo picks himself up, only to be knocked back
down again by Pippin.

PIPPIN
Frodo! Merry, it's Frodo Baggins.

MERRY
Hello Frodo

Merry, Pippin, and Frodo picking themselves up... a variety
of vegetables have scattered everywhere.

SAM
What's the meaning of this!

MERRY
Sam, hold this...

Merry gives Sam a large cabbage.

SAM
(accusing)
You've been into Farmer Maggot's crop!

A large pitchfork can be seen racing towards them along the
Hedgerow...angry shouts from Farmer Maggot.

FARMER MAGGOT (O.S.)
Who's that in my field! Get out of it!
Get out of my field, you young varmits!
I'll show you...get out of my corn.

Merry and Pippin hurriedly gather their booty and race
away...with Frodo and Sam on their heels.

MERRY
(looking behind him)
I don't know why he's so upset, it's only
a couple of carrots.

PIPPIN
And some cabbages...and those three bags
of potatoes that we lifted last week.
And then the mushrooms the week before.

MERRY
Yes, Pippin, my point is, he's clearly
over reacting.

The BAYING OF LARGE DOGS sounds!

(CONTINUED)

40.
CONTINUED: (2)

PIPPIN
Run!

CUT TO:

EXT. WOODED ROAD -- DAY

Frodo, Sam, and Merry and Pippin tumble head over heels down
a bank, onto a dark, wooded road. CLOSE ON: A winded Pippin,
his face inches away from a large pile of Horse droppings...

PIPPIN
That was close.

Frodo picks himself up and looks around quickly.

MERRY
(groaning)
Ow...I think I've broken something.

Pulls a LARGE CARROT, almost broken through in the middle,
out from his back pocket.

MERRY (CONT'D)
Oh.

SAM
(turning on Merry and Pippin)
Trust a Brandybuck and a Took.

MERRY
What? That was just a detour...a
shortcut.

SAM
A shortcut to what?

Pippin has spied something under the trees on the far side of
the road.

PIPPIN
(excited)
Mushrooms!

CLOSE ON: SMALL, brown mushrooms growing amongst the Loamy
undergrowth. Sam, Merry, and Pippin race toward the
mushrooms! Frodo is tense and watchful. He realizes they are
on a wooded road. Scattered leaves rise into the air Whirling
down the road as if blown by an invisible wind...

41.

SUDDENLY... THE SOUND OF HORSES HOOVES...

FRODO
I think we should get off the road.

A long drawn WAIL comes down the wind, like the cry of some
evil and lonely creature.

FRODO (CONT'D)
(more urgency)
Get off the road!

Sam grabs Merry and Pippin as the Hobbits quickly scramble
down the bank, hiding under a mossy log. THE SOUND OF HOOVES
is close... A sinister MOUNTED RINGWRATH steps into
view...hooded and faceless, mounted on a huge snarling black
horse with insane eyes ! Frodo freezes in terror. The
RINGWRAITH pauses right beside their hiding place...he sits
very still with his head bowed, listening. From inside the
hood comes a sniffing noise as if he is trying to catch an
elusive scent; his head turning from side to side.

CLOSE ON: FRODO

Beads of sweat gather on his brow. The ringwraith suddenly
slides off his horse, leaning over the mossy log, peering
suspiciously into the woods.

CLOSE ON: FRODO

He is drawing the ring out of his pocket, with trembling
hands...his face fevered and sweating as if in the grip of
some terrible INTERNAL STRUGGLE. The SOUND OF SNIFFING
intensifies as the ringwraith darts his head from side to
side like a bird of party.

CLOSE ON: FRODO SQUEEZING HIS EYES SHUT...

QUICK PSYCHIC BLASTS! AND EVIL DARK TOWER...A GREAT EYE...A

BURST OF FLAME.

ANGLE ON: SAM LOOKING AT FRODO WITH CONCERN

SAM
Frodo?

Merry desperately hurls the mushrooms across the road...the
ringwraith spins around at the sound, and darts to the far
side of the road with frightening speed. Frodo instantly
slumps...as if a PSYCHIC LINK had been broken

(CONTINUED)

42.
CONTINUED:

MERRY
What was that?

Frodo is staring, a look of shock on his face at the ring
lying in the palm of his hand.

EXT. FERRY LANE -- NIGHT

Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin hurry through the
trees...slipping and sliding on the muddy ground.

SAM
Anything?

FRODO
Nothing.

PIPPIN
What is going on?

Merry moves past pippin, toward Frodo, watching
intently...Sam keeps looking around nervously.

MERRY
The Black rider was looking for
something...or someone...Frodo?

SAM
Get down!

The SILHOUETTE OF A BLACK RIDER looms against the skyline.
The Four Hobbits... sprawled on the ground, holding their
breath. The BLACK RIDER turns and departs.

FRODO
I have to leave the Shire...Sam and I
must get to Bree.

Merry looks at his friend...realizing Frodo is in deep
trouble.

MERRY
Right...Buckleberry Ferry...follow me !

The Hobbits break cover. SUDDENLY, A RINGWRAITH bursts out of
the forest TOWARD THEM!

MERRY (CONT'D)
There's another one!! Frodo, this way! !

The Hobbits run THE RINGWRAITH SHRIEKS!

QUICK CUTS:

(CONTINUED)

43.
CONTINUED:

Black horse hooves... snarling horse mouths...a fleeting
black cowl.

MERRY (CONT'D)
Frodo, follow me!

CUT TO:

EXT. BUCKLEBERRY FERRY -- NIGHT

FRODO, SAM, MERRY AND PIPPIN, are running towards the wide,
placid Brandywine river...and the FERRY.

MERRY
Get the ropes, Sam.

QUICK ANGLES: STOMPING HOOVES...SNARLING HORSES...

Four RINGWRAITHS are speeding through the Fog...converging on
the FERRY CROSSING. The HOBBITS stampede across the Wharf and
Tumble onto the Ferry.

SAM
(screaming)
Frodo!

Frodo races across the Wooden Wharf, followed by the
ringwraiths. He leaps into the Ferry.

CLOSE ON: HOOVES THUNDER DOWN THE WOODEN WHARF!

Sam and Merry shove off with the poles...the ferry slides out
into the river, just as the ringwraiths arrive. They pull up
on the end of the wharf... shrieking with rage! The Hobbits
cover their ears. The Ringwraiths wheel their horses towards
the north and Gallop away along the river bank, quickly
disappearing into the fog.

FRODO
How far to the nearest crossing?

MERRY
The brandwine bridge...twenty miles.

CUT TO:

EXT. BREE GATE -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON:

Lights of Bree...a small village of stone and half timbered
houses nestled against a low wooded hill.

(CONTINUED)

44.
CONTINUED:

A thick hedge surrounds the village...a great gate bars the
western entrance.

CLOSE ON:

FRODO, SAM, MERRY AND PIPPIN approaching the gatehouse...wild
eyes, ragged, and out of breath.

FRODO
Come on.

A SURLY GATEKEEPER glances down at them.

GATEKEEPER
What do you want?

FRODO
We're headed for the prancing pony.

The gatekeeper swings his lantern onto the hobbits, bathing
them in an uncomfortable yellow spotlight.

GATEKEEPER
Hobbits! Four Hobbits, and what's more,
out of the Shire by your talk. What
business brings you to Bree?

FRODO
We wish to stay at the inn...our business
is our own. To Frodo's relief, the
Gatekeeper unlocks the gate.

GATEKEEPER
All right, young sir, I meant no offense.

The Hobbits gratefully enter Bree...the gatekeeper eyeing
them curiously in the lantern light.

GATEKEEPER (CONT'D)
It's my job to ask questions after
nightfall. There's talk of strange fold
abroad...can't be too careful.

CUT TO:

EXT. BREE STREETS -- NIGHT

The tall BREE FOLK loom over the nervous little hobbits as
Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin make their way through the
Narrow Streets. Tall buildings tower above them...lights
glow dimly from behind thick curtains.

(CONTINUED)

45.
CONTINUED:

Close on: The sign of the "PRANCING PONY INN"...Frodo, Sam,
Merry, and Pippin hurry toward it.

CUT TO:

INT. "PRANCING PONY" RECEPTION -- NIGHT

Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin come rushing in. Frodo attracts
the INN KEEPERS'S attention.

FRODO
Excuse me.

BUTTERBUR
Good evening, little masters. If you're
seeking accommodation, we've got some
nice, cozy Hobbit sized rooms available,
Mr...ah...

FRODO
Underhill...my name's Underbill.

BUTTERBUR
Underhill? Hmmmm.

FRODO
We're friends of Gandalf the Grey...can
you tell him we've arrived? BUTTERBUR
frowns...

BUTTERBUR
(Puzzled)
Gandalf...Gandalf...Oh...
(recognition)
Oh yes! I remember...elderly chap...big
grey beard...pointy hat? Frodo nods with
relief...Butterbur shakes his head.

BUTTERBUR (CONT'D)
Not seen him for six months. Frodo is
shocked.

SAM
(worried whisper)
What do we do now?

INT. PRANCING PONY INN -- NIGHT

Wide on: the noise, smokey Inn. It is dimly lit, cheifly
from a blazing log fire...and crowded with a mixture of BIG
FOLK, LOCAL HOBBITS, and a couple of dwarfs. Frodo, Sam,
Merry and Pippin are sitting at a table against the wall...
clearly trying to remain Quiet and inconspicuous... Sam can't
help himself...he keeps casting nervous glances around.

(CONTINUED)

46.
CONTINUED:

FRODO
Sam, he'll be here. He'll come.

Merry ploinks himself down at a table, carrying a very large
mug of beer.

PIPPIN
What's that?

MERRY
This, my friend, is a pint.

PIPPIN
It comes in pints? I'm getting one!

Sam watches Pippin rise unsteadily to his feet and head to
the bar.

SAM
You've had a whole half already. Merry
watches Pippin go.

A COUPLE OF SWARTHY MEN leaning against the bar glance at
Frodo, then quickly look away.

SAM (CONT'D)
(tense)
That fellow's done nothing but stare at
you since we've arrived.

Sam indicates a BROODING STRANGER who sits alone at a table
in the far corner, smoking a curiously carved long stemmed
pipe, peering from beneath a travel stained cowl with
gleaming eyes. Frodo gestures to Butterbur...

FRODO
Excuse me, that man in the corner, who is
he?

BUTTERBUR
He's one of them Rangers; they're
dangerous folk they are, wandering the
wilds. What his right name is, I never
heard, but round here he's known as
Strider.

FRODO
(to himself)
Strider.

BENEATH TABLE: FRODO'S fingers are nervously TOYING WITH THE
RING.

47.

CLOSE ON: FRODO

Sweat runs down his brow. The Strange hum of the Ring spills
into the Soundtrack.

"Baggins...Baggins..." a creepy whisper seems to fill Frodo's
head...sound that dissolves into Pippin's loud voice:

PIPPIN
Baggins? Sure, I know a Baggins...he's
over there...

ANGLE ON: PIPPIN

sitting at the bar, chatting with Locals. Frodo leaps to his
feet and pushes his way towards the bar.

PIPPIN
(loudly)
Frodo Baggins. He's my second cousin
once removed, on his mother's side and my
third cousin twice removed on his
father's side...if you follow me.

Frodo grabs Pippin's sleeve, spilling his beer.

FRODO
Pippin!

PIPPIN
Steady on, Frodo!

Pippin pushes Frodo away...he stumbles backwards, and falls
to the floor. At that instant, the Inn goes silent and all
the attention turns to Frodo...

CLOSE ON:

The ring...in agonizing Slow motion we watch as it seems to
hang in the air for a split second...then crashes down onto
his out stretched finger. FRODO VANISHES! There is a sharp
intake of breath...followed by total silence.

CUT TO:

EXT. BREE COUNTRYSIDE -- NIGHT

The RINGWRAITHS turn sharply in their saddles...Instantly
aware that the ring is being worn. They spur their horses
towards the distant lights of Bree.

48.

INT. "PRANCING PONY" INN -- NIGHT

Sam looks sick; Pippin instantly sobers, realizing his folly;
the brooding stranger frowns...and the inn erupts into
excited babble.

IN THE TWILIGHT WORLD:

ANGLE ON:

FRODO: as he finds himself in the TWILIGHT WORLD of the ring:
THE EXCITED CROWD ARE suddenly moving in slow
motion...distorted voices...a weird photographic negative
quality. FRODO is moving in real time; against the slow
motion background. He suddenly clutches his head as he is
hit with quick images...of a GREAT EYE! AN EVIL CAT-LIKE
EYE, wreathed in flames.

VOICE OF SAURON

There is no life here in the void...only cold...only death...
FRODO is terrified! He rolls under a table, desperately
pulling the ring from his finger. FRODO MATERIALIZES into the
real world. AT THAT MOMENT: A LARGE HAND reaches under the
table and Grabs Frodo by the collar, and DRAGS HIM AWAY!

CUT TO:

INT. PRANCING PONY--CORRIDOR -- NIGHT

Frodo is roughly pushed against the wall. The Brooding
stranger looms over him.

STRIDER
You draw far too much attention to
yourself...Mr. Underhill

CUT TO:

INT. HOBBIT'S ROOM, PRANCING PONY -- NIGHT

Frodo is pushed into the Hobbit's room by Strider.

FRODO
What do you want?

STRIDER
A little more caution from you...that is
no trinket you carry.

FRODO
I carry nothing.

(CONTINUED)

49.
CONTINUED:

STRIDER
Indeed? I can usually avoid being seen
if I wish, but to disappear entirely...
that is a rare gift.

FRODO
Who are you?

STRIDER
Are you frightened?

FRODO
Yes.

STRIDER
Not nearly frightened enough. I know
what hunts you. Frodo jumps at the sound
of a noise in the corridor. Strider
deftly draws his sword.

The door bursts open and Sam, Merry and Pippin appear on the
doorway. Sam is Squaring off with is fists, Merry brandishes
a candlestick, and Pippin a chair.

SAM
(angry)
Let him go or I'll have you, Longshanks!

STRIDER SHEATHS his sword, a slight smile playing on his
lips.

STRIDER
You have a stout heart, little Hobbit,
but that alone won't save you...You can
no longer wait for the Wizard, Frodo.
They're coming.

CUT TO:

EXT. GATEHOUSE, BREE -- NIGHT

The gate keeper comes out of his Lodgings with a lantern...a
look of fear on his face. He approaches the closed gate with
great apprehension. CLOSE ON: The Gatekeeper peers out of his
Peephole.

CRASH!!

The gate crashed down on the gatekeeper...as four RINGWRAITHS
ride into Bree!

50.

EXT. BREE STREETS -- NIGHT

The four RINGWRAITHS fly done the empty streets, like
horsemen of the apocalypse.

INT. PRANCING PONY INN -- NIGHT

LOW ANGLE: the front door FLIES OPEN. The FOUR RINGWRAITHS
rush into the PRANCING PONY with WICKED SWORDS DRAWN. CLOSE
ON: BUTTERBUR hiding behind his bar... trembling and sweating
in TERROR.

INT. HOBBIT'S ROOM, PRANCING PONY -- NIGHT

INSERT: MERRY SNORING SOFTLY ON HIS PILLOW.

INSERT: PIPPIN stirs slightly, then settles back to sleep.
WIDE ON: the door creaks open...THE FOUR RINGWRAITHS silently
slide into the Hobbit's room. The LOOM above each bed,
raising their SHINING SWORDS ABOVE THE SLEEPING HOBBITS.
QUICK INSERT: Sam's eyes open wide. In unison, the RINGWRAITS
STAB THE HOBBITS, in a Slashing, hacking frenzy.

INT. STRIDER'S ROOM -- NIGHT

Strider is grimly listening to the sounds from his room.

INT. HOBBIT'S ROOM, PRANCING PONY -- NIGHT

Wide on: the RINGWRAITHS step back from the slashed beds in
triumph. CLOSE ON: a hacked blanket is pulled back to reveal
nothing but a shredded pillow. The RINGWRAITHS SHRIEK WITH
RAGE!! INSERTS: Sam sits up with a start! Close on: Another
shredded pillow is revealed! More Shrieks of rage. INSERT:
PIPPIN AND MERRY wake with a start.

CUT TO:

INT. STRIDER'S ROOM -- NIGHT

WIDE ON: Sam, Merry, and Pippin have been sleeping on
Strider's bed. Frodo stands next to Strider by the window,
peering out nervously as furious Ringwraith screeches echo
across the courtyard from the Hobbits room.

FRODO
Where are they?

STRIDER
They were once men. Strider glances
quickly at Frodo, then looks away...

(CONTINUED)

51.
CONTINUED:

STRIDER (V.O.) (CONT'D)
(quietly)
Great Kings of men. Then Sauron the
deceiver gave to them Nine Rings of
Power. Blinded by their greed they took
them without question, one by one falling
into darkness and now they are slaves to
his will.

Strider looks from the window as the Ringwraiths gallop down
the Bree Streets. CLOSE ON: Strider turns back to the
Hobbits, his face lit faintly by the Glowing Embers of the
Fire.

STRIDER (CONT'D)
They are the Nazgul, Ringwraiths, neither
living or dead. At all times they feel
the presence of the ring...drawn to the
power of the one..they will never stop
hunting you.

CUT TO:

EXT. CHETWOOD FOREST -- DAY

ANGLE ON:

STRIDER, MERRY, PIPPIN, AND FRODO march through a gloomy,
overgrown forest. Sam follows at the read leading "Bill", a
scrawny pony, who is laden with supplies.

FRODO
Where are you taking us?

STRIDER
Into the wild.

Frodo watches uneasily as Strider moves off into the cover of
the trees...

MERRY
(whispered aside)
How do, we know this Strider is a friend
of Gandalf?

FRODO
We have no choice but to trust him.

STRIDER
But where is he leading us?

ANGLE ON:

(CONTINUED)

52.
CONTINUED:

Strider stops, casts a glance back at Sam.

STRIDER (CONT'D)
To Rivendell, Master Gamgee...to the
house of Elrond.

SAM looks excited.

SAM
Did you hear that, Bill? Rivendell!
We're going to see the Elves!

Strider leads the Hobbits through the gloom of the forest.

CUT TO:

EXT. MIDGEWATER MOORS -- DAY

Aerial on: Strider leading Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin
across the windswept moors. The hobbits suddenly stop and
unstrap their knapsacks.

STRIDER
Gentlemen, we do not stop until
nightfall.

PIPPIN
What about breakfast?

STRIDER
You've already had it.

PIPPIN
We've had one, yes...but what about
Second Breakfast?

Strider stares at Pippin blankly, then turns away, shaking
his head.

MERRY
I don't think he knows about second
breakfast, Pip.

PIPPIN
What about Elvenses, Luncheon, Afternoon
Tea, dinner...he knows about them,
doesn't he?

MERRY
I wouldn't count on it.

An apple is thrown to Merry, who deftly catches it. Another,
aimed at Pippin, catches him on the forehead.

(CONTINUED)

53.
CONTINUED:

MERRY (CONT'D)
(exasperated)
Pippin!

The hobbits trudge through rain, looking tired, hungry, and
miserable.

CUT TO:

INT. ORTHANC ANTE-CHAMBER -- NIGHT

Saruman stands over the Palantir, his hands cupping the
massive eye.

SARUMAN
(whisper)
The power of Isengard is at your command,
Sauron, Lord of the Earth.

ON THE SOUNDTRACK: BLACK SPEECH FILLS THE ROOM...ADMIST THE

HARSH, GUTTURAL WORDS THE VOICE OF SARUMAN EMERGES.

SARUMAN
Build me an army worth of Mordor.

INT. ORTHANC ANTE-CHAMBER -- NIGHT

Saruman is seated as his ORC OVERSEER approaches.

ORC OVERSEER
What orders from Mordor, my Lord. What
does the eye command?

SARUMAN
We have work to do.

CUT TO:

INT. ISENGARD -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON: GANDALF...lying unconscious on a cold obsidian
floor. He wakes to the sound of ripping and tearing...rising
onto his knees...lifting his head... Gandalf stands as the
camera pulls back to reveal him stranded on the summit of
Orthanc. He is marooned on the tiny, flat peak, surrounded
on all sides by a sheer 500 FOOT DROP. Another whispering
wail rends the air. Gandalf crosses quickly to the edge and
peers down: POV: One of the beautiful Isengard trees is being
ripped from the ground by the ORCS. Gandalf looks on in
Horror as ORCS hack into the trunk with axes.

ANGLE ON:

(CONTINUED)

54.
CONTINUED:

SARUMAN stands in Rain looking out into the dark night...the
ORC overseer sidles up to him, axe in hand, sweating with
exertion.

ORC OVERSEER
The trees are strong, my Lord. Their
roots go deep.

SARUMAN
Rip them all down.

CAMERA CIRCLES SUMMIT: MORE AND MORE TREES are hauled down
and killed...as Gandalf looks on in helpless despair.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. WEATHERHILLS -- DAY

Wide on: The rugged countryside as the hobbits journey on,
lead by Strider. Strider stops before a distant hill, topped
by an Ancient Ruin.

SARUMAN
This was once the great Watchtower of
Amon Sul. We shall rest here tonight.

CUT TO:

EXT. WEATHERTOP HOLLOW -- DUSK

ANGLE ON:

FRODO, MERRY, AND PIPPIN collapse into a small hollow,
halfway up Weathertop...they are muddy and exhausted. Stider
drops 4 small swords at the Hobbits feet.

SARUMAN
There are for you. Keep them close. I'm
going to have a look around. Stay here.

CUT TO:

EXT. WEATHERTOP HOLLOW -- NIGHT

Close on: Frodo...eyes flickering open. He suddenly sits up,
sniffing the air. Sam, Merry, and Pippin huddled over a small
fire... Sausages and bacon sizzle in a hot frying pan.

FRODO
What are you doing?

MERRY
Tomatoes, sausages, and crispy bacon.

(CONTINUED)

55.
CONTINUED:

SAM
We saved some for you, Mr. Frodo.

FRODO
Put it out, you fools! Put it out! Frodo
desperately kicks dirt on the fire!

PIPPIN
Oh, that's nice...ash on my tomatoes!

A SUDDEN SHREIK!

ANGLE ON:

FIVE RINGWRAITHS ON FOOT, running up the steep slope
unnaturally fast.

FRODO
Go! !

Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin clamber desperately towards the
summit, clutching their swords.

CUT TO:

EXT. WEATHERTOP SUMMIT -- NIGHT

Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin race into a RING OF BROKEN
STONES on the summit or Weathertop...the ruined base of an
ancient tower. The hobbits stand back-to-back in the centre
of the Ring, waiting for the first assault... One by one, the
5 Ringwraiths appear...brandishing Gleaming swords, they move
slowly towards the hobbits. In the center is their
leader...the WITCH KING!

SAM
Back, you devils!

Sam rushes forward with a cry. He swings his sword at the
Witch King, who blocks the blow with his own sword. Sam's
blade shatters...the WITCH KING lashes out with his fist,
sending Sam flying. Merry and Pippin, overcome with terror,
throw themselves flat on the ground. THE RINGWRAITHS close in
on Frodo...a Venomous whisper dances in his head...

Frodo shuts his eyes and staggers back, desperately resisting
the WRAITH'S WHISPERINGS... slow motion as his hand goes into
his pocket and pulls out the ring. The 5 Ringwraiths utter a
chilling SCREECH OF EXCITEMENT. Frodo is unable to resist any
longer, falls to his knees and slips on the ring. He
disappears.

(CONTINUED)

56.
CONTINUED:

SAM (CONT'D)
No!

IN THE TWILIGHT WORLD:

ANGLE ON:

Frodo finds himself in the weird twilight world...he looks
upon the Ringwraiths, now visible in their TRUE APPEARANCE:
Five Ghouls dressed in long Grey robes, with white hair, and
Pallid, ruthless faces. THE WITCH KING extends a haggard hand
towards Frodo, reaching for the ring on his finger. Frodo's
trembling hand extends forward as if by the pull of the
ring...he slides to the ground, unable to pull his hand away.
The witch king snarls and springs forward. He stabs at Frodo
with a wicked dagger! Frodo winces as the tip of the dagger
sinks into his shoulder. Suddenly, Strider charges at the
RINGWRAITHS, wielding his sword in one hand, a flaming torch
in the other. He moves in slow motion, visible through a sea
of mist. Frodo sinks to the ground. Behind him is a faint
image of a Ringwraith fleeing, his head engulfed in flames.
With draining strength, Frodo manages to pull the ring off
his finger...

IN THE REAL WORLD:

...Appearing back in the real world, Sam rushes over to him.

SAM (CONT'D)
(horrified)
Frodo!

Another Ringwraith is burning and screaming...others screech
fearfully at the flames, turn and flee form the Weathertop
summit.

SAM (CONT'D)
(panicked)
Mr. Frodo!!

Strider kneels before Frodo. He snatches up the Witch King's
Dagger from the ground, staring gravely at the long, thin,
blade.

SAM (CONT'D)
Help him, Strider!

STRIDER
(grim)
He's been stabbed by a Morgul blade. The
Morgul Blade suddenly melts...vanishing
into the air like smoke. Strider throws
the hilt down in disgust...

(CONTINUED)

57.
CONTINUED: (2)

SAM
Do something.

STRIDER
This is beyond my skill to heal.
(urgently)
He needs Elvish medicine. Strider lifts
Frodo onto his shoulders.

EXT. WEATHERHILLS -- NIGHT

Strider is jogging grimly, carrying an ailing Frodo on his
back. Sam, Merry, and Pippin are running to keep up. The
hobbits are carrying Flaming torches for protection.

STRIDER
Hurry!

SAM
We are six days from Rivendell. Frodo
groans.

STRIDER
Hold on, Frodo.

SAM
He'll never make it! Close on:
Frodo...head lolling about, barely
conscious.

FRODO
(fevered calling)
Gandalf...Gandalf?

EXT. ISENGARD -- NIGHT

Low angle...looking up at ORTHANC...the tower of Isengard,
gleaming in the moonlight. The camera rises to reveal the
once beautiful gardens are not a pitted wasteland...with
smoke and fire billowing out

of numerous tunnels and vent holes that litter the forecourt
of ORTHANC. Strange guttural chants echo up from deep
underground. The camera is rising...a small moth flutters
into shot...and leads the camera towards the summit or
Orthanc. Gandalf lies slumped against the wall at the very
top of Orthanc, surrounded by a sheer 500 foot drop. He
looks Weak and Frail...and is seemingly asleep. The MOTH
flutters close to Gandalf. His hand suddenly moves at
lighting speed and SNATCHES THE MOTH. Gandalf brings his hand
close to his face and opens it. The moth sits on the palm of
his hand as Gandalf mutter strange words in a foreign tongue.
Close on: THE MOTH'S face... seemingly listening.

(CONTINUED)

58.
CONTINUED:

It suddenly flutters away. CAMERA FOLLOWS the moth off the
Orthanc summit, but drops past the moth...falling down, down,
towards the pitted wasteland, straight into a fiery red
tunnel!

INT. CAVERNS BELOW ISENGARD -- NIGHT

The dead trees of Isengard are fed into roaring
furnaces...molten metal pours into casts...red hot metal,
beaten my sweating orc blacksmiths...armor and weapons are
forged from the great furnaces. Saruman strides among the
ORCS and stands looking on a new born uruk-hai as it escapes
its birthing membrane...this is LURTZ, who rises up to stand
before his master.

CUT TO:

EXT. TROLLSHAW FOREST CLEARING -- NIGHT

Close on: Frodo...his eyes flicker open...clouded, red-
rimmed...his brow, beaded with sweat.

PIPPIN
Is he going to die? Frodo's breathing is
getting shallow. Strider looks out into
the darkness.

STRIDER
No. He is passing into the shadow world,
he will soon become a wraith like them.

A DISTANT CRY of a RINGWRAITH carries through the air.

MERRY
(nervous)
They're close.

Frodo gasps in sudden pain.

STRIDER
(thinking hard)
Sam, do you know the Athelas plant? Sam
looks blank.

SAM
Athelas?

STRIDER
Kingsfoil.

SAM
Kingsfoil. Aye. It's a weed.

(CONTINUED)

59.
CONTINUED:

STRIDER
It may help to slow the poison. Hurry!

CUT TO:

EXT. TROLLSHAW FOREST -- NIGHT

Sam and Strider desperately search the dark forest floor for
the Athelas plant. Close on: A small, white flowered plant!
Strider drops to one knee, carefully pulling it from the
ground.

SUDDENLY! STRIDER FREEZES AS A SWORD BLADE TOUCHES HIS NECK.

ARWEN (O.S.)
What is this? A Ranger caught off his
guard?

Strider slowly looks up.

CUT TO:

EXT. TROLLSHAW FOREST CLEARING -- NIGHT

Frodo is breathing hard, desperately ill. Frodo's half-
conscious POV: Surreal impression...a SHIMMERING FIGURE IN
WHITE leaps off a horse.

FLASH INSERT: An ethereal vision of ARWEN, as she appears on
the other side...

ARWEN
(ELVISH: with sub titles)
Frodo, Im Arwen...telin let thaed. I am
Arwen, I have come here to help you.
(urgent)
Lasto Beth nin, tolo Dan na ngalad. Hear
my voice, come back to the light. Frodo's
eyes close.

PIPPIN
Who is she?

ARWEN
(worried)
Frodo?

SAM
She's an elf.

60.

ANGLE ON: ARWEN

Who now appears in her earth bound form, a young Elven woman
with tousled hair, dressed in mud-splattered riding clothes.

ARWEN
He's fading...he's not gong to last. We
must get him to my father. Strider
quickly lifts Frodo...placing him on the
horse.

ARWEN (CONT'D)
I have been looking for you for two days.

PIPPIN
Where are you taking him?

ARWEN
There are five Wraiths behind you, where
the other four are, I do not know.

STRIDER
(ELVISH: with subtitles)
Dartho guin Berian...rych le ad
tolthathon. Stay with the hobbits...I'11
send horses for you. Close on: Arwen
grabbing the Reins of the horse.

ARWEN
(ELVISH: w/subtitles)
Hon mabathon. Rochoh ellint im. I'll
take him. I'm the faster rider. Strider
clamps his hand over Arwen's.

STRIDER
(elvish:subtitles)
Andelu I ven. The road is too dangerous.

ARWEN
(Elvish: subtitles)
Frodo Fir. Ae anthradon I hir, tur
gwaith nin beriatha hon. If I can cross
the river, the power of my people can
protect him.

PIPPIN
What are they saying?

CLOSE ON: Arwen reaches for Strider's hand...looking deep
into his eyes.

ARWEN
I do not fear them.

(CONTINUED)

61.
CONTINUED:

CLOSE ON: Strider...we see that it is hard for him to let her
go.

ANGLE ON:

Arwen mounts her horse, ALSFORTH...

STRIDER
Arwen...ride hard, don't look back.

ANGLE ON:

Arwen looks down at Strider as she supports Frodo with one
hand.

ARWEN
(elvish)
Noro Lim, Asfaloth, Noro Lim!

SAM
What are you doing! Those Wraiths are
still out there!

ANGLE ON:

Asfaloth springs away, bearing Arwen and Frodo into the
night.

CUT TO:

EXT. TROLLSHAW FOREST -- NIGHT

SPEEDING POV: through the forest from the back of the White
Horse.

ANGLE ON: FRODO, BOUNCING IN THE SADDLE,

he lifts his head weakly. SURREAL SLOW MOTION POV: THE HORSES
HEAD BOBBING...trees sliding by...moonlight flickers through
the trees.

CUT TO:

EXT. AERIAL OF ETTENMOORS ~ MORNING

AERIAL: of Arwen's white horse emerging from the trees...and
galloping across the open land as the sun rises.

CUT TO:

62.

EXT. PINE FOREST -- DAY

The white horse charges through a Pine Forest. Suddenly 2
Galloping Ringwraiths emerge from the trees behind! 2 more
Ringwraiths slide in from different directions to join the
chase. Arwen grits her teeth...urges the white horse to
greater speed.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE EAST ROAD -- DAY

The white horse speeds out of the pine trees...the 4
ringwraiths close behind PAN ONTO: 2 more ringwraiths
galloping down the hillside! AERIAL SHOT: 3 MORE RINGWRAITHS
enter frame from different directions...a total of 9
RINGWRAITHS now pursuing Frodo and Arwen! CLOSE ON: Panting
head of the WHITE ELVEN HORSE.

ARWEN
Noro lim, Asfaloth!

CUT TO:

EXT. FORD OF BRUINEN -- DAY

CRANE DOWN: As the White Horse races towards Camera, to
Reveal the wide river Bruinen in the foreground.

Without hesitation, the white horse leaps into the shallow
water and thunders across the Ford. The 9 Ringwraiths pull up
short of the Ford, clearly nervous of the water. The white
horse reaches the other side...Arwen pulls up and turns to
defiantly face the Ringwraiths from across the Ford.

WITCH KING
Give up the Halfling, she-elf! She draws
her sword and yells at the Witch King.

ARWEN
(yelling)
If you want him, come and claim him.

THE WITCH KING SCREECHES ANGRILY, draws his sword, and leads
the Ringwraiths across the Ford. The water starts flowing
faster...a distant rumble can be heard. Arwen waits until
they are halfway across: she suddenly stands in the saddle
arms raised!

ARWEN (CONT'D)
(Elvish)
Non o Chithaeglir, lasto Beth daer: Rimmo
nin Briunen Dan in Ulaer!
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

63.
CONTINUED:
ARWEN (CONT'D)
Nin o Chitaeglir, lasto Beth daer: Rimmo
nin Bruinen Dan in Ulaer!

THE GROUND SUDDENLY TREMBLES...A MIGHTY ROAR FILLS THE AIR!

Frodo looks up weakly...to see a vast torrent of Water
flooding down the river towards the ford...as if a dam had
burst! The Foaming water seems to form the shape of Dancing
white horses with frothing manes! The Ringwraiths scream in
terror as they are swallowed up in the deluge. Their Piercing
cries are drowned in the roaring of the river as it carries
them away! CLOSE ON: FRODO as he loses consciousness...

ARWEN
(upset)
No, no...Frodo, no! Frodo, don't give
in...not now!

Arwen gathers the small Hobbit in her arms, feeling his life
slip away.

INT. FRODO'S DELIRIUM -- DAY

DELIRIOUS IMAGES AND SOUNDS....

ARWEN (V.O.)
What grace is given me, let it pass to
him. Let him be spared. Save him.

IMAGE: A BRIGHT LIGHT suddenly flares...Frodo squeezes his
eyes shut, gasping.

FRODO
(frightened)
Where am I?

A FAMILIAR VOICE cuts through the swirl of sound.

GANDALF (O.S.)
You are in the House of Elrond, and it is
ten o'clock in the morning on October the
twenty-fourth, if you want to know.

INT. FRODO'S BEDROOM -- DAY

Frodo's eyes flicker Open He is lying in bed next to an Open
Window...Dappled sunlight plays on richly carved
timbers...the sound of a nearby waterfall drifts through the
Vista of Fir Trees.

FRODO
(weak relief)
Gandalf!

64.

ANGLE ON: GANDALF IS SITTING NEXT TO FRODO'S BED...

softly puffing on his pipe. He smiles at Frodo.

GANDALF
Yes, I'm here and you're lucky to be
here, too. A few more hours and you
would have been beyond our aid. You have
some strength in you, my dear Hobbit.

Frodo sits up, looking at Gandalf questioningly...

FRODO
What happened, Gandalf? Why didn't you
meet us?

GANDALF
I'm sorry Frodo.

Close on: Gandalf... troubled. His eyes drift away.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
I was delayed.

CUT TO:

EXT. ORTHANC SUMMIT -- NIGHT

SARUMAN stands over Gandalf, gloating...

SARUMAN
Get up! So much for the power of the
Ring or embrace your own destruction!

With the power of his staff, Saruman raises Gandalf from the
ground, then sends him crashing to the floor.

GANDALF
There is only one Lord of the Ring. Only
one who can bend it to his will...and he
does not share power.

SUDDENLY! GANDALF lurches to his feet and Throws himself off
the Tower! Saruman watches Gandalf fly away from
Isengard...on the Back of a GIANT EAGLE.

SARUMAN
(chilling)
So you have chosen death!

CUT TO:

65.

EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAINS--DAWN

Gwaihir the Eagle soars majestically over the mountains,
carrying Gandalf towards the dawn.

CUT TO:

INT. FRODO'S BEDROOM--RIVENDELL

Frodo raises himself up and looks at Gandalf.

FRODO
Gandalf! What is it? Gandalf returns his
attention to Frodo.

GANDALF
Nothing, Frodo...

Sam runs to Frodo's bedside. He is overjoyed to find Frodo
awake.

SAM
Frodo! Frodo! Bless you, you're awake!!

GANDALF
Sam has hardly left your side.

SAM
We were worried about you--weren't we,
Mr. Gandalf?

GANDALF
By the skills of Lord Elrond, you're
beginning to mend. ELROND, LORD OF THE
HIGH ELVES, steps up to Frodo's

bedside...his face is neither old nor young, though in it is
written the memory of many things both glad and sorrowful.

ELROND
Welcome to Rivendell, Frodo Baggins.
Frodo sits up, looking at Elrond with
awe.

CUT TO:

EXT. RIVENDELL VALLEY -- DAY

WIDE ON: RIVENDELL... a small cluster of elegant Elven
Buildings sitting in a Shangri-la like Valley below towering
cliffs and snow capped mountains.

(CONTINUED)

66.
CONTINUED:

ELROND (V.O.)
You have found your way to the last
homely house east of the sea. The elves
of Imladris have dwelt within this valley
for three thousand years through few of
my kin now remain. Frodo looks out from
his balcony.

CUT TO:

EXT. RIVENDELL GARDENS -- DAY

Frodo and Sam walk together. Suddenly, the voices of Merry
and Pippin can be heard as they bound up to Frodo and throw
their arms around him.

MERRY
Frodo! Frodo!

Sam looks past Frodo smiling... a bent figure sits alone on a
bench, in the Sun. Close on: Frodo turning, following Sam's
gaze...

FRODO
Bilbo!

CUT TO:

EXT. RIVENDELL TERRACE -- DAY

Close on: BILBO BAGGINS! He breaks in to a broad grin as
Frodo rushes forward to embrace him. Bilbo has aged
significantly since we last saw him.

BILBO
Hello, Frodo, my lad!

FRODO
Bilbo!

LATER... Frodo is turning the neatly inscribed title page of
a red leather bound journal:

FRODO (CONT'D)
(reading)
"There and back again: A Hobbit's tale"
by Bilbo Baggins.

Bilbo smiles Proudly. He is sitting with Frodo on a terrace
overlooking a Waterfall. Frodo looks at Page after page of
beautiful Handwriting, with intricate Maps and Drawings.

(CONTINUED)

67.
CONTINUED:

FRODO (CONT'D)
This is wonderful.

BILBO
I meant to go back...wander the paths of
Mirkwood, visit Laketown, see the Lonely
Mountain again...but age, it seems, has
finally caught up with me.

Frodo turns a page...there before him, is a map of the Shire.

FRODO
(quietly)
I miss the Shire...I spent all my
childhood pretending I was off somewhere
else...off with you, on one of your
adventures...
(Looks at Bilbo)
But my own adventure, turned out to be
quite different...I'm not like you,
Bilbo.

BILBO
My dear boy...

CUT TO:

EXT. RIVENDELL TERRACE -- EVENING

Sam busily tries to stuff more and more things into his
already full pack...pots and pans, blankets, cooking
utensils, provisions, clothes.

SAM
No, what have I forgotten? Pull back to
reveal Frodo, hands in his pocket,
watching Sam.

FRODO
Packed already?

Sam looks up, startled.

SAM
(slightly embarrassed)
No harm in being prepared. Frodo strolls
to the edge of the Balcony.

FRODO
I thought you wanted to see the Elves,
Sam?

(CONTINUED)

68.
CONTINUED:

SAM
I do...

FRODO
More than anything.

SAM
I did. It's just...we did what Gandalf
wanted, didn't we? We got the Ring this
far, to Rivendell...and I thought...
seeing as how you're on the mend, we'd be
off soon. Off home.

FRODO
You're right, Sam. Frodo looks at Sam...

FRODO (CONT'D)
...we did what we set out to do. Frodo
opens his hand, the Ring sits in his
Palm.

FRODO (CONT'D)
The ring will be safe in Rivendell. I am
ready to go home.

CUT TO:

EXT. ELROND'S CHAMBER, RIVENDELL -- DAY

Gandalf and Elrond watch Frodo and Sam from Elrond's balcony,

ELROND
His strength returns.

GANDALF
That wound will never fully heal. He will
carry it the rest of his life.

ELROND
And yet to have come so far still bearing
the Ring...the hobbit has shown
extraordinary resilience to its evil.

GANDALF
It is a burden he should never have to
had to bear. We can ask no more of Frodo.

ELROND
Gandalf, the enemy is moving. Sauron's
forces are massing in the east. His eye
is fixed on Rivendell. And Saruman, you
tell me, has betrayed us. Our list of
allies grows thin.

(CONTINUED)

69.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
His treachery runs deeper than you know.
By foul craft, Saruman has crossed Orc
with Goblin Men...he is breeding an army
in the caverns of Isengard. An army that
can move in Sunlight and cover great
distance at speed. Saruman is coming for
the Ring.

Elrond turns and walks away...

ELROND
This evil cannot be concealed by the
power of the Elves...We do not have the
strength to fight both Mordor and
Isengard...Gandalf...the ring cannot stay
here.

Gandalf turns and looks out the window.

Sounds of arrivals...Gandalf watches as Boromir rides through
Rivendell gate, followed by Legolas and Gimli.

ELROND (V.O.) (CONT'D)
This peril belongs to all Middle earth.
They must decide how to end it. Not just
for themselves but for those who come
after. Elrond approaches Gandalf.

ELROND (CONT'D)
The time of the Elves is over. My people
are leaving these shores. Who will you
look to when we have gone? The dwarves?
They hide in their mountains seeking
riches. They care nothing for the
troubles of others.

GANDALF
It is in Men that we must place our hope.

ELROND
Men? Men are weak. The race of Men is
failing. The blood of Numenor is all but
spent, its pride and dignity forgotten.
It is because of men the Ring survives.

FLASH INSERT: With the broken sword, Isildur slices off
Sauron's finger. Elrond reacts.

ELROND (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I was there, Gandalf...I was there three
thousand years ago when Isildur took the
ring.

70.

FLASH INSERT: ISILDUR PICKS UP THE RING AND STARES AT IT,

ENTRANCED.

ELROND
I was there the day the strength of Men
failed.

CUT TO:

INT. CRACK OF DOOM -- DAY

ELROND
Isildur...hurry...follow me! IMAGES:
ELROND leads Isildur into the steaming
volcano.

ELROND (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I let Isildur into the heart of Mount
Doom, where the ring was forged: the one
place it could be destroyed.

FLASH INSERT: ELROND AND ISILDUR STAND BEFORE THE FIRES OF

MT. DOOM.

ELROND
Cast it into the fire...destroy it!

CLOSE ON: ISILDUR...CAPTIVATED BY THE RING.

ISILDUR
No.

Isildur turns and walks away

ELROND
Isildur!!

INT. ENROND'S CHAMBER, RIVERDELL -- DAY

Elrond turns to Gandalf.

ELROND
It should have ended that day, but evil
was allowed to endure. Isildur kept the
Ring...and the line of Kings was broken.
There's no strength left in the world of
Men. They're scattered, divided,
leaderless.

(CONTINUED)

71.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
There is one who could unite them, one
who could re claim the thrown of Gondor.

ELROND
He turned from that path a long time ago.
He has chosen exile.

CUT TO:

INT. ELROND'S CHAMBER, RIVENDELL -- NIGHT

Strider watches from the shadows...as Boromir strolls through
the darkened gallery. Boromir's eyes are drawn to an old
Fresco on the wall...depicting Isildur defeating Sauron.
Boromir looks with Wonderment at Narsil, the Broken Blade of
Elendil, which lies on a cloth-covered plinth.

BOROMIR
(quiet awe)
The shards of Narsil...the blade that cut
the Ring from Sauron's hand. Boromir
picks up the sword and gently touches the
Blade. Close on: a small bloom of blood
appears on Boromir's finger...

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
Still sharp.

Boromir senses Strider's presence...he looks from the blade
to Strider, as if sensing a connection.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
But no more than a broken heirloom.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
replaces the Broken blade, but it
clatters to the floor. Boromir walks
away, leaving Strider sitting alone.

Close on: Strider picks up the broken hilt, as Arwen appears
behind him.

ARWEN
Why do you fear the past? You are
Isildur's heir...not Isildur himself. You
are not bound to his fate.

STRIDER
The same blood flows in my veins...the
same weakness...

(CONTINUED)

72.
CONTINUED:

ARWEN
Your time will come. You will face the
same evil...and you will defeat it.
(Elvish: w/subtitles)
A si i-duath u-orthor, Aragorn...u or le
a u or nin. The shadow does not hold
sway yet...not over you and not over me.

CUT TO:

EXT. RIVENDELL VALLEY -- NIGHT

Night falls upon the beautiful valley of Rivendell... still
and quiet.

EXT. RIVENDELL WATERFALL -- NIGHT

Strider and Arwen stand upon a stone bridge...the Evenstar at
Arwen's breast shines in the moonlight.

ARWEN
(Elvish: with subtitles)
Renech I lu I erui govannem? Do you
remember when we first met?

STRIDER
(Elvish: with subtitles)
Nauthannim I ned ol reniannen. I thought
I had strayed into a dream.

Arwen reaches up and gently touches the Grey at Strider's
temples.

ARWEN
(Elvish: with subtitles)
Gwenin in enniath...u-arnech in naeth I
se celich. Long years have passed...you
did not have the care you carry now.

Arwen looks into Strider's eyes.

ARWEN (CONT'D)
(Elvish: with subtitles)
Renech I Beth I pennen? Do you remember
what I told you? Arwen reaches for
Strider's hand...

STRIDER
(quietly)
You said you'd bind yourself to me,
forsaking the immortal life of your
people.

(CONTINUED)

73.
CONTINUED:

ARWEN
(whisper)
And to that I hold. I would rather share
one lifetime with you than face all the
ages of this world alone. Strider looks
down. In his hand lies the Evenstar.

ARWEN (CONT'D)
I choose a mortal live.

STRIDER
You cannot give me this.

ARWEN
It is mine to give to whom I will, like
my heart.

Arwen closes Strider's fingers around the jewel.

Arwen leans towards Strider, gently kissing him.

CUT TO:

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER, RIVENDELL -- DAY

Elrond addresses the council...

ELROND
Strangers from distant lands ... friends
of old. You have been summoned here to
answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-earth
stands upon the brink of destruction.
None can escape it. You will unite...or
you will fall. Each race is bound to this
fate...this one doom...

Frodo sits amongst a council of free-peoples of Middle earth,
Elrond stands before them, addressing Gandalf, Strider,
Legolas, and 20 other elves, Dwarves, and men.

ELROND (CONT'D)
Bring forth the ring, Frodo.

Frodo steps forward and moves towards a stone Plinth. He
places the ring on the plinth and returns to his seat.

BOROMIR
(shocked)
So it is true!

LEGOLAS
(disbelief)
Sauron's Ring! The ring of power!

(CONTINUED)

74.
CONTINUED:

GIMLI
(grim)
The doom of man!

BOROMIR
It is a gift...a gift to the foes of
Mordor! Why not use this Ring? Long has
my father, the Steward of Gondor, held
the forces of Mordor at bay...by the
blood of our people are your lands kept
safe. Give Gondor the weapon of the
enemy...let us use it against him!

STRIDER
You cannot wield it. None of us can.
The one ring answers to Sauron alone...it
has no other master. Boromir turns and
looks at Strider, coolly.

BOROMIR
And what would a ranger know of this
matter?

Strider says nothing and Boromir turns away dismissively.
LEGOLAS stands...

LEGOLAS
This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn,
son of Arathorn. You owe him your
allegiance.

Frodo looks at Strider questioningly...Boromir turns sharply.

BOROMIR
(quiet disbelief)
Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir?

LEGOLAS
And heir to the throne of Gondor.

ARAGORN
(Elvish: with subtitles)
Havo dad, Legolas...Sit down, Legolas..

BOROMIR
Gondor needs no king.

GANDALF
Aragorn is right...we cannot use it.

ELROND
You have only one choice..the ring must
be destroyed.

(CONTINUED)

75.
CONTINUED: (2)

The HUM OF THE RING seems to grow louder in Frodo's ears.
Gimli suddenly stands, excited.

GIMLI
Then...what are we waiting for?

Gimli suddenly rushes forward! He swings his axe down on the
ring. The axe shatters with a deafening crack! Gimli falls
backwards, staring in disbelief at the ring...unharmed! Frodo
winces as an angry image of the fiery eye hits him! He slumps
in this chair, clutching his forehead. Gandalf looks at him
with concern.

ELROND
The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son
of Gloin, by any craft that we

ELROND (CONT'D)
here possess. The ring was made in the
fires of Mount Doom...only there can it
be unmade. It must be taken deep into
Mordor, and cast back into the fiery
chasm from whence it came. One of you
must do this.

Stunned silence...the council sits with downcast eyes, as if
a great dread has descended on them. Boromir addresses the
council in a quiet voice

BOROMIR
One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its
black gates are guarded by more than just
Orcs. There is evil there that does not
sleep and the Great Eye is ever watchful.
It is a barren wasteland, riddled with
fire and ash and dust...the very air you
breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with
ten thousand men could you do this. It
is folly.

LEGOLAS
Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has
said? The ring must be destroyed.

GIMLI
And I suppose you think you're the one to
do it?

BOROMIR
And if we fail, what then? What happens
when Sauron takes back what is his?

Gimli leaps to his feet!

(CONTINUED)

76.
CONTINUED: (3)

GIMLI
I will be dead before I see the Ring in
the hands of an Elf! A STORM OF ARGUMENT
erupts around the room. CLOSE ON:
FRODO...sound disappears as he watches in
slow

motion...the angry faces, the shaking fists, the accusatory
fingers, his eyes move across to the ring...the hum grows
louder in his head.

GIMLI (CONT'D)
(shouting)
Never trust an Elf!

CLOSE ON: THE RING fills the screen...streams of blood flow
across the surface... flames flicker within the Gold Band.

GANDALF
Do you not understand? While we bicker
among ourselves, Sauron's power grows!
No one will escape it. You will all be
destroyed, your homes burnt and your
families put to the sword!

CLOSE ON: FRODO...breathing rapidly, Caught in the grip of
his hideous vision. With a huge effort or will, Frodo tears
his gaze upon the ring. Frodo suddenly stands...he speaks in
a strong, clear voice.

FRODO
I will take it...I will take it...I will
take the Ring to Mordor.

Sudden silence...Frodo looks around the room at the astounded
faces.

FRODO (CONT'D)
(quietly)
Though...I do not know the way. Gandalf
rises to his feet.

GANDALF
I will help you bear this burden, Frodo
Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear.

ARAGORN
If, by my life or death, I can protect
you, I will.
(kneels before Frodo)
...you have my sword. Aragorn steps
forward...followed by Legolas and Gimli.

(CONTINUED)

77.
CONTINUED: (4)

LEGOLAS
And you have my bow.

GIMLI
And my axe.

Boromir looks at them all then walks towards Frodo.

BOROMIR
You carry the fate of us all, little one.

Boromir looks towards Elrond and Gandalf.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
If this is indeed the will of the
Council, then Gondor will see it done.

Frodo stares in wonder as the Greatest Fighters in all Middle
earth stand at his side.

SAM
(unseen)
Here!

A Sudden Noise...Sam pops up from behind a Bush!

SAM (CONT'D)
Mr. Frodo's not gong anywhere without me.

ELROND
No, Indeed...it is hardly possible to
separate you...even when he is summoned
to a secret council and you are not.

Merry and Pippin jump up from behind another bush!

MERRY
Oi! We're coming too! You'll have to
send us home tied up in a sack to stop
us.

PIPPIN
Anyway...you need people of intelligence
on this sort of
mission...quest...thing...

MERRY
Well, that rules you out, Pip.

78.

ELROND SURVEYS THE GROUP

ELROND
(thoughtfully)
Nine companions ... so be it.
(announcing)
You shall be the "Fellowship of the ring"

PIPPIN
Great. Where are we going?

CUT TO:

INT. FRODO'S BEDROOM, RIVERDELL---DAWN

Close on: An old sword sliding out of a shabby leather
Scabbard...its polished, well tendered Blade glitters cold
and bright.

BILBO
My old sword "Sting"...here, take it!

Bilbo offers Sting to Frodo.

FRODO
It's so light!

BILBO
Yes, yes, made by the Elves, you know.
The blade glows blue when Orcs are
close...and it's times like that, my lad,
when you have to be extra careful.

Bilbo unwraps a small shirt of close woven Mail.

BILBO (CONT'D)
Here's a pretty thing. Mithril, as light
as a feather, and as hard as dragon
scales. Let me see you put it on. Come
on.

CLOSE ON: Frodo peels off his shirt... revealing The Ring on
the Chain around his neck.

BILBO (CONT'D)
(entranced)
Oh! My old Ring... Frodo frowns as Bilbo
moves toward him.

BILBO (CONT'D)
I should very much like to hold it again,
one last time. Bilbo reaches forward,
eyes locked on the ring.

(CONTINUED)

79.
CONTINUED:

Suddenly! A shadow passes across Bilbo...for a split second
he becomes a wrinkled creature with a hungry face and Bony,
groping hands. Frodo pulls away, shocked...the shadow passes.
Bilbo slumps into a chair, his head in his hands. Bilbo
falters...his eyes filling with tears.

BILBO (CONT'D)
Oh!

BILBO (CONT'D)
(sad)
I'm sorry, that I brought this upon you,
my boy...I'm sorry that you must carry
this burden. I'm sorry for everything.

Bilbo sobs and Frodo moves to comfort him.

CUT TO:

EXT. RIVENDELL VALLEY -- MORNING

ANGLE ON:

The Fellowship climb the long steep path out of the cloven
vale of Rivendell.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROUGH COUNTRY, SOUTH OF RIVENDELL -- DAY

ANGLE ON:

The fellowship trekking through a land of Deep Valleys and
turbulent waters...the misty mountains rise sharply to their
left.

GANDALF (V.O.)
We must hold to his course west of the
misty Mountains for forty days. If our
luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still
be open to us. From there, our road
turns east, to Mordor.

CUT TO:

EXT. EREGION HILLS--DAWN

CLOSE ON: Sam at the campfire. The sound of clashing swords!
Wider: Aragorn and Boromir are giving Pippin Sword tuition...

(CONTINUED)

80.
CONTINUED:

BOROMIR
Get away from the blade, Pippin...on your
toes...good, very good...I want you to
react, not think.

SAM
Should not be too hard...

BOROMIR
Move your feet.

MERRY
Quite good, Pippin.

PIPPIN
Thanks.

CLOSE ON: GIMLI has managed to corner Gandalf....

GIMLI
If anyone were to ask for my opinion,
which I note they have not, I would say
we are taking the long way round.
Gandalf, we can pass through the Mines of
Moria. My cousin, Balin, would give us a
royal welcome. Gandalf clearly thinks
that is a bad idea.

GANDALF
No, Gimli. I would not take the road
through Moria unless I had no other
choice.

Boromir thrusts, catching Pippin on the hand. Pippin throws
down his sword, kicks and lunges at Boromir, tackling him to
the ground. Much laughter. Legolas' eyes are fixed on a
distant Dark Patch which darts about the sky, like flying
smoke in the wind.

SAM
What is that?

GIMLI
Nothing...it's just a wisp of a cloud.

BOROMIR
(worried)
It's moving fast...against the wind.

LEGOLAS
Crebain from Dunland!

(CONTINUED)

81.
CONTINUED: (2)

ARAGORN
(urgently)
Hide!

BOROMIR
Merry..Pippin...Sam...take cover! WIDE
ON: THE FELLOWSHIP scramble under what
little cover

there is...as a regiment of Large crows fly low overhead at
Great speed, wheeling and circling above. As their dark
shadow passes over the fellowship, a single harsh croak is
heard...and the crows suddenly wheel away, back towards the
south. Gandalf staggers to his feet.

GANDALF
(worried)
Spies of Saruman. The passage South is
being watched.

Gandalf looks at Aragorn, turns to the others...gesturing
towards a high mountain pass.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
We must take the pass of Caradhras!

CUT TO:

EXT. SNOWY MOUNTAINSIDE -- DAY

ANGLE ON:

The Fellowship clamber through Rock and Snow. CLOSE ON: Frodo
slips on some shale...as he scrambles to his feet, the Ring
falls on the ground... CLOSE ON: the ring gleaming in the
snow! Boromir's Hand picks it up by the chain...he stands,
the ring dangling before his eyes. He seems to grow in
stature, as if absorbing its power. Aragorn warily approaches
Boromir...Boromir is motionless...he stares at the ring, as
if transfixed.

ARAGORN
Boromir?

BOROMIR
It is a strange fate that we should
suffer so much fear and doubt over so
small a thing...such a little thing.

ARAGORN
(quietly)
Boromir...give the ring to Frodo.
ARAGORN'S HAND moves to his sword hilt.

(CONTINUED)

82.
CONTINUED:

Ring's POV...looking up at Boromir's face. The strange hum
vibrates on the soundtrack. CLOSE ON: a Weird beatific smile
lights up Boromir's face...The HUM grows to a Deafening roar!
Boromir suddenly snaps out of his trance and hands the ring
back to Frodo.

BOROMIR
(lightly)
As you wish. I care not.

Boromir smiles at Frodo, ruffling his hair. CLOSE ON: ARAGON
unhands his sword.

CUT TO:

EXT. ISENGARD -- DAY

Following the crows as they race deeper and deeper, passing a
vista of Industry, Hundreds of Orcs and writhing
Birthsacks...flying past Saruman, who stands upon a wooden
Gantry. CLOSE ON: Saruman, listening to the Cries of the
crows.

SARUMAN
So, Gandalf...you try to lead them over
Caradhras. And if that fails...where
then will you go? THE FELLOWSHIP
struggles through the snow.

SARUMAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
If the mountain defeats you, will you
risk a more dangerous road?

CUT TO:

EXT. PASS OF CARADHRAS -- DAY

THE FELLOWSHIP are struggling through a blinding blizzard, up
towards the PASS OF CARADHRAS. Legolas the Elf moves lightly
across the top of the snow...he suddenly pauses. Saruman's
voice sweeps by in the wind.

LEGOLAS
(urgent)
There is a fell voice in the air.

GANDALF
It's Saruman.

THUNDER RUMBLES...ROCK and Shale fall from above.

(CONTINUED)

83.
CONTINUED:

ARAGORN
(urgently)
He's trying to bring down the mountain.
Gandalf! We must turn back!

GANDALF
No!

GANDALF RAISES HIS STAFF...HE CHANTS INTO THE WIND.

GANDALF
(YELLING)
Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho I
ruith. Sleep Caradhras, be still, lie
still, hold your wrath.

CUT TO:

EXT. ISENGARD -- DAY

CAMERA SWEEPS PAST SARUMAN...he stands on the summit of
Orthanc, Chanting. CLOUDS ARE FLOWING FROM ALL DIRECTIONS...
converging on the distant mountains in a stormy Malestrom.

EXT. PASS OF CARADHRAS -- DAY

Saruman's voice strengthens...rolling past the fellowship
like thunder. A LIGHTNING CRACK explodes on the mountainside
above them. Frodo looks up in horror as a huge snow avalanche
thunders down towards them! The Fellowship throw themselves
against the cliff face as snow crashes onto the narrow ledge.
LEGOLAS pulls Gandalf to safety. Aragorn shields Frodo and
Sam as snow piles around them. Within moments, the pass is
blocked and the fellowship are enveloped in snow. Boromir
and Aragorn frantically dig for the hobbits...who are pulled
out Shivering and Fearful.

BOROMIR
(urgent)
We must get off the mountain! Make for
the gap of Rohan and take the West road
to my city.

ARAGORN
The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to
Isengard.

GIMLI
We cannot pass over the mountain. Let us
go under it. Let us go through the mines
of Moria. Gandalf has a concerned look on
his face.

(CONTINUED)

84.
CONTINUED:

SARUMAN (V.O.)
Moria. You fear to go into those mines,
don't you? The dwarves delved too
greedily and too deep.

SARUMAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
You know what they awoke in, the darkness
of Khazad-dum. Shadow and flame.

GANDALF
Let the ringbearer decide.

CLOSE ON: FRODO, the weight of the decision weighing heavily
upon him. CLOSE ON: MERRY and PIPPIN shivering in Boromir's
arms.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Frodo?

Frodo meets Gandalf's eye.

FRODO
We will go through the mines. Gandalf
slowly nods.

GANDALF
So be it.

CUT TO:

EXT. MORIA GATE -- NIGHT

The Fellowship are walking along the far shore of dark
lake...directly below great looming cliffs.

GIMLI
(in awe)
The walls of Moria!

Footing is treacherous on the narrow strip of green and
greasy stones. Gandalf touches the smooth rock wall between
the trees... slowly, faint lines appear like slender veins of
luminous silver running through the stone.

GANDALF
Itidin...it mirrors only starlight and
moonlight.

A large moon rises over the mountains... The lines grow
Broader and Clearer, forming a glowing arch of interlacing
ancient letters and symbols.

(CONTINUED)

85.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF (CONT'D)
It reads, "The door of Durin, Lord of
Moria. Speak, friend, and enter."

MERRY
What do you suppose that means?

GANDALF
(confident)
It's quite simple. If you are a friend,
speak the password and the doors will
open.

Gandalf raises his arms...

GANDALF (CONT'D)
(incanting)
Annon edhellen, edro hi ammen!

The cliff towers into the night, the wind blows cold, Frodo
shivers... and the door stands fast!

LATER:

GANDALF CONTINUES...

Mumbling spells in his efforts to open the door. Sam packs
pots and pans at his feet...watching sadly as Aragorn un-
saddles Bill the pony. CLOSE ON: ARAGORN whispering to Bill
the Pony.

ARAGORN
(whispering)
Mines are no place for a Pony, even one
so brave as Bill.

SAM
Bye, Bill.

ARAGORN
Go on, Bill, go on..don't worry, Sam...he
knows his way home. Aragorn slaps Bill on
the rump...Bill goes trotting off. CLOSE
ON: Sam watching Bill disappear into the
darkness.

SAM
Goodbye, Bill.

SPLASH! Merry and Pippin are tossing stones into the lake.
Black Rippling rings slowly fan out. Pippin is about to
throw another stone, but Aragorn grabs his arm.

(CONTINUED)

86.
CONTINUED:

ARAGORN
(ominous)
Do not disturb the water.

Aragorn watches anxiously as the Ripples appear to grow....he
exchanges a look with Boromir.

Aragorn's hand creeps towards his sword. Gandalf gives up in
despair...he sits down beside Frodo. Close on: Frodo peers at
the Elvish inscription...his face breaks into a smile of
comprehension.

FRODO
(quietly)
It's a riddle...

Gandalf raises his eyebrows...

FRODO (CONT'D)
(explaining)
Speak, friend, and enter. What's the
Elvish for friend?

GANDALF
Oh...mellon.

With that, the rock face silently divides in the middle and
two great Doors swing outwards... revealing a blackness
deeper than the night. As the Fellowship enter the Blackness,
something in the water stirs....

INT. MORIA GATE -- NIGHT

The Fellowship step warily into the darkness of Moria...a
Dank cavern, with winding steps leading deeper into the
mountain.

GIMLI
So, master elf, you will enjoy the fabled
hospitality of the dwarves; roaring
fires, malt beer, red meat off the bone.
This, my friend, is the home of my
cousin, Balin...and they call this a
Mine...
(snorting)
A mine!

A Glow from Gandalf's Staff suddenly lights the chamber...
The Fellowship recoil in Horror! Many dwarf Skeletons are
strewn about, clearly the dead of some old battle...the
rusting armor and shields are peppered with arrows and axes.

(CONTINUED)

87.
CONTINUED:

BOROMIR
(grimly)
This is no mine...it's a tomb!

GIMLI
(in horror)
Oh...no...no..no... ! Legolas pulls a
crude arrow out of a skeleton.

LEGOLAS
Goblins!

The Fellowship draw swords and back away, towards the
Entrance.

BOROMIR
We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should
never have come here.

EXT. MORIA GATE -- NIGHT

Frodo is suddenly PULLED TO THE GROUND. A long sinuous
Tentacle is wrapped around Frodo's ankle and is dragging him
towards the lake. FRODO CRIES OUT as Aragorn and Boromir rush
forward! Aragorn severs the Tentacle holding Frodo, and pulls
him to safety...Boromir hacks at the other Writhing Limbs. 20
more tentacles ripple out of the Lake! The dark water Boils
as the hideous beast lashes out at the FELLOWSHIP! Again the
creature grabs Frodo and pulls him to the lake, Frodo is
flung in the air as the Fellowship battle the creature.
Aragorn hacks at a tentacle...Frodo is released, falling into
Boromir's arms.

GANDALF
Into the mines!

BOROMIR
Legolas!

Legolas shoots an Arrow into the creature's head, gaining a
few vital seconds for Aragorn and Boromir as they race out of
the water with Frodo. The FELLOWSHIP hurriedly back away from
the Creature... retreating into the Moria Chamber as many
Coiling arms seize the large doors.

INT. MORIA GATE -- NIGHT

With a shattering echo, the creature rips the doors away,
creating a rock slide that crashes down the Cliff Face.
Within seconds, tons of rock seal the doorway... throwing the
Fellowship into Pitch Blackness.

(CONTINUED)

88.
CONTINUED:

A faint light rises from Gandalf's staff, throwing a Creepy
Glow across the old wizards face.

GANDALF
(ominous)
We now have but one choice...we must face
the long dark of Moria. Be on your
guard...there are older and fouler things
than the Orcs in the deep places of the
world.

CUT TO:

INT. NEW CHAMBER, MORIA -- NIGHT

WIDE ON: the Fellowship crossing a precarious bridge above
deep mine workings.

GANDALF
Quietly, now. It's a four day journey to
the other side. Let us hope that our
presence will go unnoticed.

INT. MORIA CEMETERY CAVERN -- NIGHT

They continue up a steep stair, passing through a dwarf
cemetery. The graves are despoiled...dwarf skeletons are
strewn about and Goblin Graffiti is scrawled on monuments in
dried Dwarf blood. The Atmosphere is very sinister.

CUT TO:

INT. MORIA TUNNEL FORK -- NIGHT

The path splits into three passages...each disappearing into
dark tunnels. Gandalf pauses, frowning.

GANDALF
I have no memory of this place.

LATER... The Fellowship are nervously waiting...while Gandalf
sits, staring intently at the 3 tunnel mouths in front of
him. He appears to be in some kind of trance.

CLOSE ON: FRODO

He turns at the sound of a faint noise down the tunnel behind
them.

PIPPIN
Are we lost?

(CONTINUED)

89.
CONTINUED:

MERRY
No. I don't think we are. Shhhh,
Gandalf's thinking.

PIPPIN
Merry!

MERRY
What?

PIPPIN
I'm hungry.

Frodo's POV: a sudden glimpse of a creature darting in the
darkness. Frodo is nervous...he approaches Gandalf.

FRO DO
(whispers)
There's something down there.

GANDALF
(quietly)
It's Gollum.

FRODO
Gollum!

GANDALF
He's been following us for three days.

TEASING SHOT: and emaciated, leering creature.

FRODO
(disbelieving)
He escaped the dungeons of Barad- dur?

GANDALF
Escaped...or was set loose. And now the
Ring has drawn him here...he will never
be rid of his need for it. He hates and
loves the ring, as he hates and loves
himself. Smeagol's life is a sad story.
Gandalf catches Frodo's look of surprise.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Yes...Smeagol he was once called...Before
the ring came to him, before it drove him
mad.

Gollum's withered fingers are gripping the cave wall...he is
large, Luminous eyes blinking with malice.

(CONTINUED)

90.
CONTINUED: (2)

FRODO
(grim)
It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he
had the chance.

GANDALF
Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's
hand. Many that live deserve death, and
some that die deserve life. Can you give
it to them, Frodo? Frodo frowns.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Do not be too eager to deal out death in
judgment...even the very wise cannot see
all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum
has some part to play yet, for good or
ill, before this is over. The pity of
Bilbo may rule the fate of many.

FRODO
I wish the ring had never come to me...I
wish none of this had happened.

GANDALF
So do all who live to see such times, but
that is not for them to decide. All we
have to decide is what to do with the
time that is given to us. There is a note
of finality in Gandalf's voice.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
There are other forces at work in this
world, Frodo, besides the will of evil.
Bilbo was meant to find the ring. In
which case, you also were meant to have
it...and that is an encouraging thought,
(sudden brightness)
Ah! That it's that way! Gandalf points
at the right hand tunnel...the Fellowship
scramble to their feet.

MERRY
(relieved)
He's remembered!

GANDALF
No, but the air doesn't smell so foul
down there. If in doubt, Meriadoc,
always follow your nose!
(laughs)
Ye s...

91.

INT. DWAROWDELF CHAMBER, MORIA -- DAY

The Fellowship pass under an arched doorway into a black and
empty space. Gandalf pauses...

GALADRIEL
Let me risk a little more light. Gandalf
taps his staff...for a brief moment a
light

blazes... like a silent Flash of Lightning. Great shadows
spring up and flee...

GANDALF
Behold! The great realm and Dwarf city
of Dwarrowdelf! Frodo gasps at the brief
sight of a vast roof, far above

their heads, upheld by many mighty pillars hewn of stone.
Before them stretches a huge empty hall, with black walls,
polished and smooth as glass.

SAM
Well, there's an eye opener and no
mistake!

Ahead of them, a wooden door has been smashed. Black arrows
are embedded in the timbers. Two goblin skeletons lie in the
doorway. Gimli rushes ahead...

GANDALF
Gimli!!

CUT TO:

INT. BALIN'S TOMB, MORIA -- DAY

Gimli rushes into another vast empty chamber... lit with a
narrow shaft of sunlight, beaming in from a small hole near
the roof. Dwarf and Goblin skeletons are piled high. In the
far corner sits a stone walled Well. A shaft of light falls
directly onto a stone table in the middle of the room: a
single oblong block, about 4 feet high, topped with a great
slab of white stone. Gimli falls to his knees...

GIMLI
No...no...oh, no!

Gimli sobs.

Gandalf quietly reads an inscription of runes, carved onto
the white stone slab.

(CONTINUED)

92.
CONTINUED:

GANDALF
"Here lies Balin, son of Fudin, Lord of
Moria." He is dead, then. It's as I had
feared.

Gandalf carefully lifts the rotting remains of a book from
the white stone slab. It has been slashed and stabbed...and
appears to be covered in Dried Blood. The pages crack and
break as he opens it...

LEGOLAS
(urgent whisper to Argorn)
We must move on, we cannot linger.

GANDALF
(reading)
"They have taken the Bridge and the
second hall: we have barred the
gates...but cannot hold them for
long...the ground shakes...drums in the
deep...we cannot get out. A shadow moves
in the dark. Will no- one save us? They
are coming."

Unnerved, Pippin backs away nervously...He stumbles against
the well, sending a precariously balanced Armored skeleton
tumbling in! Merry reaches out, Grabbing hold of Pippin
before he falls. The Fellowship freeze in stunned silence as
the armored skeleton clatters down the deep well...echoing
loudly!

INT. MORIA CAVERNS -- DAY

Gandalf turns angrily on Pippin.

GANDALF
(angry)
Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next
time and rid us of your stupidity!

ANGLE ON: PIPPIN, CHASTENED.

They fall silent. A low rolling boom rises from the depths
below...growing louder...BOOM...BOOM...as if the caverns of
Moria were turned into a vast drum. A great horn blasts
nearby...Answering horns ... running feet...harsh cries...
Sam's eyes glance at Frodo's belt...

SAM
(worried)
Mr. Frodo!

(CONTINUED)

93.
CONTINUED:

Frodo looks down. A cold blue glow is emanating from Sting's
Scabbard! Frodo draws the Sword...and stares at its glowing
blade!

LEGOLAS
Orcs !

ARAGORN
(to the hobbits)
Get back! Stay close to Gandalf.

Aragorn and Boromir slam and wedge the doors. Boromir
catches sight of something; he turns to Aragorn with shock in
his eyes.

BOROMIR
They have a cave troll!

Gimli snatches up two rusty dwarf axes and leaps onto the
tomb.

GIMLI
(yelling)
Let them come! There is one Dwarf yet in
Moria who still draws breath!

BOOM! The Door bursts open in a shower of wood fragments,
and 20 Goblins charge into the tomb, followed by a huge cave
troll! Gimli ducks a blow and immediately buries his Axes in
2 Goblin helmets. Aragorn and Boromir wade into the mass of
Goblins with their swords. Legolas fires deadly arrows into
Goblin throats, desperately trying to Shield the Hobbits!
Gandalf is clutching his sword and joins in the battle! The
cave troll is sweeping his club at Aragorn...who stumbles
backwards...the huge club descends for the killing
blow...suddenly, in a flash of steel, Boromir's long sword
slices into the Scaly arm of the troll; it rears back,
spewing green blood! Sam is backing up against a wall...a
sword in one hand, a saucepan in the other. In desperation
he swings wildly at a Goblin with a saucepan! It keels
over...Sam looks surprised. He wallops another Goblin and it
too, drops.

SAM
I think I'm getting the hang of this.

The Cave Troll lunges forward, thrusting at Frodo's chest
with his spear.

FRODO
Aragorn! Aragorn!

(CONTINUED)

94.
CONTINUED: (2)

Sam screams as Frodo is lifted off his feet by the spear tip
and slammed against the wall.

ARAGORN
(shocked yell)
Frodo!!

The hobbits go crazy. Sam slashes at the cave troll's knee,
bringing him down...Merry and Pippin jump on him...Legolas
fires an arrow...and the cave troll topples, dead. Aragorn
rushes to Frodo's side as he slumps to the floor...Frodo
appears to be dead. Close on: Gandalf, Aragorn, Hobbits
looking horrified... Suddenly Frodo coughs...takes a huge
breath.

SAM
He's alive!

FRODO
I'm alright. I'm not hurt.

ARAGORN
You should be dead. That spear would've
skewered a wild boar!

GANDALF
I think there's more to this hobbit than
meets the eye.

Frodo open his shirt to reveal the Mithril Vest. The Troll
Spear did not pierce the mithril."

GIMLI
Mithril! You are full of surprises,
Master Baggins.

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM the sound of the drums rings out again!
Gandalf turns to the others.

GANDALF
To the bridge of Khazad-dum!

CUT TO:

INT. DWAROWDELF CHAMBER, MORIA -- DAY

Gandalf leads the fellowship into the huge Dwarrowdelf
Chamber.

GANDALF
This way!

(CONTINUED)

95.
CONTINUED:

They hurry towards a distant door...as Goblins start
scuttling down the Pillars behind them, like cockroaches!
Frodo looks with horror at the overwhelming Goblin army
that's rushing toward them! SUDDENLY! A deafening roar fills
the air! A fiery light dances down the hallway... the
pillars casting eerie shadows. The Goblins freeze. They back
Fearfully away from the approaching beast...melting into the
darkness.

BOROMIR
What is this new devilry?

A HUGE SHADOW, surrounded by flame, falls across the
hall..the ground shakes...an unearthly sound rumbles...

GANDALF
(quietly)
A Balrog..a demon of the ancient world!
This foe is beyond any of you!
(urgent yell)
Run! Quickly!

CUT TO:

INT. STAIRWAY OF KHASAD-DUM, MORIA -- DAY

The BALROG, a massive creature rises from a chasm, a great
40 foot man-beast, with a mane of flames! In one hand is a
blade...like a stabbing tongue of fire; in the other, a WHIP
of many thongs. Aragorn leads the fellowship to the top of a
dizzying stairway...Gandalf follows, leaning heavily on his
staff. Close on: Aragorn looks at Gandalf, concerned.

GANDALF
Lead them on, Aragorn. The bridge is
near.

Aragorn hesitates...Gandalf looks at him.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Do as I say; swords are no more use here.

THE FELLOWSHIP race down the stairway, Aragorn picks up
Frodo..leaping across a gaping chasm. A NARROW BRIDGE,
spanning a bottomless pit...Gandalf yells to the others:
Aragorn makes to throw Gimli across the Chasm.

GIMLI
Nobody tosses a dwarf! The BALROG smashes
through the wall and spreads its vast
wings.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

96.
CONTINUED:
GIMLI (CONT'D)
It swoops down past the Fellowship,
disappearing into a flaming pit!

CUT TO:

INT. BRIDGE OF KHAZAD-DUM, MORIA -- DAY

The Fellowship run into a hall...the floor is split with
fissures that spit flame.

GANDALF
(yelling)
Over the bridge! Fly!

They race towards the slender bridge of stone...without kerb
or rail...at the far end of the hall. The Fellowship
recklessly hurry over the dizzying bridge..but Gandalf... the
last..pauses in the middle of the span...he faces the
Balrog...staff in one hand...Sword in the other! Frodo looks
back in horror:

GANDALF (CONT'D)
You cannot pass!

FRODO
(alarmed yell)
Gandalf!

GANDALF
(yelling)
I am a servant of the Secret Fire,
wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark
fire will not avail you, flame of Udun.

Frodo watches as the Balrog puts one foot on the bridge and
draws up to Full Height, wings spreading from wall-to-wall.
Gandalf is a tiny figure, balanced precariously on the narrow
bridge.

GANDALF (CONT'D)
Go back to the shadow! The BALROG slashes
at Gandalf with its Sword of

flame...Gandalf blocks with his sword...a ringing clash and
the Balrog's sword shatters into molten fragments!

GANDALF (CONT'D)
(booming)
You shall not pass!! The Balrog places
one foot onto the bridge. Aragorn and
Boromir race forward, swords drawn.

GANDALF CRIES ALOUD as he summons up his LAST RESERVES OF
STRENGTH!

(CONTINUED)

97.
CONTINUED:

He thumps the bridge with his staff...a blinding sheet of
white flame springs up... the staff shatters...the bridge
breaks... right at Balrog's feet. The stone bridge drops away
into the gulf...from under the Balrog. For a moment, the
great Beast remains poised in the air...then it plunges down:
in slow motion Relief floods Frodo's face..Gandalf remains
trembling on the lip of the broken bridge. Slow motion: As
the Balrog falls, he lashes out with his whip of fire... Slow
motion: The thongs of the whip lash and curl around Gandalf's
knees, dragging him over the brink! Gandalf just manages to
hand on by his fingertips

FRODO
(screaming)
Gandalf!

GANDALF
(fierce)
Fly, you fools!

CLOSE ON: Gandalf lets go his grip and falls away...
following the Balrog into the bottomless Abyss! Frodo cries
out! Boromir scoops him up and carries him away.

FRODO
No!

ARAGORN
Gandalf!

They rush towards an archway.

CUT TO:

EXT. DIMROLL DALE DOOR -- DAY

The Fellowship tumble out of the Great Eastern Gate on to a
grassy sunlit hillside. Sam, Merry, and Pippin fall slowly to
the ground, Sobbing...Aragorn turns to Legolas and Gimli.

ARAGORN
(urgent)
Legolas, get them up!

BOROMIR
Give them a moment...for pity's sake!

ARAGORN
By nightfall these hills will be swarming
with Orcs! We must reach the woods of
Lothlorien. Come, Boromir, Legolas,
Gimli, get them up. On your feet, Sam.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

98.
CONTINUED:
ARAGORN (CONT'D)
Boromir glances towards Frodo, then back
at Aragorn. Frodo is walking away, as if
in a daze.

ARAGORN (CONT'D)
Frodo? Frodo!

CLOSE ON: FRODO SLOWLY TURNS...a look of numb shock on his
devastated face. The Fellowship marches on.

CUT TO:

EXT. DIMRILL DALE HILLSIDE--DUSK

Aragorn scours ahead of the company, as they stumble on in
the fading light...in the distance the shimmer of a large
forest can be seen...Lothlorien!

EXT. EDGE OF LOTHLORIEN--DUSK

WIDE ON: The fellowship run across a forest floor strewn with
yellow flowers..above is a roof of golden leaves, held up by
silver pillars...the trunks of huge, grey trees. Gimli looks
nervously around...

GIMLI
Stay close, young hobbits..they say a
Sorceress lives in these woods. An elf-
witch of terrible power. All who look
upon her fall under her spell...

Frodo hesitates...a STRANGE VOICE whispers in his head...

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
Frodo...

GIMLI
And are never seen again!

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
...your coming to us is as the footsteps
of doom. You bring great evil here,
Ringbearer.

SAM
Mr. Frodo?

GIMLI
Well, here's one dwarf she won't ensnare
so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and
the ears of a fox!

(CONTINUED)

99.
CONTINUED:

The FELLOWSHIP are suddenly surrounded by ARMED ELVES.
Deadly arrows aimed at their heads. HALDIR, the Elvish
captain steps forward... he looks at Gimli with disdain.

HALDIR
The dwarf breathes so loud we could have
shot him in the dark.

ARAGORN
(Elvish: with subtitles)
Haldir of Lorien, we come here for your
help. We need your protection.

GIMLI
Aragorn! These woods are perilous. We
should go back.

HALDIR
You have entered the realm of the Lady of
the Wood. You cannot go back.

Haldir's eyes lock onto Frodo.

HALDIR (CONT'D)
Come, she is waiting.

CUT TO:

EXT. LOTHLORIEN HILLTOP -- DAY

Haldir leads the Fellowship onto a Hill Top. They look with
wonderment at the vista spread before them.

Several miles towards the South, a Large Hill rises out of
the woods. Upon the hill rise many mighty Mallorn Trees,
taller than any others...Nestled high in the crown of the
mallorns is a Beautiful City. It Gleams in the low rays of
the late afternoon sun..green, gold, and silver. To the east
of Caras Galadhon, the Woods of Lorien run down the pale
gleam of Anduin, the great river. Beyond the River, the land
appears flat and empty, formless and vague, until far away,
it rises again like a dark and dreary wall. The Sun that lies
on Lothlorien has not power to enlighten the shadows that lie
beyond.

CUT TO:

INT. CELEBORN'S CHAMBER, CARAS GALADHON -- NIGHT

100.

ANGLE ON: THE FELLOWSHIP

step onto a wide fleet filled with a soft light. The walls
are green and silver, the roof gold and in its midst is the
trunk of the might Mallorn tree, now tapering toward its
crown. Celeborn steps forward to greet the guests. His hair
is long and silver, his face grave and beautiful, with no
sign of age upon it. Next to him stands Galadriel, the Lady
of the Elves. She has hair of deep gold and timeless,
unsurpassed beauty. Celeborn looks hard at Aragorn...

CELEBORN
Eight there are, yet nine there were set
out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is
Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with
him.

Frodo looks at Galadriel, standing silently beside Celeborn.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
(softly aloud)
...he has fallen into shadow. Galadriel
looks to Aragorn.

GALADRIEL (CONT'D)
The Quest stands upon the edge of a
knife. Stray but a little and it will
fail, to the ruin of all...Yet hope
remains while the company is true.

Galadriel's eyes settle on Sam.

GALADRIEL (CONT'D)
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go
now and rest for you are weary with
sorrow and much toil. Galadriel's eyes
turn to Frodo...her voice fades.

GALADRIEL (CONT'D)
Tonight you will sleep in peace.
(whispered v/o)
Welcome, Frodo of the Shire... CLOSE ON:
FRODO looks at GALADRIEL. SUDDEN INSERT:
GALADRIEL as she is on the other

side... Powerful, divine...no longer of this world..a
Piercing white light surrounds her.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
...one who has seen the eye.

CUT TO:

101.

EXT. CARAS GALADHON LAWN -- NIGHT

Gimli, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam are in a
pavilion set among the trees near the fountain. They lie on
soft couches as Elves leave food and wine for them. MOURNFUL
SINGING drifts down from the trees above.

LEGOLAS
(sadly)
A lament for Gandalf...

MERRY
What do they say about him?

LEGOLAS
I have not the heart to tell you. For me,
the grief is still too near. Boromir is
sitting alone...Aragorn approaches him.

ARAGORN
Take some rest..these borders are well
protected.

Moonlight catches the trace of tears on Boromir's face.
Aragorn kneels down beside him.

BOROMIR
I will find no rest here. I heard her
voice inside my head...she spoke of my
father and the fall of Gondor, and she
said to me: "Even now, there

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
is hope left. But I cannot see it...it
is long since we had any hope.

CLOSE ON: BOROMIR looks at ARAGORN in despair.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
My father is a noble man, but his rule is
failing and our..our people lose faith.
He looks to me to make things right...and
I would do it, I would see the glory of
Gondor restored. Have you ever seen it,
Aragorn? The White Tower of Ecthelion,
glimmering like a spike of pearl and
silver, its banners caught high in the
morning breeze...have you ever been
called home by the clear ringing of
silver trumpets?

ARAGORN
I have seen the white city..long ago.

(CONTINUED)

102.
CONTINUED:

Boromir feels Aragorn's love for Minas Tirith and takes
heart,

BOROMIR
One day our paths will lead us there, and
the tower guards shall take up the call
"the Lords of Gondor have returned."

Aragorn returns Boromir's smile...betraying his disquiet
sadness only when Boromir looks away.

CUT TO:

LATER....

The Fellowship are asleep on their beds. Gimli is snoring
loudly. CLOSE ON: BARE FEET tread soundlessly across the
lawn. CLOSE ON: Frodo's eyes flicker open...as if by
instinct. GALADRIEL, her White dress glowing in the
moonlight, glances at him. Frodo follows her...as if drawn by
an invisible force.

CUT TO:

EXT. GALADRIELS GLADE, LORTHLORIEN -- NIGHT

Upon a low stone pedestal, carved like a branching tree, sits
a shallow Silver Basin. Galadriel leads Frodo into the small
Glade.

GALADRIEL
Will you look into the mirror? Frodo
looks with apprehension at the silver
basin.

FRODO
(warily)
What will I see?

Galadriel pours water into the basin from a silver jug...a
glow rises from the water.

GALADRIEL
Even the wisest cannot tell for the
mirror shows many things...things that
were ..things that are...and some things
that have not yet come to pass.

Frodo slowly steps up to the pedestal...he peers into the
glossy surface. The night sky is reflected into the water...
suddenly a figure takes form...the bowed figure of an old
man, clad in white robes. He walks down a long road. Frodo
leans closer to the mirror's surface...

103.

CLOSE ON: GANDALF LIFTS HIS HEAD AND LOOKS DIRECTLY AT FRODO!

FRODO gasps, his face lighting up with hope.

FRODO
(joyous)
Gandalf!

Gandalf looks at Frodo with a fierce intensity. Frodo
reaches out his hand toward the surface of the mirror.
Suddenly the image flares, burning out to white. The vision
shifts...Frodo gasps in horror! The Shire is in ruins! The
image suddenly widens to fill the screen...buildings
burning...bodies strewn about...Dark Shapes of ORCS looting
and destroying...Bag End, billowing in flames! The Party
tree is hacked down. Frodo reels back as the mirror seems to
grow...the nightmarish image sweeps past his head, engulfing
him entirely.

IMAGE: Hobbiton...now an Industrial wasteland! The fields
and trees destroyed...replaced with Brick factories belching
smoke! IMAGE: ORCS brutally herd manacled Hobbits into the
Factories! We see Sam...Merry... and Rosie Cotton. Soot-
stained and sobbing, they disappear into the factory hell-
hole! Suddenly, the mirror goes dark...and out of the black
abyss a single eye grows. CLOSE ON: FRODO IS FROZEN. Unable
to move or cry out. The ring dangles from his neck, inches
above the water...not shimmering with curls of steam. Fire
erupts around the eye... With a Yell, Frodo pushes himself
away from the pedestal and collapses on the ground. Light
instantly fades from the mirror. Frodo comes to his
senses...he is shocked. Galadriel stands still as a statue,
unmoved, untouched by the horror.

GALADRIEL
I know what it is you saw...for it is
also in my mind. It is the future,
Frodo. It is what will come to pass if
you should fail.

Galadriel looks at Frodo intensely...Frodo looks down...in
his hand he is clutching the ring. Frodo looks up at
Galadriel.

GALADRIEL (CONT'D)
The fellowship is breaking. It has
already begun. He will try to take the
ring. You know of whom I speak. One by
one, it will destroy them all.

FRODO (V.O.)
If you ask it of me, I will give you the
One Ring.

(CONTINUED)

104.
CONTINUED:

GALADRIEL
You offer it to me freely...I do not deny
that my heart has greatly desired this.

Galadriel suddenly seems to rise in stature before Frodo's
eyes. Frodo is suddenly afraid of her.

GALADRIEL (CONT'D)
In place of the Dark Lord, you would have
a Queen, not dark, but beautiful and
terrible as the Dawn. Treacherous as the
Sea! Stronger than the foundations of
the earth...all shall love me and
despair! Frodo takes a step away from
Galadriel...

Galadriel suddenly laughs...a slender Elf-woman once more,
clad in simple white, her voice soft and sad.

GALADRIEL (CONT'D)
(gently)
I pass the test.
(laughs)
I will diminish and go into the west and
remain Galadriel. Frodo's confidence
drains away.

FRODO
I cannot do this alone...

GALADRIEL
You are the ring-bearer, Frodo...to bear
a ring of power is to be alone. This task
was appointed to you, and if you do not
find a way, no one will.

Frodo realizes what her message is.

FRODO
Then I know what I must do. It's
just...I'm afraid to do it. Galadriel
kneels down to Frodo's height, staring at
him intently.

GALADRIEL
Even the smallest person can change the
course of the future.

The Ring lies in the palm of Frodo's hand...his fingers close
over it.

CUT TO:

105.

INT. ORTHANC CHAMBER -- DAY

Naked, Lurtz's eyes follow Saruman, alight with a mean
intelligence.

SARUMAN (V.O.)
(smiles)
They were Elves once. Taken by the Dark
Powers ... tortured and mutilated...a
ruined and terrible form of life. And
now...perfected. My fighting Uruk-Hai.
Whom do you serve?

LURTZ
(gutteral rasp)
Saruman.

INT. CAVERNS BELOW ISENGARD -- DAY

QUICK CUTS: LURTZ is quickly armored...Breastplate...Leg
guards, Helmet...a sword is thrust in Lurtz's hand. The URUK-
HAI are smearing themselves in white paint...a creepy
ritualistic ceremony...the white hand of Isengard is smeared
on bodies, faces, and armor. SARUMAN address a crowd of 200
fully armed URUK-HAI.

SARUMAN
Hunt them down. Do not stop until they
are found. You do not know pain. You do
not know fear. You will taste man-flesh.
Saruman turns to Lurtz.

SARUMAN (CONT'D)
(coldly)
One of the Halflings carries something of
great value...bring him to me...alive and
unspoiled...kill the others.

EXT. ISENGARD -- DAY

Lurtz is leading 200 URUK-HAI out of Isengard..they run fast,
their powerful legs carrying them at speed.

EXT. SILVERLODE RIVER BANK--DAWN

The Fellowship are in small elven boats. They row away from
the Lothlorien Shore into the Silverlode river. Elves
quietly watch them depart. Galadriel gives Frodo a small
Crystal Phial.

GALADRIEL
Farewell, Frodo Baggins. I give you the
light of Earendil, our most beloved star.

(CONTINUED)

106.
CONTINUED:

As the Fellowship's boats drift past, Galadriel stands alone,
watching from the banks of the river. In his head, Frodo
still hears her voice...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
May it be a light for you in dark places,
when all other lights go out.

EXT. RIVER ANDUIN -- DAY

The boats pass into the great river Anduin. The Three Elven
boats carry the Fellowship steadily southward. Green trees
slowly give way to a brown and withered land.

EXT. FOREST -- DAY

The Uruk forces are running through the trees with deadly
purpose.

EXT. RIVER ANDUIN -- DAY

A flock of birds circle high above, Black against the pale
sky. Aragorn watches them with concern.

EXT. PILLARS OF THE KINGS, RIVER ANDUIN--DAWN

The Three Elven boats drift slowly through the steep rocky
gorge in the Pre-dawn light. CLOSE ON: ARAGORN, slowly
paddling in the stern.

ARAGORN
(quietly)
Frodo.

Frodo slowly looks up, his eyes widening with amazement. Wide
on: Two enormous rock statues, towering like 300 foot
pinnacles on either side of the river...carved images of
Gondorian kings of old. They loom over the boats with power
and majesty.

ARAGORN (CONT'D)
The Argonath...

Close on: Aragorn...strangely moved by the beauty of the
silent sentinels. He speaks, almost as if to himself.

ARAGORN (CONT'D)
(deeply moved)
Long have I desired to look upon the
kings of old...my kin.

The fellowship stare in stunned silence as the current takes
them through the narrow gap between the Statues' feet.

(CONTINUED)

107.
CONTINUED:

Wide on: Craning up past the statues vast crumbling heads, to
reveal a large lake only a mile down river...

EXT. SHORE OF NEN HITHOEL -- DAY

ANGLE ON: THE FELLOWSHIP

As they leap out of the boats and clamber onto the wooded
shore.

ARAGORN
We cross the lake at nightfall, hide the
boats and continue on foot..we approach
Mordor from the North.

GIMLI
(gloomy)
Oh, yes, just a simple matter of finding
our way through Emyn Muil, an impassable
labyrinth of razor sharp rocks. And
after that gets even better...a
festering, stinking marshland, far as the
eye can see.

ARAGORN
That is our Road...I suggest you take
some rest and recover your strength,
Master Dwarf.

GIMLI
(indignant)
Recover my...

Legolas turns to Aragorn with urgency.

LEGOLAS
We should leave now.

ARAGORN
No. Orcs patrol the Eastern shore. We
must wait for cover of darkness.

LEGOLAS
It is not the Eastern shore that worries
me.

Legolas casts a glance around into the Parth Galen forest...

LEGOLAS (CONT'D)
A shadow and a threat has been growing in
my mind. Something draws near, I can
feel it.

(CONTINUED)

108.
CONTINUED:

Aragorn looks at Legolas, knowing full well what he means.
Sam has slumped asleep...Merry dumps a small pile of kindling
at Gimli's feet...

MERRY
Where's Frodo?

Sam sits up with a start...Aragorn's head snaps round..his
eyes fly to Boromir's shield which lies abandoned by his camp
bed. CLOSE ON: ARAGORN.... as he realizes Boromir has gone!

EXT. SLOPES OF AMON HEN -- DAY

Frodo is walking beneath the trees...lost in thought. His
feet hit the rough edge of an ancient stone slab...his eyes
follow an overgrown path towards stone stairs leading to the
summit of Amon Hen...the seeing seat. A CRACKLING SOUND!
Frodo freezes....

BOROMIR
(quietly)
None of us should wander alone; you least
of all. So much depends on you...Frodo?

Frodo turns slowly...he stares at Boromir, tense, cautious.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
I know why you seek solitude. You
suffer, I see it day by day. Are you
sure you do not suffer needlessly?

Frodo stands silent for a moment..the murmur of the Wind in
the trees and the distant roar of the falls of Rauros can be
heard

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
Let me help you. There are other ways,
Frodo..other paths that we might take.

FRODO
I know what you would say, and it would
seem like wisdom but for the warning of
my heart.

BOROMIR
Warning? Against what?

Boromir has started forward towards Frodo, he pulls himself
up.

(CONTINUED)

109.
CONTINUED:

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
We are all afraid, Frodo. But to let that
fear drive us to destroy what hope we
have...don't you see that is madness?

FRODO
There is no other way.

BOROMIR
I ask only for the strength to defend my
people.
(angrily drops the wood he has
collected)
If you would but lend me the ring...

FRODO
No. . .

Frodo steps hurriedly away from Boromir.

BOROMIR
Why do you recoil? I am no thief.

FRODO
(wary)
You are not yourself.

BOROMIR
What chance do you think you have? They
will find you, they will take the ring
and you will beg for death before the
end.

Frodo turns to leave.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
You fool! It is not yours save by
unhappy chance...it might have been mine.
It should be mine. Give it to me! Give
me the ring.

Boromir leaps on top of Frodo, grasping for the ring! Frodo
has only moments to act. Frodo rips the ring from around his
neck..and rams it on his finger.

FRODO DISAPPEARS
Boromir spins wildly around, yelling into
thin air!

BOROMIR
I see your mind...you will take the ring
to Sauron. You will betray us! You go to
your death and the death of us all.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

110.
CONTINUED: (2)
BOROMIR (CONT'D)
Curse you! Curse you and your Halflings!
Boromir stumbles and falls. His body
shakes as if in the Throes of a
fit...slowly he comes to.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
(Disoriented)
Frodo! Frodo! What have I done. Please,
Frodo...

EXT. SEEING SEAT -- DAY

IN THE TWILIGHT WORLD:

FRODO races through the misty twilight world, past the foggy
shapes of twisted trees. Somewhere behind him, Boromir's
distraught voice carries from another dimension:

BOROMIR (O.S.)
I'm sorry, Frodo...Frodo...

Frodo suddenly finds himself on the stone steps...he clambers
up the stairs, onto a high seat, perched on four stone
pillars. Frodo cowers on the seat, like a lost child upon the
throne of mountain kings. The world of mist swirls around
him. Frodo peers out from the seat...the world seems to
shrink. In all directions, Views of far off lands telescope
towards him through the mist. IMAGES: ORCS spilling out of
holes in the misty mountains... flames rising from
Mirkwood...grim faced easterlings march to war...black ships
sailing into the south. All the power of the Dark Lord is in
motion. Frodo moves his gaze towards the east...fire explodes
against the smoke, as a huge mass of black battlements fills
Frodo's vision. A mountain of iron, immeasurably strong,
tower of adamant: Barad-dur, FORTRESS OF SAURON!

SUDDENLY! SAURON'S EYE LEAPS TOWARD FRODO LIKE A FINGER OF

LIGHT.

SAURON (V.O.)

(IN BLACK SPEECH)

They will fall! Frodo leaps off the seat, and tumbles down
the stairs! The eye sweeps Amon Hen like a searchlight,
seeking its ring! With a huge effort, Frodo wrenches the ring
off his finger...

EXT. SUMMIT OF AMON HEN -- DAY

Frodo lies gasping on the summit of Amon Hen...below the
ancient ruins of the seeing seat.

111.

AT THAT MOMENT: A BLACK BOOT STEPS INTO SHOT!

Frodo looks up as Aragorn towers over him.

ARAGORN
Frodo?

FRODO
(numb)
It has taken Boromir. ARAGORN moves
towards Frodo...

ARAGORN
(urgent)
Where is the ring?

Frodo backs away from Aragorn...Aragorn is shocked by the
movement.

FRODO
Stay away!

ARAGORN
Frodo...I swore to protect you.

FRODO
Can you protect me from yourself?

Frodo uncurls his fist...in is palm lies the ring! It
glints, gold and beautiful in the afternoon sun...Aragorn's
eyes are drawn to it.

FRODO (CONT'D)
Would you destroy it?

ARAGORN
(kneeling to Frodo)
I would have gone with you to the end...
into the very fires of Mordor.

FRODO
I know...Look after the others,
especially Sam...he will not understand.

Aragorn freezes! He draws his sword.

ARAGORN
(urgent)
Go, Frodo!

Frodo hesitates.

(CONTINUED)

112.
CONTINUED:

ARAGORN (CONT'D)
(yells)
Run! Run!!

Frodo backs away into the trees...as 200 URUK-HAI SWARM onto
Amon Hen behind Aragorn!

Aragorn attacks the leading URUK-HAI like a madman... he
brings two down with his sword...leaping into the ruins as
others close in on him. Frodo scrambles down the hillside,
away from the fight. Aragorn battles the URUK-HAI, amongst
the pillars and blocks of Amon Hen. Despite his bravery, he
is quickly surrounded... SUDDENLY: ELVEN ARROWS smash into
the URUK-HAI. Legolas races out of the woods, firing his bow.
Gimli leaps into the battle, wielding his might axe.

EXT. PARTH GALEN HILLSIDE -- DAY

Frodo is darting down the steep hillside as heave feet
thunder down behind him.

SAM
Mr. Frodo!

Sam looks around for Frodo. CLOSE ON: LURTZ ordering his
URUKS.

LURTZ
Find the Halflings ... find the
halflings!

Frodo stumbles and falls...quickly he crawls behind a
tree...above him the sound of Uruk-Hai crashing through the
forest rings out.

MERRY (O.S.)
(urgent whisper)
Frodo!

Frodo turns to see Merry and Pippin hidden in a hollow, a few
feet away.

MERRY (CONT'D)
Hide here, quick!

PIPPIN
Come on...

Frodo looks at his friends... slowly shakes his head, a great
sadness in his eyes...

PIPPIN (CONT'D)
What's he doing?

(CONTINUED)

113.
CONTINUED:

Merry's eyes meet Frodo's. Understanding.

MERRY
(softly)
He's leaving.

PIPPIN
No!

Pippin stands and makes a move toward Frodo...Merry grabs at
his arm.

MERRY
Pippin!

THE ECHO OF BOROMIR'S HORN reaches Aragorn, Legolas, and
Gimli...they are battling their way down the Slopes towards
the lake.

LEGOLAS
The horn of Gondor!

ARAGORN
Boromir!

Aragorn desperately slashes his way towards Boromir, felling
URUK-HAI in his path...while Legolas and Gimli fight a rear
guard action. MANY URUK-HAI fall to Boromir's sword as he
tries to protect Merry and Pippin...

BOROMIR
Run! Run!

Lurtz takes aim. A black arrow suddenly thuds into Boromir's
chest. Amazingly, Boromir continues fighting, but another
arrow...and another, brings him to his knees. Merry and
Pippin are scooped off their feet by URUK-HAI.

MERRY & PIPPIN
Aaaaagh! Boromir! Boromir!

Lurtz aims his bow at Boromir's heart... suddenly Aragorn
charges at him, smashing the Bow with his sword. They lock
into a deadly battle. Aragorn cuts Lurtz down and races
towards Boromir, who lies slumped against a tree...URUK-HAI
arrows sticking out of his chest. At least 20 dead URUK-HAI
lie heaped around Boromir. His horn lies at his feet...Cloven
in two.

BOROMIR
(painful gasp)
They took the little ones...
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

114.
CONTINUED: (2)
BOROMIR (CONT'D)
Aragorn quickly tries to staunch the flow
of Blood from Boromir's shoulder.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
(panicked)
Frodo...where is Frodo?

ARAGORN
I let Frodo go.

Boromir holds Aragorn's gaze.

BOROMIR
Then you did what I could not. I tried
to take the ring from him.

ARAGORN
The ring is beyond our reach now.

BOROMIR
Forgive me, I did not see..I have failed
you all.

ARAGORN
No, Boromir. You fought bravely. You
have kept your honor. Aragorn tries to
bind Boromir's wound.

BOROMIR
Leave it! It is over...the world of Men
will fall and all will come to darkness
and my city to ruin..Aragorn..

ARAGORN
I do not know what strength is in my
blood, but I swear to you... I will not
let the White City fall, nor your people
fail...

BOROMIR
Our people...our people...

Aragorn places Boromir's sword in his hand. Boromir's
fingers tighten around the hilt.

BOROMIR (CONT'D)
I would have followed you, my
brother...my captain, my King. Aragorn
lays Boromir down. He is dead.

ARAGORN
Be at peace, son of Gondor. Aragorn bends
and Kisses Boromir's forehead.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

115.
CONTINUED: (3)
ARAGORN (CONT'D)
Legolas and Gimli appear behind
him...Aragorn stands.

ARAGORN (CONT'D)
They will look for his coming from the
white tower...but he will not return.

EXT. SHORE OF NEN HITHOEL -- DAY

On the lakeshore Frodo stands in front of one of the Elvish
Boats, the ring in his palm. A distraught Sam...running as
hard as he can through the forest...

SAM
Mr. Frodo!

Close on: Frodo looks to the far side of the river...the
camera moves in on the ring.

FRODO (V.O.)
I wish the ring had never come to me..I
wish none of this had happened...

Tears fall down Frodo's face...

GANDALF (V.O.)
So do all who lie to see such times...but
that is not for them to decide. All we
have to decide is what to do with the
time that is given us.

With renewed determination, Frodo tucks the ring inside his
vest pocket. The small figure of Frodo pushing the Elvish
boat into the water... Sam bursts through the trees and runs
toward the lake...Frodo is already paddling away.

SAM
(anguished)
Not alone, Frodo. Mr. Frodo! Frodo, in
the boat, paddling steadfastly away from
the

shore..tears in his eyes..the voice of Sam carried on the
wind. Frodo whispers to himself

FRODO
No, Sam.

Sam looks at the water...then at the boat.

SPLASH! FRODO turns to see Sam launching himself into the
water.

(CONTINUED)

116.
CONTINUED:

FRODO (CONT'D)
Go back,Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone.

Sam splashes hopelessly toward the boat.

SAM
Of course you are...and I'm coming with
you!

FRODO
You can't swim.

Sam starts to go under, spluttering and coughing...Frodo
drops his paddle and scrambles backwards in the boat...

FRODO (CONT'D)
(frightened)
Sam!

Sam is underwater...hands flailing helplessly as he sinks.
Close on: Frodo's hand grasping Sam's... Frodo pulls a
bedraggled and half drowned Sam into the boat. Frodo and Sam
look at each other, out of breath, tears and water streaming
down both their faces.

SAM
I made a promise, Mr. Frodo...a promise.
(fierce passion)
"Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee."
(sobs)
And I don't mean to...I don't mean to.

FRODO
(crying)
Oh, Sam!

Frodo starts to laugh through his tears...the two friends
hug.

FRODO (CONT'D)
Come on then..

The two Hobbits row through the water...

EXT. FALLS OF RAUROS AERIAL -- DAY

Slow motion: Looking down on swiftly flowing
water...Boromir's body slides under camera.

He is lying in one of the boats, his arms across his
chest..his broken horn at his side. Suddenly... the boat
drops away from camera...as it plunges over the massive falls
of Rauros, disappearing into the vapor below.

(CONTINUED)

117.
CONTINUED:

LEGOLAS
If we are quick, we will catch Frodo and
Sam before nightfall.

Aragorn looks towards the far shore; Frodo and Sam's small
Boat can be seen lying on the distant Riverbank as Frodo and
Sam make off into the forest beyond. He doesn't react.
Legolas turns and looks at Aragorn.

LEGOLAS (CONT'D)
You mean not to follow them...

ARAGORN
Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands.

GIMLI
Then it has all been in vain...the
fellowship has failed.

ARAGORN
Not if we hold true to each other. We
will not abandon Merry and Pippin to
torment and death, not while we have
strength left.

Aragorn pulls a HUNTING KNIFE out of his pack and straps it
on.

ARAGORN (CONT'D)
Leave all that can be spared behind...
CLOSE ON: ARAGORN..a steely light in his
eye.

ARAGORN (CONT'D)
(grimly)
We travel light. Let's hunt some Orc.

GIMLI
Yes! Ha!

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli disappear into the Woods,
following the URUK-HAI trail.

EXT. EMYN MUIL HILLTOP -- DAY

Frodo and Sam scramble onto a high ridge.

A distant line of Saw toothed mountains below a dark,
oppressive sky. Black volcanic smoke rises behind the
mountains....MORDOR!

(CONTINUED)

118.
CONTINUED:

FRODO
Mordor! I hope the others find a safer
road.

SAM
(simply)
Strider'll look after them.

FRODO
I don't suppose we'll ever see them
again.

SAM
We may yet, Mr. Frodo. We may.

FRODO
Sam?

Frodo looks at Sam with great affection..despite the grim
outlook, Sam is undeterred...

FRODO (CONT'D)
I'm glad you're with me.

WIDE ON: THE TWO HOBBITS SETTING OFF TOWARD MORDOR.

THE END

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Polkamania!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0ZoX4dBvwk

ModWalletGuy
Lost Media Veteran

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Posts: 3,205
Member is Online

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 15, 2024 0:04:58 GMT

Post by ModWalletGuy on Jul 15, 2024 0:04:58 GMT

Farmer: All right, now.

I'm just heading to the fields, Duke. I'll be back.

Sheep: Clear!

Hey, Jerry, how's your mama?

Barnyard Pig: Oh, yeah, it's a beautiful day. Well, time to go to work.

Morning, Ben.

Thanks, Miles.

Let me know if you see Otis.

I'm staying out of that one.

- Okay, meeting's in five minutes.

- Okay, boss.

And I want everyone present.

Duke, have you seen Otis?

Nope, I haven't seen him.

Now where was I? Oh, oh, yeah.

The Jersey cows.

- Hey, Benny boy.

- Hi.

Hey, you seen Otis around?

Yes, I know exactly where Otis is.

You boys just steerd clear of Otis, all right?

Anything you say there, Ben.

We'll take a rain check on the meeting, though.

- Yeah, rain check.

- Yeah, that. Check.

Hey.

Hey, I stepped in something.

What's on my hoof?

Etta?

- Otis?

- Oh, Ben, don't worry.

I'm sure he's heading for the meeting right now.

Okay, let go. Let go. I got it.

- He said, "Let go."

- All right. He's okay.

All right, boys, here's the dealio. It's a little creation of mine I like to call "hill surfing."

- Watch your hoof.

Pig: I'll spot you. I'll spot you.

Peck: Are you sure this is safe, Otis?

Otis: Peck! Come on, safe? It's completely safe! Since when isn't surfing safe?

Pig: He's got a point.

Okay, salt lick.

- It's go time!

- I'll try it. I'm down.

- Shotgun!

Pig: Piggyback!

Never! You are all gonna die.

- Freddy?

- Nothing.

Otis: Wait a second. Photo op.

Okay, get together!

Otis: Hey, Pig?

Pig: What?

Otis: Where'd you get that apple?

Pig: This apple? Oh, well, it originally was attached to this.

Otis: Oh.

Peck: Uh, Otis?

Freddy: What? What? What happened?

Pip: You know, it's times like this when I really like to say... Oh, caca!

Otis: You didn't do that!

Otis: Okay, okay! Look, this is bad enough! Please, no one scream, "Tree!"

Tree!

Otis: Let's surf!

Otis: Hang on now, boys! Yeah! Hang hoof!

Pip: Otis? Are we supposed to not yell, "Rock"?

We got a gusher!

Otis: Chicken farm!

Pip: Oh, I get it. We can't yell "Tree" or "Rock", but you get to yell, "Chicken farm."

Morning, everyone. Okay, before we get started, we have a birthday. Everett the dog turned 13 today.

Boy, those dog years are rough, huh?

Also, remember it's...

Otis: Whassup?

Otis: Hey, Pop. Look, I know you're probably looking for an explanation regarding the exploded chicken on me, and the sticky black... The oil stuff. You are gonna love this! I'll tell you... You the most, because you, my friend, are a laugher. And every... Didn't we all know that? Right?

- Just take a seat.

Otis: I'll... I'll take a seat.

Pip: Cool.

Oh, sorry about that.

Little tight.

As I was saying, remember tonight at the hoedown, it's free cider night.

Hey. Hey, Pig, uh, I think there's a dead bee in your nostril.

Oh!

That's not dead.

Ben: Okay, the first matter at hand: Gray market goods. As if I needed to say it again. The purchase of human articles from the gopher underground is strictly prohibited.

Hey, Otis. Yeah, listen, I think your Nikes are...

Otis: Yeah, this really isn't the best time.

Hang on a second. Frankie, come here.

Frankie, come here.

No, I'm not... Come here. I'm not gonna hurt you. Frankie, come here.

I told you never to do that again, as long as I live!

Now, put it over there! Now!

Sorry about that. Frankie's out of hand.

Oh, the Nikes. What's the make again?

Yeah. Yeah, I really should go,

Mr. Jordan Air.

Wrong number.

Thank you.

Second item. Lest I remind you, this is coyote season.

That's right.

These are ruthless and desperate creatures. Rule number one: Stay in groups. Rule number two: Stay inside the perimeter of the fence at all times. And number three: Be careful out there.

Okay, let's hit it.

And leaving quickly. Walking out.

Walking out. Step, step, step wider...

Otis, why don't you stick around for a minute?

He's scary. Bye.

Okay, Miles. What do you think?

I think you're lucky.

Most cows only have four hooves, but you're gonna have an extra one right up your...

Okay, that's nice. Dad!

- Sit.

- And I'm sitting.

Okay. First off, I don't even want to know who was on the other end of that phone.

- It was the gophers, wasn't it?

- Well, I...

No, I don't want to know.

Was it the gophers?

- Here's...

- No, don't. I don't want to know.

Why do you do this to me?

How do you think that makes me look?

So this... This is about you?

Where were you this morning, Otis?

I was having a little fun.

I mean, you should try it.

It starts with a smile, then slowly builds and...

You promised to help me with the brush around the fence.

You know it's coyote season.

Geez, coyotes. I don't get it.

What's the big deal? They're coyotes.

Them tiny, us big!

What are they gonna do?

You have a lot to learn.

And you know what, I don't get the fence thing.

Really, it can't keep them out.

That fence defines our space.

And as long as I'm still kicking, no animal will be harmed inside that fence.

Okay, that's what you do. You.

Okay, if you're trying to groom me to be the big leader, just give it up. It's not me, Pop.

I mean, if I were in charge, things would be different.

Every animal for himself.

That's the way it should be.

Otis.

A strong man stands up for himself.

A stronger man stands up for others.

Oh, shoot. You know, I forgot my pen.

- And your shift tonight?

- I'll be there.

Otis, you're gonna have to

grow up one day.

You'll never be happy if you spend all your time goofing off.

No? Just watch me.

Manabunga!

Freddy, is this great or what?

Oh, yeah.

I could just eat your head right off!

I mean... You know, it's fun up here.

Pip?

I'd go with the wood on this one.

That's what I'm talking about!

Sweet mama!

Hey, there's animals over there!

Nice shoes.

Oh, doctor!

What a game we have here today!

Yeah!

He got the ball on the 30.

He's down on the 20. Lifts it up...

It's a touchdown!

Yeah!

Bacon!

Hamburger!

Chorizo!

- Filet!

- What are you doing?

I'm naming the kinds of cuts of meat to the animal I'm jumping on.

Machaca!

Pork chops!

Rump roast!

You know what?

You don't need to be doing this.

Oaty-oaty! Oaty-oaty!

Hi, Oaty.

Hey, Maddie. Looking good over there.

Chubba Face, you crazy cow.

Say, "I'm smooshy."

I am smooshy.

Okay, now you.

Say, "Boy, is it windy."

Boy, is it windy.

My turn, my turn.

- Okay, chick. Just run along now.

- Bye, Oaty.

All righty.

Hey, who is she?

They just showed up.

Farmer took them in.

Thank you, Farmer.

Yeah, something happened with their herd.

They're the only two that made it.

She needs a friend.

Wait, wait, wait!

Excuse me, but I couldn't help notice you over there.

Hey! Oh, look at you. You're all...

- Pregnant?

- Yeah, sure. I mean...

Really? 'Cause, I mean, it isn't that noticeable, you know.

I mean, especially when you stand straight on, and you don't look at it.

You know, when you turn to the side, it gets a little lumpy.

I mean glowy. Glowy. It's a glow.

I'm... I'm Otis.

Back off, Daisy.

There's an "L" on that boy's forehead.

No, that's just me, the contortion mouse.

C!

X!

N!

- Q!

- Oh, man, you're killing me, dude.

Look, I just wanted to welcome you to the barnyard.

I'm sure that you and your...

Not looking. The key word, "not".

Work with me. Not looking.

This is my friend, Bessy.

Yeah, she's a cupcake.

- It was nice to meet you, Otis.

- Yeah, too you.

You know what? Switch those.

Oh, boy.

There's nothing for you there, but I kind of like her friend.

He's out!

All clear! Sweet!

Now, every heifer, every cow

Hold tight to your udders now

Farmer Brown is bedding down

Let's turn this barn into funky town

Chickens on the left

Dance with your neighbor

Hogs, don't slobber on the pool table

Try to go easy on the manure

It's a dance floor, not a sewer

Here we go, do-si-do

Here we go, do-si-do

Put this thing on hot!

Better hold on tight

When we go hitting the hay

You better hold on tight and pray

You better hold on tight

When we go hitting the hay

Darling, you better run

'Cause I won't hold back them horses

Hitting the hay

We'll go hitting the hay

We will rumble and tumble

Night and day

Here we go again

Come grab your friend

Shake him up, shake him down

Try to get a good blend

Here we go, do-si-do

Here we go

- First you hold on tight

- Hold on tight

- Then you dance all night

- Dance all night

Hit the hay!

Better hold on tight

When we go hitting the hay

You better hold on tight and pray

You better hold on tight

When we go hitting the hay

Hitting the hay

We'll go hitting the hay

We will rumble and tumble

Night and day

We'll go hitting the hay

We'll go hitting the hay

With our backsides shaking

We'll go hitting the hay

Wow! This is amazing.

What you looking at?

What? You want some of this?

Oh, yeah, I didn't think so.

Sit right here, honey.

The flowers are beautiful.

See? On time, just like I...

Right.

Cramp! That's a cramp!

Oh, it's cramping!

And release.

- Hello, Son.

- Dad,

I've been thinking, and I'm willing to accept your apology.

- Really?

- Sure. I mean, it's only right. I mean...

Okay.

I don't mean to let you down, Pop.

I'm just out trying to have some fun.

It's a beautiful night.

I remember when I used to sit out here with your sister.

- I don't have a sister.

- Oh, yeah.

That was you, wasn't it?

Thank you, all right.

So, are we okay?

- We're okay.

- Great.

See, 'cause I wanted to ask you something.

My friends are all going to the barn tonight, and not that it matters either way to me, but evidently, I'm needed.

I'm a sort of an integral part of a musical number.

Yeah, I tried to tell them no, you know?

But they were just so...

I told them, "My dad's not gonna wanna cover my shift.

"I mean, it's my shift, not his.

It isn't his!" You know?

"I don't want to be selfish.

What's mine is mine, and..."

What do you think?

Otis...

I never thought

I was gonna amount to much.

I certainly didn't think

I'd be in charge of anything.

But that all changed one day.

It was the day you showed up.

I head out into the meadow and I see this little baby calf all alone, stumbling around.

You know, before you became a nightmare.

Well, I took you home that night, and I know it doesn't sound possible, but I looked up into the sky and I would have swore

I saw the stars dance.

At that moment,

I knew my place was here, taking care of things.

I guess you helped me realize that.

I love you, Son.

- You still want to go, don't you?

- Yeah, I really do.

Not that your stuff... You know, the stuff you're saying isn't nifty and everything...

No one says "nifty".

I say "nifty." I do, and sometimes even "swifty." I'll say that.

Very impressive.

Go ahead, have fun. I'll cover your shift.

Thanks, Pop. You're the best.

- Otis?

- Yeah?

Be the stronger man.

Yeah. Yeah, that's that saying thing, right?

"A strong man stands up for himself.

"A stronger man can bridge the gap between..."

Got it locked in the vault.

See? I learn.

Mr. Boombastic

What you want is a boombastic

Romantic, fantastic lover

She call me Mr. Boombastic

Say me fantastic

Touch me in me back

She says I'm Mr. Romantic

Call me fantastic

Touch me in me back

She says I'm Mr. Ro...

Smooth

Who's here? Moo! It's me! Moo!

Whassup? Milk me!

Hey, babe.

My barn. That's right, my barn.

You're late. Come on.

He's a real winner, that one.

Oh, stop. I think he's kind of cute.

Lay down in my Jacuzzi and get some bubble bath

Only sound you will hear is the beating of my heart

And we will mmm-mmm

And have some sweet pillow talk

I'm Boombastic, really fantastic

Mr. Boom Boom Boom Boom

Give it up for the one and only,

Biggy Cheese!

We're gonna have some fun tonight, y'all.

Hey, Buck.

Get your hooves off the stage.

You ain't in show business.

What, were you raised in a barn?

Well, you're a good horse. Okay...

What you looking at, Turkey?

Somebody pass me the cranberry sauce.

Dead turkey walking.

We all gonna die, but we don't know the date.

We know your date, Thanksgiving!

Okay, to kick things off tonight,

I got a special treat.

Back by popular demand.

Ladies, this one's for you.

Our own Otis and the Crew!

Well, down on the farm

Where they all ask for you Parties all hours of the night?

What is that farmer up to?

You know what?

- I'm gonna call someone.

- Oh, leave him be.

Well, I'll just call whoever I want, whenever I want to.

That's exactly what I'll do.

Because I know

what a rave is, Mr. Lump.

"I'm going to sit and watch TV and be a lump."

Okay, Mr. Lumpy. It's just not right.

They all ask for you

They all ask for you

Down on the farm

They all ask for you

I'll check it.

It's all right. Calm down.

It's just the pizza guy.

I'm on it.

Watch out. I got it. I got it.

Pizza, pizza, pizza.

Thanks. You want change?

No, keep it.

So, you really ordered a lot of pizzas.

Well, yes.

We're having a big human party.

Just a party. A big one.

With us celebrating our humanness.

- Dude, I love parties! Can I...

- No.

Okay. Well, then, I'll see you.

Ouch!

My arm fell off.

My fake arm, I mean.

Wow, I am so sorry about that.

- Do you need any help?

- No, I don't like help.

It's just against my religion.

I'm a Nohelpian.

Cool, I'm a Lutheran.

What about this?

You know what? You keep it.

It's dirty now.

Really? All right.

Dude, I got a arm!

Yeah! Righteous!

Well, I won't back down

No, I won't back down

You can stand me up at the gates of ****

But I won't back down

Gonna stand my ground

Won't be turned around

And I'll keep this world from dragging me down

Gonna stand my ground

Good evening, ladies.

Sorry to call on you so late in the evening, but we did have a previous engagement.

Now, we're gonna take six of you.

Anyone makes a sound, we don't mind the extra company.

Boys, take your pick.

You won't be taking any hens tonight.

And you're gonna stop us?

Is that what's gonna happen?

Are you gonna stop us, hen?

How are you gonna do that?

No, he is.

Ben. How are you, Ben?

We would've said hello, had we seen you.

Put the hen down, Dag.

Sure, Ben. Whatever you say.

We're just doing a little courting, that's all.

You know how much we like the hens.

You know me, ladykiller.

You have us at a bit of a disadvantage here, Ben.

There's six of us, and only one old, fat you.

Oh, baby! Party time!

Otis!

Otis!

Otis! Otis!

It's Ben.

Oh, no. No, no.

Yeah. You hang on there, buddy.

All right now, Otis. Just lift.

Ten and two. Ten and two.

Not like that. Now lift, and two.

You dog!

Come here, fisherman.

What do we do now? Who's gonna protect us from the coyotes?

Anybody got a pistol?

Order, here! Hey, am I bothering you?

Let's get this meeting started.

- Duke, who's gonna run the meeting?

- That's what the meeting's about.

The meeting's about finding someone to run the meeting?

Is that a good idea?

We should take a meeting about it.

Someone has to do this.

We don't have Ben.

Therefore, I would like to nominate myself.

Dogs are... Listen to me.

Dogs are watchful, they're loyal, and very protective.

And they lick themselves.

I don't want a leader who licks himself.

- Me, neither.

- That's nasty.

I can't even reach mine.

I don't do that.

Anymore.

One time, I was bored, lonely, and a little snackish.

Yeah, I saw you drink out of a toilet once.

- Hey, you drink potty water.

- You drink potty water!

My bowl was empty, my friend.

Come on, we're getting off track here.

Duke, with all respect,

I think there are certain traits that would make you unqualified to be leader.

Yeah, such as?

Your point?

Hey, come on, I do that for fun, not 'cause I have to. Go on!

So, big deal. I fetch balls.

One little flaw.

This doesn't mean anything.

All right, all right, let's take a vote.

Come on, let's take a vote here.

All those in favor of me being the new leader.

Those opposed?

- Can you see my hand?

- Listen now, listen up.

You all know that Ben always intended for Otis to take his place.

All right, Otis is in charge.

I second that motion. Sweet!

Here we go.

Try and catch me.

Stay in line.

Maddie, we don't want to lose you.

Oh, I think that would be just fine.

Oaty-oaty! Hey, Oaty!

Hey, Maddie, now really isn't a good...

What are you doing?

Would you stop? Come on.

Hey, hey, hey, guys, guys...

- Oh, goodness gracious.

- What is it? What is it?

Otis, it's a madhouse! Isn't it just great?

You got hit with a soccer ball.

I thought I'd be the first to congratulate you, Otis.

- You're in charge now.

- I'm what?

Miles, I am not in charge, okay?

I don't do "In charge".

- This is not my responsibility.

- I hear you.

But you were elected fair and square.

Congratulations, boss.

Hey!

Have you all lost your mind?

It's daylight.

The Farmer's gonna be back.

This is so off limits.

Come on, Otis,

I know your weak spot.

Wild Mike!

- What?

- Wild Mike.

Wild Mike. Wild Mike.

- Wild Mike.

- I'm not doing this, okay?

- There's no way this is happening.

- Wild Mike. Wild Mike.

- Everybody just get back to your...

- Wild Mike. Wild Mike.

- Return to your designated quadrants.

- Wild Mike. Wild Mike.

Wild Mike! Wild Mike!

- This is ridiculous!

- Wild Mike!

I'm not gonna dance

just because you're getting Wild Mike.

- Pip, help me out here.

- Wild Mike. Wild Mike.

You can't fight it, Otis.

You're a born party animal.

Wild Mike! Wild Mike! Wild Mike!

Wild Mike! Wild Mike! Wild Mike!

Let's boogie!

We're heading for the West

Not heading for the East

We're gonna live our dream

'Cause we're wild and free

Look at that freaky thing.

What kind of animal is that?

I don't know, but he sure can dance.

I say, let's kill it.

Give me that piece of wood over there.

Sweet legs! Get the sweet legs!

I got the sweet legs!

(They all party, until the farmer came in and they stop dancing, except for Otis, he's still dancing, then he's stops)

Otis: Whoo! [Laughing Hearily] Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo.

The Farmer: (Gasps)

Otis: [after seeing the farmer come in after dancing with Wild Mike on stage] Uh, moo? What did you do that for?

What else was I gonna do? He saw you.

You could have killed him!

I got a pulse.

Oh, this is bad. This is bad.

This is so bad.

Baaad.

Pig: Everybody, just calm down. Just calm down, all right? What are we gonna do What are we gonna do?

What?

Come on. You're our leader. Lead us.

That does not apply to this.

This is a totally, situationally different suspect.

Hey, whoa, no.

- We gotta ditch the body.

- Stop it!

Freddy the Ferret: [the unconscious farmer has discovered the animals] He knows too much! We gotta take care of him. We gotta whack him!

Otis: There will be NO WHACKING! Okay? The farmer's a good guy! He's been good to us.

Miles: He's a vegan! God bless him.

Pig: And, uh, what is a vegan again?

Freddy: Oh, I know this one...

Pip the Mouse: Naw, I got it... it means you can't eat anything with a face.

Peck: No, no, that's a vegetarian.

Pig: Vegetarians have to eat in the dark, right?

Duke: That's a VAMPIRE. C'mon!

Pip: You can't eat cheese?

Bessy: It's not just cheese, vegans can't have ANY dairy products.

Peck: Cake?

Pig: Cake has egg products...

Pip: But you can't have any dairy!

Freddy: No dairy? But I LOVE dairy! Does that mean I can't be a vegan?

Pig: I love the smell of bacon! There, I said it.

[the animals all gasp as the farmer awakens and reacts. Miles kicks him in the head a second time]

Otis: WOULD YOU NOT DO THAT?

Miles: It's not like we have a lot of options.

Boy, that's a doozy.

That thing's bigger than me.

Push it.

- He wakes up, you got my back, right?

- Yeah.

Come on. Come on.

Okay, watch this. Off his nose, on the belly, on the floor. Check it.

Book.

Okay, now.

He was sitting here, he was reading.

- Something fell on his head, and...

- I got it.

Too light.

Couldn't cause a bump like that.

I bet it could.

Would you cut it out?

We need something bigger.

Can I have the apple?

What's with the look?

He's buying it.

He's not buying it.

He's buying it.

He's not buying it.

No, he's buying it.

Otis: [Miles has kicked the farmer unconscious a third time] WILL YOU... STOP... DOING... THAT?

Miles: Well, unless you get him a blindfold, I'm gonna kick him!

Okay, let's go.

There. See? Good as new.

I'll tell you, this being in charge thing isn't so tough.

You know what I'm talking about?

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah.

Yeah, hi. Hey, there.

Having a good day? Yeah.

So, this was Otis's idea?

Oh, yeah.

We're like the second line of defense.

We see or hear anything suspicious, and I just signal Otis with a crow.

And I've really been

working on it. Listen.

Well, you know, in the moment, it'll be really strong.

But for now, we just stand watch.

Yeah, watch.

Come and get it!

Freddy, you okay?

Boneless white meat!

What? I'm not hungry!

I mean, I don't wanna eat anyone...

Thing... You...

What happened? What? What? What?

Okay, quick little once around the barnyard, then, hello, party!

Hey, look at this.

It's our new inside connection.

Congrats, Otis.

Oh, will you look at that?

Don't wake up the cow.

That's called cowtipping.

Oh, that so steams me!

Man, I wish I could get a hold of that little... I would...

Hey, I'm in charge, right?

Oh, we are so talking.

Are we not talking?

- Talking the talk and walking the walk.

- Walkie-talkie, huh?

Let's go.

Then I said, "That's called cowtipping."

I hear music over there again.

Do you hear music?

That farmer's out of control.

We should call someone.

We should call someone.

- I smell buttermilk.

- Shut up! Shut up!

- What's that smell?

- Stop it! Stop it!

Randall, there is a cow outside.

This is a cow farm.

You're gonna find cows outside.

No, I mean right outside.

Right outside this house, looming like a ghost. Like a reaper.

No, cows don't like houses much.

They prefer it out in the meadow, where they can get a graze on.

Nathan Randall the Third,

I am not crazy.

I am medicated for a chemical imbalance.

Don't you sit there and think that I am crazy.

Your mind's gone, woman.

Where'd it go? I don't know.

It's gone.

- Oh geez, you're on my foot again.

- Sorry.

This is so sweet.

This is so wicked sweet.

I love the new you, Otis.

Okay, lgg, you remember how to do this?

- Oh, he remembers.

- I remember.

- Yeah, he remembers.

- He's remembering.

Right now.

Well, pinch me, I'm dreaming.

Here is a first.

Otis joining us on a joyride.

- That's the animal sin of sins, huh?

- "Sin of sins," I like that.

Hey, old Bud. Bud, you bring the stuff?

It's right here.

- Show it. Show it.

- It's right here.

- Show it.

- It's right here.

- Show it.

- It's right there.

We're rebels! We're rebels!

We're the wildest!

There they are.

- Too bad we can't go in there.

- Yeah.

Breaks my heart.

Serena Beady: Now remember, honey, I told you, we can't be staying out this late on a school night.

Snotty Boy: Uh, Uh "We can't be staying out late at a budgy buh-buh blee."

Whatever. I'll do what I want.

Do what I want, when I want, 'cause I want to do it. (Punches his pillow)

You've come to the wrong place. BANG! (Throws stuff rabbit to the wall and plops himself to sleep)

- What is that?

- I'm lactose intolerant.

- Oh, man.

- Here we go. I know.

- One, two...

- Yeah.

Two, yeah.

Moo!

(Snotty Boy wakes up and sees three cows)

Otis: [after pushing Snotty Boy off his bed] That's called boy tipping! Hahaha!

(Snotty Boy screamed in fear)

- Let's get out of here!

- Come on, move it!

Let me out!

Okay, go!

Snotty Boy: Never go to meadows. Never go to meadows. Never go to meadows. Never go to meadows. Treat cows nicely.

Reginald Beady: Okay, no more Red Bull.

Put crowns on our heads, 'cause we are the kings!

Did you see his face?

- Price...

- Less.

- Price...

- Less.

- Pr...

- Ice...

Less.

A toast! To a new world order.

We are calling the shots now!

- Yeah, it's all about us now.

- You've got that right, Otis.

Nothing can touch us.

Oh, man! Oh, man!

- Oh, man!

- Man, oh, man!

Let me out! You gotta let me out!

Pull over to the side of the road.

Oh, no, they're talking to us now.

Pull over! You gotta pull over!

We can't pull over!

Hang on!

What could be worse than this?

What we got here is probably some teenagers going out for a joyride in their mom's car.

Yeah, we'll shake them up a bit, send them home. You know kids.

Nothing a little strip search won't cure, yeah.

Is this thing still on?

Is that a camera?

- This is it. Goodbye.

- They're taping Cops.

Mommy! Mooo-mmy!

Hey, relax. We can lose them.

I mean, it's just a car, right?

It's a chopper! It's a chopper! We're gonna die!

We interrupt this program with a breaking news story. Police are in...

Would you look at that?

The world is going crazy.

These kids get all hopped up on Diet Coke and Jolly Ranchers and just...

That's our car!

That was a hoof.

There's a cow in our car! That is a hoof!

Yes, this is Nora Beady.

What do you mean, "What now?"

My car is on TV, and I think there's a cow in it.

And I saw a cow outside my window.

I think they may be linked.

Don't think I can't call again, Gary.

Oh, that's nice. Good.

They're gonna catch us and they're gonna dissect us.

We are ditching out!

Two all-beef patties, that's our future!

Out! Run!

- Run!

- Stop touching me!

They're making a run for it. Let's go.

Come on.

This is Gray Badger in Chopper 219.

We've got suspects in sight.

I'm chafing!

Okay. Hurry up, fellows.

They're right over there.

Oh, milk me!

Okay, here we go! Here we go!

Milk me!

Geez, these guys are big.

I see them over there.

Cut it right!

We got them!

Could you guys believe that?

Did you guys see me?

Me, I am fearless, baby.

- Oh, yeah, fear...

- Less.

I think I rolled over my foot.

We left it the same way we found it.

Okay, toodle-oo, Otis.

Same time tomorrow night?

Hey, guys, can you imagine

Ben doing something like that?

- No way. No way.

- We'd be in trouble.

- Trou...

- Ble.

Okay, explain to me exactly why are we doing this?

Because it's what my dad would do.

Why don't you just go have fun, all right? I can do this.

No way. We're homeboys.

I'm here with you.

Really, it's all right.

Okay, I tried! Later, dude.

I'll bring you back a drink or something.

Be back.

Come on back, I'm right here.

Mind if I join you?

No. I mean, sure. I no mind you...

Geez, I can't even talk to you!

Hang on a second.

Here. You know, just let me...

No, I can still sit on my own, I think.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh, the baby's coming!

What?

I made you jump.

Nice. Nice. Thank you.

I about swallowed my cud.

- It's beautiful, isn't it?

- My cud?

- The night.

- Yeah, that, too. Yeah, it's nice.

My dad had a thing about stars.

- Tell me, what was he like?

- My pop?

He was amazing.

Bigger than life, you know?

Funny, we're not even related.

He found me and he took me in.

I never thought about it before, but everything he did was for me.

He's the only family I've ever known.

The last time we talked, he told me that the night he found me he looked up into the sky and he said that the stars...

God, I miss him.

What about you?

I mean, if that's too personal, you know.

If I'm overstepping like a boundary or...

You know what? Too bad. Cough it up.

Okay.

Well, where do I start?

I was married, and life was good.

Yeah. It seems like forever ago now, but...

One day, a bad storm rolled in.

Bessy and I were in the meadow and we found a place on high ground.

But when we went home, well, everyone was gone.

You know what I think?

I think some good things are gonna start happening to you and me.

What, do you wanna be a hero, cow?

Hey, you're Ben's kid.

Otis, right?

So they left you in charge?

Oh, that's precious.

You thought you could fill his shoes?

Otis, where were you?

Were you off having fun?

Laughing with your barnyard buddies?

Yeah, you could have made a difference had you been there for him, but you weren't. Were you?

Okay, from here on out, this is the way it's gonna work.

We show up, you look the other way.

A few animals missing here and there.

Hey, it's the natural order of things.

It'll be our little secret.

Oh, and Ben's kid, if you should think about getting a sudden burst of courage, we slaughter every animal in sight.

Now, you go back, make everyone feel all safe, and we'll be seeing you tomorrow night.

That's a date.

See you around.

"Round." You're fat.

Hey, Pop.

I wanted to come by and...

Look, you were just a great dad.

You see, I...

I don't know what I was thinking, but, for a minute, I actually thought

I could take your place.

But those coyotes?

I mean, you'd have stood up to them and you wouldn't have backed down.

I gotta tell you, I was so afraid.

You know, I know I always said that I wasn't you, and I'm not.

But I wish I was.

I can't do it, Pop.

I gotta go.

I'm sorry.

And Duke will handle things, and everything will be fine.

Wait. What are you talking about?

Could you just not say anything?

Okay, I don't want to make a big thing about this.

Hey, everybody!

Otis is leaving the barnyard!

- What's going on?

- I don't believe it.

Oat, seriously,

I mean, you and me, we're like best friends.

No, Pip. It's over!

I'm leaving, all right? No big whoop.

Continue your day.

Come on, Otis, we'll do what you say.

That's the point.

I don't want you to do what I say.

I don't want any of you to have to listen to me.

Don't listen to him!

Stop doing what I say!

Okay, so what you're saying is, you'll stay if we don't do what you say.

Dead bee.

Thanks.

Again, alive.

Duke, you're in charge.

Get the dogs together.

You guys can handle things better than I ever could.

Sure, Otis. If you say.

I've got my own life to lead, all right?

I don't belong here anymore.

- Hi.

- Hey.

What happened, Otis?

Oh, please don't say, "Nothing."

Look, it's complicated.

If you're hurting, let me help.

I'd like to help.

You know what happened?

I froze. Okay?

Last night, I didn't run the coyotes off.

I couldn't do anything.

They're gonna come back tonight, and I can't protect anyone.

Everyone here, they all trust me.

And I can't protect a single one of them.

Otis, the best leader isn't the biggest or the strongest.

The best leader is the one who cares the most.

Yeah, that's a nice thought, Daisy.

That's a really nice thought.

I'll tell you one thing.

I am really going to miss Bessy.

Okay. If this is what you have to do, I understand.

But I just want you to know one thing.

Even if you do leave, I believe in you.

Otis! Otis!

All right, Peck, take it easy.

What's the matter?

They took... We got to... Come on!

I found him, guys!

Otis, the coyotes. It just happened.

They took Etta, Hanna, maybe six, seven others, I don't know.

They've never come during the day before.

They knew I wouldn't be expecting them until tonight.

They played me.

- What?

- Nothing.

Otis, they took Maddie.

Those coyotes are strong.

What?

The coyotes, they're strong.

I was just wondering what a stronger man might do.

- You'll look after things?

- Be proud to.

I'll be back.

- I'm going, too.

- No, Pip, stay here.

You can't do this alone.

They could kill you.

Yeah, I guess they could.

It's nice that you ladies could join us this evening.

Thank you for being so patient.

We prefer dining at night.

You're a wonderful species.

I love chicken.

My favorite part is the skin.

You're a big meanie.

- What?

- You're a meaner.

Meaner, meaner.

Meaners got to eat, too.

Leave her alone.

This one's mine.

Cook her while I have the little one for an appetizer.

You know, because I'm a meaner.

Put the chick down, Dag.

- Otis!

- Oaty!

We suddenly got a burst of courage, did we?

Okay. All right.

Well, first, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take that chick from you.

Then, while you're picking yourself up off the ground,

I'm gonna gather up the hens and I'm gonna leave.

And exactly how do you propose you're going to do that?

Kill him!

Well, I know what's right

I got just one life

In a world that keeps on pushing me around

But I'll stand my ground

And I won't back down

Hey, baby

There ain't no easy way out

Hey

I will stand my ground

And I won't back down

Oh, you like that, yeah?

That should do. That should do.

Well, look at the hero.

You thought you could come into my den?

Now, why don't you lay there and watch while we eat your friends?

What's this?

A strong man stands up for himself.

A stronger man stands up for others.

This should be fun.

I smell fear.

Shoot! I told you they can smell it!

They can smell it?

Oh, yeah, I have it. I have a lot of it.

Just stick near me, guys, and you'll be all right.

Yeah, I'll watch your juicy back.

I mean, your regular back.

- Hey!

- Sorry, man.

They're just pellets. I'm nervous.

That's your army?

Something tells me you may want to take a couple steps back.

Here we come!

- Here comes trou...

- Ble!

- Trou...

- Ble!

- Trou...

- Ble!

Pip, talk me into it. Talk me into it.

Flip the lid a little bit.

You're mad! You're a pig!

- You're mad!

- Let's do this!

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go right in your ear!

There's a mouse in my ear!

There's a mouse in my ear!

Oh, yeah. Step on it, baby!

All right, come on.

Give me your best shot.

Oh, sorry. Here. You know what?

Let me give you a hand.

Yeah, give him the puncher!

Smack him!

Well, well, whatever will I do?

Oh, don't worry,

I got something special for you.

I just love that little guy.

Come on, hurry.

- No!

- Hi!

It tastes like chicken!

Chicken!

Chick, chick, chickity-chick, chicken!

Come here, you furry, four-legged chickens!

Take it easy, man.

Come on, what you got going?

There's nothing there.

Hey, Otis, look out!

- Behind you!

- Watch out!

Watch out!

Look behind you.

Remember me?

I'm Ben's kid.

Never come back!

- Pip?

- I'd have to go with the iron, man.

Then I said I was gonna hit him with a stick.

We know. We know.

I heard you say that.

Quite a night, huh?

We took down the coyotes,

Peck learned to crow, and by the time we get back, we'll have a new member of the barnyard running around.

Daisy. She like went into labor after you left.

- Daisy's...

- She's having her baby, dude.

What you think was gonna happen?

She would just keep getting bigger or something?

- Is she all right? We've gotta get back.

- Yeah.

Doubtful we'll make it back in time walking.

I'm sure she's gonna be all right, Otis.

Miles, I've got to be there.

Please remember, mister, that I am a lady.

When you are with me, your eyes are on me, not her.

We can call and tell them where to pick them up.

Car!

Righteous!

Duke, what's happening?

Otis, come on. You know, I think...

I'm pretty sure... Yeah, it's time.

Boy.

Otis, I was so worried.

Worried about what?

I so had that covered.

It's okay, I'm here.

And I'm here for you, too.

Okay, girl, you're doing fine.

Now, just breathe.

Man, that looks like it hurts.

Oh, that's very profound, Insight-Man.

Well, excuse me for being a pig.

How come nothing's happened yet?

She's gonna be all right, though, huh?

Yeah, like, like...

What if it gets stuck or something?

What? You mean like stuck halfway, so she'd be a cow and a half?

I didn't say "cow and a half."

Yes, you did. You just did.

- Hey, Duke, did I say "Cow and a half"?

- I'm not doing this.

No, look.

It's a beautiful little boy.

Go ahead.

He's perfect.

What are you gonna name him?

I was thinking I kind of like Ben.

Oh, I think that's just great.

Hey, there, little Ben.

Hey, there, little buddy. Look at you.

Look at my little buddy.

Here you go.

Hey, Otis, we were all talking, and we know you may have other plans, we understand that, but we really, really appreciate what you did around here.

And, well, we were wondering,

I don't know, if maybe you planned on staying around a little longer?

Freedom is a song

Freedom is a spirit

To take another's hand

I'll just say this, as long as I'm still kicking, no animal will be harmed inside that fence.

High paw!

Hey, all right.

Freedom is a song

Freedom is a spirit

For people who are strong

Freedom is a spirit

Freedom is a land

Freedom is the courage

To take another's hand

I, Nora Beady, am a precious object and shall treat myself as such.

Gosh, I wonder why...

I forgot to use conditioner or...

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Polkamania!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0ZoX4dBvwk

ModWalletGuy
Lost Media Veteran

Oh, egads! My roast is ruined!

Posts: 3,205
Member is Online

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 15, 2024 0:05:45 GMT extremewreck2000 likes this

Post by ModWalletGuy on Jul 15, 2024 0:05:45 GMT

Oh, that's it! Spindle, taillight.

Hey. Hey!

-What?

-What do you mean, "what"?

Hey! Hey, what are you doing?

Yeah, this is the sleeping chamber.

Go to sleep.

Don't make me come up there!

I'm so sorry, but I must have

the final ingredient for my potion.

Now, what's more important:

Me completing my life's work

for the salvation of the colony--

Which includes you guys.

--or your sleep?

-Sleep. I'm going with sleep.

-Yeah, the second one.

Well, then I shall try to be very quiet.

Clacktiel.

That's it, I'm coming up there!

Fire crystals.

At last. The final ingredient.

I'm on vacation.

-No. No, cut it out.

-Dogpile.

Dogpile.

It's the Destroyer!

Atomic wedgy.

And a clean break.

-Clean break. Excellent wedge.

-Yeah. All right.

Come on, man,

I'm running out of underwear.

Well, what are you gonna do about it, huh?

Nothing.

-Because I'm big and you're small.

-Yeah.

-Because he's big and you're small.

-Hey.

Quit repeating everything I say.

I was just adding emphasis, dude.

Man, why you gotta be hating?

Destroyer.

Zoc?

Water!

-Zoc.

-Hova, please, get to the grass.

It's dangerous up here.

But I've always wanted to see

a human up close.

I hear they're capable of speech, like us.

They are nothing like us.

What you gonna do about it, ants?

Nothing.

Because I'm big and you're small.

Away, monster, or I will use my powers

to destroy you.

Powers that I have yet to perfect. Run!

Hello.

We mean you no harm.

-Oh, great.

-Shoe!

Shoe!

-Please, go in peace.

-Look out!

-Are you all right?

-l-- I guess he didn't hear me.

Lucas.

Peanut, it's time to come inside now.

Peanut.

I think I might have gotten through

to him.

-What do you think?

-Destroyer.

Tiffany, Lucas, we're leaving now.

Lucas? All the numbers are on the fridge.

-Good one. Extended play.

-Lucas.

What are you doing back there?

Why didn't you answer?

-Are you all right, sweetie?

-I'm fine.

-I was just playing with my friends.

-I don't know.

-Maybe we shouldn't go on vacation.

-Come on, it's our big wedding anniversary.

We're going to Puerco Vallarta.

And I gotta spend a little quality time

with the mamacita.

Don't cancel your vacation

just because of me.

-I can solve my own problems.

-Problems? What problems?

Does it have anything to do with

why I can't find your underwear?

No!

Bed-wetting is nothing

to be ashamed of, Peanut.

What? Just stop it, Mom!

I don't have any problems

except for you treating me like a baby.

-Peanut.

-And stop calling me that.

Just go away and leave me alone.

I, Zoc, call upon the elements:

The wind that blows, rain that falls,

fire that burns.

Deliver your awesome power

and transform my potion.

Clacktiel.

That was great, sweetie.

I loved the smoke effects.

Didn't you, Spindle?

You...

...rock. Curse upon your children.

I don't think rocks have children, honey.

-They won't now.

-Okay. What's the matter?

Hova, the potion is supposed to

change color.

It's not changing color.

It's not changing color.

I call upon the elements:

Wind, rain, et cetera.

Transform my potion and clacktiel.

Clacktiel, clacktiel....

-Maybe you're pronouncing it wrong.

-How could I pronounce it wrong?

-I made it up.

-Take a break.

Hova, perhaps you didn't notice...

...but we were almost squished today,

and the colony is in shambles.

I am this close to finding a solution

to the human problem...

...and you tell me I need to--

Hova, what are you doing?

-Nothing, I'm not doing anything.

-No. Wait.

-No.

-I'm simply walking towards you.

-There's no reason to panic.

-Wait. Now, Hova--

-I'm just coming towards you.

-Wait. No. Hova. No.

Does it tickle?

What about when I do this?

Why are you laughing?

I see you laughing.

Don't make me clacktiel you.

Well, I'm glad you two have something

to laugh about.

-Head of Council.

-Hi.

How nice of you to....

It was unexpected.

Forgive me.

I was working on an experiment.

Oh, yes, I see.

Well, we were-- How may I be of service?

Zoc, attacks from the Destroyer

grow more frequent.

Our food supplies

are now desperately low.

The council was hoping

perhaps you might have a solution.

Fight back. We must stop the Destroyer.

But thousands of ants

would needlessly die.

Perhaps if we could communicate,

you know, just talk with the human.

Oh, what a great idea.

Let's have a nice chat.

Well, hello, Destroyer.

Gee, you look kind of tired.

Why don't you just rest your feet

on my girlfriend.

Okay, oka--

Sometimes you're a real stinkbug,

you know that?

Zoc, a war with the human is--

It's impossible.

A wizard knows no such word.

-Whatever.

-Bye, Tiff. Bye, Lucas.

I love you.

You kids mind your grandma.

Okay, goodbye. Have fun.

Don't worry, everything's under control.

A little help, please.

I think it's your turn.

Teeth in the grass.

Mommo, here's your--

What are you doing?

Preventing alien abduction,

that's what I'm doing.

Thank you.

Dang crabgrass.

See these? Airflow. Aliens hate airflow.

Drives them nuts. And if they try to cut

the power in the middle of the night...

...these babies will wake me up.

-We gotta be prepared. Tell your friends.

-I don't have any friends.

Well, who's gonna look out for you

when you get old...

...and your teeth are falling out,

and them aliens are after you?

-Lucas.

-I'll look after myself.

-Good night, Mommo.

-Good night. Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite...

...or creep into your ear

and lay eggs in your brain.

-Dance, Pukas.

-Dance, monkey boy, dance!

Think fast.

Clacktiel.

You....

Zoc, please, not in front of Spindle.

Sorry.

God, there must be something I missed.

Wait. A crack.

That's it. Imperfections in the crystals.

Perhaps coating it

in a viscous compound.

Spindle. Resin.

Clacktiel.

Oh, that's it. It worked!

The potion is complete!

Praise the Mother! Yes! Yes! Yes!

No!

-Zoc.

-Hova, hang on.

Spindle, get the potion. Quickly.

Hello.

Yep, I was about your age

when I flooded my first colony.

Brother, those were good times.

Good times!

-Who are you?

-Stan Beals is the name.

Beals-A-Bug Pest Control.

Exterminator, eradicator,

solver of problems.

Hey, you must be the Nickle boy, right?

Now, your dad ordered my services...

...but he forgot to sign the contract

before he left.

Busy man. Lot on his mind. It happens.

So he just told me to talk to you....

-Lucas.

-Yeah, Lucas.

He said, "You have my son, Lucas,

sign the contract for me...

...if I happen to forget to before I leave.

He's a grown man now."

His exact words.

I don't know.

Do you have any references?

References?

There's one.

I don't think I should.

You don't think you should, huh?

You don't think?

So who does your thinking for you?

Your mommy?

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,

what do I do?

I'm just a little baby

that can't think for myself.

Please wipe my little bottom for me.

Wipe me. Oh, oh, please, wipe me.

-Give me that stupid contract.

-Yes, sir. A very mature decision.

Enjoy a world that's entirely bug free

Just sign right here

And leave the killing to me

I wrote that.

-Are you all right?

-I'm fine.

Spindle? Spindle?

Spindle. You saved it.

Oh, well, come here.

Well, someone's getting

an extra moldy root tonight.

-Okay, okay.

-Zoc.

Spindle, light.

-Mother, help us.

-Oh, no.

To attack without provocation,

without reason...

...just because they can, it's--

It's barbaric.

But what can we do?

We are lost.

No. We are saved.

This is our salvation.

A potion?

What exactly does it do?

Hey. Hey, hey.

Human. Come with us.

Shoo. Shoo. Get away. Get away.

I got a fan. I'm windy.

I am windy.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Scanning. Scanning. Scanning.

Stop! Hey, come on! Cut it out!

What are you doing out of bed,

tiny Lucas?

Who are you? What did you do to me?

Let me go!

Gross. Hey, cut it out.

Put me down! Hey. Stop. Put me down.

Put me down!

What is that? Oh, he smells.

-It's the human.

-It's Peanut, the Destroyer.

Oh, my.

-All right, Peanut, this way.

-It's small.

-What is it?

-Touch it.

-Don't touch it.

-Hey.

-Poke it.

-He's so soft.

-His skeleton is on the inside.

-He's inside out?

Where are you taking me? Help!

Who are you? What did you do to me?

Let me go!

Human...

...you have been brought

before the council...

...to face judgment

for crimes against the colony.

Read the charges.

"This human-destructor beast...

...hereafter referred to

as Peanut the Destroyer...

...did willfully

and with malice aforethought...

...crush the food-storage chambers...

...flood all of the lower

hatching chambers...

...and douse the colony

with the dreaded yellow rain."

Hey, come on, I had to go.

Sentencing of the human

will be handed down...

...by the queen herself.

Greetings, my children...

...and to our unusual guest...

...a human that threatens

the very existence of our colony.

Wait a second! Wait, wait, wait.

Time out.

How was I supposed to know

ants had feelings or families or trials?

-You're just a bunch of stupid ants.

-Destroy the Destroyer!

-Throw him in the pit.

-Let's eat him!

No, wait. We are not mindless savages.

This human should be studied.

-And then we'll eat him.

-Yeah.

Eat! Eat! Eat!

Order. Order.

Be still, be still.

Tonight we have a choice.

We could destroy this human

and make safe this day.

Or we could change

the nature of this human...

...and perhaps create

a brighter future for all ants.

I therefore sentence the human

to live and work in the colony...

...to learn our ways.

He must become an ant.

-What?

-No. No, my queen.

What if he does not become an ant?

Okay, I mean, come on.

That would be regrettable.

But-- But who will teach him our ways?

-I will.

-Hova?

It is done.

Let us continue our work.

That's it?

How long am I gonna be like this?

I wanna go home.

Wait. This is inhuman.

Yes, it is.

Hello, Peanut?

Destroyer?

Hello? We have to go.

It's time to start your training.

Where are you?

Okay, okay. It's simple.

All I have to do is run past the guards,

then escape the anthill...

-...and not get eaten by anything.

-Well, hello there.

You know, there's a million things

I wanna ask you.

When were you hatched?

Are you--? Are you male or female?

And how do you tell the difference?

Is it--? Oh, is that how?

Hey, stop peeking.

Or-- Or I'll stomp on you.

Well, I wouldn't if I were you.

You see, I'm the only friend you've got.

You're gonna eat me.

You know, now that you mention it,

you do look soft and chewy...

...but I promised the queen I wouldn't.

Cross your heart.

What? Oh, all right.

Cross my heart, I will not eat you.

I said, cross your heart, not your butt.

I just did.

See, there, did it again.

Strange custom.

I'm still not going.

-Peanut, you need to--

-My name's Lucas, not Peanut.

Lucas.

Well, Lucas. You heard the queen.

You must become an ant

if you ever want to return home.

And how am I supposed to do that?

Well, you just have

to find your place in the colony.

So, Lucas,

do you have any special skills?

I can make milk come out

of my sister's nose.

Okay, well, let's try foraging.

The instructor

is a personal friend of mine.

I'm sure she'd love to help.

Peanut? The Destroyer?

I had to move out

of my nest because of you.

I lost everything.

Took me all morning to rebuild.

Hova, don't tell me

that you are mentoring this-- This-- This....

It's Lucas.

Why is he covered in trash? Is he crazy?

Because I don't teach crazy ants.

No, no, no. He calls the trash "clothes."

They like keeping

their gender traits hidden.

He's male.

Okay, Lucas, you're on the blue team.

-Oh, man. That's not fair.

-Come on.

Hey, hey, hey, quiet.

And suck in that thorax.

Like everything in the colony,

foraging is a team effort.

In this test, each team must act

as a single unit to avoid obstacles...

...retrieve the sweet rock

and return to the nest.

No ant gets left behind.

First team back wins.

Any questions?

-Hello, baby.

-Fugax.

Well, isn't it true that scout ants,

such as myself...

...lead an exciting life of adventure

and intrigue.

-Fugax!

-While foragers, such as you...

...just walk around and pick up sticks.

Questions, anyone?

-Oh, sir?

-The guy with the crooked mandibles.

What kind of adventures?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

-Fugax.

-Gather round, young scouts.

In my travels, I have journeyed

far beyond the great flat rock.

You mean, the street?

No. The great flat rock...

...where the humans

ride in their giant metal cocoons.

Cars.

Did I call on you?

Who invited Captain Party Pooper?

Fugax, meet the Destroyer.

Destroyer?

Now, are there any other--?

Are there any other questions

about your assignment?

Yeah, what's a sweet rock?

Go.

-Bridge.

-Stack up.

Bridge, hooyah.

Come on, Peanut.

Hello, I can do it myself.

Hey, guys. I think he's dead.

I'm not dead.

-Ladder.

-Ladder, hooyah.

-Come on.

-Grab hold.

I don't need your help.

I need your help! I need your help!

Bye, losers.

Come on.

-All right.

-Hurry, human.

You're gonna make us lose.

Hey. I've only got two legs.

Go, Two Legs, go.

Go, Lucas.

-Spring.

-Spring, hooyah.

Hooyah.

Oh, time out.

I don't think I can do this--

All right.

-Let me off!

-Don't let go!

I'm gonna be sick.

Don't let go.

-I'm letting go.

-Don't let go.

He let go.

-A jellybean?

-All right, Lucas.

Good thinking.

Slingshot, hooyah.

-All right, Lucas. Good job.

-Yeah, Peanut, you rule.

-Come on, we're losing. Let's go.

-Good job, Lucas.

-Did we win yet?

-Almost.

We just have to get the sweet rock

over the finish line.

Come on, let's go.

Hurry up, Peanut.

Yeah, right.

Hurry, Lucas, climb the wall.

Climb fast, Peanut.

They're catching up.

Bye-bye, loser.

Climb the wall.

Come on. Climb the wall.

Come on.

Forget it. This game is rigged.

-Ladder.

-Hooyah.

Come on. Let's go. Go, go, go.

We got it. We go it. Yeah, man. All right.

Red rules.

Red team wins.

All right. We did it.

Thanks for trying.

Lucas, you did fine, really.

You just need to discover the ant within.

Start by visualizing yourself with six legs.

-Then, if you--

-How's that gonna get me home?

Look at me. I'm not a stupid ant.

Lucas, being an ant means more

than just having six legs or--

Or lifting 10 times your own weight

or walking vertically up a wall...

...it's being part of a colony.

Not always thinking of yourself first.

-Oh, careful.

-Hey, don't touch me.

I'm trying to help you.

You think this is easy for me?

Being the Destroyer's little helper?

So you worry about you,

and I'll worry about me.

Oh, Lucas.

That's not the way ants are.

Oh, Hova, that's the way I am.

Well, if I could just--

Just what?

Hello? Earth to ant lady.

You were in the middle

of sounding like my mom.

They're coming. Run!

Hey. Hey! What's wrong?

-They're after the herd.

-What herd?

Whoa, easy, girl.

Easy.

Take cover.

Tell the queen I love her.

Oh, we're cut off.

Come, brothers, for queen and colony.

Get to the grass.

Attack formation.

Load them up.

-Enemy fire.

-Watch your wing. Watch your wing.

-Now, that's gotta sting.

-Nice shot.

My turn.

-Thanks.

-Where's Hova?

I don't know.

Come on.

To your positions. Ready.

Squirt.

Don't.

Please, I was just following orders.

Who wants magic?

Clacktiel.

You look tasty.

Leave him alone.

Hova? Oh, quick, get out of my way.

Move.

-Hova.

-Hurry.

Everyone, into the grass.

Don't just stand there. Help her.

Lucas, run.

What are you doing?

Everyone, into the grass.

Where are you...

...little bug?

Please, hurry up. Light, light.

Light, light.

Hova, get down.

Zoc.

No!

Stop, hey! No, no.

Fire in the hole!

-What was that?

-It's bath time.

Retreat.

They're leaving.

We-- We won.

All hail the Destroyer.

Peanut! Peanut!

Brilliant. Genius.

I mean, Lucas made a:

And then...they all flew away.

And now I know

why they call you Peanut.

He's got a brain the size of a peanut.

Lucas the Destroyer.

I take back everything

I thought about you.

You saved us.

Thank you, Lucas.

Yeah, sure.

He saved us.

Oh, it's so obvious, I was so dumb.

Praise the Destroyer.

Wake up. He saved himself.

The rest of us just--

Just got in the way.

Zoc. Oh, are you all right?

-No, I'm--

-What happened to you?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

-You're hurt.

-No, it's nothing, really, I just--

Zoc, do you have any yucca sap?

Lucas has a burn. Poor baby.

This is our enemy.

They do not save ants, they kill ants.

He very nearly killed me.

Or does that not matter to you?

I do, you do

We all like the honeydew

Dinner is served.

And I'm the dessert.

And I'm on a low-fathead diet.

And you know, it looks good on you.

So, Lucas, what are you working on?

Glasses.

This is some good honeydew.

Oh, Lucas, you have to try some.

It's so good.

Go ahead.

This is awesome.

Tastes like green-apple bubble gum.

That went away quick.

Another round for you?

Oh, yeah, keep it coming.

Get it while it's hot.

Whoa, I didn't know

humans could change their colors.

-Trippy.

-Perhaps our young pupa...

...ate too much honeydew.

Here, eat this.

It'll make you feel better.

What did that come out of?

It's an alka root.

Zoc discovered its powers to expel evil

and create well-being.

He is a great wizard.

Yeah, he hates me.

Whoa, he really does, doesn't he?

I mean, he hates your guts.

It's actually amazing

how much he hates your guts.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Yes, Zoc has anger issues,

especially towards humans...

...but he's a true ant.

the outside,
but soft on the inside.

Just give him time, Lucas.

Praise the Mother.

Praise the Mother.

Thanks.

Who is this mother

you keep talking about, anyway?

Is it the queen?

No, Lucas, the Ant Mother.

The queen of queens.

She gave birth to the first colony.

To all ants.

Come on. It's time for you to see.

This is the Chamber of the Ages.

What are these?

They tell the story

of our colony, our history.

These are pretty cool.

This is the image of the Ant Mother.

It is said that one day she will return...

...and honeydew will pour

from the sky like rain.

Then we will never go hungry again.

So you actually want warm poop

to fall from the sky?

Yes. That would be a blessed day.

I'm sorry, it's just so beautiful.

Hey, what's that one?

It's the evil one.

The Cloudbreather.

It is ancient, drawn before our time.

No one knows for sure what it is,

except that death is said to follow it.

I think it's just a story used

to scare naughty pupas into behaving.

No, the exterminator.

l-- I gotta cancel him.

I gotta go home now.

But you're not an ant yet.

-Just a quick visit.

-No way, Two Legs.

The humans' nest is strictly forbidden.

Well...

...the colony needs food, right?

Food?

Yeah, sweet rocks.

My house is filled with them.

-In assorted colors and flavors.

-Assorted flavors?

Even the greenies?

Well, you'll be needing a scout.

No. There is no way

you're gonna get me--

-I'm in.

-Come on.

Better be some red ones.

Wow, this is a big nest.

Must have taken thousands

of humans to build this.

-What's that?

-It's just the door.

A door? Fantastic.

Do all of your guests

pass under this door?

Well, actually, you guys

are the first friends I've had over.

We are the first ones?

Kreela, we're the first ones

to pass under the door.

-Great.

-And to think...

...all of this is made from your own poop.

Nice.

Oh, why did Mom

have to get *** carpet?

lt'll take days to get to the kitchen.

Oh, gee, that is too bad.

I guess now we'll have to go home

before we all get in trouble.

No.

Wait.

Come on.

This is called hang-gliding.

Have you ever done this, actually?

I played the video game.

Now, when I give the word,

everybody jump.

Now.

Oh, sorry, was that the word?

-Coming.

-Hey, hey, look out.

For queen and colony.

Oh, God.

-Showoff.

-Awesome. Yeah.

This is Hawaii.

We went there last summer.

It's got volcanoes and hula dancers

and Don Ho and surfboards.

And I caught a fish.

And these are the pyramids.

Well, not the real pyramids.

The real ones are lots bigger.

Mommo says aliens built them.

She's my grandma.

Oh, are these your nest mates?

Yeah, that's my family.

Which one's the queen?

My sister thinks she is.

What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just, well....

I should have told

my mom goodbye. That's all.

I can be a real jerk sometimes.

-Lucas, your face is leaking.

-Leaking?

Oh, no, it's okay.

Is that what humans do

when they're sad?

They leak from the face?

When ants are sad, we do this:

Oh, Lucas, it's-- It's--

It's beautiful!

Sweet rocks, come to papa!

Red one.

What are you doing?

Why aren't you taking the red ones?

Well, it's actually

quite simple, sugar lips.

I hate the red ones.

Well, I love the red ones.

-Hate them.

-I love them!

-Hate, hate, hate.

-Love. Love.

-Admit it, you find me attractive.

-What?

Oh, how you tease me

with your sweet talk.

Oh, you want some sweet talk?

Because I'll give you some sweet talk.

Now grab a red one

before I pull these off.

Whoa, I need those.

What are we doing?

Nothing, nothing.

-Mommo, I'm back!

-What was that?

-Tiffany.

-What's a Tiffany?

-Hurry up!

-Right.

Leave the red ones behind!

Fugax!

Hey, pipsqueak, you there?

Hello?

Crossfire!

That kid and his stupid electronic toys.

What is he doing?

Jumping. You know,

hippity hop, uppity downy?

It's a scout thing.

You wouldn't understand.

Okay, come on. One more.

I just need a seven.

-Hello. How are you?

-Hi.

Pizza Kingdom. Hail to the king.

Would you like to try our new

Princess Pepperoni with tangy Jester Sauce?

Hello! This is Lucas Nickle!

I need to cancel my order!

What?

You don't want to order?

Please cancel the contract!

-No exterminator!

-No extra tomato. Got it.

Yes. No exterminator.

I'm canceling the contract.

What? You-- You wanna cancel?

Who is this?

Oh, Bill, is this you, man?

You got me, man. You got me, dude.

That's a relief.

Okay, Lucas, I don't understand

most of what just happened.

What is an exterminator?

Oh, don't worry. Everything's okay now.

Hide!

This is Tiff. Hi, Mom.

Yeah, everything's fine.

Lucas is being a pest.

He's in his room playing...

-...those stupid video games.

-No, no!

I will. I will. Okay, Mom.

Yes. I'm hugging the phone too. Bye.

You must be Queen Tiffany.

Allow me to introduce--

Remember your training.

Oh, no. No, no, no! Mother!

We're sorry. Your call

cannot be completed as dialed.

Hello?

Tiffany, no! You'll squish Lucas.

Hello. Nobody's shrunk.

Gotta go. Bye-bye.

What are you talking about?

Lucas! You let him go. It's me you want.

Come back. Probe me instead. Lucas!

Bring back Lucas, you alien ***!

Oh, Lucas. Lucas.

-Okay, Mommo.

-Lucas.

Let's go find your other teeth.

Hova, where are you?

Hova? Hova! Are you all right?

Are we all right? Of course.

Why wouldn't we be?

We're fine. We're all right. Silly.

Whoa, whoa, wait.

No, wait, now, hold up.

Zoc! Zoc, guess what we did?

We went to Hawaii.

We saw the pyramids.

We flew without wings.

At first, it was like:

But then it was:

Of course, the others were terrified,

so I took charge. And then we....

We were inside the humans' nest.

Humans' nest? That's forbidden!

Right, right.

But the nest was filled

with sweet rocks, okay.

Lots of them.

But then Queen Tiffany started swatting,

some massive flying teeth attacked us...

...and, well, here we are.

What a day. Good night.

And who told you

about these sweet rocks?

-Lucas, of course.

-Really?

Hi, there. How are you?

-Okay.

-Okay. That's good.

It's good to be okay.

Listen, I just wanted

to show you something, if that's okay.

You know what this is?

This is the potion that will

make you big again.

I just wanted you to take

a good, long look at it.

Because this is the last time

you will ever see it.

What do you mean?

I mean, there is no way I am ever

going to make you big again.

Ever. You are a threat

to every ant in this colony.

Especially to Hova.

But I would never do anything

to hurt Hova.

I just-- l--

I just wanna go home.

Well, then, if I were you...

...l'd try to find help somewhere else,

because there is nothing for you here.

Nothing.

The pain, the pain! It's unbearable.

Just put me out of my misery!

Oh, hold still, you big pupa.

I haven't even touched you yet.

Be gentle with me.

-Where's Lucas?

-Isn't he with you?

-No.

-Lucas? Lucas? That's weird.

Well, he's probably off destroying

some other poor, unfortunate colony.

You know how they are. Destroyers.

Zoc, what have you done?

-Me? What did I do?

-Where is he?

He's gone.

-He led you into a trap, Hova.

-There was no trap.

He led us to food.

He was trying to protect us from....

-From what? What, Hova?

-From something.

Oh, something!

And I was worried it was from nothing.

He's blinded you, Hova.

No, you are the one who's blind.

You are so consumed

by your hatred for the humans...

-...you see only what you want to see.

-Oh, come on.

Zoc, I see a young pupa,

a human learning our ways...

...becoming part of this colony,

becoming an ant.

-Impossible.

-Listen to yourself, Zoc.

"A wizard knows no such word."

So, what are you now?

Certainly not the ant I love.

Hova!

I did it for you, for the colony.

You did it for yourself.

Hova, I....

He won't make it

through the night alone.

Fugax, your leg's broken.

Yeah, but I still have five good ones.

Very good ones.

You know, I believe he was trying

to protect us from something.

See you, Zoc.

Maybe Zoc is right.

Now I'll never get home.

Hi! Nice evening, huh?

Oh, may I?

Sure, help yourself.

Thanks, I love water! I'm a beetle

that loves water, but I'm not a water beetle.

Isn't that funny? I'm a beetle--

Hey, Lucas.

Hey, anybody know what...means?

I think I just figured it out.

Croaker!

This way!

Don't ever leave me again.

-But Zoc told me--

-You are my pupa, not Zoc's.

Lucas, come on.

Climb! You can do it. Just concentrate.

I'm an ant. Okay, I'm an ant.

-He's got it. He's got it.

-Look, I'm an ant!

He hasn't got it.

Grab hold!

Hova?

Lucas!

Wow, we came right

down that guy's throat, didn't we?

Hey, smiley, you're on my wing.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

So, what do you guys do?

I'm a glowworm. I glow.

That's great!

You're really starting

to irritate me. Can you--?

Oh, gross.

Will you quit eating, fatso?

It's cramped in here.

There's no more room!

Don't worry. I'm afraid we will be

moving along in due course.

Always with the negative with you.

Why can't you be more-- Hey, Lenny!

This is what I'm talking about.

Lenny always has a smile on his face--

Let me out! Let me out!

-I don't wanna be a toadstool!

-"A toadstool." That's great.

-You like that?

-That's very funny.

There's plenty more

where that came from, pal.

I like-- Hi, what's your name?

There he goes again.

Stop! Come back!

-Hova!

-No!

Hova, he's gone.

Croaker, over here. This way!

-Zoc!

-Zoc!

I am delicious, eat me.

Zoc, are you crazy?

-He's crazy.

-Hey, froggy!

No relationship is worth this.

Oh, sure. Why not? Come on in.

-Welcome to paradise.

-Zoc! How'd you get here?

I sure didn't come in

through the rear entrance.

Welcome. Make yourself at home. Hi.

Who is this? Your ant?

Zoc, you are crazy.

You're inside a frog, for Mother's sake.

What are you doing? This is impossible!

"Listen to yourself, Zoc.

A wizard knows no such word.

So, what are you now?"

Weirdo.

What does she see in you?

-What does she see in you?

-Exactly!

Not me.

-Hey, is that...?

-Alka root? So it is.

-Oh, no.

-Oh, my.

You might wanna let go of that.

Oh, no. So you can grab it?

I don't think so.

-Hands in the air.

-Oh, my.

Wow, that was great!

Hey, we sure owe you one!

Thanks a lot!

I'm free! I'm free!

Oh, crap.

Hey, Zoc, thanks. But why'd you do it?

An ant will sacrifice himself

for his friends.

-I thought you hated me.

-I didn't do it for you.

All right, well, we should

camp here for the night.

Come on, Fugax. Let's forage some food.

Excuse me? I don't forage.

I'll scout for food.

Right, let's go.

Zoc, stay with Lucas.

He's been through a lot today.

-Hova, please, don't ask me to--

-He's not what you think.

There is goodness in him.

There's an ant in him.

See, he really is trying.

Come on. You can do it.

-Concentrate.

-One, two, three.

Think ant. Ant. Ant.

Yeah, all right.

Craznocks.

It's funny.

The sky looks exactly the same.

Everything else is so different...

...but it's the same sky, the same stars.

Why must you keep doing that?

-Are you ill?

-What? Oh, you mean yawning.

-I'm just tired.

-Please stop. It's disgusting.

-Ants don't yawn?

-Definitely not, thank you.

So this city of yours, it's like a nest?

Well, yeah. Kind of.

And the humans that live there

are all brothers...

...working together

for the greatness of their colony?

Well, not exactly.

It's a little more like,

you know, every man for himself.

But that's so primitive.

How does anything get done?

Some people work together.

Some. Why not all?

I suppose it's because

of their differences.

But it's the differences

that make a colony strong.

Foragers, scouts, drones,

nurses, regurgitators...

...all are different,

but an essential part of the whole.

This is where we ants draw our strength.

My differences just get me beat up.

-And why is that?

-I don't know.

Some humans prefer to clobber people

they don't understand.

Like you prefer to clobber ants.

I guess I didn't think

about what I was doing.

Seems to happen a lot.

I suppose sometimes I, too,

can act without thinking.

Perhaps in this way, we are alike.

Good night, Lucas.

Good night, Zoc.

-What's the matter?

-Look!

-What is it? What's wrong?

-I see her!

-Who her?

-The Ant Mother!

She's come! She's here!

Look! Look!

What do you know?

There really is an--

No.

Cloudbreather.

But I cancelled the contract.

Praise the Mother!

-Praise the Mother!

-She's come at last!

Everyone, please, calm down.

Listen to me! It is not the Ant Mother!

-It is a Cloudbreather!

-It's true.

He's come to wipe out the entire colony.

How can we possibly fight back?

His magic is strong.

Sprayers.

Foggers.

Oh, that's the stuff.

Zappers.

Sulfur bombs.

And how do you know of this creature?

Because....

-Because I brought him here.

-Lucas!

I knew it. I told you.

-Guards, remove this human.

-Come on, kid.

-Hova!

-Lucas!

-No.

-Wait. The potion.

That's it! Zoc, you shrunk me.

You can shrink the Cloudbreather.

We can load these things up and then:

Right in the ear!

Yes. Yes, perhaps.

But the Cloudbreather

towers above us like a tree.

How do we get close enough?

I've got an idea.

Zoc, you would trust this human?

Yoo-hoo, hello?

We need to talk to you.

Show yourselves.

Down here. Hello?

Well, well, well.

Just in time for lunch.

-Hello.

-Wait.

Listen to me. We come in peace.

The exterminator's here. He brings

death clouds that will destroy us all...

...unless we can work together

to stop him.

Death clouds, huh?

Okay, let's eat.

Get behind me.

Sir, the east nest, totally destroyed.

The cloud is coming.

The cloud!

What do you have in mind?

Remember, you only get one shot at it.

Don't fire until you see

the wax of his ears.

-Understood.

-Ready? Lucas?

-Good to go.

-Hey. Hey. Stop it. Stop it.

Zoc! Can I switch? Mine's broken.

All right, boys. Heat them up.

Let's fly.

Hey, that looks fun. Let's help, shall we?

Okay. I only live two weeks anyway.

Good for you.

First wave, attack!

So you want to rumble, huh?

Come on. Come on.

Come on!

I'm going in.

I can't get through.

He's got some kind of shield.

Craznocks. Headphones!

For queen and colony!

Yeah.

Why have you stopped?

Oh, geez. Boy, that hurts. Please stop.

Bye-bye.

We'll have to land on him.

Find a way in.

He's reloading! Now's our chance.

Draw!

Zoc!

-Welcome to the scalp.

-Hello.

-Have a slice.

-Enjoy.

Fingers!

He's scratching again!

-To the armpit!

-Dive, dive!

Leave my friends alone!

Don't pick your nose.

Don't pick your nose.

-Need a lift?

-Thanks.

No.

Hova, are you okay?

What?

Nighty night.

Run!

Come on, get up!

We got to go, we got to go!

I'm done, little ant.

Run! Run!

Lucas, go on.

Save yourself.

That's not the way ants are.

Hurry up.

Lucas? Lucas!

Lucas!

You did it. You did it!

Now, that's an ant.

Oh, sorry.

Thanks, kid.

Oh, yeah!

-Our weapons are useless.

-We just need a clear shot.

Hey, wait. A shot.

Okay, now what?

Well, I don't know,

because I've never attacked before.

-Isn't that funny?

-Hilarious.

Oh, look. Here's a way in.

Enjoy a world that's entirely bug free

Call Beals-A-Bug

And leave the bug-killing to me

Okay, I'm feeling like we ought to attack

something in here.

Hey, that looks vulnerable.

Perfect.

Oh, look. Here's our way out.

Let's give this human a goodbye kiss.

Pucker up, Mr. Beals!

No, no, no.

Stop. Just get away from me.

Get away from me.

You can't exterminate me.

Oh, yeah. I'm Stan Beals!

Oh, no, no, no!

Praise the Mother!

Lucas! Lucas! Lucas!

This day I no longer see

a human among ants...

...but instead a single colony.

No more Lucas the Destroyer...

...but Rokai the ant.

Welcome to the colony.

Isn't that wonderful?

-Rokai?

-It's an ant name.

A wizard name.

Rokai has earned his freedom.

And we have earned a friend.

Remember us.

Hey, Lucas--

I mean, Rokai.

Listen, once you get back...

...if you get the chance, how about

dropping a few sweet rocks now and then?

You know, red ones, preferably.

Red ones?

I thought you hated the red ones.

Well, I do, but I'm starting to like them.

I'm gonna miss you, Two Legs.

Calling a human "friend."

I thought that impossible until you came.

But, Zoc, a wizard knows no such word.

Very true.

Here.

But just wait until you're outside

before you drink it.

I still think I should have eaten you

when I had the chance.

I am soft and chewy.

But I promised the queen I wouldn't.

I'm gonna miss you, Hova.

We're going to miss you too, Rokai.

Cross our hearts.

Cross our hearts!

He's back. He's back!

He's in his birthday suit.

Happy birthday, Lucas!

Got you that time.

Hi, Tiff. Is everything all right?

Where's Lucas?

Still locked in his room,

hiding from society.

Mom, hey, Mom!

-Lucas, what is it?

-I forgot to tell you goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Peanut. Oh, sorry,

I shouldn't call you that.

It's okay. I don't mind.

Casa, sweet casa.

These suitcases are muy grande,

my little love nacho.

How about getting the el door-o?

I don't know what you mean, honey.

-Yeah, honey, the puerta, the--

-What's the puerta?

-The door, the door!

-The door. Okay, I got it. I got it.

Hey, Pukas, where you been?

We've been looking for you.

-I think someone's overdue for a dogpile.

-Yeah, dogpile!

He said dogpile.

Stop saying everything I say, got it?

Stop saying everything you say. Got it.

That's it. How about I dogpile you?

How about you leave him alone?

What the craznocks is wrong with you?

What? How about you make me?

Oh, that's right, you can't.

Because I'm big and you're small.

Yeah, I'm small. We're all small.

But together, we're big.

You think these stupid losers

are going to team up against me?

I can do anything I want to them,

and there's nothing they can do about it.

And the same goes for you, Pukas.

Dogpile!

I said, dogpile!

-You heard the man.

-Dogpile!

No! Don't hurt me! Mommy!

Hey, you guys want to come over

and play?

Yeah, cool. Come on, Lucas.

I'll catch up.

There's something I gotta do first.

Yeah! All right!

Oh, yeah.

They sure grow up fast.

-What?

-Look what I got.

Oh, no. Zoc.

Zoc! Wait! Wait! No, no! Stop!

Come on.

Stop it! I'm serious....

Sweet rocks!

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Polkamania!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0ZoX4dBvwk

ModWalletGuy
Lost Media Veteran

Oh, egads! My roast is ruined!

Posts: 3,205
Member is Online

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 15, 2024 0:06:28 GMT extremewreck2000 likes this

Post by ModWalletGuy on Jul 15, 2024 0:06:28 GMT

(2001 Paramount and Nickelodeon Movies logo shown; opening titles read, "Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies Present an O Entertainment production - Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius".)

(Opening shot: snap to a base of giant satellite dishes at sunrise; tilt down a barbed wire fence to its warning sign. The following text is displayed: "Colorado Tracking Station, 7:26 A.M.". Cut to inside a control room and pan through as a man walks past, a bunch of other men sit at their monitors and work. Cut to a slow pan from behind the mens' heads at the flashing radars, stop on one of them; a bespectacled man is watching it.)

Man: Uh, you'd better have a look at this, sir.

(Cut to frame the man in the front, their bodies tinged in the green glare. Behind him, someone steps up: a robust military captain dressed up in fine fashion. His hair is blonde and in a buzz cut, and his eyes are blue and icy. This is General Abercrombie, whose voice is deep and stern, like a real military officer.)

Abercrombie: Ah... (Close-up of the radar, showing something; he continues o.s.) Commercial flight?

(Cut to a profile view of them.)

Man: Uh, no. Too fast, sir. (Extreme close-up of Abercrombie's eyes.)

Abercrombie: One of our own?

(Cut to a flight monitor on the panel; it displays various flights.)

Man: (from o.s.) Air Force has nothing scheduled.

(Cut back to the two and zoom in on Abercrombie.)

Abercrombie: We've got ourselves a bogey.

(An alarm light begins to flash and buzz; cut to a close-up of two jets on a plane being fired up. It takes flight into the air to join three others; they fly past a tower and through the sky before splitting up and taking routes of their own through a myriad of clouds. The plane with the number21 on its front flies into view; cut to its armored pilot in the cockpit.)

Pilot: Orange Leader to Delta Group. (Close-up of the radar, zooming in; he continues o.s.) Anticipate visual contact, uh...now.

(As he finishes, the scene cuts to something barely visible through the clouds. It resolves into a silver rocket ship with red cans around the bottom and jet on the back; and its tail is yellow with a dark atom symbol painted on the front. Each of its two seats sit a boy. the first sits up front and steers the rocket. His head is abnormally larger than normal, with a mass of dark brown hair that curls at the top. His eyes are large and blue, and he wears a vivid red T-shirt. This is Jimmy Neutron, whose appearance and behavior mark him as a really smart kid. Behind him sits his passenger: a roley-poley boy with short, reddish-orange hair that sticks out of his head like balloons, and small eyes framed by round, brown glasses. He wears a red and orange striped shirt, a red suspender frames the shoulder facing us. This is Carl Wheezer. Zoom in slowly on the boys; a robotic dog peeks out from Jimmy's seat: metallic with a golden tipped nose, eyes shaped like flashlights, and a brain that revolves electricity under a glass top. This is Goddard, and he barks twice as Jimmy looks over. Close-up on the shocked pilot.)

Pilot: Holy cow pie!

(Back to the rocket; Jimmy's voice is a youthful high tone, and sounds genius-like.)

Jimmy: Hi! Nice antiques! (He presses a red button on the rocket's control panel.) Gotta blast!

(Carl screams as the rocket zooms upward. Cut to a front-on shot of the two as they glide closer. Jimmy's shirt is shown to have the atom symbol from the rocket tail on his shirt, but in yellow, and wears dark blue shorts. Carl is also shown to wear dark green stretchy pants, and both of his shoulders have the red suspenders, each marked with a black button.)

Jimmy: Fusion mix stable...engines cycling at one million gigajoules...cool, We didn't blow up.

Carl: (pants) Great! (leaning out) Uh, Jimmy? I-I think they want us to pull over!

(Carl's tone of voice is that of a boy who's worried like there's no tomorrow; cut to Jimmy, now typing at lightning speed.)

Jimmy: Ap, No time for that, Carl. Stand by with the satellite! (Carl holds up a toaster with an antenna and satellite dish attached to it.)

Carl: Okay... (weak chuckle) What do I do again?

(Cut to Jimmy; the rocket's movement causes his footwear to be seen: dark brown sneakers with white cuffed socks.)

Jimmy: You're the deployment system, Carl! As soon as we clear the atmosphere, you just...throw it.

Carl: (pauses) Right.

Jimmy: Prepare to leave the atmosphere!

(Cut to a long shot of the rocket on the end of this; it blasts far away into the sky. Cut to a close-up of a breakfast plate being laid out on a green table: eggs for eyes, bacon for mouth. It slides between a fork and knife; widen to frame a full breakfast of juice, toast, eggs, Sugar Quacks cereal, and the plate being served; the room is a kitchen with green tiled walls, a pale red tiled floor, and white window curtains with pink polka dots and ties on each. Alongside are various cupboard, a sink, oven and stove, and a refrigerator which is partially o.s.)

(The camera angle also picks out a woman standing by. Her hair is long and curls at both ends, and is nearly the same shade as Jimmy's. Her eyes are green, and are shadowed in a light blue shade, and has a beauty mark on the left side of her mouth. She wears a sleeveless green top with pink polka dots and a white apron on top, a pearl necklace, and large, gold hoop earrings on each ear. This is Judy Neutron, the mother of Jimmy, and her voice is gentle and mature like.)

Judy: Sorry about the toast, dear. I had to make it in the oven. (Close-up of a newspaper with the title "Retroville News" and the headline "UFO Sighted Over Retroville", being held by a second adult figure, hair barely noticeable as a darker brown shade.) I can't find our toaster anywhere.

(As she finishes, the newspaper is lowered to expose a man with the same dark brown hair parted to the side with a large curl, and dark brown eyes marked by circular glasses. He wears a blue sweater vest with a white shirt underneath, and a red tie. Behind him is a rooster decoration that hangs on the wall. This is Hugh Neutron, Jimmy's father; his voice carries a hint of humor and goofball.)

Hugh: Oh, looky! (A wider angle picks out a second rooster decoration on the wall, as well as a yellow booth couch he sits at. A three-positioned window is to the left of him, at the ledge is a red bot and two miniature chickens.) Well... (picks up toast slice) this oven toast is brilliant, Sugar Booger! (Close-up of the plate, he touches one egg; he continues o.s.) And your yolks are absolutely perfect, too. (Cut to frame all of him.) Oh, Run away with me, my love. (raises eyebrows)

Judy: (from o.s., chuckles) Okay. (Hugh looks at the cereal box and gasps; cut to her as she crosses to him.) But we'll have to take my car, because your transmission needs a new compression cuff.

(On the end of this, Hugh takes the cereal and stick one hand inside it and feels around; this angle exposes a pink lamp that hangs from the ceiling above

Hugh: Whatever. (Close-up on Hugh; he pulls his hand out to expose a small, light green duck toy.) Oh! (Close-up of it; he continues o.s.) This is a good one. Quack, quack. Quack. (chuckles)

(Cut to Judy on the end of this; she sits down, mug in hand.)

Judy: Would you try calling Jimmy? He's going to miss the bus again.

Hugh: (loud, game show like) Jimmy! Breakfast! Time to come down! (singing) Down, down, down, down, quack! Down, down, down, down, quack!

(Cut to just behind Jimmy; the rocket is nearly in space.)

Jimmy: Up...up...up...! (Close-up.) Engaging pulse rockets...NOW!

(On "now", he pulls a lever before him; the rocket's nose suddenly bursts and explodes a bit as the two boys are startled, Goddard barking in reply.)

Jimmy: NOOOOOO!

Carl: Now?

(With all his might, he tosses the toaster satellite into the air – but gravity hasn't been broken yet, so it comes back down and hits Jimmy in the head as Goddard barks; Jimmy then lets out a startled yell as the rocket begins to wobble and backfire, smoke coming out as a result.)

Carl: Uh...is this supposed to happen?

(Close-up of a petrified Jimmy; he closes his eyes and ducks his head forward a bit, fists clenching; he begins thinking like a scientist.)

Jimmy: (thinking) Come on, think...think...think!

(On the first "think", the camera zooms in on his ear and cuts to its auditory canal. On the second, the camera pans through, slowly passing an "Earwax Museum" sign before zooming quickly on the third. Dissolve to Jimmy's brain, which is beating heavily with visible veins and has dark clouds surrounding it, a few firing some lightning. Zoom in on the brain, cutting to various blue/violet molecules as the camera zooms past each one. After the last goes by, the view arrives at a dark blue violet tunnel with a white atom flashing at the end; around are spectral images of various gadgets. As the camera zooms through the tunnel, a can floats by, followed by the toaster satellite and a roll of tape. The atom at the end gets gradually closer to the screen during the zoom, and once it reaches the lens, it flashes blindly to fade the view out to white.)

(The flash fades in to a profile of Jimmy, whose eyes pop open wide as he comes up in a huge grin – the boy genius has got an idea.)

Jimmy: (thinking) Brain Blast! (to Carl) Give me your lunch! (Carl gives lunch; Goddard's mouth opens to dispense tape) Thanks, boy. Don't try that at home. Must engage stabilizers. Now, just a quick stop at my house--!

Carl: I don't know, Jimmy. I gotta get to school on time. Besides, you...

Jimmy: Right. Gotcha.

Carl: No, I didn't mean... Jimmy!

Jimmy: See you in homeroom.

Carl: OK.

Jimmy: Fasten your seat belt, Goddard. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. Aah!

Hugh: Well, what do you know, the chimney fell off again.

Jimmy: Well, that wasn't so bad, huh?

Judy: James Isaac Neutron! I see you up there. How many times have we told you not to launch yourself off the roof?

Jimmy: Probably nine. Exactly nine. They say repetition is good for a developing brain.

Judy: Then what do you think you're doing?

Jimmy: Last night I got a message from space, but it was garbled in the ionosphere, so I had to launch a communications toaster... I mean, satellite. And then when I tried to...

Hugh: Well, message from space. Wow.

Judy: Don't encourage him, Hugh. Jimmy, we've repeatedly told you NOT... to talk to strangers.

Jimmy: But, Mom, I'm on the verge of contact with an advanced alien civilizat-ion!

Judy: I don't care how advanced they say they are, Jimmy. If your father and I haven't met them, they're strangers. Right, Hugh?

Hugh: Well, except for policemen. They're there to help you.

Hugh: You've got to admit that is pretty neat. But very unsafe, honey. That's bad.

Deactivate pants.

Engage, Gingivitis 2000.

Robo-Barber prototype, engage.

Robo-Barber: Online.

Ta-da.

You rock.

You go, girl.

Jimmy: (from o.s.) Shoe-Bot! (The shoe-bot ties his shoelaces. He tries to walk but his shoes are untied) Bye, Goddard. (He goes out the door as the bus leaves) Wait! I'm here! (Judy and Hugh come out of the door)

Hugh: Goodbye, son. Have a good day. (We see Goddard pooping screws) Goddard, not on the porch. (Then, we see Jimmy trying to catch the bus)

Jimmy: Hey! Hey, wait! (The bus leaves) Seems like the perfect opportunity to try out the Super Bubble Gumobile. (To himself) "No, Jimmy, don't try it. It's too soon." Nonsense. All great inventions need a test run. (He takes out his bubblegum out of his pocket. He chews the gum and blows it into a bubble and he is inside it. He laughs) All right! (He bounces on the street. He bounces all the way to the sky and jumps on the street lights. On the bus, we see a girl listening to her headphones that has dark brown skin and has black hair that is tied up into a bun. She wears a green dress with technology squares and has green socks and Mary Janes. This is Libby Folfax. She has a teenage girl voice. She sees Jimmy inside a bubblegum)

Jimmy: Hello! Right here.

Libby: Hey, look. Neutron's got another one. (She is next to a girl that has blond hair and has a trademark bang on the front. She wears her hair into pigtails. She has green eyes and black pupils. She wears a pink shirt with black pants and wears pink sneakers. This is Cindy Vortex. She almost has a high pitched voice)

Cindy: Nice invention, Nerdtron. Too bad somebody already invented the bus.

Jimmy: Hey, guys, I've got it down this time. Internal combustion's such old science. Bubble travel is the way of the future. (He crashes on the tree and falls on a trash can. The kids laugh)

Cindy: I guess trees are, like, the brakes. (The kids laugh again. Jimmy sighs and he sees Carl stuck on a tree)

Carl: (from o.s) Hello? Jimmy?

Jimmy: Carl. (He falls off. He uses his scissors to save Carl)

Carl: Careful! (He sees the scissors) Hey! (The scissors cuts him out of the tree)

Carl: Thanks.

Jimmy: That's what I'm here for.

Carl: What a day, huh?

Jimmy: Look at the bright side, Carl. The worst is behind us. (He and Carl rush to school. At the classroom, we see Cindy teaching dinosaurs)

Cindy: (from o.s) And my fossil-to-chromosome ratios clearly demonstrate that female dinosaurs, like this plesiosaurus, were the stronger and smarter of their species. But, so what else is new? (Cut to the class muttering. In the background, in the teachers seat sits a lady in white hair; little eyes; pointy glasses; a beak for a nose and an orange shirt with buttons. This is Miss Fowl. Her voice is grungy.) After class I'll be happy to demonstrate how boy dinosaurs got their butts kicked by girl dinosaurs on a regular basis.

Jimmy: Excuse me, but the mandible crest of Cindy's alleged "plesiosaurus" is that of a male megalosaur, as defined by the Congress of Palaeontologists!

Cindy: Those findings were inconclusive, and you know it, Neutron!

Jimmy: Hello?! Miss Fowl, what is the standard for research on these extra-credit reports?

Miss Fowl: Um...Yes, well... Let's move along to "show and tell" now, shall we?

(She squawks; cut to a close-up of a boy shown from the waist up; spiky dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, light blue shirt with darker neckline and cuffs. This is Sheen Estevez; he holds a box in front of him with illustrations of a purple armored superhero. His voice carries the hint of super hero/comic book fan.)

Sheen: This is Ultra Lord!

(As he finishes, he holds the box high; this exposes his shirt in full detail: the superhero, Ultra Lord, flying and firing something from his hand, with the words "Ultra Lord" in light violet, uppercase letters with dashes on the far ends. The box also has the superhero on the front with the same name titles. All he gets is a round of dissatisfied groans from the o.s. students.)

Miss Fowl: (from o.s.) Sheen, this is the seventh week in a row you've shown Ultra Lord in class.

(Cut first to Miss Fowl, whose bottom can be seen in full detail; with a black belt, a yellow belt buckle and grey skirt and black sneakers. Also cut back to Sheen; the next shot exposes him is full detail, he wears black skinny pants with high-top sneakers that are the same shade of his shirt, with white laces and soles.)

Sheen: Miss Fowl... this one is different! This "Purple Vengeance" version with power fists and nuclear knees is a rare, never-been-seen condition, making it highly collectible.

Cindy: Never been seen, huh? Well, then, how do you know it's even in there?

Sheen: (opens box, taking out Ultra Lord. Seeing Cindy's smug grin his eyes bulge at the toy, then realizes it's no longer brand-new) NO!!! (The class starts laughing)

Carl: Hey, Jimmy. Wanna see a frog? (Carl shows Jimmy his drawing of a frog)

Jimmy: That looks great, Carl.

Carl: Thanks. What are you drawing? (We see Jimmy drawing a Goddard fly cycle)

Jimmy: Fly cycle modifications for Goddard. Second prototype.

Carl: Prototype, huh? Well, you know, that looks good, too.

Jimmy: Thanks, Carl.

Miss Fowl: (from o.s) CARL! Would you please share with us your "show and tell"?

Carl: OK. This is my inhaler. It provides fast-acting relief of bronchial swelling due to asthma or allergies. One touch of the button and... Aaahh!! I can't see!

Miss Fowl: Thank you, Carl. All right. Next we have...

Nick!

Yes, Nick. You are a tad tardy again.

Oh, my. Am I?

It took me a little while to copy my mom's handwriting for this late note.

Your "show and tell", please.

How's it going'?

You know, I don't really do "show and tell".

Yes, that's right. Thank you, Nick.

- Did you drop this? - Yes. Well, I...

My dropped pencil.

Jimmy, we eagerly await another one of your

interesting "show and tells".

As a matter of fact, I brought my latest invention.

Behold. The Shrink Ray!

What's the matter, Neutron? Aren't you short enough already?

Funny, Cindy.

But this device is more suited to shrink something as vast as space itself,

like, say, your mouth.

Help me. Help me. I'm so tiny.

Just like Jimmy's brain.

So much for the Nobel Prize.

Children, that's enough.

Cindy: Better luck next time.

It worked this morning.

I like your useless shrink ray, Jimmy.

Well, it's probably just a programming error.

Oh, my.

Back! Back! Leviathan!

Come on, Jimmy.

Some of the greatest inventors started as complete, hopeless failures, too.

- Yeah. - Well, thank you, Carl.

I feel better, I think.

- I'm glad. - That's good.

Hey, Retroland Theme Park. Check it out.

Meet Ultra Lord. Live!

Look, it's the state-of-the-art, bone-warping gravity ride.

I can hang out with Ultra Lord.

And there's a petting zoo.

- Well, look at this. - No, meet Ultra Lord live.

Llamas and capybaras.

Who cares? Meet Ultra Lord live.

Yeah, but I'm gonna touch a llama.

Guys, we have got to go to the grand opening tonight.

Yeah!

Yeah. But my folks won't let me stay out after dark.

Well, it is a school night.

Pukin' Pluto, there's gotta be something we can do. It's the grand opening.

[Nick Dean skates up on his skateboard]

- Sneak out.

Jimmy, Carl, and Sheen: What?

Nick Dean: You heard me, dweebs. Sneak out.

Carl Wheezer: Yeah, but my parents sorta told me...

Nick Dean: [laughs] Parents? What, are you guys gonna be kids forever? What your parents don't know won't hurt 'em, right?

Jimmy Neutron: But, Nick, sneaking out is so... so... barbaric!

Whatever, Neutron. But there's only one opening night,

and anybody who matters is gonna be there.

What d'you think, Jimmy?

Nick has a point. There is only one opening night.

Think, think, think, think, think.

Well, according to the y:i Newville Journal of Medicine,

monkeys are easily influenced by positive reinforcement,

e.g. The giving of a banana.

And since human and monkey DNA only differ by two per cent,

the same principle should work on our parents.

My dad's allergic to bananas.

It's not the bananas. It's the principle.

It's called psychology.

All you have to do is butter 'em up.

Give it a try. I'll call you guys later.

We go to Retroland tonight!

Yeah!

- Watch out! - Hey!

Hold on!

I know.

Excuse me, are you through with that? Thanks.

A few oysters.

One lump of coal coming up.

- Thanks, Gus. - Hi, Jimmy.

Excuse me.

Jimmy, is that you, dear?

Yeah, Mom. I'll be in in a second.

Vox: DNA match confirmed. Welcome home, Jimmy.

Eliminate school smell.

- Normal odor restored. - Thank you, Vox.

Vox: You're welcome.

Warning. Entry tube closed for maintenance.

- Thank you, Vox.

Vox: You're welcome.

Here, Goddard. Here, boy.

Here, Goddard.

Hey, look what I brought ya. Aluminium.

Do you want it? Do you want it? Huh?

Sit.

Roll over.

Play dead.

Mental note: Fix bug in obedience program.

Good boy.

OK, Goddard, let's check the experiments.

The invisible hamsters are looking great...

I think.

Let's see how the girl-eating plant is doing.

Nice choice.

As usual.

The latest burping-soda formula.

A guaranteed one burp per sip.

Excuse you!

You know, there's still no reply to our satellite message. Jeez, it's been a whole day. You'd think we would have heard from an alien civilization by now, huh? Well, come on, Goddard.

Jimmy: Say "Aah".

Oyster: Aah...

Jimmy: Add a little sand...

And in you go.

I'm just an old lump of coal

But I'm gonna be a diamond some day

Oh, yeah

Jimmy.

Hi, Mom.

Jimmy, you scared the bejabers out of me.

Sorry about your bejabers, Mom.

And might I add how lovely you look today.

- I'm covered in transmission fluid. - Exactly.

And might I say, filth never looked so good.

Yes, well, how was "show and tell" today?

Was OK. But first, happy birthday, Mom.

Jimmy, these are beautiful.

But, sweetie, it's not my birthday.

It's not? Well...

Then whatever will I do with these lovely pearls and priceless earrings?

- These can't be real. - But they can.

And they are!

And all these fabulous gifts and prizes could be yours

if you know the correct answer to this question.

- Please may I go to Retroland tonight? - No, it's a school night.

Thank you so much, Mother. And might I say...

- Did you just say no? - Yes.

- Yes! - No.

- No? - Yes.

- Yes! - Jimmy...

But all my friends are going.

And anybody who matters is gonna be there, Mom.

I matter and your father matters and you matter.

But you're not going. Maybe we can go next weekend.

Wait. I'm sure there must be something else in here to change your mind...

No, Jimmy! Look out! Look out, Jimmy!

Jimmy, be careful.

Mom, get me out!

- I didn't do it! - Stop, drop and roll! My goodness!

Goddard.

OK, Jimmy. That's the last straw.

We have told you time and time again about playing with rockets.

But, Mom, it's technically not a rocket. It's more of a jet-pack-type thing.

I don't care what type thing it is.

You just climb those stair-type things right now.

Your father will have a few words to say to you when he gets home.

It's not a rocket.

- March. - Mom...

Yes.

The king, he loves his little orthgot.

Yes, he does. Yes, he does. Yes, he does.

Yes, he does.

Sire, my King, it appears to be some type of alien transmission device.

Tell me, when did it become acceptable

to approach my royal throne unannounced?

Yes, of course, my King.

- Space him! - I assure you that...

Wait!

I missed it.

- Can I, can I, can I space another? - No.

- Please, brother. - I said no, Ooblar.

- Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please... - I would love for that to stop.

What have we here?

As the king's assistant, I am the official checker of new things to be checked.

It's all right. It's all right. I'll handle this.

Hello!

What galaxy are you from?

- Ooblar. - Where is your leader?

Ooblar, stop it. It's toast.

Hello, toast.

I greatly admire your ship.

Beginning transmission from Earth.

Greetings from planet Earth! I'm Jimmy Neutron, and you're an alien life form.

- I welcome the opportunity... - What a big head.

...for the mutual exchange of scientific knowledge and universal brotherhood.

This here is my dog, Goddard.

And this that you're looking at is my room. That's where I sleep.

And this is my mom and dad right here. Mom, Dad.

Freeze that image.

They look...

delicious.

The search is over!

But, Dad, all my friends are gonna be there.

I know, son, but if all your friends were named Cliff, would you jump off them?

I don't think you would. You see, Jimmy...

Jimmy. Jim, Jim, Jimmy.

Jim, James, son, let me tell you a little about rockets.

They're big-people things, son.

And you just can't go around playing with big-people, fiery, flying things because that's what rockets are.

Rockets are flying things.

Well, I hope this talk has helped.

And, by the way, Mom says you're grounded.

Sorry.

What good is it to be a genius if you can't even go out on a school night?

Goddard, options.

Apologize, your parents love you.

Next.

Create a time capsule, escape to the future.

Jimmy: That'll take too long. Next.

Build Goddard a female poodle.

Jimmy: [annoyed] Goddard, this is serious!

Sneak out.

That's it. Barbaric problems call for barbaric solutions.

Phone, please.

Carl, it's me.

You get permission? Me neither.

It turns out parents don't understand psychology.

Tell Sheen to meet us at Retroland in one hour.

We're sneaking' out.

Halt! Hold it right there!

Jimmy's awfully quiet up there, Hugh. Do you think we were too tough?

- No, I don't think so, dear. No. - Maybe I should check on him.

Now, now. I'm sure he's just reflecting on the error of his ways.

Dealing with it in a mature, responsible manner.

"Mom says you're grounded." Take that.

It's working now.

OK, Goddard, you know what to do.

Good boy.

See you later, Goddard!

Jimmy's a big boy now. Don't you worry, sugar.

- I suppose you're right. - Yeah, sure.

I was a kid once. I remember being grounded a whole week

and not being allowed to go to my best friend's bachelor party.

- Well, what did you do? - Actually, I snuck out.

- You don't think that Jimmy... - No, no.

Besides, how's he gonna sneak out?

It's not like he can just walk right out the front door.

That's true.

Jimmy: Retroland, here I come. (Zoom in Cindy's house. Cindy is wearing a karate outfit while holding a purple soda. Libby's cellphone rings)

Cindy: Libby, you're breaking my concentration.

Libby: Hey, I gotta choose a ring that fits my personality.

Yeah! Here we go! Here we go!

Tell me what it is you're supposed to be doing again.

T'ai Chi, while drinking Purple Flurp.

T'ai Chi promotes wellness, relaxes and rejuvenates the body.

Whereas Purple Flurp,

being per cent sugar, creates tension

and a temporary rush of energy and mood swings.

I figure if I do them together,

I achieve perfect balance.

It's better than the poster.

Gentlemen, this will be a night we shan't easily forget.

I don't know what "shan't" means, but let's go!

Park Ultra Lord: Do you promise to use your powers for good and not evil?

Sheen: Yes... yes, Ultra Lord!

Park Ultra Lord: Now, Counterpart, take this Ultra Mask and lead the fight for justice.

Park Ultra Lord: Is this kid with anyone?

Go, Carl!

Now that's what I call a ride.

Let's go.

This is way beyond awesome.

Nick: Just think if you boneheaded dweebs had listened to your parents, you'd be home in bed instead of riding this monster!

I tell you, he's fine.

Just a quick peek, Hugh.

There. Now, what did I tell you?

Jimmy, are you awake, dear?

Yes, Mother. I am awake.

Son, your mother and I just wanted to say good night.

Yes. And to tell you that we love you.

Honey, I know you're upset.

We don't like to punish you.

You're such a special boy.

Judy: According to this, we should encourage Jimmy without overindulging him.

Hugh: OK. What does it say about rockets?

(suddenly, they heard a strange noise.)

Judy: Is there someone in the kitchen?

Hugh: Our kitchen? I didn't hear anything.

(Judy points out to the kitchen door.)

Honey, did you leave the green light on?

Jimmy?

Jimmy?

You're not Jimmy.

Judy: Hugh?

(The Kitchen Door Swings)

Judy :Hugh, are you all right?

(she checks and sees if Hugh's ok)

Judy: Hugh?

- Was that so cool, dude! - Yeah! That was great!

- Mind-bending! - Yeah!

Hey, my pants are almost dry.

Hey, Jimmy, I never thought I'd say it, but here goes.

You know what? That Nick is not such a bad guy.

- Are you kidding? He's a genius. - He's a genius!

- No offense, Jimmy. - None taken.

Actually, I find his insights on how to deal with one's parents refreshing.

Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if our folks all disappeared for a while?

Yeah.

Hey, a shooting star.

Cool. You get to make a wish. Lucky.

What should I wish for?

I know what I'd wish for. I'd wish for no more parents.

That way we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

We'd be free. We could have fun all the time.

Yeah!

Liftoff in five, four, three, two...

We have liftoff!

Abort mission. Abort mission.

Goddard, wake mode.

All right. Come on, boy. Race you to the kitchen.

Beat ya.

Hey, Mom, did you get any more Purple Flurp?

Mom!

Jimmy: (reading) "Dear son/daughter..."

(Close-up of the letter, tilting down slowly.)

Jimmy: "We have gone to Florida for an extended vacation."

Carl: "Love, your parents."

[We see Sheen on the street, with the same letter Jimmy has]

Sheen Estevez: Yeah! My parents went to Florida, too!

Jimmy Neutron: That's weird. [looks at some kids in the street, all with the same letter that Jimmy and Sheen got before them, and are all looking around for their parents] From the look of it, I'd say a lot of parents are gone.

Carl Wheezer: [with the same letter Jimmy, Sheen, and the other kids have] Well, uh... did they all go to Florida?

Sheen Estevez: Maybe they went to get juice or something?

Carl Wheezer: I don't digest pulp well. It makes me bloaty.

Jimmy Neutron: Goddard, scan for adult life-forms.

[Goddard does a scan of all of Retroville for adults]

Jimmy Neutron: Just as I thought; There are absolutely no adults anywhere within radar. They're gone! The whole city! No parents!

Carl Wheezer: No parents.

Sheen Estevez: Hmmmm....

[The three of them gasp suddenly, realizing their wish came true]

Jimmy, Carl, and Sheen: NO PARENTS!!!

[They, followed by the other kids run off, celebrating]

Excuse me.

Amber: I'm letting out the cold!

Sheen: I'm peeing in the shower!

Carl: Weeeeeeee! Llama, llama, llama!

I'm walking up the down escalator!

My clothes don't match! I'm out in public and my clothes don't match!

Sheen: I'm still doing' it! Go, go, go!

Welcome to the Candy Bar. Whoopee cushion or non-whoopee cushion?

Jimmy!

What'll it be, boys?

- We'll have what he's throwing. - Excellent choice.

Hang on!

No skiing in the halls!

Don't make me get the protractor.

Morning, Goddard. My head. What a night.

Carl: I'm stuffed now. I couldn't have ano... OK, one more. I'm gonna have one more and then that'll be it.

Sheen: What a battle. Are there any survivors? Help me.

I remember my first time.

Shake it off, Neutron.

I gotta get home. Mom and Dad might be back by now. Come on, Goddard.

Oleander: We interrupt this program to bring you this report. Hey, knock it off, Arnie. "Trouble in Paradise." That's what some kids are saying in the aftermath of yesterday's "Mom and Dad are gone" celebrations. Here's Courtney Tyler.

Courtney: What started as an awesome day has become, like, a real bummer.

- Help us!

I don't know how to make lunch.

I want my parents.

Somebody hold me!

Nissa: I was playing on the teeter totter and the next thing I knew I was on the ground and my knee hurt!!!

Courtney: Reports of tummy aches, owies and constipation have reached epidemic numbers over the past few hours, with little indication of slowing down.

Zach: And so we were gonna see who could eat the most cotton candy. And I won. I want my mommy.

Courtney: So, there you have it. I want my mommy, too.

Jimmy: Mom? Dad? What kind of parents take off and leave their kid? And they didn't even say goodbye.

Son, your mother and I just wanted to say good night.

Yes. And to tell you that we love you.

We only do what we do because we love you.

Maybe we can all go to Retroland next weekend, the three of us.

What about my fabulous dog Goddard?

Sure. Your fabulous dog Goddard, too.

Well, good night, son.

Good night, Jimmy. Sweet dreams. We'll see you in the morning.

Jimmy: OK. So they said good night. "In the morning"? Hey, wait a minute. Play back the last part again. Audio only.

Good night, Jimmy. Sweet dreams. We'll see you in the morning.

Jimmy: There. Why would she say that if they weren't gonna be here? Come on, Goddard. We're going to the lab. It's just as I thought. The serifs and kerning on the note don't match Mom and Dad's handwriting. This note's a fake! What is it, boy? The Long-Range Space Scanner. It detected something. Filtering out background radiation and... There it is. Jumping Jupiter! The Earth's been visited by aliens!

OK, so me, you and a dog are gonna battle an alien civilization, right?

- By ourselves? - He's a good dog. Aren't you, boy?

The last time we tried this, we couldn't even break free of the atmosphere.

I know, I know. But I recalculated the thrust-to-fuel ratio

and I've adjusted the engine accordingly.

- I can fix that. - Neutron.

- What is it? - An angry mob.

In times of crisis, intellectuals are always the first to go.

Well, they don't look angry. They look like they're about to barf.

Let me go. You're messing with powers far beyond your mortal comprehension.

OK, Neutron.

Ultra Freak here says you really know what happened to all our parents.

Hey, how you doing'? I didn't say nothing' about our parents being abducted...

- Where's my mom and dad? - Hey, what's the matter?

Jimmy Neutron: Goddard, Star map 72, please.

[Goddard shows a star map]

Jimmy Neutron: Right about... there. [points somewhere on the star map] Long-range sensors picked up these ion trails, indicating the departure route for whatever alien intelligence abducted our parents. As you can see, They lead us somewhere in the Orion star system approximately three million light years away. So we'll need to leave by Friday. OK, that gives us about 2 days to collect the necessary plutonium, design and test our fusion engines, and build our fleet of interstellar warships. And we'll also need to bring snacks. [to the audience] Any questions?

[Everyone stares in silence. Goddard turns his star map off.]

Nick Dean: Are you sure about this, Neutron?

Jimmy Neutron: [holding a data sheet] Well, the data seems to support this hypothesis.

[Sheen takes the data sheet]

Sheen Estevez: Never argue with the data.

OK, Neutron, here's the lowdown.

You get us to those kidnapping alien scuzzballs,

and I'll take it from there.

We're getting our parents back.

OK, Ben, that's good. Let it down slow.

Two more turns, Emma. Not too tight.

Yup. Tape adhesion is within operational limits.

What? Cindy?

Cindy, what did you do to that intergalactic starship?

We thought that the deep recesses of space could use a feminine touch.

What do you think, Jimmy?

Yeah, it's OK, I guess.

You kinda ruined it though.

Hey, Jimmy, do these fusion reactors need fuel rods?

Come on, Sheen. It's not rocket science. You just have to...

Actually, I guess it is rocket science.

- No fuel rods, Sheen. - OK.

Jimmy: And for the final touch...(He rips the paper out revealing the neutron logo on his rocket. Cut to the kids gathered while Jimmy is on the stage) Good work, everybody. We're ready for intergalactic travel.

Nick: Neutron, this is gonna work, right?

Cindy: Yeah, Jimmy. What if it doesn't work?

Jimmy: It will work! [almost falls off of the nail he's standing on] I'm 95% sure it will.

Cindy: 95?

Jimmy: Yeah.

Cindy: Yeah, and the other 5%?

Jimmy: [hesitantly] We blow up.

[the kids gasp, murmur, and look at one another with shocked expressions]

Jimmy: But just a little. Look, a 95 is still an 'A'.

Nick: Yeah, I can deal with that. I never got a 95 in my life.

Cindy: You heard the man. Stop sucking your thumbs and let's light this candle! (The kids fasten his seatbelts and safety bars, Cindy and Libby put on their headphones as speakers. Sheen puts on his mask, and Carl uses his inhaler. Jimmy and Goddard are in their rocket ship)

Jimmy: Goddard, initiate launch sequence.

Goddard: Please make sure seat belts are fastened and remember to keep your hands and arms inside the vehicles at all times. (Jimmy inserts the quarter. The rocket starts to fly. The "Bat Outa Heck" ride starts flying in the sky, as does the eyeballs from 'Eye in the Sky'. Cindy and Libby's intergalactic starship starts to fly out, the dragon boat ride starts spinning and flies out in the sky, the roller coaster rides down and flies out. Then, the Ferris wheel goes up and flies in the sky. The Octo-Puke ride starts spinning and flies out. Then, the ride "Flutter By" spins. Carl screams as the butterfly lets go, and races off. Then, the other kids' rides started flying)

Jimmy: Come on, everybody. Get in formation. Carl, you're too low.

Carl: Come on, you stupid butterfly. (Carl's butterfly starts flying as well)

Sheen: Go, Counterparts! Go!

Hang on. We're passing through the stratosphere.

Now the mesosphere.

Entering ionosphere.

Now I know why they all end in "phere"!

Jimmy: This is it, baby. Engaging pulse rockets now.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Jimmy: Look, Goddard. The wonders of the universe.

We are witnessing celestial events no person, or dog, has ever seen.

It's incredible.

Beautiful, isn't it, Nick?

Yeah, yeah. Wake me when we get there.

Hey, Jimmy.

D'you think we can rotate shifts after a while?

Hey, we'll switch.

Hey, this astronaut food isn't too bad.

That's toothpaste, Carl.

Minty.

- Hey, what's happening? - Meteor shower.

Evasive action.

I do so relish these times of peril.

- That was close. - Look out!

We've gotta find shelter.

Asteroid bearing . degrees.

Come on!

So then these three filmmakers find all these sticks in the trees

shaped like stick people.

And the girl filmmaker starts crying and her nose starts dripping.

And they don't have any tissue at all.

None?

None.

So then they start to hear really scary noises and voices coming from outside.

So they leave the tent.

Don't leave the tent! Don't leave the tent!

Oh, yeah, Carl. They leave the tent and they follow the voices, when from out of the darkness comes the...

Man, that was so choice. You should have seen your faces.

Did they really leave the tent, Nick?

Hey, there's a red giant. And that's a white dwarf.

You can relate, huh, Neutron?

Hey, Jimmy, what's the matter?

Listen, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the tallest guy around.

Shorty, squirt, small-stuff, shrimp.

It gets to you after a while.

And next year there'll be dances.

What girl wants to dance dance with a guy who looks like he should still be in Gymboree, huh?

I didn't think we liked girls yet, Jim.

We don't. We don't. No. Urgh! Not yet. No.

However, one day, Carl, an influx of hormones that we can't control will overpower our better judgment and drive us to pursue the female species against our will.

Carl Wheezer: Stop talking like that, Jimmy! You're gonna give me nightmares!

Listen, I wouldn't worry, Carl. I have a feeling puberty is light years away for you and me.

You know, we should have never wished on that star, Jimmy,

cos I miss my folks.

My mom used to tuck me in bed every night

before she was abducted by aliens.

Before my dad was abducted by aliens,

he would always read me to sleep.

Before my mom was inducted by aliens, she would rub my tummy and she'd sing...

- What? - Nothing.

Come on, you guys. We gotta keep our heads.

We'll find 'em.

What is it, boy?

Sensor sweeps reveal many advanced cities and... ion energy signatures. That's it!

We've found it. I repeat: We've found it.

Nick, we'll contact you as soon as we find the parents so you can kick some alien buttocks.

- Piece of cake. - OK, scouting party, follow me.

I'll be back, Nick.

Whoa. What is that?

Wow. They've evolved beyond the need for mere conventional bodies.

They must be an advanced species millions of years ahead of us.

Sheen: Wow. When I sneeze, it looks like an advanced species, too.

OK, they're this way.

Right this way, sire.

Ooblar, these humans look so scrawny. Hardly very appetizing.

Are you sure they're yummy?

I assure you, my slimy sovereign.

Poultra will be quite pleased.

Humans are mostly water with a crunchy, bony center.

Think nuts and chews.

- There they are. - What are they doing?

- What are those things on their heads? - It looks like a mind-control device.

Mom. Dad. Dad!

It's me. Jimmy. Over here.

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jimmys, James, James, Jim.

Big, fiery, flying Jimmy. Hi, Jimmy.

Some dream, huh? Attack of the big egg people. I think I've seen this one.

No, Dad. You're wearing a mind-control device. Take yours off. Hurry!

- Dad? - Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Dad, no, no, no. Sh.

Jimmy, your dad's like a mind-control duck man.

- Let's get outta here. - Let's go.

Come back. Join us, Jimmy. Join us.

Well, well, if it isn't the littlest rescue party. How cute.

Hello, itty-bitty humans.

You let us go, you big ball of phlegm.

That's no way to talk to the king. He is the royal phlegm.

- Ooblar. - Sorry, sire.

I think it's only fair to warn you that if you don't release us within hours,

an army of trained combat specialists is poised to destroy your entire planet.

- Really? - Really.

Oh, my. Our entire planet. Whatever shall we do?

Do you mean this army of trained combat specialists?

- Hey, it's Nick. Hey, Nick. Oh, man... - Nick!

Get your grubs off me, egghead.

Don't look so surprised. We're an advanced alien race.

What did you expect?

What do you want with our parents?

It's not what I want. It's what Poultra wants.

- Who's Poultra? - Poultra is our god.

The mightiest, most ferocious creature in all...

I get tired of answering this. Roll tape.

Hello and welcome to our special edition of "Poultra: God of Wrath".

- Brought to you by Goo... - Commercials. Hate them.

Welcome back. If you're watching this,

chances are your friends and/or relatives are about to be sacrificed

to the Mighty Poultra, which is a great honor indeed.

And very painful.

And this year's human sacrifices feature something very special:

Actual humans.

And it's all thanks to Jimmy Neutron.

Greetings from planet Earth. I'm Jimmy Neutron and you're an alien life form.

You know, without the coordinates you gave us,

we never would have found your puny little planet.

For such a tiny earthling, you've been a very big help, Jimmy Neutron.

Guards, throw these minuscule vermin into the dungeon

until they're of worthier size, and give Mr Neutron the presidential suite.

What?

Isn't this a funny-wunny little toy?

Get it off me! Get it off!

Take this infernal thing to the lab and have it torn apart.

Yes, great saliva-armed one.

- Hold it. Move along. - Goddard!

Move!

So, it was Neutron all along.

I mean, he got us into this.

Hey, Jimmy, didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers?

That's rule number one.

Come on, you guys. Give him a break.

Jimmy didn't mean to ruin our lives

and get our parents eaten by a giant space monster.

She's right. We need to ask ourselves "What would Ultra Lord do?"

Let's think about that, Sheen. Maybe sit on a shelf because he's a doll!

He's not. He's an action figure. There's a difference.

Come on, Nick. Let Sheen talk. Maybe he's onto something.

What would Ultra Lord do, Sheen?

Well, in episode

he fried the zeebot's brain with his heat-seeking infra-thought. It was cool.

Well, I'm convinced, folks,

that's pretty much the stupidest thing I ever heard!

No. This is the stupidest thing you've ever heard.

You are such a baby.

Leave me alone. You're picking on me because you're insecure.

Jimmy, you there?

Look, don't listen to them.

They're just scared.

Are you OK?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Don't be so hard on yourself. We'll get out of this.

OK, so you made a mistake.

Beating yourself up isn't gonna fix anything.

You know, I was the smartest kid in school until you came along.

And I admit you know more about some things than I do.

But I know one thing that you don't seem to get, and that's that we're never getting outta here without you.

So why don't you buck up, mister, and put that big brain of yours back to work?

Nick can handle the fighting stuff, but first we have to get out of this cell.

Cindy, why are you being so nice to me?

Because there's a bunch of kids in here that need you.

And I do, too.

I am never complaining about my parents again.

We didn't even get our one phone call.

That's it! Libby, let me see your cellphone.

OK, but I don't think my service plan covers anything outside our solar system.

- Who are you calling? - A friend of mine.

All right, little Earth doggy.

Ooblar is going to take you apart into tiny little pieces.

All right?

Hey, give me that!

Fine. We'll use this one then.

No, no, no, no, no. No!

Would you stop that? Those are mine.

That's not funny! Stop it! And give me my things.

Come on, boy, pick up.

Good. Good. Perhaps we'll get somewhere.

Goddard, you're OK.

I miss you, too, boy. Listen, what's your situation?

Evil scientist, huh?

OK. I got an idea. Put me on speaker, Goddard.

Danger. Danger. You have initiated self-destruct sequence alpha.

That's my bad. Back in you go.

Self-destruct sequence is now engaged.

No, no, no, no, no! I put it back in. You understand me?

This unit will yield a -megaton nuclear blast in exactly ten seconds.

Ooblar: That's not good! Please clear a 30-square mile area. Thank you, and have a nice day.

- Ten, nine, eight... - No, back up!

...seven... - Mother!

Is he gone, boy?

Great. Lock on to this signal and get here as fast as you can.

Halt. Who goes there?

The guard.

By order of the esteemed King Goobot,

it is my great privilege and honor to mercilessly exterminate you.

Think. Think. Goddard, play dead.

Good boy, Goddard. Good boy.

Guess I'll make that bug a feature, huh?

- Good dog. - Way to go!

- You're a good robot. - Come on! Let's get the others.

Nice work, Jimmy.

Hey, Cindy. Thanks.

If you ever tell anyone I was nice to you, you'll wind up looking like that guy.

Let's go, Neutron. It's egg-scrambling time.

- Wait for me, Nick. - Come back!

Please?

Bring out the humans.

Come on, it's showtime. Everybody out.

Kick it!

Carl: Look, you guys. A football game.

Jimmy: I don't think so, Carl. Goddard, bino-scope mode.

Sheen: Wow. What a lame half-time show.

Nick: They're making our parents dance so lame.

Carl: No, my dad really dances like that.

Jimmy: The festival is starting.

Cindy: Our parents! They'll be eaten!

Nick: Nobody eats my parents unless I say so!

Come on.

Begin the incubation.

Come on, Nick. Show them what you're made of.

Halt.

Hey, cool spear.

You really think so? I guess so because...

Mind if I try?

No, no, no!

My hero.

- Come on, everyone.

Get 'em, Nick. Come on!

Cindy: My hero?

Sheen: OK, we need another plan. Probably a Nick-less one.

Poultra! Poultra!

Poultra! Poultra!

Citizens of Yokus, I, King Goobot the Fifth, give you sacrifice.

Sheen: That....that's a big chicken.

What do we do now?

Think. Think.

Brain blast!

OK, everybody, listen up. We don't have much time. I've got to make it to that control tower.

Cindy, Libby, keep the guards busy until Sheen arrives with the ship.

OK, I heard the ship part, but was that "Sheen get the ship"?

Yeah, yeah.

There's a transport ship in that airfield big enough to carry all of us out.

- I need you to get it here fast. - But I don't have a driver's licence.

- I have no hand-eye coordination... - Sheen, ask yourself,

what would Ultra Lord do?

I accept this responsibility,

understanding the consequences that you've bestowed against me.

Poultra, din-dins.

Yummy, yummy. Foodie, woodie.

This is it, people. These crummy aliens stole our parents.

It's time to show them what we're made of. We're tough! We're mean!

Darn it, we're carbon-based life forms.

- Now, who's gonna kick buttocks? - The carbon-based life forms!

Yeah!

What is this?

- Stop those kids.

After 'em.

Cindy, Purple Flurp.

Dragon whips her tail.

Let's dance.

Yeah, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Come on, boy.

Carl: Jimmy!

Jimmy: Carl, "show and tell".

Come here, you.

I can't see! I can't see!

Carl: You want some? You want some? You want a piece of me? I didn't think so.

Munchy-crunchy time.

There you go.

- Fetch, boy. - Hey, hey, give me that.

- Come back here, you! - Everybody up.

Hey, nice party. Gotta blast.

Neutron.

OK, let's move out.

Guards, vaporize the Earth brats.

Hurry, head for the exit.

Carl: Hey, where's Sheen?

Jimmy: I don't know.

Stop them!

Jimmy: All right, Sheen!

Sheen: Your ship awaits, Captain Jimmy.

Ooblar, protect!

Pooh.

Everybody to the ship!

Poultra, quickly. Your dinner's getting away.

- OK, keep up. Let's get out of here. - Come on!

We gotta do this quick. Launch positions.

Temperature optimal. Engaging plasma coils.

- Jim, I think we better leave now. - Countdown! Ten, nine, eight...

One!

King Goobot: To my ships.

Ooblar: And can someone bring me a bucket?

Jimmy, here they come!

Time to discipline the naughty children.

Open fire.

OK, who wants fried chicken?

So, Neutron, now it's just you and I.

All weapons online.

Ultra Lord is not afraid of chickens

He is not afraid...

He may be a little bit afraid of chickens

This thing's too slow. I can't outrun 'em.

- Incoming message. - On screen.

You see, Jimmy, you can't win.

All of your friends and family would be safe at home,

if it wasn't for one little problem. You.

- Little? - Now you all must die!

Little, huh? I'll show you little.

Cindy, take over. Come on, boy.

What are you doing? Is this one of those macho things?

I know we haven't field-tested this feature yet, but we've no choice, buddy.

Goddard, flycycle!

Would you look at this? I do believe he's going to ram us, Ooblar.

Remind me to clean the windshield later.

Jimmy Neutron: You steal my parents, you threaten my dog...

King Goobot: Itsy bitsy Jimmy Neutron!

[Ooblar hops over in his bucket]

Ooblar: He does look a bit small and silly, doesn't he, sire?

Jimmy Neutron: You attack my friends, and you make fun of my size!

King Goobot: Tiny, tiny!

Ooblar: So, so tiny!

Jimmy Neutron: Well I may be small, but I've got a big brain! [Sets his shrink ray to 'Planet Size', then zaps himself and he, and Goddard grow to planet size, making Goobot's ship look tiny in comparison. Jimmy's eyes completely fill the window of the ship.]

King Goobot: Argh!

Ooblar: Not tiny!

[The tiny ship stops in front of the huge Jimmy.]

King Goobot: Can't we just call this whole thing a mistake and go back to your plan - rendezvous for universal brotherhood and whatnot? [chuckles nervously]

[Jimmy blows Goobot's ship away, sending it into an asteroid, where it explodes. The heroes on the ship cheer.]

You've not seen the last of us, Jimmy Neutron!

You look marvelous sunny-side up, sire.

That's no yolk.

All right, Jimmy! Good job!

Orbiting around Jimmy's big head. Estimated time to ear: Seven minutes.

So, I guess I can't call you short any more.

Don't worry. I'm sure there are all kinds of other insults you can come up with.

Let me tell you, as soon as we get home, we're going out dancing!

Sheen: Ultra Dad!

Ultra Son!

Dad! Daddy!

Nick: Hey, Neutron. Nice job.

Thanks.

Hugh: I've got that for you, dear.

Jimmy: Mom, Dad, I should have listened to you when you said don't talk to strangers. See, I guess I thought I was smart enough to do everything on my own, that I didn't need you. But I was wrong. I love you guys.

We love you too, Jimmy.

Having a genius for a son may not always be easy, but it's always interesting.

You make us so proud.

You sure do, son.

You know, not every family gets to ride in an alien spaceship, hurtling through the universe at warp speeds, millions of miles from home.

- We thank you for that. - You gotta admit, that is pretty neat.

There you are, gentlemen.

Carl: Ah! Freeze!

Jimmy: It's OK, Carl. It's just breakfast.

Carl: I knew that.

I don't remember buying this brand of soda.

Jimmy: No, no, Mom... Mom, you...

Jimmy, it's just soda.

Jimmy: Mom, no!

Goodness! Excuse me.

Hguh: Boy, it's a scorcher out there. Thanks, honey.

Hugh!

Hugh: Well, at least it's coming out of the attic, not the basement.

Hugh!

Jimmy: Mom!

[Jimmy and Carl started laughing.]

James Isaac Neutron...

Onward, Mr Wiggles. We reach the cafeteria by dawn.

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Polkamania!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0ZoX4dBvwk

duckiguess
Lost Media Veteran

“Keep circulating the tapes!”

Posts: 1,457

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Jul 15, 2024 0:56:21 GMT via mobile extremewreck2000 likes this

Post by duckiguess on Jul 15, 2024 0:56:21 GMT

{The cartoon starts with a military soundtrack and a desert landscape. A title comes up saying "TIME TO BREAK...FAST!" written by A. Chimendez. The commandos appear in the distance, climbing over a dune.}

FIGHTGAR: It's gotta be a hundred degrees out here and I'm running on empty!

GUNHAVER: Come on, Fightgar! Just a little further! {he pulls a paper from his jacket} The secret entrance to Blue Laser's secret desert headquarters has to be in this secret desert somewhere!

SILENT RIP: You'd think so, but are we even sure they have a desert hideout?

GUNHAVER: I think I remember hearing something about it on the...news...

{cut to Blue Laser's secret headquarters. He's watching the Commandos on a video feed.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: The Cheat Commandos will never find our desert headquarters, since we relocated to my nana's backyard!

{ominous music}

BLUE LASER MINION: The burgers are done, sir. {holds up a tray of burgers}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Fantastic!

{cut back to the desert with the commandos}

FIGHTGAR: Are we there yet? I'm tired.

GUNHAVER: Me too. We need some energy fast!

SILENT RIP: Look! It's that guy! That flies that plane!

{There is a fighter jet flying up above. Cut to an exterior shot of Crackotage in the cockpit)

CRACKOTAGE: Look out below, Geronimo! Hee hee ha ha!

{The jet drops a box of cereal on a parachute, and it descends to the commandos below.}

CHEAT COMMANDOS: We're saved!

GUNHAVER: Sugar-crunchy Cheat Commandos...O's Sugar Cereal! Part of this nutritious breakfast!

{Transition to a commercial for Cheat Commandos...O's.}

SPOKESMAN: New Cheat Commandos...O's...O'sy O's...sugar cereal, is a delicious part of this complete delicious breakfast!

{A box of Cheat Commandos...O's sits next to a glass of caramel candies, a mug of marshmallows, and a slice of chocolate fudge cake on a plate. There's a caption saying "Delicious Nutritious Breakfast!!!" with the word Nutritious crossed out. A subtitle states "Gallon of Ice Cream not pictured".}

SPOKESMAN: And take some vitamins, too!

{cut to Blue Laser's headquarters. He's yelling at his minions.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Which one of you ate the last bratwurst?!

{The Cheat Commandos show up right behind him.}

GUNHAVER: Nice try, Blue Laser! This party is busted!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: What the crap?!

FIGHTGAR, GUNHAVER & SILENT RIP: Sugar-crunchy Cheat Commandos...O's Sugar Cereal!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Well that's...just...great!

SILENT RIP: Cheat Commandos...O's...

FIGHTGAR, GUNHAVER & SILENT RIP: Rock, rock on!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: I hate you!

{Fightgar, Gunhaver, and Silent Rip jump in surprise. The grill explodes behind him, and a couple of Blue Laser minions paradrop behind the fence. Cut to a commercial again.}

SPOKESMAN: And now, try Cheat Commandos...O's, with Fluffy Puff Marshmallows...O's.

{Back to the cartoon, Marshie flies up to Gunhaver wearing a soldier's hat.}

SER-G-GEANT MARSHIE: Ser-g-geant Marshie reporting for duty, sir!

GUNHAVER: Would somebody get this flying cottonball outta my face?

{Cut back to the scene with the cereal and the delicious (not nutritious) breakfast. The commandos walk on in the background, while the theme song plays.}

SINGERS: Cheat Commandos O's, ridiculous breakfast... buy all our playsets and toys!

The lost media wikis resident nerd and MSTie.

ModWalletGuy
Lost Media Veteran

Oh, egads! My roast is ruined!

Posts: 3,205
Member is Online

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Nov 10, 2024 13:24:06 GMT

Post by ModWalletGuy on Nov 10, 2024 13:24:06 GMT

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "It's good for you"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old
That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"Who is it?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said
It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little something like this
Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"
That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude
Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
I said "A" (A)
"L" (L)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"Querque" (querque)
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Polkamania!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0ZoX4dBvwk

duckiguess
Lost Media Veteran

“Keep circulating the tapes!”

Posts: 1,457

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Nov 10, 2024 13:54:44 GMT ModWalletGuy likes this

Post by duckiguess on Nov 10, 2024 13:54:44 GMT

All: (O.S.) (singing) Now, Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid

On the first day of first grade, I'll tell you what he did

He tripped over a pencil box, flew up in the air

Landed on a kangaroo who pulled out all his hair

(A porcupine is shown on the side of the road. It crosses the road.)

All: (O.S) (singing) He needed first aid in the first grade

First aid in the first grade (2x)

You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

(A red and white Volkswagen van drives past. Mike, Junior, Laura, Annie, and Percy are shown in the van.)

All: (singing) Oh, Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid

On the second day of second grade, I'll tell you what he did

He slipped on a banana peel flew up in the sky

Landed on a chimpanzee who poked him in the eye

(Bob the Tomato is shown driving the van with Mike right next to him. Bob is fumbling with a road map.)

All: (singing) He needed first aid in the second grade

Bob: ...Route 59, where's Route 59?

(Mike inadvertently whacks Bob in the back of the head with the guitar's neck. The tomato cries out in pain and glares at Mike.)

All: (singing) First aid in the second grade (2x)

You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

(Mike accidentally hits Bob again, hard enough to smack his face in the dashboard, sounding the horn, and shutting off the headlights.)

Bob: Aah! Lights! AAAAHH!!!

All: (singing) Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid

On the third day of third grade, I'll tell you what he did

Bob: Whoa! Lights! Lights! Where is that button?

All: (singing) He fell out of a fishing boat splashed into the sea

Landed on a moray eel...

Bob: Switch! No! Where is it?

All: (singing) ...who bit him on the knee

He needed first aid in the third grade

(Mike hits Bob again, making Bob's face smack the horn again. The van drives over a rock, making everyone bounce.)

All: (singing) First aid in the third grade

(The van goes off the road, and drives over a log, making everyone bounce again.)

All: (singing) First aid in the third grade

(Bob eventually finds the light switch button.)

All: (singing) You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

(As Bob turns the lights back on, Mike plays a solo on his harmonica while Bob is stressed. Laura looks down at her ticket, smiling in love.)

Laura: (whispers in awe to the viewers) I get to meet Twippo.

(Junior looks at Laura, unamused. The van passes a porcupine sign. Camera switches to the front of the van.)

Mike: Twelfth grade!

All: (singing) Noooowwww... Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid

On the twelfth day of 12th grade, I'll tell you what he did

He walked into financial aid, fell and broke a bone

Showed them all his bills and got a great big college loan

He needed first aid in the 12th grade

First aid in the 12th grade (2x)

(Bob dodges Mike's guitar as he swings it.)

All: (singing) You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid! (2x) Yay! Twippo!

Percy Pea: Let's do another Twippo song!

Annie: I love Twippo.

Junior: Me too!

Laura: But I'm the one who gets to meet him because I won the Twippo sweepstakes.

Junior: You don't have to rub it in.

Mike: It's great that you won the contest, Laura. But let's try not to brag about it. Nice one with the lights, Bob.

Bob: My pleasure, for the next song maybe I can drive into the river!!

Kids: Yeah! Drive into the river, Bob! Oh, drive into the river, Bob!

Bob: Or maybe you could help me with the MAP!!!

Mike: Oh. I'm sorry.

Laura: Is there anything you want me to tell Twippo, when I meet him?

(Mike gets shocked, and turns to Laura, inadvertently whacking Bob in the face with his guitar.)

Mike: Laura!

Bob: Ow!

(Bob loses his concentration, and the van swerves, making Laura's ticket fly out of her grip.)

Laura: (gasps) MY TICKET!!

Mike: Aah! Quick! Get it!

(Mike tries to catch the ticket, but gets in Bob's way.)

Bob: The map!

Mike: Sorry.

Bob: Map!

(Bob screams in horror as the ticket flies out of his open window of the van.)

Laura: (O.S.) MY TICKEEEET...!

(The ticket lands on the side of the road. Cuts back to the veggies in the van. An annoyed Bob tries to get Mike out of his way.)

Bob: Do you mind?!

Mike: (his guitar is stuck in the steering wheel) I'm stuck!!

(Mike tries to pull the guitar out of the steering wheel, but he accidentally rips the wheel off of the dashboard. Bob gasps in horror. Mike frantically shakes his guitar to try to get the wheel off of his guitar. The veggies all cry out in fear as the van swerves all around the road. Meanwhile, in the forest, a mother porcupine is walking with her two babies. Cuts back to the van, which is still driving like crazy.)

Bob: (takes the steering wheel off the guitar) Get it! (tries to put the steering wheel back on the dashboard) We gotta fix it! Put it! Stick it in! Put it!

(Cuts back to the porcupines, who are now walking on the road. Suddenly, the van careens around the corner. Bob sees the porcupines and is horrified.)

Bob: PORCUPINE!!!

(The mother porcupine jumps in front of her babies and aims several quills at the car tires. The front tires are both deflated. As the van heads toward the porcupines, Bob steers to the left. The van then starts rolling down a steep hill and approaches a...)

Mike: Tree! (Bob steers right. Now they're headed for a...) Cabin! (Bob steers left. Finally they're headed for a clothesline. In the center is a pair of white with red polka-dot...) Underwear!

(The clothesline holding the underwear stops the van. Bob looks past the underwear to see the river below.)

Bob: (chuckles) Well, I'm glad that's over. (A line snaps. Bob turns to Mike.) Did you say something? (Mike shakes his head. Another line snaps.) Oh...

Mike: Dear.

(Three more lines snap and the van continues down the hill toward the river. The van then hits a stump and the airbags activate.)

Bob: Am I in heaven?

Mike: (sniffs) It smells like... Wisconsin.

(Everyone jumps out of the car.)

Bob: Well, nobody got hurt.

(A quill comes out of nowhere and hits Bob in the behind)

Bob: Aah!

(The screen pans over to the porcupine family, where it is revealed that one of the babies shot a quill in Bob’s rear end.)

Mike: Wow! What a shot!

(Bob groans.)

Junior: Hey, what's that?

(They all notice a restaurant that reads SEAFOOD with the D light out.)

All: Ooh.

Annie: What's seafoo?

Percy Pea: Maybe it's like tofu?

Mike: Only saltier!

(The D lights up.)

All: (O.S) Ahh.

(cut to inside the restaurant, with the sound of arguing from outside as everyone enters through a rotating door.)

Bob: Oh yeah, well if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be in this mess!

Mike: I said I was sorry. I'll do better next time.

Bob: There ain't gonna be a next time!

Annie: Mr. Bob, how are we going to get to the Twippo Concert?

Percy Pea: Yeah, we're going to miss the Bald Bunny song.

Bob: I don't know! I don't know about any bald...bunnies!

Percy Pea: (singing) I'm a bald bunny, ain't got no fur.

I'm a bald bunny, brrr brrr brrr.

Laura: (while Percy continues singing) Even if we do make it to the concert, I can't get in because I lost my ticket.

Junior: Serves you right! It's your own fault for waving it around in my face!

Annie: I have to go to the bathroom.

Mike: I'm not usually that bad as a co-pilot.

Bob: Two flat tires!!

Mike: Usually, I'm quite dexterous!

Bob: How in the world are we going to change two flat tires? Where's the phone?

Laura: I lost my ticket.

Junior: If you hadn't been teasing me, we wouldn't been in this mess, Laura!

(Laura looks depressed.)

Jean-Claude Pea: (O.S.) (clears his throat after a pause)

The French Peas: May we help you?

(All the veggies speak at once)

Bob: The Asparagus whacked me in the head with a guitar and our van got taken out by a mad porcupine, then another one got me... here.

Percy: (singing) Bald, bald, bunny, bunny

Look over there bunny!

Hair over there bunny!

What fur? That fur!

There's some fur bald bunny!

Mike: Maybe it's because I'm used to the ukulele, The neck is so much shorter... Yeah... that's why. Say, I need to call my wife!

Junior: Laura was teasing me with her "special ticket," and then it flew right out the window and she screamed and made the van crash.. (Junior turns to Laura) ..and now none of us get to see Twippo!

Annie: May I please use the bathroom?

Philippe: (Quoting A Very Veggie Christmas) Down the hall, first door on the left.

Annie: Thank you.

Percy Pea: Ooh, Captain Ahab's Moby Blaster! My favorite! (He hops up to the game.)

Jean-Claude: What do you want?

Bob: Well, sirs, the asparagus hit me in the head with a guitar, and an angry mother porcupine shot out our tires, and one of her babies got me.

(Bob shows a thorn stuck onto his back, while Mike tries not to look.)

The French Peas: Ooh!

Mike: And I need to use your phone to call my-

Bob: A tow truck!

Mike: My wife!

(Bob is not amused.)

Jean-Claude: I see.

Philippe: Next to the Moby Blaster.

Mike: Thanks.

(Mike proceeds to walk to where the phone is.)

Jean-Claude: Well, in the meantime, would you like to have a seat? Maybe enjoy a nice...combo platter?!

The French Peas: (singing) Steak, steak, eat it, eat it!

Shrimp, shrimp, need it, need it!

Steak and shrimp, steak and shrimp!

Need to, need to, eat it, eat it!

(scatting portion)

Philippe: (singing) Got to, got to, got to get the steaky, wakey, shrimpy!

Do you prefer poking or non-poking?

Bob: (sarcastically laughs) Non.

The French Peas: (laughing)

Jean-Claude: Good one, Philippe! You are one clever pea, no?

The French Peas: (laughing)

(Philippe takes the thorn out of Bob's back)

Bob: Aaahh!

Philippe: Voila! A skewer for the scampi!

(The French Peas leave while Bob looks unamused. Everybody then looks back to hear singing)

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: (singing) We are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

We just stay home and lie around

Jean-Claude: Please, make yourselves comfortable. I will be back to take your order.

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: (singing) And if you ask us to do anything...

Bob: Why don't you two wait here? I'm gonna go call a tow truck. Maybe we'll still make it to the concert on time!

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: (singing) ...we'll just tell you we don't do anything!

(Bob leaves. Cut to Laura looking depressed over what Junior said.)

Laura: Yeah, everyone but me.

Junior: Hey, it's your own fault for teasing me. You're just getting what you deserve.

Laura: Hmph, I'm coming with you, Mr. Bob.

(Laura leaves.)

(Junior looks at the various fish decorations hanging from the ceiling before looking at a menu. It it, he sees "Compassion" written in it. While he does so, a conversation can be heard faintly.)

Mr Lunt: See, the guy, one guy, all he does, he just folds these napkins.

Larry: Oh, the napkin guy.

Mr. Lunt: He works at night after everybody's gone.

Larry: Yeah. You know, um, he used to fold maps.

Mr. Lunt: No. No. Listen to me! He takes one spoon, he takes one knife, and he takes one fork, and he rolls it up in a napkin. He's the one that makes it into that little swan shape.

(Suddenly, Pa Grape starts talking to Junior.)

Pa Grape: Hey, excuse me.

Junior: Aaahh!!

Larry: How's it going?

Mr. Lunt: Hey, what's up?

Junior: Who are you?

Pa Grape: Uh, Who, us?

Junior: Yeah.

Pa Grape: Oh. Uh, we are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

Mr. Lunt: Oh, you know that's right.

Larry: Nothing.

Mr. Lunt: Zilch.

Larry: Nada.

Pa Grape: Didn't you hear our song?

Junior: Well, yeah, but-

Pa Grape: Look, Sonny, can I call you Sonny?

Junior: Junior.

Pa Grape: Eh, pretty close. Look, uhh..Junior, we couldn't help but notice you were havin' a little thing with your friend over there.

Mr. Lunt: Yeah. You weren't being very nice.

Junior: Well, it's her own fault. She was teasing me, and now she's getting what she deserves!

(brief pause)

Pa Grape: Right. Junior, we've seen these types of situations before.

Mr. Lunt: Happens all the time.

Pa Grape: What you need is a little compassion.

Larry: And maybe some scampi.

Junior: Hey, I saw that in the menu! (looks in the menu) What is that? What's compassion?

Mr. Lunt: Ooh, that's a hard question.

Larry: Mmm-hmm.

Pa Grape: Well, compassion is when you see that someone needs help, and you wanna help them. (Junior looks confused) That's what I thought you'd say.

Mr. Lunt: They all do.

Larry: Yep.

Pa Grape: So we find it helpful to illustrate with a little story.

Junior: A story?

Pa Grape: Yep. You know, we call ourselves The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, but that's not entirely accurate.

Mr. Lunt: Remember when we did that one thing with that one guy?

Pa Grape: Oh, do I ever.

Larry: I remember it like it was yesterday.

(Larry sips his root beer, cuts to Joppa while Larry puts his root beer down. The Pirates are standing at a booth selling their favorite snacks.)

Joppa Booth Salesman (Mr. Nezzer): Are you guys still doing that "pirate thing"?

Mr. Lunt: Aargh! Watch your tongue, matey, or we'll have to... what will we do?

Larry: We won't do anything. We're The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, remember?

Mr. Lunt: Oh, that's right. Aargh! you got off easy today!

Larry: We need more Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls!

Pa Grape: Yeah, and root beer!

Joppa Booth Salesman: I told you boys - no more cheese curls until you pay your tab! You still owe me from last week!

Mr. Lunt: But you'll take away our chance to win the "Mister Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes!"

Joppa Booth Salesman: Come again?

Pa Grape: Inside one of those bags of cheesy goodness is a golden ticket that'll change our lives forever!

Joppa Booth Salesman: Well, you could work here for me. That way you could earn more cheese curls.

Pirates: (overlapping in agreement)

Joppa Booth Salesman: So, uh... Whadaya know how to do?

Pa Grape: Well, I'm pretty good at lawn darts.

Larry: Ping-pong! I can play ping-pong!

Mr. Lunt: Croquet is my spe-ci-al-ity.

(beat)

Pa Grape: When do we start?

(The Joppa Booth Salesman closes the booth.)

Pa Grape: Monday's good for me! (narrating) We were short on cash. It seems not doing anything didn't pay very well.

Mr. Lunt: So, what do we do now?

Larry: Uh...nothing!

Mr. Lunt: You are a genius.

(As the pirates are walking, Larry sees the fish market.)

Joppa citizen: Uh, are these fish fresh?

Jean-Claude: You bet!

Phillipe: Oh yeah!

(The citizen smells it and faints, due to the bad smell.)

Joppa citizen: Ooooh!

Jean-Claude: What? They were fresh when they caught them.

Phillipe: That's right.

Jean-Claude: ...two weeks ago!

Both: Ho-ho-ho! He-he!

(The French Peas start slapping each other with their fish while Larry is concerned.)

Larry: Hmm, Ninevites.

Pa Grape: (narrating) Beside the fact that we were low on funds, this was a memorable day because he showed up: Jonah! (The Pirates meet Jonah, played by Archibald Asparagus. Jonah rides through the town on his camel, Reginald.) Now Jonah was a prophet of God - which means he was one of the very special people God used to deliver messages to Israel. (We see Jimmy as a mailman trying to hand out mail, but everyone seems more interested in Jonah's messages.) He was kind of like a mailman, except his letters came straight from God! Ahem. Anyway... Jonah loved helping his friends by bringing them God's messages. Sometimes the messages were good, sometimes they were not so good. But when a prophet talked, everybody listened!

Joppa Saleman: What's the word, Jonah?

Joppa Citizen (Miss Achemtha): Yeah, what's the word?

(Jonah stops by a fountain)

Jonah: Stop right here, Reginald. (Reginald does so) Dear people, I bring you a Message From the Lord.

Crowd: (gasps)

Jonah: Oh, it's a message of encouragement.

Crowd: (sighs of relief)

(Message of the Lord begins)

Jonah: (singing) Do not fight, do not cheat.

Wash your hands before you eat.

There is nothing quite as sweet.

A message from the Lord.

Be a friend, say your prayers.

Heaven loves a heart that cares.

That is why I've come to share

A message from the Lord.

And if you follow God's commands,

There will be peace throughout the land.

You will live long and happy lives...

With your sheep, your kids, your wives. Ah-ha!

Don't eat pigs, Don't eat bats.

Don't eat beetles, flies or gnats

Stay away from all of that.

A message from the Lord.

Do what's right, Don't provoke,

Put four tassels on your cloak.

Do not laugh, it's not a joke.

A message from the Lord

Veggie People (as a choir): (singing) Do not fight, do not cheat.

Woman: Wash your hands before you eat.

Man: (singing) There is nothing quite as sweet.

Woman 2: (singing) A message from the Lord.

Jonah: All together now.

Veggie People (as a choir): (singing) Be a friend, Say your prayers.

Heaven loves a heart that cares.

That is why he came to share

A message from the Lord.

(During the Instrumental Break, everyone starts dancing.)

Veggie People: (singing) And if we follow God's commands,

There will be peace throughout the land.

We will live long and happy lives...

With our sheep, our kids, our wives.

Do what's right, Don't provoke,

Put four tassels on your cloak.

Do not laugh. it's not a joke.

A message from the Lord.

Jonah: (singing) Don't do drugs, Stay in school

Scribe: (singing) This is quite a lot of rules

Jonah: (singing) Follow them and you're no fool-uh...

Veggie People: (singing) Follow them and you're no fool-uh...

Jonah: (singing) Follow them and you're no fool-uh...

All: (singing) A message from the Lord

(Jimmy is shown pulling a cart.)

Jonah: (singing) Follow them and you're no fool-uh...

All: (singing) A message from the Lord.

A message from the Lord

(Jimmy is pulled back by the cart and he hits it, causing mail to fly out. Everyone cheers as the mail flies down)

Jonah: All right! Good show, everyone! Thank you very much!

(He and Reginald proceed to leave)

Pa Grape: (Narrating) That was pretty much Jonah's life, town to town bringing God's messages to his friends. Heh, not a bad gig overall. (fade to later that night) So every night before he went to sleep, Jonah would pray and ask God if there was a new message for him to deliver. (fade to inside the tent) And this night, there was a message that would change Jonah's life.

Jonah: A new message? Yes, wha-what's that? People being unkind? Lying? (gasps) Stealing? Oh dear, sounds like a standard turn and repent to me. All right, name the town. I'll be on my way first thing in the morning. Where is it? Jericho? Damascus? What? Nineveh? I'm not aware of any Ninevehs in Israel. No, I don't think- Oh. You mean that Nineveh?

(Jonah looks at his map of Israel and spots Nineveh. The movie then switches to a 2D animated scenario showing what Pa Grape describes.)

Pa Grape: (narrating) That Nineveh wasn't in Israel at all. It was the capital of Assyria, and it was the biggest, meanest city around! Now the people of Nineveh were particularly mean to Jonah's people, the Israelites. They lied, they stole. But worst of all, they slapped people with fishes! (One of the Ninevites does so to a gourd.) They even slapped each other with fishes. (Two peas are shown doing just that.) They didn't know the difference between right and wrong. The Ninevites were so mean in fact, that most Israelites, including Jonah, wished God would just wipe Nineveh off the face of the earth!

(A fire from heaven destroys Nineveh; leaving one pea. He rants before the fire destroys him too.)

Pa Grape: (narrating) Needless to say, Jonah was shocked that God would want him to deliver a message to his enemies.

Jonah: You don't want me to go there! You don't know what Nineveh is like! Perhaps you've never been there! Well of course you haven't! A God like you would never go to a place like Nineveh, and for that matter neither would a prophet like me. (laughs) Oh.

(It Cannot Be begins.)

Jonah: (singing) No, it cannot be.

Your messages are meant for me

and my brothers.

We are your chosen people. And Nineveh, well, they're not!

There must be some mistake.

A huge misunderstanding.

It's really hard to take.

How could you be so demanding?

For years I've been your messenger from Moreshet to Gath.

But Nineveh should get no chance to turn. They've earned your wrath.

No, it cannot be.

Your messages are meant for me

And my brothers.

We are your chosen people. And Nineveh, well, they're not!

We're the good guys and they're the bad guys! Please don't send me there with the message of your mercy!

(Jonah is shown standing on his map.)

Jonah: (singing) Damascus or Jerusalem, I'll be there in a minute! Any town in Israel-Just ask me and I'll be in it!

Shiloh, Gilgal, Jericho, just say the word! But Nineveh, that is just absurd!

Joppa, Aphek and Jezreel, they're all just fine!

But Nineveh... Oh Nineveh.... No!

Nineveh is where I draw the line!

(Tears the map off the wall and throws it outside.)

Jonah: No, it cannot be. Your messages are meant for me.

(He lies down to sleep as the flame in the lamp goes out. Back to the restaurant.)

Pa Grape: Yep. It sounded like God wanted to offer mercy to the Ninevites.

Bob: The tow truck is on it's way. You know, Junior, I love your dad and all, but that's the last time I pick him for a co-pilot. (Sees the pirates; Mr. Lunt sips his root beer.) Heh, wha-what's going on?

Pa Grape: Ahem. We're telling a little story. You should listen too. As I was saying, it sounded like God wanted to offer mercy to Jonah's enemies.

Laura: What's mercy?

Mr. Lunt: It's what this whole story is about.

Junior: I thought it was about compassion. Remember? The menu?

Mr. Lunt: Oh, ye-yeah, well there's that too.

Pa Grape: Better check your menu again, we got two specials today, and they go hand in hand.

Larry: Compassion is when you wanna help someone who needs help. Mercy is when you give someone a second chance, even though they don't deserve it. This story is about both of them.

Pa Grape: That's right, my cucumber friend. You can't mercy without compassion, but mercy is even more important. Jonah was afraid God was gonna give Nineveh a second chance, and that he was gonna help them, even though they didn't deserve it.

Laura: So, what did he do?

(Back to the story.)

Pa Grape: (Narrating) Well, never before had he gotten a message from God that he didn't wanna deliver. He didn't know what to do!

(We cut to Jonah's tent at morning. He peeks out to make sure the coast is clear. The moment he steps out and locks his tent, a group of people suddenly show up.)

Milkman (Jerry): Morning, Jonah! What's the word?

Jonah: What? Nothing! There is no word!

(Jonah hops away from the crowd.)

Milkman: Uhh...nothing? At all?

Jonah: No! Nothing at all! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very bu-

(As he's hopping away, he bumps into The Joppa Booth Salesman.)

Joppa Booth Salesman: Good morning, Jonah. What's the word?

Jonah: Ahh!! Stop it!! There is no word! Nothing! I've gotta get out of here!

(Jonah continues running away, this time at a much faster pace, much to the confusion of the citizens. As he does, he repeatedly looks behind him to make sure nobody's following him.)

Jonah: There is no word! I have no new messages! And above all, I'm not going to Nineveh!

(Because he's not looking where he's going, he bumps into a sign and it hits him, knocking him back. He looks and sees that it's a map of the Mediterranean Sea.)

Angus (Scooter): Sorry sir, I can't sell you a ticket to Nineveh!

Jonah: What, who are you?

Angus: The name's Angus. I sell cruise tickets. There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea to clean the sand out of your wicket, aye?! (Jonah slightly jumps.) But ya can't sail to Nineveh! It's land-locked! See? (Angus points to a star surrounded entirely by orange, symbolizing only land.) You can't go by sea! Ya got to go by land!

Jonah: But I don't want to go to-

(As he's talking, a couple of nearby citizens, played by Penelope and Mabel, spot him.)

Female Joppa Citizen: Oh, hello, Mr. Jonah! What's the word?

Angus: Ah! He's going to Nineveh!

Female Joppa Citizen: Oh, really?

Jonah: I am not going to Nineveh! Why on earth would I wanna go to Nineveh?! In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction! (looks at map) What's the farthest thing in the world from Nineveh?

Angus: Well, if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt. It's lovely this time of year.

(Jonah isn't paying attention to what he's saying, instead directing his attention toward a star on the far left edge of the map.)

Jonah: There! I want to go there!

Angus: Huh?! Tarshish?! Why, that would take weeks!

(Jonah is initially disappointed at this long travel date, until...)

Angus: It's the other end of the world!

Jonah: (elated) Perfect!! How much?

Angus: Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshi-

(He stops when he hears something. He looks over at the dock to see the Pirates' ship, as they are dancing to their song.)

Angus: Then again...

(Jonah looks behind him, and notices the Pirates as well. We then wipe to the Pirates on their ship talking to Jonah.)

Pa Grape: We couldn't possibly! We're very busy with...cargo and.. stuff.

Mr. Lunt: You know, pirates have to pillage and plunder, and.. that really takes it out of you.

Larry: Yeah, and, uh, Alf is on in a half-an-hour, so I don't think we could, um...

Pa Grape: And besides that, we don't really sail... at all. So the answer is no.

(Jonah leans in closer to them.)

Jonah: Money is no object.

(Larry's eyepatch pops out. Suddenly, everyone is ecstatic.)

Pa Grape: Next stop, Tarshish! I'll hoist the mainsail!

Larry: I'll pop the popcorn!

Mr. Lunt: I'll get the moist towelettes! Where did we put them? Hey, Larry, have you seen the towelettes?

Larry: (O.S) I got it! I got it!

Mr. Lunt: (O.S.) No, those are baby wipes!

(The Pirates start frantically running around the ship. Jonah starts to look a little concerned as he realizes that he is truly running away from God. As the ship pulls out of the harbor, it bumps a small boat.)

Pa Grape: Sorry!

(Bumps another one)

Pa Grape: My fault!

(Once the ship is out of the harbor, it starts sailing smoothly.)

Pa Grape: (Narrating) Even though we'd never sailed before, we took to it like a fish to water!

(We cut to Larry using his spyglass in the crow's nest.)

Larry: Thar she blows!

Mr. Lunt: Where?

(Eyes a ping pong ball.)

Larry: Right there, next to the grill.

Mr. Lunt: Got it!

Pa Grape: 6-0!

(Jonah stands at the other side of the ping-pong table as Pa Grape serves him the ball. The ping pong ball bounces past him and onto the floor.)

Pa Grape: 7-0! That's the skunk! I win!

Larry and Mr. Lunt: Yeah! Alright! Woo-hoo!

Pa Grape: What do you say Jonah? Two out of three?

Jonah: Ah, no. I'm done.

Pa Grape: Argh! When we get to Tarshish, Ho-ho's on me!

Larry and Mr. Lunt: Yeah! Yippee! (cheering in unison) We winny at the ping pong!

We get the ho-ho and the ding dong!

Ding Dong!

Pa Grape: (Narrating) Once we finally got out to sea, Jonah went below deck to rest a bit.

(Cut to ship's hold. Dark and musty. Bags of grape leaves on floor, barrels of who-knows-what. Two bunks hang off one wall - one over the other. Light comes from several oil lanterns, plus some natural light down ladder from above deck and through cracks in planking above. Jonah enters and looks around.)

Jonah: Oh, what have I done? What have I done?

(Jonah puts two bags of Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls on a bench and uses them as pillows. As he starts to lie down, he suddenly hears a voice from seemingly nowhere.)

Motivational Tape: You are powerful and attractive.

Jonah: What?! Who's there?

Motivational Tape: You do not run from your problems, but confront them face to face.

Jonah: Aaaahh!! The bag! It speaks!

(As Jonah throws the bag to the lantern, the lantern swings the bag and it falls onto a barrel.)

Mystery Creature: (O.S.) Ow! What did you do that for?

Jonah: Mr. Twisty?! Who's there? Show yourself!

(The mystery creature moves around. As Jonah looks at the bag, the creature pops out of the bag, spilling cheese curls. Jonah sees a caterpillar named Khalil, with headphones.)

Khalil: Hello.

Jonah: What are you?

Khalil: Who me? Oh, my name is Khalil. I am a caterpillar. Well, that is only half true. My mother was a caterpillar, my father was a worm. But I am okay with that now.

Jonah: Khalil?

Khalil: Khalil. You've got to get your foot into it. (He removes a cheese curl from his foot, falls over, but gets up) I bet you are wondering why I am here.

Jonah: Ah, you tidy up around the ship.

Khalil: Oh no, I do not work on this ship. I am a small business operator, a traveling salesman. I sell Persian rugs door to door. (He shows his cart full of tiny rugs) See?

Jonah: Oh, lovely.

Khalil: By the way, do you know where this ship is going?

Jonah: Yes, Tarshish.

Khalil: Tarshish? (gasps) What a trip! You know, that may be just what I need. The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here but I still have a positive mental attitude, because of my motivational tapes.

(He puts on the headphones.)

Motivational Tape: You are a skilled metal worker.

Khalil: I am a skilled metal worker? Oh, I did not know that!

Jonah: Yes, that's lovely, Carlyle, but if you don't mind, I think I'll just get some rest.

Khalil: Jonah?

Jonah: Huh?

Khalil: You are Jonah!

Jonah: You know me?

Khalil: Of course I do! You are the most famous prophet in the whole world!

Jonah: Well, I- I don't know if I'm-

Khalil: I sell your licensed merchandise! Look-look-look! (He shows two examples of merchandise.) I have the Jonah rugs, the Jonah plush toy, with sound chip! (pokes it)

Jonah Plush Toy: A Message from the Lord! A Message from the Lord!

Jonah: Well, I'm flattered!

Khalil: You are huge! You are a celebrity!

Jonah: Well, I-

Khalil: From town to town, delivering God's messages! What a life! You are a big shot!

Jonah: Oh no, it's-

Khalil: A man God can count on to deliver His messages!

Jonah: Yes, well-

Khalil: You and God are like peas in a pod, like two humps on a camel! You'll always sway the same way! (laughs) Oh, that is a good one, you know humor runs very deep in my family. My uncle was a big star back at the comedy club in Nineveh, The Taj Maha-ha, standing room only, and then he was hit with a fish. I'm telling you, those people do not know right from wrong.

Jonah: Oh, Nineveh.

Khalil: Hm? You are sad now, my friend? Something about Nineveh makes you feel sad inside?

Jonah: I don't really want to talk about it. I just need some rest.

Khalil: Oh, you do not have to tell me.

Jonah: Good.

Khalil: Because I already know.

Jonah: You do?

Khalil: Oh, yes. There is a woman in Nineveh, is there not? A beautiful young asparagus, she is waiting there for you, no?

Jonah: Uh, no.

Khalil: You were promised to be married, but your job is now in the way. The woman's father is the head of an international ring of camel thieves! This very day you set sail for Tarshish to deliver a message that will break the back of the camel thieves, but in the process will break the heart of the woman you love! (pause; Jonah looks confused) Insight runs very deep in my family. Do not worry, the first one is free.

Jonah: Please, Carlyle, I just need to get some rest.

Khalil: It's Khalil, but you can call me Carlyle if you want to. When we get to Tarshish, you can deliver the message, and I'll sell the plush toys! We can be a team!

Jonah Plush Toy: A Message... (The toy's voice chip dies down. Khalil whacks it) From the Lord!

(Jonah puts one of the bags over his head.)

Jonah: (Groans)

Khalil: Well, sweet dreams, traveling buddy. We can make our plans to save those camels tomorrow.

Motivational Tape: You are a go-getter.

(Jonah dreams that he's in a completely white place almost similar to the Sea of Nothing from Yellow Submarine. He comes across Angus' booth.)

Jonah: Yes, which way is Tarshish?

Angus: Right this way. Ya can't miss it.

Jonah: Oh, thank you.

(Jonah then starts toward Tarshish)

Pa Grape: (O.S.) Jonah!

Jonah: What, who is it?

Pa Grape: (O.S.) Jonah! Where are you going?

Jonah: Oh, it's you Lord. Uh, I'm must be going to, ah, I'm going-

Pa Grape: (O.S.) Jonah!

Jonah: I'm sorry, I can't hear you!

Pa Grape: (O.S.) Jonah!

Jonah: I can't hear you! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-

Pa Grape: (O.S.) Jonah!

Jonah: (steps in water) I can't- hear you!

Pa Grape: (O.S.) Jonah!

(Lightning flashes and Jonah's dream ends.)

Pa Grape: (O.S.) Jonah! Jonah! Jonah!

Jonah: No! I-I-I can't hear you!

Pa Grape: Come on, wake up! We've got trouble!

(A huge storm rages outside. Also it turns out the ship has sprung a leak.)

Jonah: What? What's happening?

Pa Grape: We're in a storm! Like I've never seen before, and if we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink!

Khalil: We've seem to have sprung a leak, traveling buddy!

Pa Grape: Huh? Hey! What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to get off my ship, you lousy leaf-eater?

Khalil: Well, yes, but you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish to break the back of the camel thieves! (Pa Grape turns to Jonah, who just rolls his eyes) Crime fighting runs very deep in my family.

Pa Grape: Why if it wasn't for this storm, I'd make you walk the plank. (to Jonah) And you! How can you sleep at a time like this?

Jonah: What's going on?

Pa Grape: I'll tell you what's going on: We're all gonna be fish food if I don't get some help.

Jonah: Well, what can we do?

Pa Grape: Oh, get up and pray to your God, and that He'll have mercy on us and spare our lives! (falls over but gets up) Oy! Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here. Wait a minute. That's it! All right, you two, follow me!

(Above deck, the storm is raging on. Meanwhile, Larry and Mr. Lunt are playing Go Fish.)

Mr. Lunt: You got electric eel?

Larry: Nope. Go fish! One more card!

Mr. Lunt: You're one cheating buccaneer.

Larry: How am I supposed to cheat at go fish?

Mr. Lunt: I don't know.

Pa Grape: All right, you lazies! Game over, shuffle them up and deal us in!

Larry: But...

Mr. Lunt: He-he-he!

Pa Grape: Okay, here's the deal. The way I see it, there's a reason for this storm. Somebody up there... is really upset with somebody down here, and it ain't gonna let up until we know who that somebody is! It could be any one of us! I have my suspicions! But we won't know for sure until we figure it out scientifically. Okay, men, go fish! Loser takes a swim!

(Pa Grape, Jonah, Mr. Lunt, Larry and Khalil then start to play)

Pa Grape: You got a perch?

Mr. Lunt: Nope.

Larry: Have any pickerel?

Mr. Lunt: Nope.

(One of the players matches a pair of yellow seahorses)

Mr. Lunt: You got a... muskellunge?

Pa Grape: Nope! Go Fish!

Jonah: Oh, dear!

Khalil: I am most desperate for a lobster.

Pa Grape: Sorry.

Larry: (takes another card) Drat!

Mr. Lunt: He-he-he. (pulls out to reveal that there are seven cards) Oh!

(Larry takes another card. As the game progresses, one player reveals a pair of purple jellyfish, another reveals two red pufferfish, and Khalil reveals two blue bass. Jonah has one card left)

Mr. Lunt: Got any bass?

Pa Grape: (depressed) Yeah.

(Pa Grape's bass matches with Mr. Lunt's. Jonah takes another two cards, Khalil has eight cards left)

Mr. Lunt: Octopus?

Larry: Blue Gil?

Pa Grape: Tuna?

Khalil: Halibut?

(Pa Grape reveals two yellow eels, Lunt reveals two purple octopuses, and Larry has two seahorses. Jonah and Khalil are still playing)

Khalil: You got any trout?

(Jonah hands his trout to Khalil)

Khalil: (reveals two yellow whales, one of them is upside-down) Hmm? Oh, what a goose I am! It's a match! I had it all along!

(Jonah has one card left)

Pa Grape: Huh? I thought for sure...

Jonah: (Quoting The End of Silliness?) All right, I admit it. It's my fault, all my fault! I'm the one to blame!

Pa Grape: But, I- The worm.

Jonah: I am a Hebrew. And I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the land. And I'm running away from him! (Lunt and Khalil gasp) He told me to go to Nineveh, but I didn't listen! You know, I don't like those people.

Mr. Lunt: Ooh, fish slappers.

Jonah: Yes! So I ran. I ran and I ended up here. And now everyone's in terrible danger all because of me. I'm afraid the only thing left is to be thrown into the sea.

Larry: Oh, you don't have to do that! We've got a plank! You can just walk off!

Jonah: Yes, thank you. You're too kind.

Pa Grape: Well, Jonah old buddy, it was nice knowing ya! Normally you'd be entitled to a refund, but under the circumstances, y'know, with you dying and all...

Jonah: No, I don't suppose a refund would do me much good now, would it?

Pa Grape: Ah, thanks! You're a trooper. Ain't he a trooper?

(Jonah looks down to Khalil)

Khalil: But... the camels...

Jonah: Ooh...

Mr. Lunt: Hey! Wait a minute! I just remembered something! Maybe you don't have to walk the plank, after all!

All: Huh?

(Cuts to the cover sheet.)

Mr. Lunt: Every winter, my cousin from Moose Lake asks me to take care of this!

(He reveals a boat engine.)

Both: Ooh!

Larry: Cool.

Pa Grape: What is it?

Mr. Lunt: This my friends, is a Jupiter 1600 horsepower, high-octane, dual propeller, pull ignition, outboard motor, with the optional chrome trim package.

Both: Ooh!

Larry: Cool.

Pa Grape: What is it?

Mr. Lunt: It gets us back to Joppa.

Pa Grape: Oh.

Jonah: Well, how does it work?

Mr. Lunt: That? I don't know.

Khalil: Perhaps I can help. You know, technical competency runs-

Jonah: (interrupting) I know, very deep in your family.

Khalil: Oh! Our reputation precedes us! Well then... it appears that one should pull the cord and then perhaps push this black bubbly thingy... Oh.. no... Maybe it's the other way around. Perhaps if one first pushes the black bubbly thingy and then pulls the cord... (the motors start up; the others gasp in joy) See?

(the motor suddenly breaks loose and chases everyone as Khalil watches. Soon, the Pirates chase after the out-of-control motor. Finally, the motor jumps off the deck and into the sea.)

Mr. Lunt: Yep. That's how it works.

(They all look back and glare at Khalil.)

Khalil: It has been delightful. But I must go now.

(Jonah then looks terrified. Cut to him standing on the plank while wearing a ducky inner tube while the Pirates and Khalil watch with worry. Then they bow their heads to pray)

Pa Grape: Oh Lord, don't let us die for this man's sin, and don't hold us responsible for his death, because it wasn't our fault! Oh Lord, you have sent this storm upon him for your own good reason!

Larry: And keep my ducky safe.

Both: Amen.

(Jonah jumps off the plank and into the sea. Seconds later, the storm immediately stops. Everyone stands silently for a few seconds.)

Pa Grape: That was easy.

Mr. Lunt: Well, should we pull him back in?

Pa Grape: I don't see why not.

(They throw a life ring overboard, but it doesn't catch Jonah. We then get a POV under the sea.)

Jonah: Something touched me! There's something in the water!

(As music similar to the Jaws theme plays, a giant creature swims beneath Jonah and the ship.)

Pa Grape: Hurry up, hurry!

Mr. Lunt: I'm hurrying!

Pa Grape: Hold on, Jonah! (to Mr. Lunt) Aim this time!

Mr. Lunt: I was aiming!

Pa Grape: I can never tell where you're looking...

Mr. Lunt: You should talk. Hurry!

Jonah: Fellows, please!

Pa Grape: Pull it back in. Hurry!

Mr. Lunt: Okay, okay! I got it!

Pa Grape: Let me do that!

Mr. Lunt: No, no! I'll throw it.

Jonah: Fellows, please!

Pa Grape: Come on, give it here!

Mr. Lunt: I said I got it!

Larry: Excuse me, gentlemen. Perhaps I can be of some assistance.

(He takes the life ring, spins and throws it overboard. And this time, it catches Jonah. Pa Grape, Mr. Lunt and Jonah gasp happily. Larry smiles proudly. Jonah's smile quickly drops when a huge, yellow whale rises out of the water with its mouth open. Suddenly, it closes its mouth, swallowing Jonah alive before sinking back down into the ocean.)

Larry: Oops.

(Because the whale swallowed Jonah, it also swallowed the life ring, which was tied to the ship. Suddenly, the whale pulls the ship along with it. The Pirates fall back and roll across the deck like logs.)

Pirates: Whoaaaaa!!

(Pa Grape suddenly gets up.)

Pa Grape: Man the cannon!

Mr. Lunt: Aye-aye, captain!

(The cannon rises out of the floor and positions itself)

Mr. Lunt: We ain't got no ammo!

(Larry looks over and spots some garden items)

Larry: Oh, yes we do!

Pa Grape: Fire one!

(A tennis net pops out of the cannon. It does no good unfortunately.)

Pa Grape: Fire two!

(Two croquet mallets pop out of the cannon. Just like the tennis net, they do no good either. Larry looks around for something else to fire. He eyes a bowling bag with a red bowling ball in it. As he puts it in the cannon, Khalil pops out of one of the holes with a cup of tea.)

Khalil: Hello?

Pa Grape: Fire three!

(The bowling ball is fired out.)

Khalil: IIIIII'MMM COMIIIIING, TRAVELING BUDDYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

(The Pirates watch as the bowling ball flies away above the ocean.)

Khalil: Traveling buddy! (whistles) Where are you?

(The whale suddenly emerges from the ocean, opens its mouth and swallows the ball. After that, it spits out the life ring before landing back in the ocean. The Pirates wait anxiously for a sign their friend is safe. The ducky inner tube suddenly emerges from the ocean. Larry smiles at first, but it quickly drops. The Pirates become disappointed they couldn't save their friend. Unbeknownst to them, he's still alive as we fade to inside the whale where Jonah sits on an old shipwreck moping about what he did. He then looks up to see the red bowling ball roll up to him.)

Jonah: Oh look, a bowling ball. If I could only find some pins.

Khalil: (from inside) You found better than that, traveling buddy! (emerges) It's me!

Jonah: Oh my.

Khalil: So forget about Tarshish. All we need to do is get this whale to swim to Nineveh! You give the message, I sell the plush toys! We'll be right back on track.

Jonah: Carlyle, please don't speak to me. I'm having a rather bad day.

Khalil: Well you don't need to be so down about it, Mr. Grumpy-Pants.

Jonah: (snapping) Look around you! We're inside a whale! We're going to be digested! Do you know what that means?

Khalil: Of course I do! Digestion runs very deep in my family. I'm just trying to have a positive outlook, you know! You know the difference between you and me is that you see the whale as half empty, but I see the whale as half full!

Jonah: I don't know what that means.

Khalil: Neither do I.

(Jonah turns away and sits down forlornly.)

Jonah: Oh! I might as well face it. God gave me a job to do and I disobeyed Him. I ran the other way! I've done something terrible and now I'm getting what I deserve. I'm going to die here in this whale.

(Khalil tries to say something, but stops as he sees Jonah feeling down. Things look hopeless for the two, when suddenly...)

Angel 3: (O.S.) Have you ever see anything so pathetic?

Angel 1: (O.S.) Mmm-mmm. This boy needs some help.

Jonah: What? Who's there?

Angel 1: Take it easy, Jonah. We're on your side.

Jonah: Wha- How did you know my name? How did you get in here?

Khalil: Were you in the bowling ball too?

Angel 3: Uh, no, that's not how we get around. No, we came straight from the big man Himself.

Jonah: You mean-

Angel 2: Mmm-hmm. And just like you, we deliver His messages.

Jonah: So, you're prophets, too?

Angel 3: Mm, not exactly. You see, we work on a slightly higher level.

Jonah: Y-You do?

Angel 2: And Jonah, we've got a message for you.

(Second Chances begins)

Angel 1: You're feelin' pretty blue.

You didn't do what God requested.

Angel 2: Yeah, I'd be mopin' too,

if I was gonna be digested

Angel 3: This ain't a pretty picture, no

I said, it ain't a pretty sight, no

Angel 1: You ran from God this morning and you're

Everyone: Whale! Chow! Tonight!

Angel 1: But..

Everyone: Hold up, hang on

Angel 2: Not so fast, your life ain't over yet

Angel 3: See, we're here to tell you all about

Angel 1: The forgiveness that

Everyone: You. Can. Get.

(The song's pace picks up.)

Angel 2: See God's a God of mercy

Angel 1: God's a God of love

Everyone: And right now, He's gonna lend a helping hand from up above!

(More angels appear in the whale.)

Praise the Lord, He's the God of second chances.

You'll be floored how his love your life enhances!

You can be restored from your darkest circumstances.

Our God is a God of second chances!

Angel 3: Ain't it good to know a God who gives a second chance?

Khalil: Why, that's enough to get a smile from Mr. Grumpy-Pants

Angel 1: So, if you say you're sorry for all the stuff you do

Angel 2: Know that He'll be ready with a second chance for you!

Everyone: Praise the Lord, He's the God of second chances!

You'll be floored how his love your life enhances.

You can be restored from your darkest circumstances.

Our God is a God of second chances!

Our God is a God!

If you believe God's love is true,

then you should know what you should do. (x4)

God gives a second chance!

Angel 1: Second chances!

Angel 3: Second chances

Angel 1: Praise the Lord, He's the God of second chances!

You'll be floored when you're restored from your-

Everyone: -Darkest circumstances

Angel 1: Our God is a God!

Everyone: Second chances.

Angel 2: Second chances!

Angel 3: Praise the Lord, He is the God of second chances!

Angel 1: You'll be floored when you're restored from your-

Everyone: Darkest circumstances! Our God is a God!

Angel: Second chances

Everyone: If you believe God's love is true, then you should know what you should do. (x2)

Angel 2: Second chances!

Angel 3: Second chances!

Angel 1: Praise the Lord, He's the God of second chances! You'll be floored when you're restored from your-

Everyone: -Darkest circumstances!

Our God is a God! (second chances!)

Our God is a God! (Yeah!)

Our God is a God!

Second chances, second chances, second chances, second chances, second chances.

(We see Angus with Grandpa George in a rowboat. Angus can hear the singing, but just barely.)

Yea-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaaaaah!

(Wipe back to the seafood restaurant)

Pa Grape: So from inside the whale, Jonah prayed and asked God to forgive him for not obeying. He told God that if he got another chance, he would go to Nineveh, even though he didn't like those people very much.

Bob: So did he get another chance?

Pa Grape: Shouldn't you be looking out for your tow truck?

Bob: Yeah yeah yeah, that can wait. Did Jonah get another chance?

Pa Grape: Well, God saw that Jonah needed help, and He wanted to help him.

Junior: That's compassion!

Bob: But did He give him a second chance even though he didn't deserve it? You know, mercy?

Pa Grape: After three days, Jonah noticed something strange happening.

(Fade to underwater where the whale, feeling rather sick, spits Jonah out. After he and Khalil land on the beach, they are greeted by Reginald, who just so happened to know where Jonah would be.)

Jonah: Oh, Reginald. Good to see you. Yes, well...

(Soon, the three trek across the desert.)

Pa Grape: (narrating) So God told the whale to burp up Jonah, and Jonah got his second chance. (Jonah passes by some signs, one of which tells visitors of Nineveh they are welcome to leave.) And just like he promised, he headed straight for Nineveh!

(Jonah and Khalil then enter the canyon leading to Nineveh. Jonah looks around, uncomfortably. Then a noise from up ahead gets his attention.)

Crazed Man: (hysterical) Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!! (The man runs right by Jonah.) The slapping! The slapping! (He runs into an outcrop on the canyon wall) Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!

(Jonah and Khalil keep going until they reach the city of Nineveh. They then approach the gates.)

Jonah: Go in, give the message, get out. Go in, give the message, get out.

Guard #1: Who goes there?!

(Jonah stops and sees two pea guards who point their fish spears at him)

Jonah: Ah, yes. My name is Jonah, and I'm a prophet from-

Guard #2: You're not from here, are you?

Jonah: Um, no, you see, I'm from-

Guard #1: That would make you a stranger, wouldn't it?

Jonah: Well, um, yes. I suppose so, but I-

Guard #2: We don't like strangers!

Jonah: No-, yes, I've heard that. But you see I have a-

Guard #1: So why're you here?!

Jonah: Well, I have a message.

Guard #1: A message? For who?

Jonah: Well, for everyone! For the whole city!

Guard #1: You've got a message for the whole city?!

Guard #2: The whole city?!

Guard #1: Oh, that's rich!

Guard #2: Heh, heh! I'll alert the king! "Your honor! A bleached asparagus has a message for us all!"

Guard #1: Most important!

Khalil: I do not think this is going very well.

Jonah: Oh, let's just go home. I did what you said. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Pa Grape: (O.S) Jonah?

Jonah: What?

(Jonah sees the pirates have made it to Nineveh. They exit the gate wearing cheese curl hats.)

Khalil: It is our friends from the ship!

(Jonah jumps off from Reginald.)

Jonah: What on earth? What are you doing here?

Larry: What are you doing here?

Mr. Lunt: Yeah, you're were, you're were...

Pa Grape: Fish food!

Khalil: The whale spit us out like so much bad couscous, and here we are now! Delivering the message to Nineveh!

Jonah: But they wouldn't let us in, so I guess we're going home.

Mr. Lunt: Hey, I bet we could get him in.

Jonah: Huh?

(Later, the guards notice someone.)

Guard #1: Hey, look! It's the cheese curls blokes! Comin' back for a visit, are ya?

Pirates: Yep!

(The guards then notices Jonah.)

Guard #1: Ahem - is this fella with you?

Pa Grape: Oh, yes! He's with us!

Guard #1: You're with them, eh?

Jonah: Yes, indeed! Why, I sailed halfway across the world with these... fine... gentlemen.

Guard #1: Alright. You can come in. Enjoy your stay in Nineveh.

Jonah: What was that all about? How did you do that?

Pa Grape: Remember that money you gave us? By the way, you aren't gonna want that refund, are ya?

Jonah: Ah...

Pa Grape: Good, cuz we spent it! Every last penny! On cheese curls!

Jonah: Cheese curls?

Mr. Lunt: Yep! 1,458 bags of Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls.

Larry: And you'll never guess what we found in bag 497.

Pa Grape: The golden ticket. We won the Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes! (squeals)

Jonah: Uh, huh. And the prize was?

Pa Grape: Mmm hmm. But in addition to our enviably fashionable headgear, we also got a tour of Mister Twisty's factory - right here in Nineveh! (The group enters the crowded market area, where everyone is slapping each other with fishes, just as God said.) Which, despite its unseemly location, was a splendid experience!

Larry: And, believe it or not, in this town we are famous!

Mr. Lunt: Hey, look! Here comes a city official to greet us!

Pa Grape: Hello! We were in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd-

City Official: These are the men! Arrest them at once!

Pa Grape: But... (he looks terrified)

Jonah: Excuse me. What have they done?

City Official: Thievery! High theft against the Royal City of Nineveh!

Mr. Lunt: That's ridiculous!

City Official: Oh, is it?!?

(He grabs Larry and takes off his cheese curl hat, revealing several cheese curl bags.)

Larry: No, wait! I thought there were free samples!

City Official: Take them away!

Jonah: You can't do that!

City Official: I'm sorry, are you with these men?

Jonah: Well, um... yes, I suppose... (Jonah sees a guard approaching him swiftly) Hello... What are you doing?

(The guard smacks him with the fish; cut to Jonah as the bag is being taken off of him as he sees the Ninevites gathered)

Jonah: Oh, wonderful! It must be time for my speech.

Pa Grape: (bag is taken off) Hey, I-I can't move!

Mr. Lunt: (bag is taken off) I can't move either!

(Another bag is taken off Larry as he struggles to move. Khalil is seen tied up with Jonah as he notices to ropes holding a flat metal fish above Pa Grape and Lunt; he gasps)

Pa Grape: What? Have I got something on my face?

(He sees another metal fish above Jonah and gasps; Larry sees both metal fish and both of them gasp)

Jonah: This doesn't look good.

Larry: I'm sorry guys, I thought they were free samples. They were right out there in the open in a big bowl! Very misleading!

Pa Grape: Oh, don't go blaming yourself.

Mr. Lunt: (referring to Pa Grape) No, blame him! "Let's put it all in cheese curls," he says. "No," I say, "we need a balanced portfolio, a little stock, a little bunce, a little cash or cash equivalence, and then maybe some snacks." But no, "put it all in cheese curls," he says. Man, you gotta plan for the future.

Pa Grape: What? It got us here, didn't it? Not here literally, but- (breathes heavily) We were somebody! We were celebrities!

Mr. Lunt: We are going to die!

(fanfare)

City Official: People of Nineveh! These four men and that small, whatever it is!

Khalil: I am a caterpillar! Well, that is only half true.

City Official: Have been found guilty of high thievery against the royal city of Nineveh. For their punishment: The Slap of No Return!

(All of the Ninevites laugh.)

Larry: What's so funny?

City Official: Observe!

(Some Ninevites bring out a pumpkin with a happy face and a scared face drawn on it. They place it on a stand for demonstration. Once in position, the executioner cuts the rope, sending the giant fish down and squishing the pumpkin. Jonah and the Pirates witness this and cry out in terror.)

Khalil: What is happening that is making you all cry like little babies?

Jonah: Why on Earth do you take snack food so seriously?!?

(fanfare)

City Official: People of Nineveh, I give you, King Twistomer!

(King Twistomer, played by Apollo Gourd, appears)

Pa Grape: It's Mr. Twisty!

Jonah: Well, that explains it.

Larry: He looks happier on the bag.

City Official: Your royal gourdliness... These are the perpetrators of the heinous act against your curls of cheese! For their punishment... The Slap of No Return!

(All of the Ninevites laugh again.)

King Twistomer: Proceed.

Jonah: Wait! Won't you at least give the guilty parties the chance to speak in their own defense?!

King Twistomer: You may speak.

Jonah: Well, as I understand it, the snacks in question were right out in the open, in a large bowl! I think we'll all agree this was somewhat misleading... Don't you think?

(beat)

King Twistomer: Slap them.

Jonah: No! You don't understand! I'm not really with them! I mean, how could I be? While they were taking the tour, I was in the belly of a whale!

(Before the executioner cuts the rope, he stops.)

City Official: What did you say?

Jonah: I said, while they were on their tour, I was in the belly of the whale!

(All of the Ninevites gasp.)

City Official: But, you're not dead.

Jonah: No, that's just it! I was in the whale for three days and nights! And then I prayed to my God and the great monster spit me up on the shore, so that I could bring you all a message!

King Twistomer: Hmm. Asparagus, here in Nineveh we bow to the Great Fish. We celebrate the Great Fish in our art.

Jonah: Yes. I noticed.

King Twistomer: If what you are saying is true...

City Official: Yes, how do we know if he is telling the truth, sire?

King Twistomer: Smell him.

City Official: Your highness?

King Twistomer: Smell him!

(The city official proceeds to do so and is disgusted)

Jonah: I-I'm terribly sorry. I'm meaning to shower but...

(The official faints)

King Twistomer: He has been in the Great Fish. We must hear the message.

Jonah: What? Oh. The Message. Yes. The message. Ah. What was the message? It's been so long. I... Yes. (clears throat) STOP IT! (All Ninevites gasp) Stop cheating, stop lying and especially stop slapping people with fishes, or this entire city will be destroyed! A Message From the Lord.

(Khalil claps for him and the Pirates smile.)

Pa Grape: (narrating) Well, the king was very upset. He had no idea they weren't supposed to do that stuff. No one ever told him before.

(King Twistomer writes something down while Jonah, Khalil and the Pirates watch and wait; the pea guard then brings the scroll to the official)

City Official: A decree from the king: Let everyone call urgently to God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Perhaps the God that brought this man out of the great fish will give us a second chance.

(The Ninevites cheer, and Jonah, Khalil and the Pirates are happy to hear this)

King Twistomer: And let the asparagus and his friends go free.

(The Ninevites do just that.)

Pa Grape: (narrating) So the king and the people of Nineveh said they were sorry, stopped the fish-slapping and started being nice to people...

Laura: Wow! That's great!

Junior: Yeah! Everyone musta been really happy, right?

Pa Grape: (narrating) Well, almost everyone.

(We cut to Jonah riding on Reginald towards the city exit with the Pirates following behind. While the citizens are cheering for him, Jonah looks rather sour. Khalil, on the other hand, happily accepts the reception.)

Jonah: Yes, thank you. Thank you. So long. Yes, thank you very much.

Khalil: Thank you! Thank you!

(As they exit, Jonah says goodbye to the Pirates as they go their separate ways.)

Pa Grape: (Narrating) Ya see, Jonah figured God wouldn't really forgive the Ninevites. I mean, they'd done some terrible stuff! No, he figured God had something else in mind.

(We fade to Jonah arriving on a cliff east of the city. He hops off Reginald and sits at the edge, watching over the city with a giant grin on his face. At first, Khalil happily joins in, but eventually gets confused. After about 14 seconds of silence, Khalil finally speaks up.)

Khalil: What are we doing?

Jonah: Oh, it's time to watch the fun!

Khalil: ...And what fun would that be?

Jonah: Well, I did what I was supposed to do. I warned them that they were going to get in big trouble! So, now that they've had their warning, it's time to watch God wipe them off the face of the earth!! Aha!

(Khalil is still confused, and a little concerned, but Jonah doesn't take notice. He leans closer to Khalil.)

Jonah: I picked a safe distance so we won't get singed.

(Khalil is now even more concerned. As time goes by, the hot sun continues to beat down on Jonah, causing him to sweat. His happiness is starting to fade away, both from the fact that nothing's happening, and the uncomfortable heat. However, he quickly shakes it off.)

Jonah: Oh, this is going to be great! The bad guys finally getting what they deserve!

(He continues to watch eagerly. As he begins to wilt, something shades him.)

Pa Grape: (Narrating) So Jonah waited for God to destroy Nineveh. Even now, God was compassionate towards Jonah, and caused a plant to grow that shaded him from the hot sun.

Jonah: Hm?

(As Jonah looks behind him, he sees a giant plant covering him. Now comfortable and satisfied, he leans up against it.)

Jonah: Oh, yes! Very nice! Thank you! Very nice!

(As Khalil watches him, he notices a giant leaf sticking out the back of the plant and walks towards it. Jonah continues to watch, but starts becoming impatient.)

Pa Grape: (Narrating) Jonah kept waiting, but it didn't seem like anything was happening. He wondered if maybe God was forgetting something.

(He gets up and looks towards God. As he does, the plant begins to shake.)

Jonah: Alright! I did my job! So...fire, brimstone, whatever, you pick, right over there! I'll just sit here under my weed and wait.

(As Jonah sits down, he suddenly falls backwards. He looks around, confused, as the plant begins to wither.)

Jonah: W..What happened?

(He suddenly sees Khalil munching on a leaf. He innocently hides the leaf behind his back.)

Jonah: What?! How could you?!?

Khalil: Hm? All your whining made me hungry. It was just a weed.

Jonah: Just a weed?! It...it was my shade! It was my friend!

(Jonah flops to the ground melodramatically.)

Jonah: Oh, dear Lord, how could you let this happen?! (sobbing)

(Khalil is completely perplexed and angry at Jonah's childishness, causing him to snap.)

Khalil: Would you look at yourself?! You care more about that weed than about all the people in Nineveh!

(Jonah sits up.)

Jonah: Well, I-

Khalil: Why are you here now instead of back in the belly of that whale?

(Jonah opens his mouth to speak, but only lets out a meek gasp.)

Khalil: Because God is compassionate! He wanted to help you! And because He is merciful, He gave you a second chance!

Jonah: Oh, ho, ho, yes! And I'm very grateful-

Khalil: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe God loves everybody, not just you? That maybe He wants to give everyone a second chance?

Jonah: Uh, well...

Khalil: He saw that those people needed help, that they didn't know right from wrong, and He wanted to help them! And that is why He sent you!

Jonah: Ah...

(Khalil walks to the edge of the cliff.)

Khalil: And when you told them what they were doing wrong, they said they were sorry! They put down their mackerels and their halibuts, and they asked God for a second chance, and by golly, He gave them one! Don't you see? God wants to give everyone a second chance, and so should we.

(Jonah isn't sure how to react to this. He angrily pouts as he ponders this.)

Jonah: Well...i..if they get a second chance, those fish-slappers, well, then...it would be better if I were dead!

(Jonah flops backwards and begins throwing a tantrum.)

Jonah: Oh, I wish I were back in that whale! (sobbing)

(Khalil is absolutely done with Jonah's foolishness.)

Khalil: You are pathetic.

(As Jonah continues to sob, Khalil starts walking away.)

Khalil: Y'know, patience runs very deep in my family, but not that deep. I am out of here!

(Jonah notices this, and sits up.)

Jonah: W..what? What are you doing?!

(Khalil stops and turns around.)

Khalil: I wanted to be big and important, just like you. But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important, the world needs more people who are nice, and compassionate, and merciful!...That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new travelling buddy. Goodbye!

(Khalil resumes walking away, as Jonah stares in disbelief.)

Jonah: W..y...You can't just leave!!

Khalil: Can and am!

(Reginald begins to walk away as well.)

Jonah: B..but who will I talk to? You can't just leave me here all alone!...Hello?

(We cut to an overhead shot, craning upwards, as Jonah begs for them to come back, looking more and more alone the further they get. Because Reginald is faster, he gives time for Khalil to catch up with him.)

Jonah: Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle? Khalil? Khalil? Khalil?! Ohhhhh.....

(The camera switches back to Pa Grape)

Pa Grape: The end.

(Pa slams his divider shut. Everyone is confused including Bob.)

Bob: Wait a minute. It's over?

Pa Grape: Yep.

Bob: That's how it ends?

Pa Grape: Yep.

Junior: But what did Jonah learn?

Mr. Lunt: The question, my friends, is not "what did Jonah learn". The question is "What did you learn?".

Junior: Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help... And we need to give second chances. Even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?

Pa Grape: Hey... tomato...

Bob: Eh?

Pa Grape: Your friend there... the big asparagus. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.

Bob: Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh uh! I- Oh. Mercy. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.

Pa Grape: Yup! Now get outta here before my crab legs get cold!

Mike: You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story.

Pa Grape: Well, whaddya want? A big musical number?!?

Mike: Well... yeah!

Pa Grape: Who do they think I am, Twippo?

Voice: (O.S.) Yes?

(Several veggies look up, as they recognize the voice. They turn in their seats and peer over the booth to the entry-way, where they see none other than Twippo himself, Also played by Archibald.)

Veggies: Twippo!

(Twippo smiles - a little apprehensively. Veggies rush him - Bob in front.)

Bob: What are you doing here?!?

Twippo: Well, I've got a concert tonight, but I'm running late! Can't find Route 59 to save my life! So I stopped here for directions.

Junior: We're going to your concert tonight! At least we were...

Bob: And then... porcupines!

Mike: And underwear!

Annie: And pirates!

Bob: And now it looks like we aren't going to make it at all.

Twippo: Good heavens! Well, if it's a ride you need, I've got plenty of room in my bus. You can all come with me!

(Everyone is excited except Laura)

Laura: Yeah, everyone but me.

(Junior notices Laura and hops to her)

Junior: Laura... You can have my ticket.

Laura: But Junior, it was my fault.

(Junior simply smiles and lifts the ticket up to her once again. Laura looks tenderly at Junior and smiles. Everyone smiles - amazed. Score swells. Twippo is impressed.)

Twippo: Why that was a very merciful thing to do! Tell you what, I'll give you all a ride to the concert, and I'll make sure you all have backstage passes! (everyone cheers in delight) Speaking of mercy, have any of you heard of the story of a man named... Jonah?

All: Yes.

Twippo: Oh, well, uh, would you like to hear a song about it?

Percy Pea: Is it like the Bald Bunny song?

Twippo: Ah, not really. It's more of a big musical number.

Mike: Perfect!

(Next camera switches to Twippo.)

(Jonah Was a Prophet begins)

Twippo: When I was a boy I went to church back home in Arizona

And that is there I heard the tale of a man whose name was Jonah.

Now Jonah was a prophet, but that's not why he's remembered.

We tell the tale cause in a whale he nearly was dismembered!

Pirates: Jonah was a prophet! (Twippo: Ooh, ooh)

But he really never got it! (Twippo: Sad, but true)

If you've been watching you can spot it! (Twippo: A-doodle-ee-doo!)

He did not get the point!

Twippo: Compassion and mercy!

From me to you and you to me!

Exactly what God wants to see!

And yes, that is the point!

Pirates: Jonah was a prophet! (Twippo: Ooh, ooh)

But he really never got it! (Twippo: Sad, but true)

If you've been watching you can spot it! (Twippo: A-doodle-ee-doo!)

He did not get the point!

Twippo: Now Jonah set sail on a pirate ship In a dreadful gale

Pirates: Got eaten up by a giant whale but managed not to be dead.

You think he would learn a lot

From being saved from an awful spot

But the second chance that he had got

He didn't want to be spread

So poor old Jonah!

And now he's all alone-ah

Got to use a megaphone-ah!

To get it through to his head-HEY! (Hey!)

Jonah was a prophet! (Twippo: Ooh, ooh)

But he really never got it! (Twippo: Sad, but true)

If you've been watching you can spot it! (Twippo: A-doodle-ee-doo!)

He did not get the point!

Jonah was a prophet! (Twippo: Ooh, ooh)

But he really never got it! (Twippo: Sad, but true)

If you've been watching you can spot it! (Twippo: A-doodle-ee-doo!)

He did not get the point!

Twippo: Now, true, in your life you probably don't ride on a camel.

And you probably won't wake up inside a large, aquatic mammal

But all the same, like Jonah there is something you can do.

Everyone deserves to get a second chance from you!

Pirates: Compassion and mercy!

From me to you and you to me!

Exactly what God wants to see!

And yes, that is the point!

Jonah was a prophet! (Twippo: Ooh ooh)

But he really never got it! (Twippo: Sad, but true)

Jonah was a prophet! (Twippo: Ooh ooh)

But he really never got it! (Twippo: Sad, but true)

Twippo and Pirates: Jonah was a prophet!

(Everyone cheers. Suddenly they are interrupted by someone.)

Khalil: I beg your pardon. I hate to break up the party, who needed to tow?

Twippo: Ah... have we met?

(Khalil smiles. And the movie ends. The songs during the credits include Belly of The Whale by The Newsboys and The Credits Song.)

Larry: This is the song that runs under the credits

These are the credits, so this is where it goes

Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say:

Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: There once was a song, that ran under the credits

That went with the movie, but this is not that song

Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say:

Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!

Wouldn't it be nice if the song under the credits

Had something to do with the movie you just saw

But that's not the case so for now we'll have to say:

Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!

There should be a rule that the song under the credits

Remotely pertains to the movie's basic plot

That rule has not been made so for now we'll have to say:

Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!

Larry: I'm gonna go home and take a nap!

Pa Grape: Come on, we have contractual obligations to finish the song.

Mr. Lunt: They paid for a full 79 minutes of entertainment, pal! Get back in the booth!

Larry: Wake me up for the prequel!

Pa Grape: Oh, come on! We were just starting to have fun! (laughs) Oh man, I need a Tums.

Mr. Lunt: What? What, are we done? You mean that's it? Zim-bom-a-loo-bop-a-lop-bam-bing? Hey, hey, ho ho ho, Hey hey, ho ho ho, hey hey... If you want me, I'll be on the porch.

The lost media wikis resident nerd and MSTie.

SeventhRing Global Moderator All green Posts: 1,020	YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND Nov 10, 2024 15:59:06 GMT via mobile Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by SeventhRing on Nov 10, 2024 15:59:06 GMT Locking
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